We often read/hear about...

people who bravely step out of what is pleasant, enjoyable and familiar, and go into the great unknown. We draw inspiration from these people....from their sense of adventure and daring.

But,

what of those who every single day of their lives step into what is challenging to their well-being...

those who live with mentally/emotionally/psychologically challenged members of a family, and wake up never knowing what the day is going to bring...

those who live in hurtful/hurting situations, or harrowing and distressful circumstances...

those who live in unending pain and suffering...

those who have no other option, or cannot find a solution or answers to difficult and

What of their, fortitude, courage and bravery?

Remembering...

Nirbhaya

You have not died in vain... 

                                                                     You will always live in our hearts.....

We love you

Seriously...

how frank must one be?

I believe that frankness can never be justified if it hurts the person you are being frank with. Yes, if something needs to be said, there are ways of saying it to take away the sting which is hidden in frankness.

I think the only time 'brutal frankness' can be justified is if there is a positive, warm, loving, fair, just relationship with the person/persons you are being brutally frank with.

There is really no need to blather out everything that comes to your mind, and expect that people around you will see it in the light of the context, or understand that this is your nature, or not take what you are saying to heart, or be forgiving.

There is also a fair chance that your frankness will backfire causing terrible misunderstanding and irreparable damage...

Filter what you have to say through the sieve of tolerance, patience, caring and love....always thinking of the feelings of the other person.

Identity...

is something I've been thinking about these past few days.

The need for identity is something very basic, but often it does not surface till one has gone on in years...in my case, 60 years...or when the kids have left home, and you grow into the realization that you are left with yourself and you have all the time in the world now for yourself...

You really....now....can be yourself....can be who you want to be......can be what you want to be.....

Your identity is always tacked on to someone's - first the family into which you are born, then your own family...you are referred to as being from some family (your heritage), someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother.......

So who, indeed are you......?

You are certainly a mix of all of these, and if you can weed out the bad, keep the good and add on the qualities you admire, you are well on your way to creating your own very special, unique identity...

The catch......................this is an ongoing process and you have to keep working on it, and you have to hang on to it no matter what.....

Thinking about attitude...

We read that if we can't change a situation we need to change our attitude - it helps us to deal with the situation in a manner that won't leave us drained or wrecked.

I don't know why, but for some reason I thought that this meant I had to forcibly remove or wrench out parts of me, as it were, do a kind of brain-heart-soul-body amputation.

But, change does not mean only pulling out. It also means adding in.

Think on this: When someone does something which results in a meltdown, what do we do? We hug and comfort that person, tell them to give themselves a break, try our best to make it good for that person, till the feeling passes, and the person can then with a clear, unclouded mind think about change. But when it comes to ourselves, we chastise ourselves, are often ruthless with our thinking...in short, we are martinets with ourselves. Why not feed our soul with all the good things that are there in us, pamper ourselves, compliment ourselves, and give ourselves a treat, till our minds clear up, and the tweaking/readjusting/changing of attitude happens.

After all if we are our best friends, surely we need to offer ourselves a break too, wouldn't you say?

Are we having a 'Storming the Bastille' moment?

The massive response to the Aam Aadmi Party, which won 28 of the 70 seats in the Delhi Assembly elections, shows that we are having our 'Storming the Bastille' moment in our own unique Indian way. The anti-corruption Aam Aadmi Party, now a State Party, is the symbol of the uprising of a modern nation. The party has a broom as its election symbol reinforcing its ideology that this is a party that has the plight of the common man--the aam aadmi--at its heart. India is still very much a feudal country, and the feudality is on many levels - caste, creed, economic status, and on and on. Though equality and justice form part of the constitution of India, life in reality is far - very, very far removed from this. This party has formed its platform on the fact that the common people of India are unseen and unheard. The politicians in Delhi move in their own elite orbit periodically descending to mingle with the people whose reality lies in dust, heat, and primitive conditions of living. 'This is my fate', this is my karma', is how the common man passes off his condition. That he has the right to a dignified life is almost an impossible dream. How can he, the aam aadmi, bowed down by his fate and his karma and his inherited station in life even think of aspiring to reach for the pole star? He has been bludgeoned into thinking that he as the aam aadmi has no rights, no nothing. It is not in the psyche of the masses to have a 1789-style revolution, but the winning of the Aam Aadmi Party is our brand of revolution. Now we have a channel to ask for accountability and good governance. Could it be that this is the beginning of the end of feudalism for us? Are we at last to have a chance at Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité?

I love this...

as I do tend to look at life through rose-tinted glasses. Of course many times they end up in disaster, nevertheless, the rose-tinted glasses stay on...

But, there are people who think that being serious all the time gives them gravitas, and that not being serious is frivolity, for, living life is serious business and how can you take it so lightly...

'Twould be good to remind ourselves that there is a time to be serious.

Check this out from Dr. Seuss:

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.

And thereby making life's realities, no matter how harsh or how dreadful, manageable and cope-able rather than drowning and getting weighted down to the point of paralysis in seriousness about them...

Comfort and joy...

I came across this sentence in Colleen McCullough's The Independence of Miss Mary Bennet:

Comfort should be ever-present, and joys merely an occasional treat.

This caught me.

Comfort is not synonymous with luxury or having lots of things.

Comfort is that which gives you a feeling of contentment. It is a warm, toasty, cozy feeling that pervades your being.

Of course you must...

always like what you do.

However, sometimes there is a call of duty.

Liking what you do involves you yourself - choices you make, but duty is what others impose on you. Duty may not always be enjoyable, though there are some duties that are pleasant. The pleasant duties you can learn to like. The catch is with the duties that are painful and hateful....Do these with grace and they become bearable and do-able...

There's nothing wrong...

in out best-intentioned decisions going awry.

What is wrong is -

hanging on to it because it was YOU who made that decision, and how can something you think of go so wrong...........................but you are but human

or,

setting too much store by what people may say..................but people talk anyway

or,

not cutting loose when the losses are still manageable, just in case the dice rolls to a six..........but if not this one, there are other chances, because you may have played your cards wrong

Whichever way you look at it, the point is - Learn to read the signs.....for there are always signs, some in neon lighting, and some in black and white....you just have to look and see them.

Sharing a thought...

that I read during my meditation...

When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

~Unknown

....and bad things do happen, every now and then...

It does not matter...

if you are occupying what seems to you the teeniest, weeniest, most insignificant, most unimportant place in the Universe. There is one Person to whom your presence, what you say, think, feel, and do, and how you live is of vital importance, for you represent a color in His Grand Design.

Keep reminding yourself...

I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul...

~ From William Ernest Henley's Invictus

and from the beautiful hymn written by George Matheson - Oh Love that wilt not let me go:

I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.

Wait for...

the solution to a particularly tangled web - a web that is painful, hurtful...

It will come. Don't panic, the solution will come but in a quiet inconspicuous way. You have to force your raging, anguished heart to quieten down and be still. And the solution that comes will be a wonderful one...one that couldn't be better...

It's Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving is a quintessentially American holiday. Thanksgiving celebration is a blend of two traditions: the New England custom of rejoicing after a successful harvest, based on ancient English harvest festivals and the Puritan Thanksgiving, a solemn religious observance combining prayer and feasting.

It was Sarah Josepha Hale, the influential editor of the popular women's magazine 'Godey's Lady's Book' who began a campaign to reinstate the holiday after the model of the first Presidents. Finally, in 1863, she was able to convince President Lincoln that a national Thanksgiving might unite a war-torn country. He declared two national Thanksgiving days that year: one for the victory at Gettysburg, and the other for the last Thursday in November. In 1941, Congress responded by permanently establishing the holiday as the fourth Thursday in the month

Despite modern-age turmoil—and perhaps, even more so, because of it—gathering together in grateful appreciation for a Thanksgiving celebration with friends and family is a deeply meaningful and comforting annual ritual to most Americans. The need to connect with loved ones and to express our gratitude is at the heart of all this feasting, prayerful thanks, recreation, and nostalgia.

I personally love Thanksgiving. It has a lot of meaning. Christmas has become very commercialized and far too festive for a family gathering. But Thanksgiving is sacrosanct....it's family and close friends.

Came across this fascinating person Anne Lamott...

in my daily meanderings. Something about her resonated with me....

Did a little more finding out about Lamott. Here was a writer attuned to the very real, day-to-day feelings that most of us go through, and I'd like to share some of her thoughts.

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”

“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.”

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”

“You can either practice being right or practice being kind.”

“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.”

“It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools - friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said 'do the best you can with these, they will have to do'. And mostly, against all odds, they do.”

She's helped me get a grip on a lot of things I tend to agonize over: the need to grieve over the broken pieces of our lives and then get up and go on, instead of rushing off to find a new way and getting even more lost and broken. Also, the need to just hug someone who is going through this instead of coming up with instant solutions; there is no need to be perfect. Nor should we demand it of anyone; to always and always only be kind.

We have the tools, as she says, and these are more than enough to carve out our lives in as true a manner as we can.

I just used this phrase...

Emotional pirate

in my blog 'Gleanings'

It's a wonderful way to describe those who have taken hold of our minds, our thinking, and our emotions in a negative way...

Emotional pirates are pirates who leave you feeling emotionally looted with their talk of sacrifice, torment, or good deeds, or whatever....always claiming your attention with themselves.

As Martha Beck says, the first thing would be to recognize if there is an emotional pirate in our lives, and then to take the necessary precautions against further looting. The steps she advocates are as follows:

1. Make sure you are comfortable. Because only then will you feel strong. Remember pirates attack those they think look weak. So do what it takes to make you feel strong and good about yourself.

2. Do not feel guilty. This is not a moral high horse that you are getting on to. This is a fact that has to be dealt with. According to the newsletter, these are the tests that will clarify what you feel:

You feel joy, delight; you're loose, energized.

Your emotions are pleasant, your body relaxed.

You feel weariness. Your body may feel tense.

You feel resentful. Your body is very tense.

You're angry, even if you think you shouldn't be. Your muscles are contracted, maybe enough to create pain in your neck, head, back, shoulders, and/or jaw.

Now, to test for pirate potential in any individual, keep that person in mind and imagine the various scenarios that feature him/her. Notice your reactions. Gauge your reaction on a scale of 1 to 5.

Accordingly, you'll know if this person is a 'crewmate' (definitely a good friend), 'friendly vessel' (casual pal), 'merchant ship' (a person who gives attention with the aim of getting something out of it, so there's no emotional support here!), Or, 'pirate' (looting you emotionally).

We've all encountered brigands on the high seas of life. While you come across friendly vessels or crewmates, you also come across those who are whiny--always wanting attention without ever paying it back. So even if you are in need of a shoulder, they are so busy turning everything around to focus on themselves that you feel totally drained and wonder what that was all about.

3. Now it's time to get anti-piracy measure in place. You can sail away; or batten your hatches (just be civil, nothing more; no matter what, preserve yourself); or hide your treasure (focus on what interests you).

4. Head for calmer seas. If you have allowed a pirate into your life, and you know you have been plundered, don't beat yourself up. It happens sometimes. Take notes, go at your own speed, and see what you can do to slowly head for the high seas yourself!!

In continuation with...

my blog of October 20...

Talking about unanswered dreams and prayers, I came across this wonderful line from a favorite book that I frequently dip into: The Bridges of Madison County.

When Francesca tells Robert Kincaid that though her present life is good, 'it's not what I dreamed about as a girl,' he shares a thought that came to him while he was driving. It went like this: The old dreams were good dreams; they didn't work out, but I'm glad I had them.

And, at another point he says, 'The reality is not exactly what we want the song to be, but it's not a bad song.'

Uplifting thoughts, especially when the days look bleak.

There's no such time as...

a time to rest on our oars...

Every day comes with its quota of challenges. Some we can handle, some turn out real good, some we goof up on, and some we downright fail on.

Chuck the ones we didn't come out tops in, laugh at the ones we goofed up on, pat ourselves for the ones we handled, and draw strength from the ones we did good in....

and.....

Get ready for the next day's challenges.....

I do believe that when life is looked at this way, it offers a great deal of peace of mind and a feeling of gentle happiness pervades us, and, best of all, life can turn our quite fun!!

This is Mental Health Awareness week...

One in three of us go through some kind of traumatic experience (sometimes many traumatic experiences) at some point or other in our lives.

We need to assure and reassure those suffering from depression, anxiety and panic attacks (as well as ourselves if we are in this situation) that these are not signs of weakness. They are signs of having tried very hard and for way too long.

We need to let those who struggle with their personal traumas know that they are not alone, that they are loved and surrounded by a lot of people who care.

Send out hugs and love every day....someone is sure to feel it.....and know they are not alone...that they are loved...

There are so many things we dream about...

what we'll become, or what we'll have, or what we'll do, places we'll see, new ground we'll break.....so many things.

And then life puts in places that have no semblance to what we dreamed about. It also puts us in situations where often the choices are between a hard place and a rock, and we take decisions that to us at that time and place, with the experiences we've gone through, our life views at that time, our mental-emotional-psychological stage of the time, seem the only right one, or rather the only one we can make.

No matter how many people tell us we could do things differently, give options which in themselves are very viable ones, they are not in our shoes---only we know what is going to work and how it will work.....

So never blame yourself or put yourself down or get angry with life - whatever we decide is what we think is best under the circumstances we find ourselves in....so chin up and go on...and keep giving of your best wherever you find yourself.

In a state of illness...

when the boundaries blur, and there are tussles inside about just lying down and sleeping or getting up and doing the zillion things that need to be done, one thing that helps me to stay calm, is images...these are a few pix I took in Pemyangtse....they're not professional - just memories...

All powerful motivators...

talk about creating ourselves......this is in line with my thinking on 'Limitations'.

We read, over and over, in different words, or put in different ways, that it is our thoughts that shape us and that if we can but channel our thoughts, we're well on the way to creating ourselves.

I think that creating ourselves is also about defining who we are....that is the first thing. So, what do we enjoy by way of food, dressing, reading, movies, music.....and on to the million little things that we really enjoy but maybe have kept hidden these past years.....this would include....which fragrances do we like, which perfume, what kind of hair clips or combs to wear in our hair, what colors do we like our clothes to be in, what kind of clothes make us feel good about ourself, what kind of jewellery.......and on even up to how would we would like our own special corner to look, or furniture arranged, or table set....and so on....

Then, we move on a step up, to, 'what kind of person would I like to be?'....this could be drawn from people we admire, it could be something we had dreamed of but which we had buried under the years, it could be taken from things we read...something attractive and which have moved us powerfully...the inspiration and resonance could be from anywhere or anyone....

And so, we take the first tentative steps to creating ourselves....without limitations....

Another wonderful thought....

I want to share...

is this, again from Lao Tzu...

"Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.

Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of your being.

Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are.

Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world."

And possibly the only and best solution....

to dealing with our limitations - imagined, created, and real, is this from Lao Tzu, Chinese Taoist philosopher and founder of Taoism:

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

Let go...............................In this moment, I am not even what I was a moment ago, and what I am in this moment is not who I will be in the next - so what am I hanging on to and holding on to..........In fact, when I am tempted to say, when I react to something in a typically predictable way, 'Oh this is what I am,' the question is which moment are we referring to???????? With every moment we are different.....we need to enjoy that difference and make that matter - of course it's not going to be all good, but then can one really have a photograph without negatives? can we have day without the night? and can we have a rainbow without rain?

This actually frees up the spirit and loosens us up, gives us the push to soar..................and we will be doing ourselves a great disservice if we let 'Oh this is what I am,' limit us...

Adding to my blog on Limitations, 21 October...

As we go through the various stages of life, we tend to get labelled...Could it be that, very often, we label ourselves too, for reasons of emotional security, or the need for identification with someone, or an organization, or our profession.....or a hundred other reasons that the monkey mind springs on us? (that is why Buddhists believe that one should never take seriously all that the mind throws up....)

The thing is that these labels in their own way, while providing us with identities, become our limitations....we get comfortable in them, and are afraid to go out into situations that will challenge them. Simply put, we give only a teeny-weeny bit of weightage to our own real identity...only thing is that that teeny-weeny weightage, in fact, is limitless....but we've busily erected walls all around,effectively  limiting ourselves and our growth. Worse, when someone or something breaches the wall, we feel lost and confused....Once again, we don't have to feel this way, because we are all blessed with deep, deep inner resources...........but we do, rather, we allow ourselves to...

Our various identities are merely the various roles we play - in a drama we don different clothes with different make-up for different roles, remaining our own limited selves....actors in a play. What happens in real life is that we make-up our souls and heads too to fit the part, confirming and reaffirming our limited selves.

The thing is......Of course we need to appreciate the different roles we play - mother, father, daughter, son, employee, boss, sister, brother, friend, lover, husband, wife.....whatever...but we must never let our real persons get hidden or limited. This is the only way we can get through the many travails of life, and the many stages we pass through...

A must read...

for teachers, students, parents, and anyone interested in creating a fair system. It also helps understand the raison d'être of a judicial system:

Elements of a Fair Judicial System by Daniel Greenberg.

Found on http://www.sudval.com/05_essay.html

Limitations...

Fact: We all have limitations. Actually, we, very often, decide (most often arbitrarily) the areas we are limited in and then allow our limitations to draw our boundaries.


Fact: My limitations will never limit me unless I allow them to...

There is...

The Blessing of Unanswered Prayers (http://www.beliefnet.com/Prayers/Protestant/Gratitude/The-Blessing-Of-Unanswered-Prayers.aspx)

that I always keep handy....

Now, when taking stock of my life (something I periodically do), I realize that, in fact, I got nothing that I had asked for, or wished for, or dreamt about....but I was given gifts (the greatest one being my DD) that taught me the real value of life, I was given good friends that lend a shoulder when I need one, I was given all those situations - hard, painful ones - which taught me the wisdom to choose, and to appreciate the finer (and not always obvious) things of life, and in truth, "I was given life that I might enjoy all things"....

Some thoughts...

1. There is a price tag for everything - EVERYTHING. It may be a big tag and you may choose either to pay or not to pay depending on how much you value it, how much it means to you, or how much you want it....

........Or, it may be a small tag, but it does not resonate with you, and so you decide to give it a pass...

But whatever it is, your payment of that price or your passing it up, or your choices about it define and redefine you as a person.

2. We've often heard the saying: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." We've also, at times, got variations of this....

What I think is that there are ways and ways of making lemon juice with the lemons that life throws at you....and this lemonade carries into it an essence of you....so it can never be the same as anyone else's lemonade...even if you use the recipe given to you by someone else, it will still be different because it would have absorbed your distinctive, your very own signature.

And so.....

Good to keep in mind what Nate Berkus says:

"It's the little things that we do for ourselves - like having a small bud vase with one fresh flower - that impacts the way we feel about ourselves, that lifts our spirits, lifts our mood and changes the course of our day."  

Heading...

to the hills...

for sustenance and replenishment...As always, these words uplift me....

I will lift up my eyes to the hills
~Ps 121

If you feel you are...

out of rhythm with yourself...
estranged from those you love...
isolated from the world...
trapped in memories...
enslaved in the daily grind...
or separated from happiness...

Today would be a good day to tweak all that and renew yourself....hook yourself on to a new you - be grateful that you still have your own special 'you',  and look towards that...............it would certainly be better and less painful than drowning in the morass you are trapped in right now.

Are we...

unconsciously, subconsciously, consciously always looking for perfection and trying to live up to some 'perfect ideal' that we have conjured up out of our mind, with the belief that happiness lies in perfection?

DO NOT

Striving for perfection at all times and in all places, and for ourselves and others, will only end in grief....for none of us can be perfect. If we say, 'Well, at least we can try,' we are still, then, turning the screws both on ourselves and on others and on everything around us.

The Kabbalah says, 'looking for the perfect thing (according to our idea of perfection) often keeps us from the many imperfect things that would make us perfectly happy.'

Continuing 'The only thing that matters is'...

Janis Joplin in her final interview admonished: "You are what you settle for. You are ONLY as much as you settle for"

So don't settle for less...or sell yourself short...

Sometimes...

it's good to reinforce thoughts that are already in our minds....

Here's one 'reinforcement' popped out at me from a movie - There was this very young girl who seemed to have only trouble coming at her. Everything she attempted or tried boomeranged, and boomeranged badly. Time and time again she would lift herself up and something worse than before would knock her down. And yet, she was always smiling and pepping up her friends. In fact, she was the life and soul of her friends' circle. Finally, after yet another episode of being pushed down, one of her friends asks her how she can still smile and laugh. To which she replies:

This is Life. But if we hang on to all the bad things, we won't have time to see the good things, or enjoy them, will we?

Just had to share some Native American wisdom...

What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

~Crowfoot

The only thing that matters is...

the person I would like to become...

And this can be changed/modified/tweaked every day....

Quit...

rationalizing...

For one, it is a totally energy-sapping activity and gets us nowhere - the amount of energy we use, brain power we expend, and thinking we do to get around something or explain away something could have been put to better use - we could have forged ahead, instead...maybe taken a different path...maybe just taken time off...

And for another, it really doesn't solve the issue. We just end up going round and round in circles trying to explain something to ourselves and to those around us, and see that not only have we got ourselves entangled in a web, but we've also ended up in the same spot we started out from, not having resolved anything.

Better would be to walk away...

For, if something was really important, we would not need to rationalize it.

Sitting at my mother's side...

in the weeks before she passed on, I first came across this word 'caregiver'. I was reading how those who look after men and women like Mum, in those weeks and days leading to the final day, need special counselling and training; they may be family members, or people who have been hired exclusively for the task. (These are different from the nurses who provide physical care). And the word used for these specially-trained people is caregivers. It's a fascinating word, and self-explanatory - to give care......to look after......and carries with it the huge responsibility of making the helpless patient feel loved and cared for. Why caregivers need to be trained and counselled is because more than anything else it pulls and tugs at the heartstrings......here is this person, who was once active, and who has looked after her/his family, carried out her/his responsibilities, loved living.....today, lying helplessly in front of you needing your time, love, and care....

This morning, I came across this in my meditation, and it clarifies things a little more....

“The lifelong process of caregiving is the ultimate link between caregivers of all ages. You and I are not just in a phase we will outgrow. This is lifebirth, death, and everything in between...The care continuum is the cycle of life turning full circle in each of our lives. And what we learn when we spoon-feed our babies will echo in our ears as we feed our parents. The point is not to be done. The point is to be ready to do again.”

- Paula C. Lowe

The key words, to my mind, are 'The point is to be ready to do again.'

60 years down the line...

this is what I see...

Tomorrow is nothing - it is only a whole series of Todays....we keep waiting and waiting for that something special to happen...tomorrow....tomorrow things will get better.......tomorrow there will be a miracle.....tomorrow all our troubles and pain and hurts will go away........and, in reality, all we have is today. There isn't going to be that glorious day when all our sorrows or hardships will get wiped out and the sun will shine in all its brilliance.....in actual fact all we have and all we can count on is just today.....and if today works out, that's the best thing that we can hope for...

Have you...

made sure you have your own little space marked out in your today list? A space that is exclusively your own and which you are not going to allow anything or anyone to encroach on.

We will never, ever know...

indeed, we will never be able to fathom what a person has been through, or what he or she is going through, or even what they are feeling in the deep recesses of their heart, or how they are struggling to stay afloat and make sense of what is happening to them and around them...

We all have our character flaws, our insecurities, our hang-ups and our less-than-stellar moments.

So then?

The only thing we can do is to allow others space with the assurance that you are around if they need a shoulder...

(My meditation from the Kabbalah set off this train of thought. I was thinking, how insincere and frustrating the words - 'I know exactly how you are feeling', are. Better would be to just say.....'I'm around'.

It is all and only...

a matter of Faith versus Skepticism....regarding ourselves, our friends, our work, our life, our everything...

Faith:

• Belief
• Confidence
• Fidelity
• Loyalty
• Trust

Skepticism:

• Doubt
• Scoffing
• Unsureness or uncertainty
• Hypercritical
• Cynicism

  Exercise:

I believe in myself - in my abilities and talents and worth
versus
I doubt myself and scoff at my abilities and talents and worth        

and likewise...

As difficult as it may be...

you HAVE to face your problems/troubles/anyone with whom you have an issue/anything you've been afraid of/anything you've been putting off...

The only way you can be free of the bug that is bugging you and which comes into your mind on and off, especially when you are least expecting it to, and sometimes even when you are feeling all strong and top of the world, is to face it.....

It is a horribly difficult thing to do, scary even, and requires all, and maybe ten or hundred times more courage than you think you possess...

But once you pull it out from its hiding place or from the back of your mind or heart where it has lodged itself, square your shoulders (after all how bad can it get) and look it in the eye and say - 'All right, come on, let's finish with it,' you will see you have reserves of strength and courage you never knew you had, and you are able to deal with it.

And, free yourself....

Resolving...

an issue...

All of us have unresolved issues in our lives - these may come in the form of estrangement from our parents, families, loved friends, or in not being able to come to terms with grief, or in not being able to squarely face an unhappy or difficult situation, or in not having the courage to look at ourselves, especially our bad points....

But, one day or the other we have to resolve these or else we will not be at peace with ourselves...

In music sometimes there'd be this 'discordant chord' that popped up, but then, by a series of other notes and chords it would get resolved and flow back into the music - result - beautiful melody, perfect harmony...

When we are...

all we've got,

Isn't it strange that we are either harsh (sometimes even very, very harsh) with ourselves, or self-indulgent....

Neither is a sign that we love ourselves enough to respect ourselves, or consider ourselves worthy of living and giving...we're so busy trying to find a place under the table, when we have an invitation to sit at the table of Life.

The best-laid plans...

can go awry...

the most carefully-worked out decisions can boomerang...

the best and most-well-thought-through intentions can go wrong, take a different turn...

The idea is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each moment that is past, behind us...

Limiting statements...

When I look hard at what I am saying....force myself to listen what I just said...or force myself to examine what I just thought, I see that very often these are limiting statements - limiting statements that start with - I can't...or, I don't know how.....or, should I?.....or, can I?....or, I'm not sure if this is for me....and various other statements in the same vein.

If, before I do anything, or try my hand at something, my take off point is a limiting statement, then how am I going to know if I can do this at all....? Maybe I won't succeed, or maybe I will, but if I limit myself right in the beginning then I am putting a clamp on my brain, my mind, my heart and my soul...and after cramping all these parts of me, I try to do something....obviously it's not going to work.....I'm not giving myself a fair chance at it....I'm not doing justice to what I am all about...I'm not even trying to find out if I have it in me or not to do what comes to my mind or what Life puts in my way...

So if I don't succeed - what of it? I'll still be able to use my free brain, mind, heart and soul to find a way around, or a way out or better still turn it to my advantage...

If I succeed - Cheers!

But I have to give myself the chance...a fair chance...have to free myself of all these fetters...

Don't feel upset...

or sad...

at the cracks that happen in the heart and soul - for that is Life's way of letting the Light in...

I found this picture on the Net and thought it wonderfully evocative: a room with broken plaster, worn floorboards, and tired door with cracks in it, unable to even close properly, and I thought how like our lives this was.....The broken and patched plaster on the walls forms shapes and patterns of all our experiences, good and bad; the floorboards, smooth, but worn and scratched, signify the daily grind - the steady, comforting rhythm of routine and, at times, the dullness or loneliness of it; and the door is like our heart - the planks are time-worn and shabby, but smooth with age, still sturdy, and though cracks have developed it is still holding...the effects of changing and inclement weather do not let it shut tight, allowing passing winds to blow in.........but also letting the light filter in...And though the winds may change/damage/wear out the room, as the light that filters in changes, the play of the light and shadow throws up an exquisite pattern - our unique tapestry - which glows.

Checklist...

for women...

1. Are you eating a nutritious diet every day?

2. Are you engaging yourself in some physical activity every day? (This refers to exercise - could be walking, doing the treadmill, weights, or whatever suits you, and is other than the physical activity that running household involves.)

3. Do you have loving relationships? (Besides the spouse, do you have friends who really care? are you involved in any occupation which involves caring, such as working with special people?)

4. Are you involved in some kind of meaningful work? (This is besides the housework, cooking and other daily chores.)

5. Are you connected with the Divine? (Maya Angelou says her understanding of God is that He is ALL - so you live and move and have your being in ALL.)

When you work on these, they seamlessly blend body and soul nourishing both...

What an inspiration...

Check out this link on the swimmer Diana Nyad

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/09/02/world/americas/diana-nyad-cuba-florida-swim/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

Here's what she told reporters after her amazing feat:

"I've got three messages," an exhausted and happy Nyad said

One is we should never give up

Two is you are never too old to chase your dreams

Three is it looks like a solitary sport but it's a team

Start with yourself...

Start with compassion on yourself - as much as you would have compassion for another...

Forgive yourself, or you will never be able to forgive another...

Love yourself, or you will never be able to give or share...

Are you allowing...

the strings of your heart to be strummed by the vagaries of chance and by everyone who passes by?

Keep the strings of your heart to yourself for only you can create its distinctive melody.

And remember a melody needs pauses, and minor (negative) chords along with the major (positive) ones...

Thoughts...

about dealing with the pain and suffering of the past...

Look at it - no matter how painful it is - look at it one last time, dwell in it and on it one last time, and then leave it.....if we spend time in regret - that all these years have gone and what have they brought? only sorrow and pain and suffering...there was so much i could have done.....so much that i could have enjoyed....so much time wasted on ___ and ___ such a long way that i could have travelled...These re-visitings of the past and dwelling on the what-might-have-beens only sap the energy of the present. We cannot - no one can - bring back even one moment of the past...not even one breath....but we are allowing those thoughts to poison this breath that we are taking right now...and in poisoning the present we are sapping ourselves of the energy to deal with the breaths still to come.

Remember that the past happened for a reason - there were lessons there to be learnt, and since you were not learning them, Life forced you, through painful processes, to learn them. Life wanted you to change the way you think....But Life never intended for you to remain there.....Life is a river, and like a river flows over rocks and boulders, sometimes flowing over them, sometimes under them, sometimes around them...it goes on.....If you are having difficulty in letting go of the past, then just picture that you are stuck at one of the boulders and as Life moves on, you are going to get hit by every wave that comes....so get out of the way and get back into the main stream of Life.

Another thing that possibly prevents you from leaving the past is the blame....You took your decisions based on how the circumstances of the moment presented themselves to you, and your own limited, faulty thinking and knowledge...you can pinpoint events and blame this one and the other one - sometimes the blame is towards loved ones, sometimes towards others, and more often than not it's directed at yourself - when you decide to leave the past, you have to leave the blame too in that past.....leave everything connected to that past....imagine that it is a country that you are leaving behind and moving to another. You have lived there, you know it well, you also know that while you can sort of survive there, you cannot really live there or make a living there - and so now it's time to move on - with no baggage at all - not even hand luggage...just with the clothes you have bought in the present with the money you earned in the present....

Release every moment in its totality as soon as the next moment comes....

We, so often...

cannot understand the actions of our parents vis-à-vis us...

The decisions they may take for us...or their suggestions for a course of action...

Their words of caution, or reprimand, or advice...

Indeed there are times when we feel angry and irritated, and maybe even rebel at what we think is their cramping of our style

We just don't seem to get that at the bottom is their love or maybe fear for us...maybe it is because they can't bear to think we may suffer in some way or other...

I guess what we have to figure out as parents of our children and children of our parents, is a kind of via media...reconcile with what we can and should do, and leave the rest to the power of love...

Do you really...

want to live your own life your way?

Then start tapping into the wells of courage you have....

That's the thing...all of us have these wells of courage inside of us which we don't know about - if we can start off by believing that these wells of courage are part of us, part of our 'default mode', then next step is to start drawing on it.....start drawing on it, and see how it comes up....wells up inside of us.....and nothing then seems to difficult to do or handle or deal with....

An absolute must read...

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprah-Talks-to-Thich-Nhat-Hanh

I want to clear up...

a misunderstanding that might have popped up from my last blog...

When I said that we need to make a list of all the things we can do without, it had nothing - absolutely nothing - to do with the economic recession we are going through...The free fall of the rupee has a lot of people gasping..but actually it needn't....simply because there are a whole lot of things in our life that are really not important to our happiness....

We get so used to every whim being catered to, every desire fulfilled, every wish made true, that we leave no space for our own real selves to find happiness...and believe me, you don't really need much to be happy...

So just see what is really important and you'll be surprised....

A memory comes to mind. I could never afford expensive toys or for that matter any toys for my DD - so I read this about how one could make whole doll's house sets with empty match boxes glued together, colouring some and sticking colored paper on others....so I started collecting match boxes, and with her tiny hands helping me, we made all kinds of things....We had this huge box which used to help us whenever we moved ('cos we could pack in a lot into it)...she kept all these little match box things we made on top of that box, perched herself up or leaned on it....and she could spend hours playing with those....just hours....and she was as happy as could be...

So, we don't really need much - whether we can afford it or not - but we need to know what is important to us...and what is important comes out of searching our mind and heart.....

Make a list...

of all the things you can do without...

You'll be surprised....

Keep that list and keep adding to it, and you'll soon totally, totally unclutter your life...

The feeling of freedom this affords is like nothing you've ever felt...and it's priceless...

There's an important difference...

between giving up and letting go.

- Jessica Hatchigan

Giving up is defeatist.....letting go involves a great deal of courage...

I got...

two very important takeaways from Khaled Hosseini's 'And the Mountains Echoed'...

There is a character in the story - Thalia - who as a child had the lower part of the left side of her face bitten off by a dog. She drapes a mask over the lower part of her face. Her own mother cannot handle the situation, and eventually leaves her with her best friend, a no-nonsense, good person, Odie, a schoolteacher who lives with her son, Markos. Odie tells Thalia that she was not ashamed of her so Thalia could take off her mask if she wanted to - which eventually she does...not an easy thing to do. With Odie at her back and beside her, she braves it out...all the stares and gasps and comments.....and begins a new chapter in her life. Later, when Markos becomes a plastic surgeon and tells Thalia, who by now is like a sister to him, that he will fix her face, she refuses.

My takeaways from this episode:

One is about Markos deciding on plastic surgery as his field of specialization. He learned 'the world didn't see the inside of you, it didn't care a whit about the hopes and dreams, and sorrows, that lay masked by skin and bone. It was as simple, as absurd, and as cruel as that.' And he sets out to right this for people.

And the other is what Thalia says when she refuses Markos' offer to reconstruct her face. She says: "This is who I am." She says it with full acceptance - no self-pity, or self-sympathy---Just a definite acceptance taking shape slowly over the years slowly but surely molding itself into an identity...her own identity...an identity that she has created for herself and of which she is not ashamed...thus leading her own life to its fullest...

We do tend to limit ourselves to what we look like on the outside without taking the time or the effort or the trouble to fix the inside...Of course the outside is important, but not without the wholly-healed-and-fixed-and right inside...

The beautiful white kachnar...

Looks at the world and smiles at all who pass by her...

Harsh hands pluck her, yanking her out of her gentle green home
As an offering to the gods...

We know we cannot ignore...

the hurt we feel when we look back at what has hurt us and maybe even almost destroyed us...and we work and work hard to dealing with this...

Nor, equally, can we ignore the hurt we feel when we look back at happy memories....These need to be faced too - head on. We have to get a grip on their meaning if we are to experience the fullness of life.

And when Life thinks you are ready, believe me, God sends the right person to help. The only thing is that you have to allow yourself to open up to the pain...

I had solidly kept the door on the happy memories of my growing up years in Leonard, closed. I never thought that I'd be able to handle the happiness of those years....and of who I was...my carefree life with my parents and brother.....I guess the good Lord felt, in His wisdom that I was ready to open that door, and he sent a very gentle soul - one of my Dad's students - to do that....I'm still dealing with the pain but I know that this was needed. The time was right....you can never fault God's timing...nor deny the strength you feel - the strength He pours into you...

I realize that the development of an independent spirit hinges on being able to face and deal with hurt - hurt of pain and hurt of happiness...

Words are so inadequate...

when up against grief...

There are many things one can call to mind: God will not test us beyond our strength; He knows the flight path of every bird and life span of every flower; He knows what we have need of and never fails us....true, absolutely and a hundred percent true....but we also need to give a thought to our part - how can we help, what can we do....form a support group for a woman going through a messy divorce; help a single mother with baby sitting or grocery shopping or getting her a movie to watch or a book to read, helping her get a little time to herself; reach out to say that you are just a call away; send flowers or a plant; give a hug giving her the reassurance that she is not alone....There are so many ways you can show your solidarity besides just mouthing words....Never give suggestions that you cannot do yourself or that you cannot help out with or that you cannot follow through....never....just hold her hand and say you're around to help out with what she may want to do - and do it, even if to you it may not seem the very right path ------ it takes a long time to get a grip on grief before even beginning to work out how to cope with it...and that is where you need to show that you are there.....

Reminds me of the time we were driving through the night after my mother passed on, taking her to the house she went to as a bride, so that she could say her final good bye from there.....it was a difficult thing to do but my brother didn't fail her last wishes...My DD was with me - she was sitting on the back seat where I could see her....Throughout the night....throughout....whenever I turned my head to reassure myself that she was there, I saw her looking at me......my DD never closed her eyes for a moment nor did she take her eyes off me....she was at my elbow - a quiet loving steady presence.....my lifeline....that was what helped me even begin the process of getting a grip over my grief...

That is what we need to do......quietly be there for anyone who may need us. Of course God is there, but we have to do our bit too here on earth...

How many times we have heard these words...

Create yourself anew every day...

The thing is that even as we hear these words and maybe even use them for ourselves and others, what we fail to realize, very often, is that this is a task one has to do consciously....it doesn't just happen....it requires, 

First, a belief that if we change our life will be richer

Then make a roadmap, where, first is the struggle to actually make the map and then, to put in additions and make adjustments to suit the particular stage of life we are at (and that is an extra bit of effort too, for realizing, adjusting to and getting used to the different stages of life we are at is in itself a task...and like all tasks it needs to be faced squarely)

And then work on it every single day. Mark the words - work on it - for this is hard work and it IS possible only if we believe that our lives are going to be richer at the end of the hard work; if we believe in what we are doing and how we are going about doing what we have to, to get to the point of leading a fuller, better and richer life...

Fragrance...

is the pleasant, even sweet, smell that lingers in the air after an action is over...

When you go to a restaurant to eat, often you will not remember what you ate, but how you felt...are you carrying away a bouquet of a totally good experience or is the lingering smell one that you would not want to experience again...

When you meet someone you will not remember what she/he wore, often you won't even remember their features, and you will certainly not remember the mundane, usual criteria of where they live/work/status in society (a figment of people's imagination anyway)....but something about them stays with you...if you've clicked, the fragrance is a pleasant one, and if the meeting has in any way been abrasive, then that is the odor that lingers...

When you visit a place, for instance the hills, maybe you won't be able to retain the picture in your mind, but how you felt in the presence of the magnificence of nature will surely remain with you, ever after offering solace and comfort and a beautiful feeling...

When you do something you really like to do...it could be anything....that warm feeling lingers long, long afterwards...the fragrance stays with you....

So then what kind of fragrance should you leave.....be pleasant, polite, and interested in everyone and everything for everyone and everything crosses your path for a reason....

(if the interaction with and about the everyone and everything is good, it will leave a fragrance in your heart, and if it isn't, then you can learn your lesson and move on...)

Had to link you with this...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-macy-stafford/the-day-i-stopped-saying-hurry-up_b_3624798.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

and the key thought here is:

Living at a slower pace takes a concerted effort...

It is not easy to slow down - but it is the only way to LIVE...

Sharing...

a piece I've written....

Work and Leisure: What is Your Orientation?

You'll find it here: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/work-and-leisure-what-is-your-orientation.html

Check your to-do-today list with...

this one.....

It's a compilation of different tasks I got from the net. Of course we have to add on as we go on.....just be careful it matches the general idea...

1. Carry a notebook everywhere....and get a pretty notebook

2. Get away from the computer if you spend too much time at it, and if you aren't computer savvy, make sure you know the basics for it is your window to a world of information

3. Quit beating yourself up

4. Do small special things just for yourself

5. Light candles and incense.....and have soft music all day

6. Drink coffee and have a glass of wine or your favorite drink every day

7. Sing, even if it's off-key

8. Be open....and don't be afraid to be open

9. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.....people who add to life, who are a pleasure to be with, and walk away from those whose presence is disturbing

10. Meditate, as in, just sit quietly and let the mind empty itself.....enjoy solitude

11. Work towards being the person you always wanted to be

12. Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up

13. Exercise...include yoga

14. Allow yourself to make mistakes

15. Have a garden if you can, or at least a couple of pots of plants....tending plants is uplifting

16. Count your blessings every day

17. Get lots of rest

18. Adopt the Chinese saying: "When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other."

19. Break the rules

22. Don't force anything...do things at your pace

20. Read a little every day, and try to fit in a crossword puzzle

21. Create a loose framework for the day with lots of spaces between your tasks

22. DEFINITELY stop trying to be someone else's 'Perfect'

23. Clean your workplace.....or your favorite corner and make it Zen

24. Have fun...glitter up life

25. Do some kind of craft work, which would include sewing, knitting, crocheting....or if you can draw or paint, do that

Have you noticed...

that the only time you really hit back is when someone gets to your core...touches a raw nerve or hits where it hurts.... This is also the only time when you feel real rage and a kind of anger-mixed-with-pain-and-hurt-and-humiliation.

You hit back because you feel threatened...you are vulnerable and don't have the tools to attack or foil the attack, and you feel as if your very existence is being called into question.... All that you hold dear, what you believe in, your ideas, everything that you stand for is being trashed out of hand, and your very person is in danger...imperiled as it were...

At this time it is very difficult to do what the wise tell us - 'you know who you are....don't let words - any kind of words, from anyone - question that'....but since we feel as if we've been 'felled' we crumble.

Since this deals with our core and we are allowing the negatives that we hear to get to us, we therefore need to keep letting ourselves hear good things too..tell ourselves that we have the divine spark in us..that is, we have to love ourselves and make allowances for our shortcomings, forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and praise ourselves for the good things we do.... The rider here is that we have to do this all the time for ourselves, so that it becomes a strong enough force to foil the power with which the negatives attack us...kind of like a shield which deflects the arrows shot at us so that they don't pierce us...

At the end of the day, you are left with only you...and you are responsible for that 'you'...

Just had to share this...

Something I came across...

and which set me thinking....


Family life will never be decent, much less ennobling, until this central horror of the dependence of women on men is done away with

...and the phrase that really hit me was 'central horror of the dependence of women on men'....for it is just that....it is a horror.... and we women are so often conned into or programmed into or forced into or bamboozled into believing that it is only men who can help us live...if live at all...We are made to believe that we are inferior - brain-wise, strength-of-mind-wise, ability-to-think-wise, ability-to-look-after-ourselves-wise, ability-to-earn-our-living-wise, and every-other-wise. Or even if not inferior, women are taught men must be given the first chances, or well, anyway, we come second....

This phrase strikes down all these myths, for myths and figments of imagination these most definitely are...

And the second phrase that caught me was 'Family life will never be decent, much less ennobling...until.....' Isn't family important to all of us....and don't we, right from childhood, when asked to draw a home, make a home with Mom, Dad, and kids holding hands, standing in front of it? But the very decency of family life depends on, in fact is contingent on the independence of the women in the family...

Now that is something to think about.......and work towards if we haven't started on it already....

Cheers!

Beware...

that the gentle mantle of solitude does not turn into the dark shroud of loneliness...

For it is still a beautiful world...

Why is it that when...

something good and happy happens to someone, a hundred viewpoints pop up questioning their happiness? Statistics are put forth about the sorrow and suffering in the world, debates are held on happiness versus deprivation, arguments fly about randomly about happiness in a world full or sorrow and suffering, and on and on and on...

Actually, very few people can be happy with and in anyone else's happiness...as if to be happy is a sin...it's wrong...pondering over the horrible state of the world is the only thing to spend time on...thinking about the suffering millions all the time is the virtuous thing to do...tearing happy people apart and making it seem as if there is no justification for their very existence is the right thing to do....but just to be happy with and in someone else's happiness?.....never....

What has brought this line of thinking on is the birth of the royal baby. That little baby, like all other babies (forget the countries where babies especially girl children are not welcome and where their birth is greeted with unhappiness and dread), has brought so much happiness to his parents and their families.... He doesn't know he's royalty...he doesn't know the condition of the world....he is just a little baby with his own little special place in the sun. Surely one can, no matter how sad or deprived one is, allow the parents their happiness...try and be happy for them, and with them?

 A baby is a gift that Life gives those who are his/her parents. A baby is just that - a teeny weeny bundle of joy, whether royalty or born in the lowliest of slums, normal or with a problem, naturally born or adopted....

Being happy in another's happiness doesn't come easy because it means going out of yourself and becoming for that moment a part of someone else's life....but if you can do that, then for that one brief moment you forget your own condition, indeed derive strength from that happiness to go on....it's like seeing a shooting star.....the happiness lingers brightening things....

This is MY day...

Today...

I am going to be_______________

I am going to do_____________________

I am going to think______________________

For, every day is a brand new day - it is not a left-over or a carry-over of yesterday...

And if I don't or can't fulfil what 'Today' wants, then I'll cancel it when I do a review/recap at the end of the day, and either push it to the next day, or cancel it altogether...with no hard feelings.

And I am going to keep a journal of this every day.................

Today...

Write down one thing you like about yourself.

And then do this every single day...

(Write in with how you feel)

Rip apart...

break down

force open

all the doors and windows of your mind.

Make space inside of you......lots and lots of space....bulldoze any barrier that pops up or that you may have left still standing...chip away at any structure that offers resistance, till it falls...demolish anything that comes in the way of your creating a huge-huge-huge space...

And see the miracle...

Wise words from the Talmud...

"We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are."

Use this as a barometer to check what's going on inside...

Refer the July 16 edition of The Telegraph (Kolkata)...

I think we women have really had enough...

The second phase of panchayat polls is on in Bengal. As Uttam Dutta reports: The following images capture the rage and the fear that marked the polling day in some blocks. This lady's husband, a polling agent of the CPI candidate, went missing from the booth.

She ran to the police near the booth for help. When all pleading and begging to know his whereabouts failed, this braveheart decided enough was enough. Not to be deterred 'Sudipta returned home and informed her neighbours that her husband was missing. Soon, nearly 20 women from Salepur ran to the polling centre, a school 1km from the village. The group burst into the school and Sudipta confronted the police guards.'

The police, by which time, had called for reinforcements, and central police forces and policewomen arrived on the scene. As the report states, at one point, 'a central police jawan’s baton was seen locked with the bonti (knife or hasiya).'

Though the women were chased away....

Sudipta's husband was freed.

(He'd been beaten up of course, but thanks to his wife and the other women, he was released._

One of the...

fast-fading genuine category of Indians...

My heart bled when I saw this picture in today's paper, The Hindu. In fact every time I look at it, I get this strange feeling - of warmth for a man who can cry because something that has been his life, not only livelihood, is being shut down, of great respect for a man who has carried on steadfastly no matter the seismic changes our country is forever going through, of infinite regard for a man who though his heart is breaking, is stepping aside to make way for the modern digital world which he probably cannot even grasp, of wonder for a man who took great pride in the system of the telegram, of admiration for a man who would have not only sent people's telegrams, but would also have made a human to human contact with the person sending it, or receiving it, and of high esteem for a simple man who is a storehouse of knowledge and information about our land--a historian actually...but who quietly and steadfastly put country before self and worked with his heart, his true reward being the work itself.

He's possibly wondering if all his years were for nought?

Sending a telegram was an event....as was receiving it...but the people who worked at a telegraph office were always conscious of the effect a telegram could have and so were a special kind of people, is what I've always believed...

The thing with change is that while it is inevitable, sometimes, it rides rough-shod over the gentle old in its race to be part of the oftentimes-brash new; it doesn't show enough regard for the traditions it is replacing, it shows no sensitivity to people who have to make the transition...

Think on this...

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite charm

 

What would we like to pass on to our children? A good image of ourselves, so they see us as being better than we really are? What’s the point? Or material goods? That would be handing them a heap of problems. Our presence? Whether we like it or not, they will be separated from us when we die. But we could leave them an inspiration, a vision that is meaningful and that can give them confidence in every moment of their lives.

(Now here's the rider - Of course, to be able to do that, we need to get confidence ourselves, to develop an inner certainty).

JIGME KHYENTSE RINPOCHE

You don't always have to...

present an argument for something or against something. You don't even have to put forward another point of view every time you engage in a conversation. You don't have to play the devil's advocate always...

Instead...

Always listen to what the other person has to say right through to the end

Maybe give a hug

But...

Always put the relationship first, put the other person's self-esteem first, and always maintain the peace.....even if it means being silent when you know you are right, or have a better suggestion...

Chew over this...

According to my Kabbalah meditation, what matters is 'how much negativity we have managed to overcome.'

I think this is again related to what I wrote on Choices (Therefore...)...we cannot always predict that our choices are the right ones, because as the coordinates--people who our choices will touch, and the circumstances under which we are making the choice--change, our choices too will need course correction, renewal, maybe even a total overhaul...Therefore, it is quite possible that while some choices bring happiness and positiveness, some may bring negativity.......then what gives weight to our choice is how much negativity we can overcome to turn our choice to our advantage... .The meditation goes on to say, 'Only in darkness can we grow to be like the Light. Indeed, those of us who have had to stand against adversity to be who we are have became stronger because of it.'

Therefore...

Choose life...

Our choices are made in the circumstances we find ourselves in - and they are the best in those circumstances.....viewed a few years down the line, they may not seem so, but then you again have the choice of either bemoaning that or making new choices.

Choices can never be separated from all the parties, the condition in which the choice is being made, touches....sure, you can say to hell with everyone, this is my life...but then you should also be ready to bear the consequences of that choice.

Consequences are inbuilt into every choice we make....even the tiniest and seemingly innocent choice has its consequences.....

And so the final question is are you willing to take responsibility for your life...for life is all about choices.....

You can never, ever condemn anyone for the choices they make unless you are prepared to walk in their moccasins...and live their lives.

What you can do, is support and love all those you know who have had to make difficult life-changing choices...