Sequel to 'Change'

Change has brought us to Panchgani - a hill station in the Sahyadris. The Sahyadris are the northern part of the Western Ghats, so automatically there is a connection with Lovedale, which lies in the Nilgiris, and which is towards the southern part of the Western Ghats. You cannot escape this connection - it is everywhere and affects all people. Billimoria High School, Panchgani, where life has brought us, reminds us a lot of Lawrence School, Lovedale. Not in the tangibles, so much as in the intangibles. The same fresh, clean air, the towering eucalyptus and the mighty silver oaks - some of them really ancient. You again feel the connection with those that have gone before, who walked under these trees, who read and studied here, and who made this their home for many years. We need to learn from the old. Not to emulate what has gone before, but from what it teaches us. This, I guess, is where the challenge lies - to blend the old with the new. Not to look back in regret, but to look forward in hope; not to bend under the weight of tradition, but to use the weight of tradition to soften the contours of the new. Nature is the best and only teacher we have, and this is the best gift that we can ever give our children - to appreciate, love, nurture and draw their strength and inspiration from Nature. As teachers, we are mere facilitators in the learning process of children. If we can surround our children with the force and beauty of nature, they will better absorb the subjects that we assault their senses with. We are all creatures of Nature. Somewhere along the way, we adults seem to forget this. We allow ourselves to get caught in the illusory trappings of daily living, and the even more illusory trappings of money. Yes, the basis of all life is the economics of it, but we must never, ever, allow this to replace or take us away from the soil and air and trees and flowers and birds......The best part of the day is the early morning, when it is still dark, and the dawn is flickering on the horizon. Allow the whooshing sounds of the swaying trees and leaves in. They will clean out all the recesses of your heart, even the darkest corners. Tune your heart and mind to the birds, and let your soul rise with the notes they warble. You would have given your soul the nourishment it needs for the whole day. You will be able to face whatever challenge life throws at you, and if, at the end of the day you feel down, you know that when you wake up, you can once again draw from the bounty of Nature, for Nature will never let you down. She will pick you up, fill your heart with beauty and reality, and send you off on your way, to live another day.

Change

Why is change so difficult for some people? I find it so hard and bewildering to say the least. Even small changes make my heart stop and I find myself getting all breathless. It's not that I am afraid of the physical strain involved, it is the psychological. I've been trying to analyze this feeling. I realized that for me, being in a place, is like putting down roots. Teeny weeny ones, very tentatively go into the ground and then they get stronger, and go deeper in. This is the time when I settle in, put all the necessary, familiar things around the house to make it home, find the doodhwalah, the newspaperwalah, the subziwalah, and the dhobi, and all those people who go into making life smooth. These are the people who take away the feeling of anonymity and form the outlines of daily living. They become important to you just as you become important to them. Slowly, one smiles at those one sees every day on the way to work, or when going out. An unspoken, most often, connection is made. Then when a life throws a dice that means change, oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh all those roots have to be yanked out. The feeling is of life-giving sustenance being stopped. So what is this life-giving sustenance? It is the feeling of comfort - the comfort of the familiar and the known. For me, even if I have to go from one known place to another, it is as if my life-blood is draining out. It's double this when I have to go to a new place.......Then, when the yanking of all the roots is done, and I am in the new, unknown place or the old, known place, the process begins again. The sun is out and shining and my roots start growing again, nourished by new/old soil!

Non-judgementalism

This, I believe, is a wonderful quality to cultivate if you are not already blessed with it. If you had it, but it has got hidden under the experiences that life has put you through, then make sure you pull it out and re-install it into your heart and mind and brain. Non-judgementalism makes life so much easier and happier. It makes us more understanding and compassionate, and consequently brings calmness, serenity and peace into our hearts. No matter what the provocation, it is much better just for our own sakes to remain absolutely non-judgemental. A sobering thought is how we would fare in someone else's judgement of us. I have been at the receiving end of non-judgementalism from two very dear friends. Absolutely no questions, just loving support and the encouraging confidence that I am accepted for who I am. No coming on all self-righteous on me, or holier than thou, nothing. It helped me cope and overcome. Better, still, it healed my tattered feelings and sensibilities. We are all human and as humans we make mistakes and we are also at the receiving end of other people's mistakes. We might be hurtful, consciously or unconsciously, and be at the receiving end of someone else's conscious or unconscious hurtful behaviour. Just to accept seems to be the most difficult thing and yet it is the only thing that will ever give us serenity and tranquility - two elusive but extremely essential qualities to possess. Every travail can be borne if one has a serene mind. If one knows that everything that happens has had to happen, and one is totally non-judgemental about the reasons, it is easier to accept and life doesn't seem so bleak. A non-judgemental friend is reason enough to look the day and the world in the eye.

One step at a time

I've been deeply influenced by this theory that has been popping up in my daily bacons (newsletters) about taking one step at a time. When things are dark and rough, and there seems to be on end in sight, the only way to carry on is to take one step at a time. Just one task that is on your plate - one at a time. I've been trying this, especially when my Mum was ill and when things in our well-ordered lives went topsy-turvy for a while. Doing just one thing at a time, concentrating on just the task in hand, going one step at a time.....this really helped.

On growing old

My brush with the travails of old age happened very recently when my mother-in-law and then my mother fell ill rather seriously. My mother-in-law recovered after 2 weeks, and though frail is back home and under the able care of my sister-in-law. My mother, on the other hand, is yet to recover fully...
Having said this, all through this the one thought that has been playing in my mind is why old age should be so painful. My husband told me about his grandmother, Didima. Though I never met her, I've always felt a kind of link with her. Could be because she was born in Allahabad and lived in Lucknow for a while, and I consider Lucknow to be my spiritual home. Can't figure out the reason, but the link is there. Didima is always referred to at home because she was one of those wonderful women who never said die, no matter what the tribulations came along to upset the balance of her life. Beauty, artist, linguist, writer, poetess, avid reader of anything printed, translator of the Bengali books that Signet Press (her baby) published, you name it....and most wonderful cook!! she was an extremely dignified lady, dignified and gracious. She grew old gracefully. My husband says that she had all kinds of illnesses but no one even knew about them, because she never mentioned them or dwelt on them and never, ever depended on anyone for her well-being or happiness. No groaning and moaning about how old she was and what aches and pains she had or that she needed this or that medicine - nothing. When she felt unwell, she'd just pop some tablets into her mouth, have some zarda & pan, and get on with the business of living. She never ran around from this temple to that or this church to that. She never imposed her will on anyone, or gave unwanted advice. She was always around if anyone wanted to talk to her, if anyone wanted to talk to her. She did not have an easy life, but there was no grudge in her, and no complaining about fate either. Magnificent isn't it? There are so many articles on how one must enjoy old age, and continue to do whatever it is one wants to do. In fact it is easier to do whatever one wants because your committments are over and in a manner of speaking you are free. There are lovely poems about growing old, fun, encouraging poems. Didima LIVED every day of her life, and no matter what cards life dealt her, she woke up every morning, got dressed, wore her lipsitck, and came out beautifully groomed to face the day and.....she took on the travails of the day, and.....she still won. One morning Didima just did not wake up.