When someone is stressed about something...

or in a situation which is already stressful, to tell that person that they can do this.... or should do this.... or, if I were you, I'd do this... only makes it more stressful for the person concerned. What a person can do or should do or could do or should have done are governed by personality constraints, situational constraints, and a number of considerations. If a person could or should or can, the person would've already done those things. Maybe the person will still be in a position to do the them, but only....ONLY if these coulds and woulds and shoulds come in the form of loving suggestions, and from a deeply caring stand. A person in this situation is very perceptive - can feel in her or his depths where these coulds and would and shoulds are coming from, and will be able to sense inside of themselves if these come with the rider of - or else...and this does not help. Only identification with and acceptance of the distressed person, and deep love and caring can help a person in distress, or who finds himself or herself in a distressed condition/situation/circumstance.