in saying 'should' unless it is followed up by action.
Of course, there are many usages of should. I am talking about the 'should do this' 'should do that' variety....the expectation variety. Here, 'should' implies superiority, a kind of pompousness. It's also very easy to say a lot of shoulds, but, if you notice, the person who says these shoulds - 'this should be done', 'that should be done' - usually looks around for someone who will say 'I'll do it' or 'I'll get it done'.
The ones who DO, very, very rarely say 'should' out loud. Such people, when they come up against a situation that needs something to be done, will quietly go about doing what they have to do without making a song and dance about it...
When a 'should' touches our own lives, we need to work on it our own selves as far as we can, without waiting for someone to come and help us out or do whatever it is for us...
Next time we say 'should', we need to see if we can quietly do something about it, and retract the should...
29 March 2017
27 March 2017
I know this to be absolutely true...
that whenever we are up against some kind of trouble, or we are hurt, or there is some sorrow we are trying to grapple with, it is because there is something in us that needs to be chipped away, repaired, changed, rethought.... Our trouble/hurt/pain has not happened randomly. Nothing but nothing happens randomly. While there is one way of thinking that says that what happens to us is all part of the karma we create, I believe that what happens is because there is something that needs fixing in us...
Try this out: Next time things don't go the way you planned, or someone has said something hurtful or to put you down, just become quiet-withdraw into yourself, which is the safest and kindest and most soul-nourishing place to be. Initially, you may have to force yourself to keep quiet - but soon, it will become easier to become still and quiet inside of yourself, even as you carry on doing whatever you have to do. Gradually you will see that the knots get untangled and the muddied/muddled feeling in the mind and heart get cleared up and smoothed out.
It's the same with unplanned things that happen. You are doing something you have planned for, or maybe you are looking forward to a time alone, or you have something planned on your agenda - something that you've been wanting to do for sometime. Bang! Something totally disruptive happens and there go all your plans. Worse, you feel pressured, hemmed in and forced upon to deal with what has just happened, and shelve for a future time what you have been so looking forward to doing. Once again, I'm speaking from experience....Take a deep breath and deal with the disruptive thing that has come up as neatly and best as you can. What happens is that not only does this unplanned 'bit of trouble' get done but it also leaves you time to either still do what you wanted, or gives you the space to do something else that you have been wanting to do...so it is a win for you....you've dealt with the irritant and been able to do something you like/love to do.......without too much damage to your peace of mind and heart.
Both of these - becoming still and quiet inside of yourself, as well as dealing with irritants are eminently do-able, believe me...
Try this out: Next time things don't go the way you planned, or someone has said something hurtful or to put you down, just become quiet-withdraw into yourself, which is the safest and kindest and most soul-nourishing place to be. Initially, you may have to force yourself to keep quiet - but soon, it will become easier to become still and quiet inside of yourself, even as you carry on doing whatever you have to do. Gradually you will see that the knots get untangled and the muddied/muddled feeling in the mind and heart get cleared up and smoothed out.
It's the same with unplanned things that happen. You are doing something you have planned for, or maybe you are looking forward to a time alone, or you have something planned on your agenda - something that you've been wanting to do for sometime. Bang! Something totally disruptive happens and there go all your plans. Worse, you feel pressured, hemmed in and forced upon to deal with what has just happened, and shelve for a future time what you have been so looking forward to doing. Once again, I'm speaking from experience....Take a deep breath and deal with the disruptive thing that has come up as neatly and best as you can. What happens is that not only does this unplanned 'bit of trouble' get done but it also leaves you time to either still do what you wanted, or gives you the space to do something else that you have been wanting to do...so it is a win for you....you've dealt with the irritant and been able to do something you like/love to do.......without too much damage to your peace of mind and heart.
Both of these - becoming still and quiet inside of yourself, as well as dealing with irritants are eminently do-able, believe me...
24 March 2017
Fun...
Are there times when we feel life is just dragging on....there does not seem an end in sight to this monotonous living....life is so bleak....
Of course there are times when we all feel a bleakness coming on. If we don't do something for ourselves at these times, then everything just becomes blacker and blacker.
To have fun is a basic need. (Even animals have fun when they frolic with each other. From pictures, one gets the feeling that they also enjoy roaming around on their own in the forest, tumbling in the grass, standing on a promontory looking out.)
When we are small, we may need a little help from adults but once we grow up, we know what make us happy....what we like to do....what we enjoy.... When we enjoy the moment or take great pleasure in some activity, we are having fun. For some people having fun means solving a cryptic puzzle or a complicated mathematical problem.
There may be times when one may feel that having fun is not right - one has nothing to feel happy about....enjoying oneself will only anger the gods....one does not have the right to have fun....where's the time to have fun....I'm too old and too tired to have fun...if we take time out to have fun, all that has to be done is only going to pile up, and then we're in for a great deal of stress trying to finish everything...
Of course this would beg the questions: Who said we have to do everything ourselves and at this very moment in time? What about priorities?
Here's the thing. Fun is absolutely free. It is a gift we give ourselves. Besides all the good fall-outs of having fun, it is absolutely essential for daily living.
'Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun.' ~ Randy Pausch
While thinking about what would constitute fun, I found a lot of things...I'm sure you'll be able to put down more things on your list.
So, fun would mean...
Spontaneously doing something or going somewhere
Freedom from all the shoulds and have tos
Silliness
Outrageousness
Going with the flow
Laughing with friends
A pyjama evening
Indulging a childhood fantasy
Having a carefree day
Not planning every moment of every day
An unplanned outing with maybe hot chocolate thrown in
Dancing
Playing
Enjoying new experiences
Curling up with a book
Watching children play
Being by myself and pottering around the house
Gardening (could also be sitting in the garden and watching Nature)
We need to check the fun quotient in our lives quite frequently...
Of course there are times when we all feel a bleakness coming on. If we don't do something for ourselves at these times, then everything just becomes blacker and blacker.
To have fun is a basic need. (Even animals have fun when they frolic with each other. From pictures, one gets the feeling that they also enjoy roaming around on their own in the forest, tumbling in the grass, standing on a promontory looking out.)
When we are small, we may need a little help from adults but once we grow up, we know what make us happy....what we like to do....what we enjoy.... When we enjoy the moment or take great pleasure in some activity, we are having fun. For some people having fun means solving a cryptic puzzle or a complicated mathematical problem.
There may be times when one may feel that having fun is not right - one has nothing to feel happy about....enjoying oneself will only anger the gods....one does not have the right to have fun....where's the time to have fun....I'm too old and too tired to have fun...if we take time out to have fun, all that has to be done is only going to pile up, and then we're in for a great deal of stress trying to finish everything...
Of course this would beg the questions: Who said we have to do everything ourselves and at this very moment in time? What about priorities?
Here's the thing. Fun is absolutely free. It is a gift we give ourselves. Besides all the good fall-outs of having fun, it is absolutely essential for daily living.
'Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun.' ~ Randy Pausch
While thinking about what would constitute fun, I found a lot of things...I'm sure you'll be able to put down more things on your list.
So, fun would mean...
Spontaneously doing something or going somewhere
Freedom from all the shoulds and have tos
Silliness
Outrageousness
Going with the flow
Laughing with friends
A pyjama evening
Indulging a childhood fantasy
Having a carefree day
Not planning every moment of every day
An unplanned outing with maybe hot chocolate thrown in
Dancing
Playing
Enjoying new experiences
Curling up with a book
Watching children play
Being by myself and pottering around the house
Gardening (could also be sitting in the garden and watching Nature)
We need to check the fun quotient in our lives quite frequently...
22 March 2017
The need to study...
is very deep in all of us. We may recognize this, or we may not. We actually long to have something to turn to when the daily chores get to us making us feel jaded, or useless, or taken advantage of. We need to hit our books when our brain starts feeling stale, screaming out for something new to think about.
Reading and studying, not only what we are interested in, but also following the many and varied links what we are reading/studying turn up, is indispensable for our well-being, and very, very important in keeping our brains active. We may not remember all we read and study after we hit a certain age, but the very act of reading and studying is uplifting. Actually, these are stimulating activities and push us to explore areas and topics we didn't know about.
Take reading books - books are classified in so many ways. Try a different genre, or a different style of writing, or a theme we've never approached before, or other authors in the same genre... Maybe we won't be able to read a particular book after a while, even though we bravely hung on attempting to understand what the author was trying to say. Not a problem. What we have read stays somewhere in our mind, and we may be tempted to give the author another go after a while.
Studying something in-depth has an uplifting feeling. This is linked to our interests...going deep into it will open up new worlds, new areas of thinking... Maybe we are searching for something but we are not exactly sure what it is we are looking for. Studying an area that is linked to our quest will get us to what we are searching for, and on the way we would also learn a whole lot of new things as well!
Studying and reading help us to have informed views about things...taking us away from hearsay. They help us to not be prejudiced about people. They equip us with the tools of getting to the bottom of what we read or hear, helping us form our own opinions.
Merely listening to all the words flying about around us is not only tiring, but it can also lead us to wrong ways of thinking about people and issues. We need to be able to think for ourselves and find out what we think about people and issues. It is only reading and studying that will help us here.
Studying and reading essentially make us feel good about ourselves...
Reading and studying, not only what we are interested in, but also following the many and varied links what we are reading/studying turn up, is indispensable for our well-being, and very, very important in keeping our brains active. We may not remember all we read and study after we hit a certain age, but the very act of reading and studying is uplifting. Actually, these are stimulating activities and push us to explore areas and topics we didn't know about.
Take reading books - books are classified in so many ways. Try a different genre, or a different style of writing, or a theme we've never approached before, or other authors in the same genre... Maybe we won't be able to read a particular book after a while, even though we bravely hung on attempting to understand what the author was trying to say. Not a problem. What we have read stays somewhere in our mind, and we may be tempted to give the author another go after a while.
Studying something in-depth has an uplifting feeling. This is linked to our interests...going deep into it will open up new worlds, new areas of thinking... Maybe we are searching for something but we are not exactly sure what it is we are looking for. Studying an area that is linked to our quest will get us to what we are searching for, and on the way we would also learn a whole lot of new things as well!
Studying and reading help us to have informed views about things...taking us away from hearsay. They help us to not be prejudiced about people. They equip us with the tools of getting to the bottom of what we read or hear, helping us form our own opinions.
Merely listening to all the words flying about around us is not only tiring, but it can also lead us to wrong ways of thinking about people and issues. We need to be able to think for ourselves and find out what we think about people and issues. It is only reading and studying that will help us here.
Studying and reading essentially make us feel good about ourselves...
20 March 2017
Am I paying enough attention...
to my inner voice?
The mind carries on a non-stop conversation with itself - this is hugely distracting but what is worse is that it is also debilitating and defeating. This feeling gets worse when images of the past - what we did instead of what we could have done, what we were instead of what we could have been....and other thoughts along these lines start forming conversation loops inside our mind. Soon we get so caught up in these conversations - loud, clamorous voices - that we, without even realizing it, descend into a deep pit of depression, fear, insecurity and all the attending emotional states.
Another defeating issue is when our inner mind conversations revolve around 'I'm supposed to be more than I am'. What am I doing here? Why have I become just another housewife battling with the day's routine and chores? Surely I am worth more than this? What happened to all my thoughts and wishes of leading a different kind of life? What happened to my not wanting to be another run-of-the-mill person? Thinking like this is crippling. There is no time or place for thoughts in which we are always trying to figure out ways to show we are good enough...we are not this drudge person...we have a passionate heart...we are not this dull, regular housewife...we are more than this......
In all this clamor, it is difficult to listen to our inner voice, which is actually the only voice we should be listening to. It is only our inner voice that knows our heart, knows us in our totality and the only thing that guides us through the whirlpools and eddies of life. Importantly, it is the only reality that can counter the imaginings of our mind.
Shakti Gawain says, “Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”
This is true, for when we follow our inner voice, we not only find time to do all the things that we have lined up, but we also find time to do the things we like to do....and all without wearing ourselves out.
There is only one thing we need to do - we need to keep our minds calm and peaceful and create the right kind of inner environment so that we will be able to hear our inner voice clearly.
It is only our inner voice that will help us to navigate through all our confusions, doubts, fears and insecurities...
The mind carries on a non-stop conversation with itself - this is hugely distracting but what is worse is that it is also debilitating and defeating. This feeling gets worse when images of the past - what we did instead of what we could have done, what we were instead of what we could have been....and other thoughts along these lines start forming conversation loops inside our mind. Soon we get so caught up in these conversations - loud, clamorous voices - that we, without even realizing it, descend into a deep pit of depression, fear, insecurity and all the attending emotional states.
Another defeating issue is when our inner mind conversations revolve around 'I'm supposed to be more than I am'. What am I doing here? Why have I become just another housewife battling with the day's routine and chores? Surely I am worth more than this? What happened to all my thoughts and wishes of leading a different kind of life? What happened to my not wanting to be another run-of-the-mill person? Thinking like this is crippling. There is no time or place for thoughts in which we are always trying to figure out ways to show we are good enough...we are not this drudge person...we have a passionate heart...we are not this dull, regular housewife...we are more than this......
In all this clamor, it is difficult to listen to our inner voice, which is actually the only voice we should be listening to. It is only our inner voice that knows our heart, knows us in our totality and the only thing that guides us through the whirlpools and eddies of life. Importantly, it is the only reality that can counter the imaginings of our mind.
Shakti Gawain says, “Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”
This is true, for when we follow our inner voice, we not only find time to do all the things that we have lined up, but we also find time to do the things we like to do....and all without wearing ourselves out.
There is only one thing we need to do - we need to keep our minds calm and peaceful and create the right kind of inner environment so that we will be able to hear our inner voice clearly.
It is only our inner voice that will help us to navigate through all our confusions, doubts, fears and insecurities...
17 March 2017
I'm questioning the saying...
'Take me as I am'.
Why?
Because I believe that I am changing constantly. I am not even the same person I was in the moment that has just passed.
Take me as I am smacks of smugness. That is death.
Of course things are not going to be the same - people around me are changing, circumstances are changing, words swirling around me are changing... Hanging on to what I know as the Absolute would only be splintering. Further, I may read something, or view something which will cause questions to rise and which may make me question my hitherto-held beliefs and opinions and ideas and views and I may want to make changes in them. I may want to discard some old strong beliefs or opinions or views in favor of new beliefs/opinions/views....I have to allow myself the freedom to do this.
Take me as I am would make me a dinosaur in no time flat. I would become the odd man out in a world that is changing by the nanosecond.
How I am in a moment determines how I am going to be in the next moment, so if I don't like what I am in this moment, I have the time to quickly effect a change so that the next moment will be different - it may be better which would be good, but it may well be not-so-good which will spur me on to find out how I can change and make things better. As Oprah Winfrey says, 'There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.'
Take me as I am is hugely arrogant. It is as if I am the only one who matters in the world.
The fact is that I may be wrong in a whole lot of areas of life.....I may be a total disaster in many areas of living... and if I don't do something about this and change myself, I may be left with huge holes in my heart and many sorrows and regrets to deal with. I may not be able to do this, in which case I would only end up bitter and hurtful to those around me.
Take me as I am is isolating. I may well find myself alone.
We have to recognize that we are living among all kinds of people. But, all these people - everyone - are sparks from that One God...One Supreme Power...Universal Consciousness. And even if we may question this and not want to believe in this, we still have no right to hurt anyone. If we don't want to have anything to do with a person who is very different from us, we need to respect that difference and walk away without causing any friction. If we value a relationship, then the onus is on us too, to enrich it as best as we can.
Take me as I am is a very demanding statement. It is eliminating the human factor in other persons and recognizing only my own.
Why would I want to take you as you are when you are not willing to take me as I am? And so, just as I respect that I am constantly changing - and trying to change for the better (not an easy task) - I would expect to be respected for who I am...
I should not take me as I am....I should strive to be better than who I am... I should use all my conversations, my readings, my meditations to be better than who I am...
Why?
Because I believe that I am changing constantly. I am not even the same person I was in the moment that has just passed.
Take me as I am smacks of smugness. That is death.
Of course things are not going to be the same - people around me are changing, circumstances are changing, words swirling around me are changing... Hanging on to what I know as the Absolute would only be splintering. Further, I may read something, or view something which will cause questions to rise and which may make me question my hitherto-held beliefs and opinions and ideas and views and I may want to make changes in them. I may want to discard some old strong beliefs or opinions or views in favor of new beliefs/opinions/views....I have to allow myself the freedom to do this.
Take me as I am would make me a dinosaur in no time flat. I would become the odd man out in a world that is changing by the nanosecond.
How I am in a moment determines how I am going to be in the next moment, so if I don't like what I am in this moment, I have the time to quickly effect a change so that the next moment will be different - it may be better which would be good, but it may well be not-so-good which will spur me on to find out how I can change and make things better. As Oprah Winfrey says, 'There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.'
Take me as I am is hugely arrogant. It is as if I am the only one who matters in the world.
The fact is that I may be wrong in a whole lot of areas of life.....I may be a total disaster in many areas of living... and if I don't do something about this and change myself, I may be left with huge holes in my heart and many sorrows and regrets to deal with. I may not be able to do this, in which case I would only end up bitter and hurtful to those around me.
Take me as I am is isolating. I may well find myself alone.
We have to recognize that we are living among all kinds of people. But, all these people - everyone - are sparks from that One God...One Supreme Power...Universal Consciousness. And even if we may question this and not want to believe in this, we still have no right to hurt anyone. If we don't want to have anything to do with a person who is very different from us, we need to respect that difference and walk away without causing any friction. If we value a relationship, then the onus is on us too, to enrich it as best as we can.
Take me as I am is a very demanding statement. It is eliminating the human factor in other persons and recognizing only my own.
Why would I want to take you as you are when you are not willing to take me as I am? And so, just as I respect that I am constantly changing - and trying to change for the better (not an easy task) - I would expect to be respected for who I am...
I should not take me as I am....I should strive to be better than who I am... I should use all my conversations, my readings, my meditations to be better than who I am...
15 March 2017
We have a number of tiers...
in our personalities.
Multiple levels that have been placed on our internal landscape.
Science has shown that from the moment the baby's heart starts to beat in the mother's womb, and the baby starts growing, the baby is open to all kinds of stimuli being provided by the mother. Everything pings on the little one....forming a layer of consciousness. Once the baby is born, the brain becomes phenomenally active absorbing all the stimuli that is around him/her....this would form another layer....and as the baby grows, layer after layer is added on....by the parents, by the school, by friends of the same age, by all people the little one comes in contact with... The process does not stop. As we grow from stage to stage the pinging goes on from new environments, new people, new places of work and living.
Some children start thinking for themselves at an early age. That is when the sifting of the layers starts. Some are discarded, some are changed or altered, some are retained....according to the experiences the child goes through.
Some people start thinking for themselves at a much later stage in life...some, even as well advanced in age. The same sifting process happens, only it is much more painful...for there is a whole life to look back on and assess.
This sifting happens because there is only so much the brain can handle. As we grow the capacity of our brain increases...whole new dimensions are added to our mind, thereby causing more and more layers to form. We have to get rid of the extra baggage - the baggage that is really not doing anything for us. And, I feel, we need to do this for our own sakes. We know that the ultimate aim of our lives is to be at peace with ourselves. Comes a time when it no longer feels important to fight for all kinds of issues...we can let a lot of them just go. But we have to do the sorting. I have found that there are some hard layers - painful layers - that take a lot of digging to get loosened up. Ramifications of thought go through from this layer to some on top and some way, way below. But the loosening up has to be done so that they can be finally just yanked out and removed. It is a painful process because suddenly we are confronted with a whole lot of things that we had either taken for granted, or not thought of as being important.... It could be that we had ignored some very important signs and signals which could have changed the course of our lives.... We come up against people who hurt us, destroyed a part of our lives, or who helped us and we ignored them.... There are things we did that we are not proud of, but we did them without thinking, and the consequences of those changed the very course of our lives.... There are mistakes we made - some unthinkingly, some wrongly, some because we took the wrong advice... We have to resolve all these in our mind. To resolve means to look at them, accept the lesson learnt and then let it go. These may hang on a bit, but then they do go away...
If we don't do this, the bitterness is likely to poison all the other layers that are forming on top even as the bitterness obliterates all the good in the layers below, hardening up into one hard mass.
If we think strength lies in being hard, think again. Strength is not in being hard. What we mistake as being hard is actually being bitter - we have allowed the bitterness of the years to become a solid mass. Strength lies in our very vulnerabilities and how we handle them without changing our basic nature of goodness, happiness and above all gratefulness....without disturbing the lake of peacefulness which is inside our hearts.
Real strength lies in saying my parents screwed up, but I have a chance of setting myself right. I can let the past go and not blame what I am or what I have done on my parents or friends or situations or circumstances - these are all now in the past.
Real strength lies in saying I screwed up, but I have a chance to set things right...and I will do that...
Multiple levels that have been placed on our internal landscape.
Science has shown that from the moment the baby's heart starts to beat in the mother's womb, and the baby starts growing, the baby is open to all kinds of stimuli being provided by the mother. Everything pings on the little one....forming a layer of consciousness. Once the baby is born, the brain becomes phenomenally active absorbing all the stimuli that is around him/her....this would form another layer....and as the baby grows, layer after layer is added on....by the parents, by the school, by friends of the same age, by all people the little one comes in contact with... The process does not stop. As we grow from stage to stage the pinging goes on from new environments, new people, new places of work and living.
Some children start thinking for themselves at an early age. That is when the sifting of the layers starts. Some are discarded, some are changed or altered, some are retained....according to the experiences the child goes through.
Some people start thinking for themselves at a much later stage in life...some, even as well advanced in age. The same sifting process happens, only it is much more painful...for there is a whole life to look back on and assess.
This sifting happens because there is only so much the brain can handle. As we grow the capacity of our brain increases...whole new dimensions are added to our mind, thereby causing more and more layers to form. We have to get rid of the extra baggage - the baggage that is really not doing anything for us. And, I feel, we need to do this for our own sakes. We know that the ultimate aim of our lives is to be at peace with ourselves. Comes a time when it no longer feels important to fight for all kinds of issues...we can let a lot of them just go. But we have to do the sorting. I have found that there are some hard layers - painful layers - that take a lot of digging to get loosened up. Ramifications of thought go through from this layer to some on top and some way, way below. But the loosening up has to be done so that they can be finally just yanked out and removed. It is a painful process because suddenly we are confronted with a whole lot of things that we had either taken for granted, or not thought of as being important.... It could be that we had ignored some very important signs and signals which could have changed the course of our lives.... We come up against people who hurt us, destroyed a part of our lives, or who helped us and we ignored them.... There are things we did that we are not proud of, but we did them without thinking, and the consequences of those changed the very course of our lives.... There are mistakes we made - some unthinkingly, some wrongly, some because we took the wrong advice... We have to resolve all these in our mind. To resolve means to look at them, accept the lesson learnt and then let it go. These may hang on a bit, but then they do go away...
If we don't do this, the bitterness is likely to poison all the other layers that are forming on top even as the bitterness obliterates all the good in the layers below, hardening up into one hard mass.
If we think strength lies in being hard, think again. Strength is not in being hard. What we mistake as being hard is actually being bitter - we have allowed the bitterness of the years to become a solid mass. Strength lies in our very vulnerabilities and how we handle them without changing our basic nature of goodness, happiness and above all gratefulness....without disturbing the lake of peacefulness which is inside our hearts.
Real strength lies in saying my parents screwed up, but I have a chance of setting myself right. I can let the past go and not blame what I am or what I have done on my parents or friends or situations or circumstances - these are all now in the past.
Real strength lies in saying I screwed up, but I have a chance to set things right...and I will do that...
13 March 2017
10 March 2017
Just a reminder...
Each creation in the plant world and animal world (man included) is unique.
Unique in size, color, how they are made, how they tick, voice/sound...
An imprint - finger, leaf, paw, or any body part - of every living organism is different...
Each living being's way of thinking and doing and growing is distinctive...
Every living being - from the tiniest plant to the teeniest animal to the largest tree and a giant animal - also suffers from stress and distress...
All living beings are interconnected - are dependent, even - in one way or the other in God's Universe...
We, each one of us, has our own unique space and place under the sun...
We just have to remember this and periodically remind ourselves that we are - each one of us - special, especially at those times when it seems as if everyone and everything is conspiring against us, pulling us down.... We also need to look at all other living beings as special in themselves...
Unique in size, color, how they are made, how they tick, voice/sound...
An imprint - finger, leaf, paw, or any body part - of every living organism is different...
Each living being's way of thinking and doing and growing is distinctive...
Every living being - from the tiniest plant to the teeniest animal to the largest tree and a giant animal - also suffers from stress and distress...
All living beings are interconnected - are dependent, even - in one way or the other in God's Universe...
We, each one of us, has our own unique space and place under the sun...
We just have to remember this and periodically remind ourselves that we are - each one of us - special, especially at those times when it seems as if everyone and everything is conspiring against us, pulling us down.... We also need to look at all other living beings as special in themselves...
08 March 2017
For us women...
Our identity as WOMAN keeps getting jabbed at, dented, ripped....lost... We need to keep our focus on ourselves so that we don't stray too far away from being WOMAN...and if we do stray, we need to get back as quickly as we possibly can...
Here are some pointers/reminders:
It is in our nature to want to connect. We are most fulfilled when we are deeply connected with people.
It is in our nature to nurture. We nurture through our through love, affection, gentleness, and caring. A woman is not less feminine if she is single or if she is married and unable to bear children. She is just as womanly in form and spirit.
It is in our nature to be vulnerable. But we also have tremendous fortitude built into our nature. Yes, we tend to wall up our hearts to prevent being hurt, victimized, or wounded. We become defensive because we don't want to be taken advantage of. The downside is that in doing this we also keep the good things out. We need to know we have the strength to deal with all the bad things and come out tops!
It is in our nature to want to be beautiful. A reminder: Being outwardly attractive is not nearly as important as being inwardly beautiful. It is important, though, to have a pleasing outward appearance while working on our inner selves - our true, real selves. Our inward beauty comes from our gentle and quiet spirit. And we all have this...just that sometimes we push it deep, deep down to cope with external pressures that are unhappy or of a violent nature.
"You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are."
~ Melissa Etheridge
I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.”
~ Emma Stone
Maya Angelou sums up WOMAN for all of us:
PHENOMENAL WOMAN
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Here are some pointers/reminders:
It is in our nature to want to connect. We are most fulfilled when we are deeply connected with people.
It is in our nature to nurture. We nurture through our through love, affection, gentleness, and caring. A woman is not less feminine if she is single or if she is married and unable to bear children. She is just as womanly in form and spirit.
It is in our nature to be vulnerable. But we also have tremendous fortitude built into our nature. Yes, we tend to wall up our hearts to prevent being hurt, victimized, or wounded. We become defensive because we don't want to be taken advantage of. The downside is that in doing this we also keep the good things out. We need to know we have the strength to deal with all the bad things and come out tops!
It is in our nature to want to be beautiful. A reminder: Being outwardly attractive is not nearly as important as being inwardly beautiful. It is important, though, to have a pleasing outward appearance while working on our inner selves - our true, real selves. Our inward beauty comes from our gentle and quiet spirit. And we all have this...just that sometimes we push it deep, deep down to cope with external pressures that are unhappy or of a violent nature.
"You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are."
~ Melissa Etheridge
I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.”
~ Emma Stone
Maya Angelou sums up WOMAN for all of us:
PHENOMENAL WOMAN
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
06 March 2017
A truly great person...
is a complete person. Competence and academic achievement, which form the basic level, is a given. It is when the other levels - the very human levels - reach their top forms that we know the person is truly great. It's no point being good at your work, or being highly qualified to do a particular kind of job if you are arrogant, in that, you think you are the best and that everyone around you isn't worth anything... You believe you are the best - which you are - but you make that the basis for judging people and even those who you call friends are not exempt from your digs...digs that make them look poor in front of your achievements.
I believe that the most important sign of greatness lies in how you treat those around you....especially those who are close to you - your family and friends. If you are lacking here, then it really does not matter how intellectual you are, what a great job you hold, that you have been entrusted with highly sensitive material because of your special skills.....nothing but nothing matters if you cannot be nice and pleasant to those around you...
Can you sit in the last row and sit through all that is going on at a meeting or conference without getting impatient, or passing judgment, or itching to stand up and give your expert point of view?
Can you come down to the level of the junior-most person in your place of work and make him/her feel good and important about what they know and what they do?
Can you work in a team taking each member's inputs and weaving your knowledge through it, without trashing anyone's point of view?
Can you be in a gathering and not feel the need to be recognized and adulated?
Can you be gentle and kind and nice to those who are not as privileged as you?
Can you talk gently and quietly and politely to everyone alike?
Can you accept the fact that there is something to learn from everyone?
Can you, from your vantage point of education and achievement, see the good in everything and every person?
We may not all be the most brilliant but we certainly can be the best sort of people...
I believe that the most important sign of greatness lies in how you treat those around you....especially those who are close to you - your family and friends. If you are lacking here, then it really does not matter how intellectual you are, what a great job you hold, that you have been entrusted with highly sensitive material because of your special skills.....nothing but nothing matters if you cannot be nice and pleasant to those around you...
Can you sit in the last row and sit through all that is going on at a meeting or conference without getting impatient, or passing judgment, or itching to stand up and give your expert point of view?
Can you come down to the level of the junior-most person in your place of work and make him/her feel good and important about what they know and what they do?
Can you work in a team taking each member's inputs and weaving your knowledge through it, without trashing anyone's point of view?
Can you be in a gathering and not feel the need to be recognized and adulated?
Can you be gentle and kind and nice to those who are not as privileged as you?
Can you talk gently and quietly and politely to everyone alike?
Can you accept the fact that there is something to learn from everyone?
Can you, from your vantage point of education and achievement, see the good in everything and every person?
We may not all be the most brilliant but we certainly can be the best sort of people...
03 March 2017
The first - and maybe, the only - thing to learn is To Accept...
Life is not fair. Period.
We are never in a position when we see the entire picture of what we are doing. Yes, we think we can see the whole picture, we think we've got it all under control, we think we are error-proof. Life, though, does not work in black and white. There is a whole big area which we do not even know that interplays between the black and the white. That is why, since we only have the moment we are in just now, we need to concentrate on this and on this only. The rest unfolds on how we play out each moment.
Life is perfectly imperfect, so wanting everything to be just so or just perfect is setting ourselves up for definite hurt. And once this sets in, then the whole of us crumbles.
There is no situation or place that is called Happiness. How we feel in all those imperfect moments is what we need to see - Do we accept the setback, knowing it is only temporary, and work around it? Do we hang on to the good when it happens convincing ourselves that life is going to be 'happily ever after' from now on? Are we forgetting that 'happily ever after' is just a delusion, and we are once again opening ourselves to hurt? OR, do we look at the imperfection that has happened and move on...change direction...change course...look at another point of view...open our mind to other possibilities...just accept that what we had planned got hijacked by life and we need to make alterations...there's really no point getting into a tizzy and making things worse...
Instead of taking each moment as it happens, have we put ourselves on a treadmill? And, incidentally, who does the treadmill tire out? Just us! No one else.
By all means make to-do lists, but don't bind your life by the list. Know that anything can change in an instant. Accepting this, makes it easier when something on the to-do list doesn't happen.
Question: Am I on a mission to be the best I can be? Have I planned that my life is going to be happy, and I will have the perfect house, family, partner, and job?
Question: Have I placed high expectations on myself?
Question: Am I looking at others around me and measuring myself against them? Thinking I've fallen short? Remember when we look at a person, we are only seeing one part of the person - we are not seeing what makes that person tick...or the failures, the sorrows, the high points or low points, nothing....we are just seeing the side that is presented to us.
Question: Am I clinging on to the painful moments? Or, am I clinging on to happy moments thinking that this is how it was, how I was, and why have things changed? Or, am I clinging on to happy moments hoping they will not pass? If I don't let go of these, where is the place for other moments that are happening and which I need to embrace and deal with?
Question: Do I get into blame games with my colleagues, life, job, environment.....everything that I feel is getting in the way of my bucket list, or to-do list, or happiness profile?
Question: Am I measuring my life and all that I do-say-think-feel by some standards that I imagine are THE standards of life? Because there are no THE standard of life..... Life itself is constantly in a state of change and flux....so how can there be one standard? If there were just one standard, then we would have seen it in Nature, of which we are a part....and Nature is constantly changing from breath to breath.....
Question: Am I always on the 'I have to prove myself' trip? I have to prove myself or I won't be accepted here or there....I have to prove myself or I will be unloved....I have to prove myself or my boss will pass over me.... In all this proving myself, I am sure to forget who I am.
Life is a process...and we are all, as Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert asserts, 'works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished.'
We are never in a position when we see the entire picture of what we are doing. Yes, we think we can see the whole picture, we think we've got it all under control, we think we are error-proof. Life, though, does not work in black and white. There is a whole big area which we do not even know that interplays between the black and the white. That is why, since we only have the moment we are in just now, we need to concentrate on this and on this only. The rest unfolds on how we play out each moment.
Life is perfectly imperfect, so wanting everything to be just so or just perfect is setting ourselves up for definite hurt. And once this sets in, then the whole of us crumbles.
There is no situation or place that is called Happiness. How we feel in all those imperfect moments is what we need to see - Do we accept the setback, knowing it is only temporary, and work around it? Do we hang on to the good when it happens convincing ourselves that life is going to be 'happily ever after' from now on? Are we forgetting that 'happily ever after' is just a delusion, and we are once again opening ourselves to hurt? OR, do we look at the imperfection that has happened and move on...change direction...change course...look at another point of view...open our mind to other possibilities...just accept that what we had planned got hijacked by life and we need to make alterations...there's really no point getting into a tizzy and making things worse...
Instead of taking each moment as it happens, have we put ourselves on a treadmill? And, incidentally, who does the treadmill tire out? Just us! No one else.
By all means make to-do lists, but don't bind your life by the list. Know that anything can change in an instant. Accepting this, makes it easier when something on the to-do list doesn't happen.
Question: Am I on a mission to be the best I can be? Have I planned that my life is going to be happy, and I will have the perfect house, family, partner, and job?
Question: Have I placed high expectations on myself?
Question: Am I looking at others around me and measuring myself against them? Thinking I've fallen short? Remember when we look at a person, we are only seeing one part of the person - we are not seeing what makes that person tick...or the failures, the sorrows, the high points or low points, nothing....we are just seeing the side that is presented to us.
Question: Am I clinging on to the painful moments? Or, am I clinging on to happy moments thinking that this is how it was, how I was, and why have things changed? Or, am I clinging on to happy moments hoping they will not pass? If I don't let go of these, where is the place for other moments that are happening and which I need to embrace and deal with?
Question: Do I get into blame games with my colleagues, life, job, environment.....everything that I feel is getting in the way of my bucket list, or to-do list, or happiness profile?
Question: Am I measuring my life and all that I do-say-think-feel by some standards that I imagine are THE standards of life? Because there are no THE standard of life..... Life itself is constantly in a state of change and flux....so how can there be one standard? If there were just one standard, then we would have seen it in Nature, of which we are a part....and Nature is constantly changing from breath to breath.....
Question: Am I always on the 'I have to prove myself' trip? I have to prove myself or I won't be accepted here or there....I have to prove myself or I will be unloved....I have to prove myself or my boss will pass over me.... In all this proving myself, I am sure to forget who I am.
Life is a process...and we are all, as Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert asserts, 'works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished.'
01 March 2017
I find myself...
strangely depleted...
Everything is seeming too much and too little.
Trying to find out why, I came across this in The Tiny Buddha:
'It’s only the ego, or small self, that’s fragile. The soul — your authentic self — is a honey badger.' The honey badger is a tough little thing and doesn't care who or what tries to harm it.
(What is a honey badger? According to the Urban Dictionary, the honey badger is the most intelligent and most fearless animal in the world. In fact, he is the ultimate badass of the animal kingdom.)
While the ego gets ruffled and upset because of some named or un-named fear or out of defensiveness, the soul is actually tough, reslient, savvy, and self-sufficient.
Which is the path I usually find myself on? The ego path! The slightest thing flips me and I go off. I'm not pausing...not giving myself the chance to tap into my soul! I'm reacting instantly instead of waiting for my soul to respond. The words just fly out of my mouth in retaliation/explanation/justification.... Or, I plunge into the depths of worry/anxiety/despair because some imaginary thing popped into my head...(Note - react and respond. Reacting is a negative action - not thought out at all, responding is not - it is carefully thought out).
The Tiny Buddha says that while the ego is fueled by fear and sees threats everywhere, the soul is rooted in love and a deep sense of well-being. So, the ego would naturally jump to the bait of the smallest threat while the soul would not. It would take a lot for the soul to respond...the small things would just bounce off it.
The ego is like the boy in the fable who cries 'Wolf' at a passing shadow. The soul doesn't waste time or energy on this kind of thing, but, if there is need of action, it will act fearlessly.
The ego wants apologies, assurances & reassurances, ironclad guarantees. The soul doesn't need any of these. The soul is tough and it would take a huge, huge thing to ruffle it - like the honey badger. The soul is in a secure place so it would really take a lot to upset it.
The ego hates uncertainty. The issue thus only gets compounded because in our reacting by justifying, apologizing excessively, explaining, and worse, we might draw other people into the fiasco, for fiasco is what it surely becomes. The soul pauses....waits...and tells us to sit tight. Not to react. The soul is responsible only for its own response...does not worry about anyone else's response.
So what does one do? One cannot ignore the instant feelings of hurt or fear or worry...okay, so pause and look at it. Find out if we had a part in it. Then, if needed....but only if needed, express ourself and stop. The trouble with expressing ourselves is that very often we blabber and the barrage of words instead of healing, only causes more of a rift. Therefore, Stop, Sit Tight, Take a Deep Breath and Check with our Soul. When the waves on the surface of our soul ease off, the calm deep takes over...
Everything is seeming too much and too little.
Trying to find out why, I came across this in The Tiny Buddha:
'It’s only the ego, or small self, that’s fragile. The soul — your authentic self — is a honey badger.' The honey badger is a tough little thing and doesn't care who or what tries to harm it.
(What is a honey badger? According to the Urban Dictionary, the honey badger is the most intelligent and most fearless animal in the world. In fact, he is the ultimate badass of the animal kingdom.)
While the ego gets ruffled and upset because of some named or un-named fear or out of defensiveness, the soul is actually tough, reslient, savvy, and self-sufficient.
Which is the path I usually find myself on? The ego path! The slightest thing flips me and I go off. I'm not pausing...not giving myself the chance to tap into my soul! I'm reacting instantly instead of waiting for my soul to respond. The words just fly out of my mouth in retaliation/explanation/justification.... Or, I plunge into the depths of worry/anxiety/despair because some imaginary thing popped into my head...(Note - react and respond. Reacting is a negative action - not thought out at all, responding is not - it is carefully thought out).
The Tiny Buddha says that while the ego is fueled by fear and sees threats everywhere, the soul is rooted in love and a deep sense of well-being. So, the ego would naturally jump to the bait of the smallest threat while the soul would not. It would take a lot for the soul to respond...the small things would just bounce off it.
The ego is like the boy in the fable who cries 'Wolf' at a passing shadow. The soul doesn't waste time or energy on this kind of thing, but, if there is need of action, it will act fearlessly.
The ego wants apologies, assurances & reassurances, ironclad guarantees. The soul doesn't need any of these. The soul is tough and it would take a huge, huge thing to ruffle it - like the honey badger. The soul is in a secure place so it would really take a lot to upset it.
The ego hates uncertainty. The issue thus only gets compounded because in our reacting by justifying, apologizing excessively, explaining, and worse, we might draw other people into the fiasco, for fiasco is what it surely becomes. The soul pauses....waits...and tells us to sit tight. Not to react. The soul is responsible only for its own response...does not worry about anyone else's response.
So what does one do? One cannot ignore the instant feelings of hurt or fear or worry...okay, so pause and look at it. Find out if we had a part in it. Then, if needed....but only if needed, express ourself and stop. The trouble with expressing ourselves is that very often we blabber and the barrage of words instead of healing, only causes more of a rift. Therefore, Stop, Sit Tight, Take a Deep Breath and Check with our Soul. When the waves on the surface of our soul ease off, the calm deep takes over...
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