I just used this phrase...

Emotional pirate

in my blog 'Gleanings'

It's a wonderful way to describe those who have taken hold of our minds, our thinking, and our emotions in a negative way...

Emotional pirates are pirates who leave you feeling emotionally looted with their talk of sacrifice, torment, or good deeds, or whatever....always claiming your attention with themselves.

As Martha Beck says, the first thing would be to recognize if there is an emotional pirate in our lives, and then to take the necessary precautions against further looting. The steps she advocates are as follows:

1. Make sure you are comfortable. Because only then will you feel strong. Remember pirates attack those they think look weak. So do what it takes to make you feel strong and good about yourself.

2. Do not feel guilty. This is not a moral high horse that you are getting on to. This is a fact that has to be dealt with. According to the newsletter, these are the tests that will clarify what you feel:

You feel joy, delight; you're loose, energized.

Your emotions are pleasant, your body relaxed.

You feel weariness. Your body may feel tense.

You feel resentful. Your body is very tense.

You're angry, even if you think you shouldn't be. Your muscles are contracted, maybe enough to create pain in your neck, head, back, shoulders, and/or jaw.

Now, to test for pirate potential in any individual, keep that person in mind and imagine the various scenarios that feature him/her. Notice your reactions. Gauge your reaction on a scale of 1 to 5.

Accordingly, you'll know if this person is a 'crewmate' (definitely a good friend), 'friendly vessel' (casual pal), 'merchant ship' (a person who gives attention with the aim of getting something out of it, so there's no emotional support here!), Or, 'pirate' (looting you emotionally).

We've all encountered brigands on the high seas of life. While you come across friendly vessels or crewmates, you also come across those who are whiny--always wanting attention without ever paying it back. So even if you are in need of a shoulder, they are so busy turning everything around to focus on themselves that you feel totally drained and wonder what that was all about.

3. Now it's time to get anti-piracy measure in place. You can sail away; or batten your hatches (just be civil, nothing more; no matter what, preserve yourself); or hide your treasure (focus on what interests you).

4. Head for calmer seas. If you have allowed a pirate into your life, and you know you have been plundered, don't beat yourself up. It happens sometimes. Take notes, go at your own speed, and see what you can do to slowly head for the high seas yourself!!