Thoughts from a chat...

My friend, who was also a teacher of many years, and I were talking about our experiences some time back. We got a bit taken aback, and felt chary about admitting it, but gradually we found a rather strange conjecture emerging...it started dawning on us that through the years of teaching children the value of morals and ethics, correcting/reprimanding/punishing them, and being role models for them, teachers had a tendency to become pinch-nosed-tightly-lipped-sharp-eared-highly-moralistic-and-judgmental-self-righteous prigs with no sense of humor, completely incapable of being lighthearted, and totally devoid of any sense of fun.

Did we have a point here? Was it really well nigh impossible to combine humor with value/ethics-based teaching? Did our vocation somehow excise the funny bone? Did we somewhere lose sight of the fact that we too were very fallible humans? That we were not God? And that even as we were responsible for those we taught, we could also laugh with them?

Randomly thinking...

It takes but one breath to make the difference between life and death - really and metaphorically speaking. For, every thought and every decision, every action... it's just that---one breath away...

Think - we toil over, agonize over, debate and discuss threadbare, those issues that are to us important-but-in-reality-not-crucial-to-life, and after many hours, don't reach any kind of solution, whereas, the really critical concerns are unobtrusively resolved with the turn of just one breath...

Isn't it strange...?

Isn't it rather curious that it is only in death that the many facets of a person's personality are revealed? The paradoxes unfolded? So how is it that they were hidden all these years? Let's face it, we were either too blind, or too busy to see...

Strange how dim, hazy thoughts take shape...; the true nature of those we believed very close to us comes out...;the depths of our mind and heart are plowed...; and we are forced to see and face up to what we desperately did not want to acknowledge...

Astonishing that the estranged come within the range of civilized behavior?

Strange too that death makes the unknown and not-kept-in-touch-with family members rally around - everyone wanting to share in the grieving because the one who has gone has been a part of their lives at some time or another.

Strangest of all is how the eyes finally open to life and living...

Thoughts from a chat...

A friend and I (both of us women) were chatting about growing old...we were wondering why it was so difficult to grow old in our country...of course these were our own thoughts...

We felt there were many things involved - For one, our society tends to put all women, after their children have left home,  bang on the shelf. So there we are, feeling fresh and full of vitality - on the shelf. We are not only considered old, but friends and family seem to go out of their way to treat us as if we already have one foot in the grave...they insist that we cannot do the things that we want - you're old, remember? It is a rare person who will accept a 'perceived old lady' dancing in the rain (so to speak) - our place is in temples and churches, chanting shlokas and prayers. Travel, and enjoy yourself? You've got to be joking - the only travel is either to the nearest place of worship, or on a pilgrimage. Trendy clothes? (never mind the figure, we might just love wearing these) - awwwwwwwwwwwwwww - that's a total no-no--heavens, what are you thinking? (of course we too have a tendency to let ourselves go - after all our kids are grown up!). Have fun? What? our place is still in the kitchen turning out meal after meal after meal. And the list goes on and on...Check out the 'old' ladies abroad - fresh and full of vitality and NOT on the shelf...

Could it be that as we grow older, we cease to care about ourselves, while when ladies abroad grow older, they have a whole new life to look forward to? Consequently they look slim and trim and fit and take on new challenges and try new things.

Could it be that we are deprived, somehow, of a support system that says, 'Go for it gal! you can do it!' ? 

Could it also be that we have become so complacent and feel so at ease that we are a smug-snug-fit in the comfort zone that we have created?

Could it be that we lack the courage to live as we grow older? - Of course, we all become vulnerable and less strong mentally and physically, but should these natural processes limit us?

Could it be that we have allowed our backbone to get weak and so have traded our spunk for the easy way out? (it's very easy to sit on the shelf) or bartered our mettle for the safety that meekness brings? or exchanging our confidence for a perceived uncertainty...

Randomly rambling...

We, each one of us, has a road to travel on, and there is no changing that road. That can sound scary, because when you seriously decide to look at yourself, you see that there are many things that you are doing that you are not proud of, or happy about, or which are just not what you are all about. It is not egoism or selfishness to look at yourself to see whether you are on your road, and have not strayed into the gullies, lanes, slip-roads and side roads leading off your main road...

Our travel is influenced by:

• the people we meet - whether they are supportive, or whether they drag us down
• the circumstances that we might find ourselves in - sometimes of our own creation, and sometimes created by others
• our age - since the older we grow, the more vulnerable and insecure we become, whereas when we are young, we can quite strongly take on the world
• our readiness and eagerness to wake up each morning to a brand new day
• our attitude to our trials ( refer Maya Angelou's take on defeats: 'You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated')
• our approach to new things (you want to, and you're eager to try), hitherto un-thought thoughts (you want to stretch your mind, think these thoughts,),  perceived barriers (you need to examine them and break them), real barriers (you can find ways of dealing with them), discouraging statements (you have to trash them)
• atmospheric/environmental (metaphorically speaking) conditions that affect us physically/emotionally/psychologically
• our fears - most imagined, some real, many influenced by imagined or real financial conditions (though, this can be wisely thought about and worked around)
• the dichotomy that sometimes plagues us - to do, or to give up, to go on, or to just lie down and die (the only thing is that death is not in our hands, so this decision may just cause untold damage and harm to us as well as those who love us and those who are around us)

We may not, with the best intentions in the world, be able to change everything, but if we keep the flame of living alive, we will be able to work around all issues, not let anything get to us, or pull us down, and find peace and tranquility journeying on our road...

You never know, but you may just end up offering succor and strength to someone who strays off their road onto yours...

A new dawn breaks...

A new dawn breaks and I realize that I am orphaned - there is no one now above me to shield me from the storms of life. No matter how old you are, there is a sense of comfort in having a parent. No matter how old you are, there is a sense of loss of stability. There is no moderating influence, Whether you are separated from your parent by distance or estranged due to conflict or contradiction of thought, from somewhere deep within you, the parent continues to influence you, You may accept this influence, or you may reject it, but you cannot deny it.

There is a sense of being alone on the sea of life, open to every wind that blows...

There is a strange sense of devastation and vulnerability...

But the new dawn is here...and a new life is beginning...and I have to square my shoulders, look life in the eye, and carry on...

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

One definitive happening...

My mother slipped away peacefully...it's such a wonder how earthly pain, suffering, sorrow, and even joy just cease...

And finally when you bend down to say your final good-bye, there is only the loved one and you enclosed in that one moment of eternity...one living breathing and one lifeless but still so real...

Randomly thinking...

Been wondering how to deal with uncertainty...the ache, and pain of uncertainty...the questions, anger, and distress of not knowing...and wondering, wondering, wondering...

Randomly thinking...

It is the presence of death, not life, that brings out the best in us. Isn't that strange? i guess it is a warning that we should not -

fritter away the precious moments of life

let hurt and anger dictate the way we behave

diffuse our energies in trying to prove how right we are, and how wrong the rest of the world is

try to score debating points

allow any kind of disturbance to cause earthquakes and tsunamis in our minds

let any cloud come over the present moment

try to peer into the next moment let alone the future

Randomly rambling...

I think everyone, at some time or the other, should come face to face with death – because nothing, but the awesomeness of death brings home the message loud and clear that we should savor every moment of life. We enjoy the good, but even in the bad and the ugly there is something to be learnt and garnered which enriches living. If only we graciously, and gratefully accept what comes our way, we’ll find peace…

Sitting beside my mother and seeing her slowly fade away has been the single most powerful time of my life. Some lessons I learnt are:

How strong the life force is…

How beautifully Nature works in us, shutting down our internal systems as they should—we have to realize and respect the fact that there comes a time when it is not dignified to poke tubes and such like in the body of a person who is dying. It is much better to leave it to Nature—and Nature does it so, so beautifully…

There is clearly some kind of state in between life and final death—because I can see my mother communicating with something?/someone? outside of herself. She is oblivious to us sitting beside her and is very much in another zone of existence…

How little we need food – and how foolish we are to be greedy for it – how foolish to get upset if we miss a meal or if the meal is not something we ‘usually’ eat. The body very naturally makes its own adjustments in a person who, for whatever reason, is fasting (in the case of my mother a cerebral stroke has shut down the functioning of her brain stem cells). Finally, gradually without any trauma, the body functions cease – in a very natural way. I’ve learnt how to respect the way Nature made us.

Of how little value are material things – money is required, yes, in order to live in and with dignity, but making the acquiring of things material the main focus of life is totally futile, because when one is at death’s door, they don’t give any spiritual comfort or solace – in fact the only things of lasting value are things of the spirit…

How important it is to live life happily and well – not with an oppressive, obsessive, rigid sense of discipline and purpose, nor an irresponsible freewheeling style—but sanely, relishing and savoring every moment, 

How important it is to live a simple life…then, you live life to the fullest, and meet death fearlessly and as a rest from life's labor...

Adding to 'Shishrusha'...

Shishrusha is the word used when refer to Church services; by extension, it could mean the order of worship of any religion, as in, you go to a place of worship for their shishrusha. In essence, thus, shishrusha has a God-centered meaning. 

The one single characteristic of A Supreme Being or God is compassion. When we link it to the Dalai Lama’s mantra of compassion: Om Mani Padme Hum, the meaning becomes even clearer. Om Mani Padme Hum means ‘Hail to the jewel in the lotus’, which is a metaphor for the compassion that lies within every sentient being, or the God (read Divine) in every being. Therefore when we do shishrusha for anyone, it means we are reaching out from our core of compassion to theirs; we are serving them with loving respect as we would serve God. Again, this confirms the belief that God is in everyone; there is a spark of the Divine in everyone.

A powerful word...

Shishrusha

One of the meanings of this powerful word is: 

It is the respectful care and service that you render to one who lies at the door of death...

Continuing sharing...

Still in the presence of death...

In the shadow of death, you realize how far removed you have gone
                                                              From your core -
                                                              From what you really are - 

In the shadow of death
You are stripped of all the layers that life's experiences lay on you
The gloss and sheen that falseness and pretence coat you with are removed -


And
                    You are given a chance to make amends to your real self...

                                    




                             

Continuing the sharing...

As we sit by the bedside of the loved one who is lingering and suspended, as it were, between two worlds, we realize hoe puny we are in the presence of death, and how much we lean on the loving kindness and mercy of the Universal Consciousness, or to believers, on God...

What is life then, we might ask, if the end is so painfully drawn out...I'm beginning, more and more, to believe what I had read once long ago that all of life is, and should be, a preparation (not only physically, but mentally and spiritually), for death. Young and strong, I had scoffed at it, but now I realize the wisdom in these words. It is a preparation not only for those who are going through the experience of death, but for those who sit hour after hour by the bedside of the loved one going through this experience. When memories come pouring into the mind, when the heart seems as if it will break with the weight of things left unsaid and undone, when unanswerable questions batter the brain, how does one cope??

When those who knew the loved one visit the family and reminisce, one realizes that one had missed out on a lot of facets of the loved one's personality...one realizes that this loved one had touched many lives and meant a great deal to many people, people who one never knew existed.

Sitting by the bedside of the loved one, and saying good bye is the most painful experience one can ever go through, especially if the loved one is lingering, caught between two worlds, as it were. You can actually see the transformation and it is the most humbling experience ever. My cousin who is with us was telling us how in the last moments we should not touch the loved one because nothing should come between the communion of the soul with its Source. If we touch the loved one, or express our grief, it will distract the soul of the loved on in its communion. The soul will not want to leave the grieving people at his/her bedside, That really brought home to me how awesome death is...one can only stand in silence with bent head in lowliness and submission in the face of this most powerful of forces...

Sharing...

For all those who, like me, have had to take the painful decision of turning the tubes off of a parent...  . When the doctors say that there is no hope, and no medication that can reverse the process that has set in, then what? Like all times when you have to take a decision, the feelings are: We'll look at it later; Right now do we have to decide?; Maybe we could ask some authority what we are to do, and so on... . Facing the moment when we have to take that final decision regarding the parent... how does one do it? Is what we are doing the only way?; Can we really take this decision?; On what basis are we going ahead with this decision? and the questions go on rattling in the mind, and heart. Cold intelligence says something, and the heart quite another.

Dignity in death is the ultimate gift you can offer a parent. It is the only tribute you can pay to someone who has borne you for 9 months, or from your birth, looked after you and set you on your feet. Of course, they too in their humanness may have screwed things up now and again, but at the end of the day, that person lying there helplessly in front of you is still your parent... . You have to decide whether you want to keep your parent forcefully alive, or whether to let him/her go in dignity and peace. The decision about the last moments of the one who gave you life, are now in your hands. It must be the most devastating decision you are ever faced with. But, when there is no other way, and you are sure that this is what your parent would have wanted and this is how you would want it to be for her/him, then from somewhere you get the strength and calm and peace of mind to finally say 'all right'...It is amazing then how all of life arranges itself with you to help you face the final moments in peace and with strength.

Ramdomly rambling...

When you are in a situation where you have to take a decision on the life of a loved one, the very enormity and gravity of the situation highlights every moment the person is alive...every moment takes on an intense color, picture, meaning, and significance all of its own...

Randomly rambling...

Thinking about The wedding...just reinforced what I've always believed - people need these kind of events as Spirit-Lifts. I know the state of the world economy is worrisome, and there are many more people without food, clothing or shelter than with, and yet, for a few fleeting moments one felt raised out of one's self...Cynics and gloom-and-doom prophets must have had a field day trashing everyone and everything, but at the end of the day, I do believe, it was the spirit of the common, very ordinary people that felt lifted... . Many had come from other cities and countries and camped overnight (some for days), around Westminster Abbey, thousands lined the streets along which the various processions moved, millions around the world, far, far removed from British Royalty, watched on tv. Everyone had only one thing in mind - they wanted to participate in this fairytale wedding of Kate and William. (Do we ever lose our fascination for fairy tales?) For one brief moment, they shared something beautiful and glorious, heard the most ethereal music, and were a part of history. It was a great Spirit-Lift. These are the people who went to sleep with stars in their hearts...

It is the same emotional response that we have towards our own erstwhile royalty. Why did we spontaneously refer to Gayatri Devi as Rajmata right to the end? Why has the coronation of 12 year old Sawai Padmanabha Singh caught the fancy of the public? Why do we, given a choice, want to stay in palaces-converted-to-hotels? Why are we enthralled by the magnificent forts the Maharajahs built? Why do we spend so much time, money and energy on our puja pandals, why do we celebrate our National Days with so much pomp and ceremony and fanfare?

These are all Spirit-Lifts...and...we need them...