Can you imagine...

Christmas without a Christmas tree? We choose spruces, firs and pines for our Christmas tree. What we don't realize is how incredible these trees are.

According to this article I read - Five things you didn't know about Christmas (http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141220-five-christmas-tree-secrets) - these trees can 'survive drastic temperature swings, grow to towering heights and create ecosystems that shelter strange and wonderful creatures.' They, in fact, have touch, tenacious lives.

I asked myself why these particular trees were chosen at this particular time, for this particular celebration. Yes, we put the wreath on the front door to welcome everyone, and light the Advent candles to remember the birth of Jesus, but I had never wondered why this particular tree was chosen as the Christmas tree.

At home, the Christmas tree had pride of place in our garden, and come the days after Thanksgiving, my Dad would start work on the tree - clipping off the dead leaves, and sprucing it up, painting the pot and then finally with great ceremony the tree would be brought in and kept at the window of the drawing room. We would all get together to decorate it, with carols playing in the background and singing along, and finally my Dad would drape little fairy lights on the tree. This was really special. When we used to come back from our games or late lessons, cycling home in the cold, we'd see the lights twinkling through the window.....it was so special.

Today, after reading this article I realize that this tree, this very special tree symbolizes how our life should be. (It doesn't matter whether we have a real tree or an artificial one - the symbolism is the same). While we celebrate the birth of the beloved Christ child, this is the way our lives also should be...tough, tenacious, survive all the drastic swings of life without crumbling or breaking, grow to towering heights in our mind and hearts and above all deep inside us, shelter and be sheltered in the love of the Christ child.

Life is all about making choices...

and yet to make a choice is the hardest thing to do...right from deciding what to eat, what to wear, what color you want to paint your room in...to....everything....

Yet the whole secret of life is that we have the freedom to choose what we want to be...we can choose the attitude we wish to have....we can choose to live life the way we want to live...

And, we have been given a clue, a pointer - we have to choose LIFE. No matter what point we find ourselves in, we always have two ways in front, it is up to us to choose the way that will lift us up.

For the first time...

I've been able to really, really understand what 'living in the moment' means and how one can go about it.

Of course, one can, and I do, very often tell myself: I am here NOW.

But this one is amazing. I found it on Brain Pickings Weekly. It's from  Macy's Rilke: Buddhist teachings say, you know, feeling that you have to maintain hope can wear you out, so just be present... The biggest gift you can give is to be absolutely present, and when you're worrying about whether you're hopeful or hopeless or pessimistic or optimistic, who cares? The main thing is that you're showing up, that you're here.

A natural fall-out is that from this point, without your actually realizing it, you segue into the giving of yourself to those who are in pain and suffering, and whose paths cross yours...and there is total healing.

Inspired...

by the words of Morgan English:

My grandma died in a freak accident in May of last year. She was healthy as an ox – traveling the world with her boyfriend well into her 80s – then she broke her foot, which created a blood clot that traveled to her brain. Three days later, she was gone.

The respect and admiration I have for her is difficult to articulate. Here was a woman who endured two depressions (post-WWI Weimar Germany, from which she escaped to the U.S. in 1929, just before our stock market crashed) followed by a series of traumatic events (incestuous rape, a violent husband, the suicide of her only son). You'd think these things would break a person, or at least harden them, but she only grew more focused. She once told me, "Fix your eyes on the solution, it's the only way things get solved! Just keep moving and you'll become the woman you've always wanted to be."

I've always had this sneaking belief...

that it's very important to have a personal style statement.

It's a feeling, bubbling up from deep inside. A beautiful feeling. A feeling that I would pull out and look at from time to time, especially when that sense of being drawn into the pit of despair closed in on me. Because it was just a feeling, I had not articulated it - in fact, I was afraid to because of how people around me would react to my special feeling and consequently to me. Low/non-existent self-esteem? Probably. Probably, if I had articulated it, just so it didn't sound too way out, I'd have changed/modified its original form, and then felt miserable later...

But, it's always been there, lurking just below the surface. I just didn't have the courage, I realize now. A lot of time has gone by, but this feeling has remained - sometimes hidden, sometimes right on top, but always there...

By style I mean not only the choice of clothes, but also manners, behaviour....the whole way of life and living.

In this frame of mind, these words lifted me up:

"If you have courage in your personal life, then you undoubtedly have courage in your personal style. The two go hand in hand. So shine Bright."

~ Amanda Dolan, 32, New York, New York
Founder of SparkPretty.com


Courage in my personal life I do have (though it goes through dips occasionally) so then it's time now, I think to start on the personal style of living!!!!!!

A thought to be dwelt on...

and mulled and absorbed into our system, till it becomes a part of us.

Parker J. Palmer – founder of the Center for Courage & Renewal and a man of great insight into the elusive art of inner wholeness, says:

Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling the who I am. I must listen for the truths and values at the heart of my own identity, not the standards by which I must live – but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life.

A tragedy...

the root cause of which was ignorance.....great, dire, tragic ignorance of those who worked the plant.

Bhopal: A Prayer for Rain

A brilliantly made film, and a must-see one...

No rain - no crops - no pesticides needed - so, no sale - therefore, no renovation or repair, in fact, cost-cutting decisions were taken placing very little importance on safety.

Combine this with dire poverty, the Indian specialty of jugaad, corruption, an indifferent local government, callous politicians, delay, cynicism, the corporate mantra of maximizing profits at any cost, incomplete release of data, and you have situation ripe for explosion.

To my mind, the most compelling and damning charge is ignorance - the ignorance of the workers as to their actual work, safety precautions and their rights.

Agreed, Union Carbide did not apologize and their compensation was meager.

But, what did the Indian government do?

There are still families out there who are trying to come to terms with what happened and striving to get their lives going again...

It's just in the moment...

The word 'moment' is the important word here. Moment may signify a short time, or a longish time...just think of it as a moment.

So often we find ourselves in difficult, traumatic moments. Moments that we wish would pass but which tend to take their time about passing, leaving us deeper and deeper in the darkness.

I've been trying to find out about how to go about these moments.

The single thing needed, which we all have latent in us, and which now has to be called upon, is GRIT. One needs grit to get through moments/times that are disruptive, and that cause anxiety and despair.

So, now:

FIRST - WE HAVE TO ACCEPT WHAT IS HAPPENING. This is a very difficult thing to do, but it has to be done. Remember there is no shame in this. It's happening, whether we like it or not, and it is best that we accept it: I am in distress right now; I am deeply unhappy with what is happening; I am stressed out right now about_____;

SECOND -  These are in three important steps:
First important step - WE DO NOT RESIST IT OR TRY TO PUSH IT AWAY.

Second important step - WE DO NOT THINK: THIS IS NOT THE WAY IT SHOULD BE or THIS IS NOW HOW IT SHOULD BE or THIS IS NOT WHAT I BARGAINED FOR or THIS IS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE or THIS IS NOT WHAT I IMAGINED IT WOULD BE, and other thoughts like these.

Third important step - based on the second one, WE TRY TO FIX IT or WE TRY TO FORCEFULLY TRY TO TURN THE COURSE OF EVENTS AS THEY UNFOLD or WE TRY TO THINK OF WAYS AND MEANS OF SOLVING THE ISSUE or WE TRY TO FIGURE OUT THE BEST WAY OUT or WE TRY AND JUST PUSH THE ISSUE OUT or WE TRY TO REASON AND RATIONALIZE OUR WAY OUT. Sometimes WE EVEN RETALIATE, HOPING THAT THE UNPLEASANTNESS WILL END.

Believe me, I have tried all these. None of them work.

The only thing that works is GRIT - THE GRIT TO STAND IT THROUGH ITS COURSE - FORCE YOURSELF TO LET THE DARKNESS/UNHAPPINESS/ANXIETY/STRUGGLE/DESPAIR-CAUSING EVENT/HAPPENING/SITUATION RUN ITS COURSE - RUN ITSELF OUT.
Say a prayer, a psalm, a mantra - anything but just stay put and stay quiet till that time is over. If you can breathe in and out consciously, then this also helps - breathe in deeply taking in as much air as you can and when breathing out, consciously release the tension that has built itself and is building itself up inside. By just hanging in there quietly or watching your breathing, you can create a space inside your heart. And in this space is the calm we need.

Believe me this is the only thing that works. It's working for me and I want to share it with you...

View your life...

as software - so you can keep updating/deleting/changing it to something better and better and better.

Use all the uplifting material you can get.

It's your life....it's precious...

An Irish ballad, circa 1840...

Paddle Your Own Canoe

I've traveled about a bit in my time,
And troubles I've seen a few.
And found it better in ev'ry clime
To paddle my own canoe;

My wants are small I care not at all.
If my debts are paid when due.
I drive away strife, in the ocean of life
While I paddle my own canoe.

If a hurricane rise in mid-day sky
And the sun is lost to view
Move steadily by, with a steadfast eye
And paddle your own canoe.

Fields of daisies that grew in bright green
And blooming so sweet for you
So never sit down, with a tear or a frown
But paddle your own canoe.



And adding to this...

Paddle along slowly. Let no one turn you from your rower's chant. There is no hurry, no rush, nor do you have to worry about any other canoe. Just paddle your own canoe.

For life to mean something...

we have to weave a happiness garland with the happy incidents that happen to us, no matter how few they are.

We also have to believe in something - maybe just one or two things - but we have to feel these deep in our being. These then become our own special beliefs, our guiding lights, and we live by them, making each day count...

(Anything that tries to stymie these efforts should be forcibly shown the door of our heart).

When someone is stressed about something...

or in a situation which is already stressful, to tell that person that they can do this.... or should do this.... or, if I were you, I'd do this... only makes it more stressful for the person concerned. What a person can do or should do or could do or should have done are governed by personality constraints, situational constraints, and a number of considerations. If a person could or should or can, the person would've already done those things. Maybe the person will still be in a position to do the them, but only....ONLY if these coulds and woulds and shoulds come in the form of loving suggestions, and from a deeply caring stand. A person in this situation is very perceptive - can feel in her or his depths where these coulds and would and shoulds are coming from, and will be able to sense inside of themselves if these come with the rider of - or else...and this does not help. Only identification with and acceptance of the distressed person, and deep love and caring can help a person in distress, or who finds himself or herself in a distressed condition/situation/circumstance.

Where can I find this woman...

whose charm is beyond face, shape or matter?


She:

1.  Is always rested and looks fresh and prepared for any encounter.

2. Does not cry or overreact if she feels she has made a mistake.

3. Is always prepared and takes good care of herself inside and out.

4. Accepts situations as they arise and adapts to them.

5. Does not allow silly things to break down her confidence and resolve.

6. Does not dramatize or shift from one extreme to the other.

7. Does not react upon her first impulse yet she analyses carefully before taking any action.

8. Has no unrealistic expectations of herself and of others.

9. Does not idolize in a relationship, be it of love or friendship.

10. Does not give of herself in a relationship where she isn't given the same back.

11. Has no practical need for a man rather than for emotional support and love.

12. Is not needy in any way but is rather graciously detached.

13. Is financially independent and responsible.

14. Knows her own value.

15. Knows how to handle herself in any situation.

16. Knows what she wants and what she is worth.

17. Is happy always, even by herself and does not need an entourage to make her feel whole.



Can I be her?????????

Think about this...

You are in serious trouble if you've lost

your Sundays
your weekends
your nights off
your day of worship (or the Sabbath, or your holy days)
to answering the pulls and tugs of people - maybe family, maybe friends, maybe colleagues, maybe anyone...


You are definitely in serious trouble if your

bosses
acquaintances
contacts
junk mailers
can get you any time of the day or night...


You are in even more serious trouble if you

let the demands and needs of your daily life reach out and make their claims anytime, anywhere...


You need to switch off, friend, and allow yourself to rest and heal from the relentless onslaught of  demands on you and most certainly the pull of all digital devices...

Take heart...

Beaten, bent, and broken by life, we ought to take heart from what Charles Dickens said years and years ago: "I have been bent and broken, but—I hope—into a better shape."

It is only when we keep telling ourselves...

that everything that we do and can do, and are and can be is imbued with significance, that we begin to absorb this into every pore of ourselves - mind and body. Life, then becomes more than just getting by. We realize that we are something more.....we have something deeper in us.

The importance of our significance lies not in our position in life, but in the way we attach significance to every moment we are in and every task that we do. No matter we are in influencing roles, or only have our usual daily chores making up our day, we need to attach so much significance to ourselves, that we imbue every task that we do with significance.

Our significance is borne out by this Zen saying:  "Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water." No matter how repetitive the task, there will always be some little thing that is different about it that day from the day before or the day after...we are different from moment to moment, and so we live only in and for that moment. It is when we begin to believe this with our whole being that we will realize and recognize our own significance.

The Remembrance Poppy...

is used mainly in the UK and Canada to commemorate their servicemen and women who have been killed in all conflicts since 1914. Small artificial poppies are worn for a few weeks prior to Remembrance Day/Armistice Day, which is on the 11th of November. Poppy wreaths are laid at war memorials too.

The use of the poppy was inspired by the World War I poem "In Flanders Fields" by Canadian physician and Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae on 3 May 1915 after witnessing the death of his friend, a fellow soldier, the day before.


In Flanders fields the poppies grow
Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.


The opening lines refer to the many poppies that were the first flowers to grow in the churned-up earth of soldiers' graves in Flanders, a region of Europe that overlies a part of Belgium.

In 1918, American YWCA worker Moina Michael, inspired by the poem, published a poem of her own called "We Shall Keep the Faith". In tribute to McCrae's poem, she vowed to always wear a red poppy as a symbol of remembrance for those who served in the war. She then campaigned to have the poppy adopted as a national symbol of remembrance.

The white poppy was and is a symbol of grief for all people of all nationalities, armed forces and civilians alike, who are victims of war

In 1933, the Women's Co-operative Guild chose the white poppy as a symbol to show that they were against war and for non-violence. The wearing of a white poppy on Armistice Day became a focus for the peace movement, and the Peace Pledge Union took it up in 1936 as 'a definite pledge to peace that war must not happen again'.

On Remembrance Day, many people wear both the red and white poppy

Inspiring words and...

MUST REMEMBER WORDS...

In fact these words are like a lighthouse for those of us who are at sea in this whole business of living...(and age doesn't matter - we can start any time).

“I did not know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be.

I wanted to be an independent woman, a woman who runs her own life, who’s in charge of her life.” 


This is the message Diane von Furstenberg wanted to send out to all women: “I want every woman to know that she can be the woman she wants to be.”

Silence in the mind...

means real silence - not just the absence of words....any kind of words - not the jumble and tumble of happy words, not the seething words of anger felt but not expressed, not memories relived in words...just a deep alive silence. Only this kind of silence can bring peace, real peace - the peacefulness of having committed all words to the One who is able to make sense of them for us...

Deliberately...

slowing down...

I'm trying this wonderful meditation exercise. Just slowing down everything I do, and even how I speak. Sometimes I can do this, sometimes I can't, but I'm determined to get there. I got this meditation from my studies of Zen Buddhism...It appealed straight to my heart, so I knew that this was for me...

The first thing is to clear all the misconceptions of life that I've inherited, gained from my experiences, and learnt from those who have passed in and out of my life. This involves a total cleaning out of my head and heart. All thoughts, prejudices, proven and unproven feelings. Everything. Consciously telling myself that I am a new person every second is helping me a lot - for I am - we all are - new with every breath we take....so how can we let anything color our mind, and worse, stay in our mind, even from the breath that has passed?

The second thing is to be quiet. Not externally quiet with internal turmoil happening, but totally quiet externally as well as internally.

This does not mean suppressing negative or hurtful thoughts - it means looking at them and then sending them off, always trying to keep the mind and heart clean.

I need to get to know myself; treat myself kindly; choose things that I would like to do, and then do them at my own pace; make myself believe that it is okay to botch things up, but that I must then get up and turn the page and go on; take the time to find out what is right for me and not rush around making things right for everyone else; believe that I have a right to be happy and so do things towards this; remind myself of what is important for me and to me and not to give those up, even if no one else understands it; tell myself that it is all right to walk away instead of getting into an acting-reacting cycle; and most importantly, walk away from people and situations that are hurtful and negative, no matter what....

Identity...

I recently listened to Pico Iyer's analysis of the real home of a person living abroad, on TED talks. (http://www.ted.com/talks/pico_iyer_where_is_home/transcript?language=en)

I stretched it to the identity of a person who lives in a place other than the place he 'belongs to'. This is something many of us face in our country - our parents leave their homes in their 'native' State and set up home in another State. The children grow up here with just an idea of their 'native' State. They go to study in a third State and probably end up working in a fourth State. Come time for marriage and setting up their own home, they may choose a partner from a different State. Finally, when it's time to retire, they may decide to settle down in quite another State! We are fluent in at least three languages, and quite naturally absorb the culture of each place we live in. So, when asked (as most Indians do on the first meeting!) : Where exactly are you from? or, Where exactly is your home?, the question of identity rears its head. Now if we can think of our identity as a mosaic, then there is no confusion in our mind. The colors that we give these pieces, and the patterns that we create as we blend all these cultures, gives us our own unique beautiful identity. Our identity then becomes a work in progress with constant upgrades, corrections and improvements - and no single piece in the pattern is cast aside as being inferior...no single piece can claim superiority either...

Something to ponder over...

Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to live your life in the way that feels right. No one has the authority to tell you who to be or how to live.
~ Daniell Koepke

A thoughtless remark...

especially from someone who you believe is close to you, and who has thus far professed to understand you, is almost killing. Without our wanting to, or trying to, often these words keep going round and round in our minds pulling us down and further down into terrible depths. Good memories get juxtaposed with this thoughtless remark, and suddenly other such remarks made in the past - maybe the distant past - also surface, adding to the hurt.

Having been through such a process, I read whatever I could find that would help me understand this pain, and worked on ways of getting around it.

Am sharing what I found - it will not work immediately all the time, but it puts you on that path, and sooner or later you will be able to get it out of your system....sometimes, though, it does work right away.....

First of all, think.....We have allowed those words and feelings and thoughts to creep in and take over the space in our mind. Hence, our feeling of hurt is something that we create.

Second, when these hurt feelings come in with all their attending distress, we start defending ourselves, or castigating ourselves, and end up in a state of total despair, further clouding our mind, and allowing these feelings to sink into our hearts, till we almost feel incapacitated. The person, though, who started off this chain, has in all probability forgotten about it, or does not care what effect those words may have had, or is hitting out because of his/her own personal hurt.

So, then what do we do to break this whole pattern. Tell ourselves that this is just an illusion. Okay, they have come into our mind, but we have the power to let them go - to release them, and not hang on to them, or allow them to stay even for teeny bit of time in our mind. And, very importantly, this will also remove that person from our mind, thus preventing us from reacting. Reacting to a hurt by retaliation or blame just adds to the whole painful experience. Think about it - we will analyze and cry and go back over and over the whole sorry episode, but at the end, we have to fix ourselves. NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR US - not even the dearest friend can fix us - they can be there for us, but the fixing is something we have to do ourselves. AND, what is more important? The hurtful words and the insensitivity or the peace of our mind? Who is more important? The person who caused this, or us?

First things first - DO NOT ACT. DO NOT SAY A SINGLE WORD. DO NOT RESPOND IN ANY WAY.

Then, walk away - walk away from the pain AND from the person who caused it.

Finally, use all of your time to care for yourself, and restore peace and tranquility in your mind.

Is there someone...

a friend perhaps - someone who you thought was close enough to you to be counted as someone important to you and your life - who you have realized does not care for you the way you care for them? Are you hanging on to this person - maybe because of some insecurity inside you? or maybe because of a strong feeling of loyalty? or maybe because it's become a habit to have this person in your life and you are willing and ready to make all kinds of excuses to keep him/her there? Do you find yourself rationalizing all the things said or done unkindly to you by this person? Again - is this because of a strong inbuilt sense of loyalty, or because it's a habit, or because the need is in you, even though this friend has been hurtful, or insensitive, or insisted that his/her views were best for you and your gut feeling said otherwise?

Time to stop and examine this. This is not easy - in fact it is painful, very, very painful, especially because it would involve your analyzing yourself as well....your facing up to certain not-so-wonderful facts about yourself but which add up to make you YOU...in which case it is time to let go of this friend....and equally difficult - face up to yourself, love yourself, in short, fix yourself, and get back your own self-worth by yourself.

Today, take a new life trail...

The next time you get offended or feel hurt...

STOP. Why get all worked up? This is a person who is passing judgment and criticism. He is throwing out harsh words and unkindness.

But-----

It is not the end of the world. It is certainly not the end of your world. It's not worth even spending a moment on what that person said, or indeed that person himself/herself.

If you have felt the stirrings of anger, or have felt offended, or upset, or angry, or as if someone has trod over your heart with hob-nailed boots, or has pushed you away unkindly and hurtfully - THINK. Is this the only option you have? NOOOOOOO you have the option of walking away. Importantly, you have the option of not letting this feeling stay in your beautiful mind-garden for even a breath of time. And even better, you have the option of blocking out this person from your brain and heart and soul. YOU have the option of saying NO. YOU have the option of not living up to anyone's expectations (which actually should be a given). YOU have the option of just letting all these thoughts travel THROUGH your mind - in and out - nothing stays to start growing roots...

So, after this, what? Give yourself a treat. Remind yourself about all the good things that people who really care have said to you about yourself. Do something you want to do. Acknowledge to yourself (and this is the hardest) that you are YOU and you are someone special, you are your own person (no one - not even the closest person owns you) and that you have the spark of Divinity inside of you. Put your arms around yourself and give yourself a tight hug.

YOU get to design your own mood, your feeling of self-worth and your sense of self-esteem. You understand that you do not have to build your life around everyone else. You learn that you have a mind and that you can think for yourself...you can do a great deal for and by yourself no matter who says what....you are not as helpless as you may seem to think you are - just need to tap in and see.....what you have in you is boundless!

This will free you up - and this freedom will help you not to damn anyone and better still, it will not make you a bitter person....you'll still be able to laugh and dance....you will FEEL free!!!

Life...

I think this about sums it...

Don't...

try to find an explanation for everything. Try not to participate in a conversation in which you may have a lot of information or data, because it is just not possible either to have all the information about a topic or have transcendent wisdom about it...and by extension of people...better to be silent and listen, difficult as this may be...for participating in such conversations will only make us feel small......keep us small...

Quoting from Epictetus's philosophy: Judge ideas and opportunities on the basis of whether they are life-giving. Give your assent to that which promotes humaneness, justice, beneficial growth, kindness, possibility, and benefit to the human community.

Be kind with yourself....you don't have to know everything about everything - either information/data or wisdom. Be gentle with yourself....you don't need a reason for that....

Always remember...

you are entitled to your feelings/emotions/thoughts/actions....These go into making you YOU. They have been crafted out of your experiences, they have been born in your heart, they have been worked out and refined in your head, they are being seen by your eyes and felt by your senses, they are part of your soul....So no matter how anyone argues that it's otherwise, or how hard people try to bring you down, or invalidate you, or how insinuatingly someone makes you feel small and insignificant, tell yourself, this is YOU.....Just BE YOU...and don't lose yourself. YOU ARE SPECIAL FOR YOU...

What do wise men mean when they say...

'live for the day', 'live in the moment', or 'live one day at a time'?

Turning this around in my mind, and looking for answers, I came across this one-line, ancient Jewish prayer which immediately struck a chord deep inside me.

I thank You, living and eternal King, Who has returned my soul into me with compassion – great is Your faithfulness! 

This prayer, which thanks God for waking me up, clearly shows that I am given my soul in the morning through God's loving kindness and compassion. It is something I have to be grateful for. My waking up every morning is a miracle....

Now imagine we are also given a clean sheet of paper every morning. On it all that we do or say or feel or think gets drawn into designs. All that we are that day, gets filled in. The watermark on the paper gets the color and shades of our feelings. I feel that if somehow we force ourselves to be conscious of this (till it becomes ingrained) we'll be careful of what goes on that paper that we return to God every night when we go to sleep...

Chances are it will redesign our lives lifting us from the mundane to the holy, from the oblivious to the aware, from the taken-for-granted to the deeply conscious.

Hope this helps...

Learnt a lovely lesson...

from Will Smith:

"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay."

The words that jumped out at me were - Don't chase people. Be yourself.... - How often our loneliness drives us to look for company.....any company....company we are willing to change ourselves for, be what we are not, say things we don't believe in or even think about, do things that we would not normally have done - things that are not 'me'...

To be ourselves is the most difficult thing, for then we may have to walk alone for long distances on the road of life. We may have to unlearn and re-learn a lot of things to sustain us and keep us on an even keel...we may have to undo a lot of received knowledge on how we are to be....we will certainly have to take a deep look, without flinching, into how far we have removed ourselves from ourselves.....but once we get the hang of it, I do believe life becomes easier and pleasanter to live......

Sharing...

The cottage we lived in

The resort as seen from across the lake

some pics of this place we went to for a holiday - Kondai Lip, in Kerala...

The Kayal or lake (a part of the backwaters)

A catamaran

Fixing the fishing net

It's kayals all over - all interconnected

Sunrise

Something I learnt today...

from the Kabbalah...

We have to consciously make ourselves a part of something bigger if we are to be free of feelings of heaviness, depression, anger, and other bringing-down feelings.

So, what is this something bigger - I would imagine that for everyone, whether alone and housebound or part of a professional group, it would be the consciousness of being a part of your family, part of the organization we work for, part of a special group we belong to.......and finally then the consciousness of being a part of the world family...

And then to share of ourselves wherever it is possible to do so. Sharing involves reciprocation, a mutual sharing of ideas and thoughts; a feeling of 'I'm always there for you'; generosity with our time and help; being warm and kind and thoughtful; unselfishness. It means looking beyond ourselves. It means looking out for others.

Take a minute to think:

Is something holding us down?
Is something holding us back?
What sharing opportunities is the Creator sending us?
How can we be more a part of others around us?

Soon, the heavy feeling passes, for how can we be a part of people, or part of the Universe and still feel heavy/depressed/angry....?

Another inspiring blog...

for all of us who are of a certain age, and proud to be so!!

Style Crone

and you'll find it here.

Take care...

for you are the star of your life.

Be honest with yourself - go deep into those parts of your soul where all kinds of things are jam-packed, where maybe a coverlet has been thrown over a jumble of things, where you fear to go in case you come face-to-face with the issues you've been deferring in the hope that they will go away...

Be truthful to yourself - take out, look at, and face the deepest motives for your actions...

Be compassionate with yourself - forgive yourself, and forgive those who caused pain/upheaval/unpleasantness. Allow healing to happen...

Be responsible to and for yourself...in leaning on others, you will never learn how you tick...

Be grateful...for everything - the good, the bad, and the ugly...everything happens for a reason, so look beyond...

Be at peace with yourself - It's okay to be good, bad and ugly....just make sure you handle them as they should be handled, so that you are always in sync with every aspect and part of yourself...

Be comfortable with who you are - you were meant to be you and not somebody else...

You really ARE the star in your life...

A reminder...

from Ecclesiastes 3:1–8

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

Wait on Him - in all things, at all times, and in all situations...

It will happen as He ordains, and not as we want or wish.

He is right.

We, on our part, have to trust...

Have got hooked to...

the idea of leading a life of simplicity and leisure, sometimes just drifting....

This has cleared my mind and answered all those questions that keep popping up about how to lead life after 60....

You actually control...

the environment around you...think about it....when you smile and are happy, you elicit smiles even from strangers and create an aura of well-being around you. Likewise, when you are fearful or angry or upset, the vibes that emanate from you create an atmosphere where those around you say things they did not mean or believe in, get tied up in their thoughts so that the words come out all wrong and there is a general air of discomfort....

Maybe that's why wise men have said that even if you are feeling dreadful, keep a smile on your face....it'll help you and allow others to help you too...

A Public School Boy is very special...

What makes him so?

Spurred by what is happening in Scindia School, I felt I just could not be a silent bystander.

Having been a part of the Public School system for many years, I strongly believe that the Public School system has a lot to offer. Like all systems there is good and bad in it, and wake-up calls happen to look at these systems anew.

The Public School set out to turn boys into strong men (and girls into strong women). In this article, I have only talked about the Public School Boy -- since he is in the news now. The Public School is a way of life, and those who have gone through it—as it was—appreciate and value it. Any wonder, then, that the Old Boy sends his child back to the school that made him what he is?

I would love for you to share my article on this. You will find it here: http://www.ibuzzle.com/articles/the-public-school-boy.html

Something good is always hidden in bad things...

When bad things happen to us - hurtful, heartbreaking things which break our spirit - remember that the wounds, gashes and cracks these leave in us, are actually the paths through which the Light enters our hearts and bodies......and it is this Light that brings true healing and peace....

Likewise, something bad is always inbuilt into good things....

Take the digital devices that are available to all of us. We are never far from our smartphone or tablet or laptop. We are connected to the world 24x7...We are right up there in the knowledge zone, know what is happening in every part of the world, and are super-informed. However, it  has been proved that constant use of these devices causes serious physical, mental and psychological problems. So, be aware of the hidden harm in these wonderful inventions...

The most beautiful people we have known...

are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

 ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

From my balcony...

On the edge of a leaf

Balancing precariously

                        a dewdrop.....?

                                a teardrop......?

The magic of Dumbledore...

A horrific Texas killing left 15-year-old Cassidy Stay alone - on that fateful day she lost both her parents and four siblings. She herself survived because she played dead, and the young girl had the presence of mind to call the police.

At a memorial for her family, Cassidy spoke and said that she believed her family was 'in a much better place.' Wiping her tears, she quoted the words of the wise Headmaster of Hogwarts, Dumbledore: Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

JK Rowling responded, by writing her "a personalized letter from 'Dumbledore' (hand-written with purple ink). She was also sent a wand, an acceptance letter to Hogwarts with a school supply list, along with the 3rd book with JK's autograph."

Never underestimate the power of books....this is why it is so important to read and get kids hooked on to reading. Many years down the line, a much-loved character from way, way back, shines a light into our deepest darkness.

These characters from the days when we were children, have the power to lift us up, keep us young at heart, take us on adventures, transport us to wonderland, and best of all give us the answers we are looking for.

And this always puts real life in perspective...

Go back...go back to those fairy tales and 'children's books' - and see the charm come back into your life...

Robin Williams' passing on...

has again brought home the fact that unless we are careful, there is every chance we too will succumb to depression. It is more poignant to me, because for one I was very fond of Robin Williams - thought he was a fantastically talented actor...his eyes, though, always struck me as hiding a little sadness...and for the other, I too am 63 years old...a dangerous age...

Reams have been written about this thing called growing old....it is an undeniable fact, and the logical end to life. But, no amount of logic prepares us for the feelings that accompany this physical condition. No amount of money, no amount of therapy, no amount of religion, no amount of soothsaying, no amount of any uplifting and therapeutic thought, no amount of lifestyle talks, no amount of anything.....not even the enjoyment of relatively good health helps you deal with the insecurity of this age...and this insecurity can hit anyone above 'the certain age'.

So, what do we have to be careful about? For one thing, this is a very individual thing - each one copes with this particular time of life in his or her unique way. The first thing and the most-most-most important thing is acceptance. This is really the most difficult thing to do....to accept that we are not as supple in body, as agile in our thinking, or as strong in our emotions. We sort of lose that flexibility that goes with being young. Money plays a huge role - some have enough, some worry about not having enough...some worry about how weak and dependent they have become economically, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Next, we often we feel we cannot wake to the demands of a new day. Sometimes it is coping with the thoughtlessness of the young. These are just a few things I've said - there are so many things that keep popping up in the mind, weakening an already weak and fragile mind.

It needn't be so - of course it needn't be so - but no amount of anyone telling us this will really work - we have to internalize this somehow. And this again is not easy - it happens quite easily for some, it is a torturous process for some...but this is the only way.....to accept it and work towards accepting it wholeheartedly so that from this time on we can use our energies not to fret or worry but to live out the rest of our days in dignity and fun.

About caring for ourselves...

I read somewhere that caring for ourselves after a lifetime of caring for our families, and caring for all those who have been in our charge as we have pursued our different life paths, is a transition - a big, big transition.

To look after ourselves and care for our physical, mental, and psychological comfort after having looked after these aspects of others is not easy.
Relaxing enough to enjoy doing nothing is not easy after having led an active life in the performance of our duties and obligations, both at home and at work.
Developing a commitment to ourselves is not easy after having stressed ourselves out in fulfilling our commitments to those we love and care for and those for whom we have been responsible.

These are unfamiliar areas and extremely confusing too....for the brain has to work out new neural patterns.

Taken the right way, we can make the rest of our journey meaningful and joyful...

No one has the right...

to perpetuate such cruelty on children. My heart grieves with all those families who have lost loved ones in the MH17 crash. More, far, far more, I ache with the mothers who have lost their children....this is a grief so profound, so deep, so indelible, so terrible...

Adding to this is the senseless pain and hurt children are having to suffer in Gaza and Israel, not to even talk about the many who have had to leave us.

These children haven't even started on life...The least we can do for these helpless beings is to give them one chance at life....Let's all join and send our energies to the little ones everywhere and also to the various areas, so that this mad, senseless killing/maiming/orphaning of children will stop.


No matter Afghanistan, Israel, Gaza, Iraq, India, wherever......children should never be the target of any madman's mad belief...children are to be treasured for they are priceless....they do not have to pay the price of any madman's mad idealism...No religion preaches the killing of children....

When wise people tell us that we are responsible for our choices...

it means that when we choose - we have to tell ourselves - this is what I choose and I will take responsibility for whatever comes in its wake...I will deal with whatever happens as best as I can. I will not shift blame, nor indeed the decision, onto anyone, no matter whose advice has been an influencing factor. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says, 'I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.'

I will try to do my best in the circumstances I have created for myself with my decision.

Life is all about choices - every moment we have to make choices - and the only way those choices can make any sense, and importantly, give us peace of mind is if we consciously say (if need be, say it out loud) - This is what I choose to do and I will take responsibility for what it entails. If it's the wrong decision, I will right it, or I will learn from it; and if it is the right decision, it would bring happiness to me, to those I love and lighten my little world.

At our Baccalaureate, our Principal, Miss Shipstone said - Go out into the world, and remember these words from Deuteronomy 30:19 - I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life... (King James Bible)

In everything we think or say or do, life and death (metaphorically speaking) are ingrained - one brings joy, teaches us important lessons in life, gives us satisfaction and true joy. The other brings sorrow, unhappiness and deep distress. While we can enjoy the one, we can turn the other to something precious...

I am a great fan...

of Ari Seth Cohen's ADVANCED STYLE.

This site took me to another one, which has also become a fave: STYLE CRONE.

This morning, STYLE CRONE took me to this page. It is on how to practice intentional imperfection.

Through life we hear things like: If you are doing something, do it well; Whatever you do, put your mind to it and always do your very best; Strive for perfection; Practice makes perfect; and so on.... It's all about perfection, perfection, perfection...little realizing that in our striving for perfection, the feelings get pared and pared and pared till there is only a perfect-feelingless entity left...Nothing of you has actually gone into the fabric of this perfect thing you are creating/striving for/working towards.

I loved the phrase "analysis paralysis" that I came across in this article. It really sums up something I, who so believe in wabi sabi and try to live it, do many times....and fall victim to, many times. 

We don't need to be perfect - we need to give whatever we are doing or whatever we are engaged in, our best shot.....and leave it at that.....that is the key - leave it at that.

I think this goes for our friendships, our relationships - both close and distant, and importantly for ourselves, too - they/we do not have to be perfect. For one it is a strain on us to keep things, including ourselves, perfect, and it would put a tremendous strain on our friendships/relationships if we always expected perfection from the person, or persons in the friendship/relationship.

I had never thought of it as such before, but in the light of my belief about imperfection, and totally reinforced by this article (which took me back to refreshing myself on wabi sabi, as well) I realize that I have to consciously practice imperfection...what a delicious self-assignment to get started on....

Dilma Rousseff, President of Brazil...

is a fighter. She rebelled against the military dictatorship in Brazil. In the 1970s she was arrested and jailed for three years where she was tortured.

But, her spirit did not die. Here are her words - words of strength and courage and solace...

'Only you, yourself, can defeat yourself. You cannot allow torture to defeat you.'

And here is the key:
'You cannot allow yourself to be contaminated by what torturers think of you. There’s just one way for torture not to contaminate you; you cannot allow it to develop anger or hatred towards those who perpetrated torture against you. You cannot allow that to go into your being.'

(I do believe, that, by extension, this key is what will help us deal with any painful and difficult situation we may find ourselves in.)

Another admirable lady...

passes on...

No matter how many words were spoken in tribute, no one could fully capture that very special spark, that joie de vivre that shone in Zohra Sehgal.

Here are some tributes that were paid to her - none do full justice to the woman she was...and what a woman!!

Zohra Sehgal defied convention and defied stereoptypes. She refused to be anything but true to her spirit of independence and rebellion. Full of spunk, she was the star attraction of any film she worked in - in any frame that she appeared, it was she and not the actor to whom all eyes turned. Shabana Azmi remembered Zohra Sehgal for her vivacious personality, and Shah Rukh Khan says she was the 'naughtiest young girl' he had ever known.

Zohra Sehgal like Maya Angelou will never really leave us. Their legacy will live on through those of us who find we too have it in us to live as they did.

I'd like to share something I've written...

 http://www.ibuzzle.com/articles/dont-clip-my-wings.html

An insightful turn of phrase...

Among the many colorful, yet perceptive and astute phrases Gabriel García Márquez uses, this one found its mark inside of me.

In his book, Love in the Time of Cholera, when talking about the President of the Board of Directors and General Manager of the River Company of the Caribbean, Don Leo XII Loayza, to whom the lovesick Florentino Ariza goes for a job says that at first he was very angry...

".....but he allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves."

This, I thought was a fitting response to when we are tempted to say, think, feel - oh, this is the way I am; life has made me this way; this is my DNA or genetic pattern; this is what my life is all about...and other such phrases, to absolve ourselves from making the effort and finding the energy to lift ourselves up. To all of these I find  Márquez's words so uplifting.....never mind my genetic pattern, never mind this is how I always react, or this is how life has made me.....No, and again NO. We have to give birth to ourselves every time life's road, for better or for worse, takes a twist or a turn, hits a speed bump, or causes us to have an accident. Yes, even when things are better, we have to give birth to ourselves so that we can enjoy the lovely gift without rancor ( though it may be easier to stay steeped in self-pity). Of course when things go the other way, then we have to give birth to ourselves to be able to overcome the adversity (and not groan and moan about the unfairness of life).

Life requires us to give birth to ourselves in all situations, simply because we CAN...

It is, to my mind...

 the worst possible thing to make yourself an object of sympathy.....and worse than that is to try and get mileage out of playing the wronged/unjustly treated person. Even if you have what you think is the least of things, you are still better off than the person who does not have even that. Importantly, we all have hidden talents - something will surface if you allow yourself to trust in yourself - if you face each day with gratitude and the belief that you CAN do something....If not, while still able, you will be dependent on the kindness and mercy of others, which you can rest assured is a painful place to be...

Things I learnt today from...

Iyanla Vanzant

Why not give ourselves only good things?
Why not? Why can we not believe that we can give ourselves only good things...

It is when we lack faith in ourselves and in the goodness of life that we settle for less.
Settling for less has probably become a part of our psyche...

Answers to these will show us how far we have gone in settling for less-

Do we accept bad behavior, excuse broken promises, accommodate people who take more than they give?
Are we susceptible to outside influences and settle for what others convince us is the 'right thing to do'?
Do we rationalize away the tasteless jokes, the hurtful words, the hateful conditions at work, the cruelty of people......?

The upside is that once we realize this, we can begin to believe that, in fact, we can have what we really want...

Start by making one new choice a day...a choice that is YOU - it's hard work, but will be very, very rewarding....and be sure to say a Thank You for every little thing that you do that makes you feel YOU...

Have been away...

for a long, long time...

Feel I'm beginning to surface after being deluged by problems, heartaches, and various issues.

To start me on my way again, Life threw this at me this morning:

“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.”
~Michael Jordan

It is the "You have to expect things of yourself" that has caught me....caught in the maelstrom of life, I think all that thrashing around took the juice out of me and out of my life.

Going to get it back!

I don't know why...

I am suddenly assailed by all kinds of doubts and regrets.

Chief of these is my inability to put into words my feelings about the loss of my mother. As I've mentioned before, since I didn't see my beloved Dad (he was also an extremely important presence in the life of my DD) interred, to me he is still around....but Mom was different - I saw her suffer - a lot of it because of her stubbornness - but suffer she did, and badly...

I was comforted by these words:

A mother, after all, is your entry into the world. She is the shell in which you divide and become a life. Waking up in a world without her is like waking up in a world without sky: unimaginable.

A mother is beyond any notion of a beginning. That’s what makes her a mother: you cannot start the story.

When you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it. 

Grief requires acquainting yourself with the world again and again; each “first” causes a break that must be reset… And so you always feel suspense, a queer dread—you never know what occasion will break the loss freshly open.

It’s not a question of getting over it or healing. No; it’s a question of learning to live with this transformation. For the loss is transformative.....it's like a tree growing around an obstruction.

Taken from 'In The Long Goodbye' - Meghan O'Rourke's magnificent memoir of grieving her mother's death. In this book, she crafts a masterwork of remembrance and reflection.

It is in the presence of death...

especially of those we love - that we come face to face with our own mortality...

Laws are something you merely obey...

Values are something you feel.
~ Edward Slingerland

This really clarifies things for me. Not the laws part - of course laws are to be obeyed, or if you know the laws well, they can be broken, or well, they can be broken anyway...

But what Slingerland says about values made me sit up straight. There are many ways in which 'values' are explained...I seem to get stuck every now and again in one or the other of these explanations. This one spells it out loud and clear - it is what we feel - so if we don't feel good, obviously that is not for us, and if we do feel good, then, wow, it can work for us....The key words are how you - the person - feels. 

I totally loved this take on dealing with negativeness...

Don't bury your burden in saintly silence.

Too good!!!

We learn - often the very, very hard way - to deal with negativity-negativeness. Besides the anger that surges up when people around you are constantly being negative - for and about everything and everyone, there is fear that the negativity will destroy you in some way...there is also resentment when someone else's negativity creeps into your space destroying the peace, or denting the calm, or shattering the feeling of well-being and contentment...we also sometimes are beset by feelings of low self-esteem, our sense of self-worth is trashed and we condemn ourselves for, in all probability, something that was an innocent gesture or word said or done on the spur of the moment - some spontaneous action or word...

We're told by wise people that we should look on negativeness as opportunities to learn and grow. I prefer the more direct lesson which tells us that when some kind of negativity hits us, in whichever way, we should dive in.....investigate it....and then, either forget about it, or if we can, then happily make the changes. But on no account--no account at all should bury it in saintly silence....

I particularly like Maya Angelou's take on negativeness.

'A negative statement is poison. And the negative has power. It lives. So, if you allow it to perch in your home, in your mind, in your life, it can take you over. Negative words climb into the woodwork, and into the furniture, and the next thing you know they'll be on your skin.'

Totally devastated...

at Maya Angelou's passing.

She taught me it was all right to make mistakes

She taught me to have a strong sense of self

She taught me about resilience

She gave me my life....

Rest in peace, Maya Angelou....

You will never be in the past tense for me.....and I will try to live, even as I am trying now, drawing strength and inspiration from you...

Lesson I learnt from Anne Lamott...

"When people try to tell you who you are, don’t believe them. You are the only custodian of your own integrity, and the assumptions made by those that misunderstand who you are and what you stand for reveal a great deal about them and absolutely nothing about you."
~ Anne Lamott

How many times we've heard ourselves trying, sometimes desperately, to correct someone else's opinion of us...how many times have we tried to tell them that what we said means this, and not what the other person has assumed; cried over misunderstandings that got created just because the other person refused to listen to what we were trying to say instead of just hearing our voice and the words; tried to tell the person who is busy trashing us that what we did/said was what we believed in; desperately tried to correct an impression that someone whom we would like to talk to, has formed of us from hearsay, or tried to tell someone who is talking to us in this superior, self-righteous, moralistic manner, that we were responding to the circumstances that we found ourselves in, never mind the reason (for i do believe that trying to make someone understand our reasons is like paddling in the same place)...

There are so many times when we have put all our effort and then some more, into trying to correct someone's opinion of us...so much time and energy (and sometimes even desperation) into trying to show others what we are....

The truth is - Noone, not any one, other than a loving child, can really understand who you are or what you are saying, or what you are doing...and if we think that someone is caring.....think again - for noone, other than your loving child, really cares, or has the time to care or has the wish to take the time to care. How much time we waste in trying to find ways and means of being accepted, how many times we drown out our inner voice, and our inner needs in trying to please others....and all the while in reality, noone cares....

We little realize that we who are trying so desperately to show who we are, if we are not careful, we will end up losing ourselves - our real selves - our real, beautiful selves.

The alternative is so simple and stares us in the face: bask in the love of your child or of those who genuinely care and love you as you are.

What we need to accept wholeheartedly and believe - 'the assumptions made by those that misunderstand who you are and what you stand for reveal a great deal about them and absolutely nothing about you.'

I got this wonderful piece of wisdom from Anne Lamott...

It's a perfect life versus a sweet messy beautiful screwed up human life.

 Perfectionism will keep you scared and restless, and if you don't wake up and fight back, it is sure to destroy you.

So,

Even if it is just for today...

Sing
Dance
Loiter around your garden
Pick up rocks
Let the mess in the corner remain for another day
Talk to your plants
Write what you feel, what you have in your heart - you don't have to get published
Make a mistake - no, make lots of mistakes
Do one wild, crazy thing like wearing shorts even if your legs aren't what they were when you were 16

And, most importantly, DO NOT BELIEVE IT WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE THE CUSTODIAN OF YOUR INTEGRITY


P.S. I know it's a tussle - a constant tussle - for those of us who are conditioned to believe all kinds of things which we know in our hearts is not what we want our lives, or indeed ourselves to be. So, the first thing is to want to win the tussle badly - want it so badly that your whole being cries out for it and your heart bleeds and your nerves scream and whatever else happens, happens - and you are willing to take all this on, because.....................you want to win that tussle...

Something wonderful I learnt...

In 'Curtain: Poirot's Last Case' Agatha Christie has a physically weak and worn Poirot. For those of us who adore the little Belgian, it is hard to see him as he is portrayed here. The 'little gray cells' though, are as sharp as ever - sharper, maybe, to counteract his physical condition.

Hastings is devastated when he learns that Poirot does not have many days left. But here he is, assisting Poirot on his last case...A dear and loyal friend, if ever there was one...and much loved by Poirot.

Poirot, incidentally, is not mooning around or feeling sorry for himself that he has only a few days left, and is living life exactly the way he has always lived it - no compromises on style at all...or anything, as a matter of fact...

One of the characters in the book, greatly impressed by Poirot, discusses with Hastings, the rich life Poirot has had - doing what he loved and what he was so good at. In Hasting's words: 'He seemed to think that a lifetime spent as Poirot's had been was in itself a rich reward and that in his memories my friend could find satisfaction and self-respect.'

I couldn't help thinking - how often we, who are of a certain age, especially, travel back in time sighing over happy memories and reliving them, and feeling most sorry for ourselves about the sad-bad memories and missing-regretting them. I've also heard these - there are so many memories crowding the mind; I live in a world of memories- what else is there; my memories are such a burden; and other statements in a like vein.

What a wonderful thing to think of memories like this.....how much more refreshing and how much more stimulating...to look back with satisfaction on what you have been able to do....even if it's maybe just maybe one thing (never mind that - in fact there are bound to be many things!),....and draw a sense of self-respect from that to live life to the full to the last breath...

There's always something to learn...

on the road to finding the meaning of life.

I want to share this, that I came across in my meditation this morning.

In his beautiful meditation on the art of living, Henry Miller asserts:

'We spend our lives fleeing from the present moment, constantly occupying ourselves with over-planning the future or recoiling with anxiety over its impermanence, thus invariably robbing ourselves of the vibrancy of aliveness.'

Concentrate on the words which sum up how we spend our lives:

Fleeing from the present moment - because it is unhappy/sad/distressing...

Constantly occupying ourselves with planning (even over-planning) for the future - in other words - hoping...

Recoiling with anxiety over the impermanence of the future - 'oh no, this happiness is not going to last' or 'oh no, this peace is transient'....

And so, we are terribly busy -  running, planning-hoping, anxious...

Søren Kierkegaard says that 'busy is a decision.' And we are making this decision constantly. We are deciding to be busy running, planning-hoping, anxious.

Result - unhappiness. A neither here nor there kind of unsettling feeling.

Now examine this. Honestly, face it. We see that the root cause for all this running and planning-hoping and anxiety is outside of ourselves. It is not something that we see right away - it takes a lot of digging, and honest assessment, and hard facing-up to, to see that all this that we are so busy about actually lies outside of us. Any wonder, then, that we make ourselves unhappy?

And Kierkegaard corroborates that. He says, 'the unhappy person is one who has his ideal, the content of his life, the fullness of his consciousness, the essence of his being, in some manner outside of himself.'

So, since decision making is one of the things we can do, we can actually decide not to be busy running, or remembering, or planning-hoping or being anxious.

Just do what presents itself in that moment. React only to the moment. Be present to ourselves.

And thus, not rob ourselves of the vibrancy of aliveness.

Wise Mind...

according to an article I read, is when we can meet each moment of life as it is, not as we would have it be, and respond to it skillfully.

Can - that is the difficult word - the difficult part.

Who wants unhappiness, and unpleasantness? who wants sorrow and grief? who wants loneliness and despair? For many, this is what each moment is.

Responding skilfully - I've found that very often silence is the best response - but with a very important rider - YOU COME FIRST. So, in the silence, first attend to yourself. It is better not to say things one would regret in retrospect, and more importantly, by keeping quiet the situation does not escalate into something we won't be able to handle at all.

The article has words of hope: People who practice mindfulness (meeting each moment) will tell you that they get better at enduring pain, better at solving problems, better at not creating misery for themselves, and better at participating fully in those moments of life that are joyful.

Worth a try....?

Problems that people have/face are the same the world over...

what is different is our reaction to them and our solutions of them. That depends on our culture, our personalities, our way of thinking, the stage of mental-emotional-psychological development we are at, the kind of support system we have, our religious leanings, our moral/ethical take on life's issues....

So, we really cannot solve another person's problems....and we must not try - we can suggest, maybe, but never thrust our solutions on them.....never force them, and worse, never abandon them just because they do not readily accept our solution, or do what we say...nor should we bully them into doing something totally alien to their nature, just because that solution worked for us, or we believe we have all the answers...

But we can do something - we can be with that person, loving him/her, and supporting him/her through the tortuous, painful process that the person goes through while resolving his/her problem. We can be there whenever that person calls, or we feel that tugging in our heart just to go and be with them. This is what we can do....and must.....if we are to help someone.....anyone....and more so those we profess to love and care for...

Stop trying...

Just think about it - pause a minute and let's look at our lives - from the time we wake up in the morning, it is one continuous cycle of trying - working on a million things, honoring have-to-do notes, striving to meet deadlines, balancing tasks that all need to be done almost at the same time.....and this goes on through the day....The strange thing is that these tasks don't seem to end...there's another one waiting at the end of this one, and on and on...

There's worse to come - we get into the moralizing trap.

And yet, at the end of the day if we sit and try to recall how busy we were, or recap the things we did, we won't be able to really substantiate the time spent.

Two ancient Chinese concepts may be able to help us resolve this paradox. These two, actually very powerful tools, are - wu-wei (pronounced oooo-way) and de (pronounced duh).

Wu-wei is a state of harmony - when the mind and the body are acting in total sync. The body, mind and emotions are are fully integrated. Therefore, people who are in wu-wei do a zillion things, but without feeling as if they are doing anything.

People who are in wu-wei, have de. They don't cause tension around them because they are relaxedly doing all that we have to do. Because of this, people around us trust us, and in turn are relaxed around us.

So, basically, we need to stop trying.................forget about trying, and just let what you love and believe in carry you along.

Shun-shun-shun with all your might any moralizing because that just leads to rigidity.....

What we want is harmony....

It is when we give a name to a face...

that the person becomes real to us. These past couple of days I had two encounters that have left me deeply moved.

I needed to get my USB modem upgraded. The technician, a mere boy, came over to my home. Quietly he heard me out. I do not speak his mother tongue, and he could just about make it in Hindi and English. Nevertheless he heard me, asked questions when he wanted to clarify something and then silently yet confidently took out his laptop and did what had to be done. He checked it thoroughly and asked me to do the same. The main office that had sent him had told me that the charge would be Rs 150/-. I took out the money to give him but he said the money would be adjusted in the bill. I was not to give him any money.

After he fixed the issue, he talked about making our home wi-fi enabled. He talked about it very knowledgeably - didn't push for it - but told us the pros and cons. He talked to my husband in his mother tongue, and since my husband knows it, the lad was able to express himself and share his knowledge with great confidence. However, he didn't hesitate to answer my questions or clear my doubts in Hindi and English. He said he would talk to his superior, who would guide us as to how to go about getting it installed.

Sure enough, within a few hours, the lad's superior officer called and worked it out. The technician who came with the wi-fi equipment was another young lad. Good experience again. This boy told us that he had no parents and this was his way of earning an honest livelihood, going from house to house selling wi-fi equipment. He was not on the salary rolls of the company but only earned a commission.

Both boys were from the districts, determined to make it good in the city. They travelled by bus or walked. The temperature is 40 degrees Centigrade in the shade, with humidity at 90%.....so you can imagine their condition. Yet, not a word of complaint. Just the sincerity to do the job they had come for.

What struck me was their seriousness of purpose, and their willingness to make their way honestly in the world. Being naturally talented, these young people have taken to the computer like duck to water. It is amazing what they can do when you put them in front of a computer. They are fully literate in everything concerning the Internet. It is only knowledge of the language of communication that keeps them from going up the career ladder - not being able to get that basic education is what is hampering their growth. And it is here that the government has crippled them. What they do, they do on their own, and they are willing and ready to work by the sweat of their brow, determined not to let life get the better of them.

Girls again...

How much suffering can the human heart take...how much pain can a mother's heart bear...

Beyond grief, many Nigerians are also bewildered by the abductions. It's more than a week since these girls disappeared.

More than a week since they disappeared, the girls' whereabouts are still unknown.

When will girls cease to be traumatized?

Let us all join hands and send our energies to these girls, and to their families.

How often...

our actions are guided by what others may think of us (in reality no one really has that kind of time or energy to think about what we are doing), or by what others may do in a similar situation (but we are, each of us, guided by our thoughts, and thoughts are our very own personal domain).

How often do we honestly confront what we really want to do deep down? We are so busy whitewashing what we want to do so that we look good in the eyes of people (in whose minds we, in all probability, don't even feature, and even if we do this is our life we are talking about isn't it?), or we are trying to find ways and means of giving our actions a coat of self-righteous paint (who are we trying to fool?), or we devise fantastic explanations and complicated and circuitous reasons for our actions in order to gain the other person's empathy (who really cares?), or we speak with bravado, maybe to prop up our own selves because deep down there is no resonance (who is impressed, anyway?).

How often do we do (or not do) things because that is what we want to do (or not do) - because we believe it will give us happiness - because we know that, for us, it is the right thing to do - because we know it is good for our souls.....? We spend our time and energy craving for recognition or approval from other people whereas all we have to do is to look into our own hearts and souls.....This is the difficult and scary part but it is the only thing that will bring fulfillment and peace...

It's Vishu today...

it is also Poila Baisakh, Jaya Varsham, Baisakhi and Bohag Bihu....

A bringing in of another New Year...

Every community has a variation of a dish which is a mix of something sweet, something sour, something chilli hot, something that is both sweet and sour, and something bitter.

An apt metaphor for what life will serve up, wouldn't you say....?

Why then, do we balk at having fun or having a good loud laugh, or question the happiness that life gives us, and instantly groan and moan when ills befall us, or wallow in self-pity when bad times come?

The expression 'amalgamation of identities...'

has gone deep...

What courage Asra Q. Nomani must have to write a book like 'Standing Alone in Mecca'. And it is a courage that we can all borrow from. She says, 'I spent my young adulthood trying to understand the amalgamation of identities within me.'

While some people can synthesize their various identities, some of us struggle with them because, often, we do not know what we are battling. Our various identities keep wrestling with each other, and often we do not know how to manage them, let alone make them cohesive, causing us to live fractured lives.

I found that writing down my various identities - those that describe me at birth, those that define me from the place that I was brought up in, and those that I acquired along the way due to my experiences - helped me a great deal towards sync-ing them. I realize I need to - have to - must - make them harmonize with each other to create the melody that would define me.

Awww......very difficult to say goodbye...

to the adorable Archie and his friends Reggie and Jughead. Later, Betty and Veronica also joined the gang.

And how can we leave out Hot Dog??!!!!!

This genre of Bubblegum, Rock and roll is never going to go out of fashion, especially for those of us who belong to that 'age' of Sugar, Sugar by The Archies. Writing the words for those of us for whom this song still spins its magic, and puts stardust in our eyes....

Sugar, ah, honey, honey
You are my candy girl
And you got me wanting you
Honey, ah, sugar, sugar
You are my candy girl
And you got me wanting you

I just can't believe the loveliness of loving you
(I just can't believe it's true)
I just can't believe the wonder of this feeling, too
(I just can't believe it's true)

Ah, sugar, ah, honey, honey
You are my candy girl
And you got me wanting you
Oh, honey, ah, sugar, sugar
You are my candy girl
And you got me wanting you

When I kissed you girl I knew how sweet a kiss could be
(I know how sweet a kiss can be)
Like the summer sunshine pour you sweetness over me
(Pour your sweetness over me)

(Oh, sugar)
Pour your sugar on me, honey
Pour your sugar on me, baby
I'm gonna make your life so sweet, yeah, yeah, yeah

Pour your sugar on me, oh, yeah
Pour your sugar on me, honey
Pour your sugar on me, baby
I'm gonna make your life so sweet, yeah, yeah, yeah
Pour your sugar on me, honey

Ah sugar, ah, honey, honey
You are my candy girl
And you got me wanting you
Oh, honey, honey, sugar, sugar
Honey, honey, sugar, sugar
You are my candy girl

Maya Angelou speaks to all of us women...

Phenomenal Woman

    Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
    I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
    But when I start to tell them,
    They think I’m telling lies.
    I say,
    It’s in the reach of my arms,
    The span of my hips,
    The stride of my step,
    The curl of my lips.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.

    I walk into a room
    Just as cool as you please,
    And to a man,
    The fellows stand or
    Fall down on their knees.
    Then they swarm around me,
    A hive of honey bees.
    I say,
    It’s the fire in my eyes,
    And the flash of my teeth,
    The swing in my waist,
    And the joy in my feet.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.

    Men themselves have wondered
    What they see in me.
    They try so much
    But they can’t touch
    My inner mystery.
    When I try to show them,
    They say they still can’t see.
    I say,
    It’s in the arch of my back,
    The sun of my smile,
    The ride of my breasts,
    The grace of my style.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.

    Now you understand
    Just why my head’s not bowed.
    I don’t shout or jump about
    Or have to talk real loud.
    When you see me passing,
    It ought to make you proud.
    I say,
    It’s in the click of my heels,
    The bend of my hair,
    the palms of my hands,
    The need for my care.
    ’Cause I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

All you women....and me

It is critical...

exceedingly so, in fact, that we come to terms with our situation, no matter how bad/sad/unfortunate it is. Wishing it away is not going to happen, trying to replace it is a risk (take it if you feel strong enough), finding ways and means of countering it or changing it - there's no surety, maybe no possibility either, that it can or will happen. Nor is it helpful to you if you get onto the 'why is this happening to me' track. The I-haven't-harmed-anyone-why-is-this-happening-to-me, doesn't work - it won't give you either the peace you need in your heart, nor does it give you any answers, simply because there are no answers for some things. The I-deserve-something-better, or this-can't-be-happening-to-me, or I-too-am-entitled-to-happiness thoughts only become more and more stressful and stress-producing as they go round and round in your mind and heart.

Difficult as it is - terribly, terribly so, sometimes - it is best to force yourself to come to terms with the bad/sad/unfortunate things in your life. And since Life moves in paradoxes, often, this is the only way your heart and mind will be free to make the best of your own life. At the end, you have to account for your own life, not for the actions of someone or for circumstances who/which made your life unbearable.

We are on this earth:
To BE HAPPY
To MAKE OURSELVES COUNT
To GIVE BACK TO LIFE THE LOVE IT GIVES US
To BE WHOLE

Wonderful words to spur all of us on:

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
~ Maya Angelou

I remember being told that...

friendships break, or develop deep seemingly unrepairable cracks, though it can be patched up, the crack is always there...as in, the mark where it has been patched up always shows. Not a happy or uplifting thought, for all relationships go through cracks, breaks, and patch-ups. Some have many cracks and breaks that are patched up.

So, imagine my happiness and relief when I came across this:

“When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.”
~Barbara Bloom

Breaks, deep cracks can be repaired.................. and plugged with gold!!!! Gold-filled patchwork!!!

A must-see, must-hear, must-experience...

The evolution of Bollywood music from Rafi to 'Badtameeze Dil' in five minutes, four seconds, at:

http://scroll.in/article/listen-to-the-flowering-of-bollywood-music-from-rafi-to-badtameez-dil-in-five-minutes-four-seconds?id=660093

and on to the Penn Masala website at:

http://www.pennmasala.com/index.html

Sheer uplifting joy of life and living...

Sharing words that...

at one point or another we all need to hear and repeat:

“Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired.
Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision.
Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy.
Trust, even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see.
Frolick, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.
And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience---you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.”

~Alysha Speer

Three Hindi films...

English Vinglish, Kahaani, and Queen have Sridevi, Vidya Balan, and Kangana Ranaut portray the invincible spirit of the Indian woman. She can take a lot - a great, great deal - but hit at her long and hard, and one day her spirit will shine through...and then............................there's no stopping her.

We've often heard of parents being likened to trees...

The thought here is, whether we are tall enough to provide shade and sustenance and succour to our children should they come to rest under our outspread branches...

Or

Are we stifling them by keeping, 'protecting', them in our shade...

How many times...

we ache for understanding....the real understanding of the emotions behind the words...the real understanding of who we really are behind the masks we too often must needs put on...

I came across this from Wendy MacNaughton

'There is no greater gift we can give each other than the gift of understanding, of looking and really seeing, of peering beyond the persona and into the person with an awareness that however different our struggles and circumstances may be, we are inextricably bonded by the great human longing to be truly seen for who we are.'

It is no secret...

that I totally love the girl child. The boys in school used to get very angry with me because according to them I always favored girls.....which was true. They were not happy that while I was fair to them, the extra mile was always for the girls.

I love it that girls today are strong and independent, without losing any of their femininity, and their never-say-die attitude and courage in the face of all adversity is truly amazing...My DD, for me, stands for all these and is the most special person for me.

I follow Malala as she tackles her new life without compromising on all that she believe in and stands for, in spite of all her suffering. In see her I see the courage and the indomitable, invincible and beautiful spirit of the girl child.

Here's another amazing girl: Mayam Mahmoud, an 18-year-old rapper from Egypt.

Mayam raps for women She has amassed a huge following for challenging how women in Egypt are meant to behave and for how they are traditionally treated. An undergraduate studying politics and social science, Mayam spends a lot of time talking with women who share their stories of daily discrimination with her. She then incorporates those experiences, with their permission, into her music.

Her lyrics highlight the importance of girls' education and denounce sexual harassment of women on the streets of Egypt. "Egyptian women undergo harassment and bullying on a daily basis," she says, stressing that "It was never about going on stage in a scarf. It was about going on stage and sharing a message."

Holly Golightly...

protagonist of Breakfast at Tiffany's, has the most evocative way of differentiating between two kinds of feelings that sometimes threaten us...

1. The mean reds - 'Mean reds are horrible. You're afraid and you sweat like hell, but you don't know what you're afraid of. Except something bad is going to happen, only you don't know what it is.'

and

2. The blues - 'The blues are because you're getting fat or maybe it's been raining too long.'

We often use 'blues' but there are times when we all experience the 'mean reds'....

Next time, let's say it out loud.....I have a feeling we'll know exactly what to do to get over them....at the very least, saying we have the mean reds or the blues out loud, will help us come face to face with them and then they won't be so scary any more...

If you don't have a choice...

work your way around it.....

Only...


Make sure you keep YOU as the focus....you deserve a chance too...

Everyone, but everyone...

deserves a chance to be looked at again should the first occasion prove to be disastrous, or not be what we had in mind, or not go the way we envisaged, or not come up to our standards, or just be too different from our experience........A second chance definitely needs to be considered, and maybe even a third chance, before we draw conclusions that we can live with.

Wouldn't we like to be given chances too?

People who interest us, are leaders of the time, are our colleagues, are our employers...whoever... change all the time. We cannot and must not go only by our first impression (favorable or otherwise).

We all change all the time.