28 October 2016

It's one of those days...

when what is needed is a hug, and words that reinforce, soothe...and maybe even allow me to cry a little...


"The best things in life happen to you when you’re alone.” ~ Artist Agnes Margin

"I came to see that what constitutes strength is not just muscle or will. It can also include the most desperate vulnerability, the saddest heartache, the lightest, sweetest laughter." ~ Brenda Shaughnessy

"Things get broken, and sometimes they get repaired, and in most cases, you realize that no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully." ~ Hanya Yanagihara

“Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free." ~ Rumi

“In every human Breast, God has implanted a principle, which we call Love of Freedom; it is impatient of Oppression, and pants for Deliverance.” ~ Poet and onetime slave Phillis Wheatley

"A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses." ~ James Allen

"Do not underestimate yourself. That picture you have in your head of the person you want to be, know that it is within your grasp to become it this year. It won’t happen overnight, and yes there will be moments where we will fall. But with a strong trust in the Light within us, we can pick ourselves back up knowing we will get there eventually, and that even a misstep it is still a step towards our destiny." ~ Kabbalah

“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~ Unknown


"O Great Spirit Whose voice I hear in the winds, And whose breath
gives life to all the world, hear me! I am small and weak. I need your
strength and wisdom. Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes ever
behold the red and purple sunset." 

~ From PRAYER TO THE GREAT SPIRIT 

26 October 2016

Just because we...

wake up one morning and suddenly realize that it is taking longer to get out of bed and do all the myriad physical chores that need to be done during the course of the day. We see that the skin on the face and neck are sagging and there are pouches of fat where there shouldn't be any.... These are the physical aspects.

What about the mental-emotional-psychological aspects? We see that maybe we've become more fragile and short-tempered and crabby and critical and unforgiving.....

We read about how as we grow older we need to accept our bodies with all the changes. We also read about how, now that we have most of our life in the past, we ought to draw on the wisdom we have garnered to make this last phase the best one of our lives.

So many things to accept, understand, change when we reach that certain distinct age. More often than not is the physical inadequacy we feel, the emotional insecurity, the fear of financial dependence....and more...interspersed with feelings of wanting to give up and just go away and hide, to remove ourselves from the bustle of daily living and to allow insecurity to suck us into its black hole.

Yesterday I saw a small video clip of women of a certain distinct age talk about what they might have done when they were younger, had they but known and paid attention to the present they were living in.....and how finally they had come to the conclusion that it was more important TO BE than To DO and that they were going to live out the rest of their lives BEING and not try to do or feel bad about not being able to do.

There are many sites which encourage women and men of that certain distinct age to revel in their age...to look at the new stage of life with new eyes...to repair damage done in the years that are gone...to take on new challenges instead of hiding from them...to look on the new phase as an adventure...to greet each day with gratitude and happiness...

24 October 2016

It's really strange...

how when you start studying a philosophy you are attracted by, or read a particular topic of great interest to you, or, indeed, have fallen in love with a particular author, somehow, more and more matter comes into your hands on the same topic/person. It's almost as if the Universe is colluding to bring you all that it has to offer on what you are immersed in.

I've been reading The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Şafak. It is about the Shams of Tibriz and Rumi. I am drawn deeply to Sufi mysticism, and so when I found this book in my DD's library, I was hooked. This morning I get this in my mail:

20 Powerful Quotes From Rumi’s Spiritual Teacher, Shams Tabrizi

Rumi (1207-1273) was a 13th-century Persian poet, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic. And Tabrizi was a Persian Sunni Muslim, who is credited with being Rumi’s spiritual instructor.

1. Instead of resisting to changes, surrender. Let life be with you, not against you. If you think 'My life will be upside down' don’t worry. How do you know down is not better than upside?

2. The universe is a complete unique entity. Everything and everyone is bound together with some invisible strings. Do not break anyone’s heart; do not look down on those weaker than you. One’s sorrow at the other side of the world can make the entire world suffer; one’s happiness can make the entire world smile.

3. A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, eastern or western…divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.

4. Most conflicts and tensions are due to language. Don’t pay so much attention to the words. In love’s country, language doesn’t have a place. Love is mute.

5. This world is like a mountain.
    Your echo depends on you.
    If you scream good things,
    the world will give it back.
    If you scream bad things,
    the world will give it back.
    Even if someone talks badly about you,
    speak well about him.
    Change your heart to change the world.

6. There are more fake guides and teachers in the world than stars. The real guide is the one who makes you see your inner beauty, not the one who wants to be admired and followed.

7. Don’t search for heaven and hell in the future. Both are now present. Whenever we manage to love without expectations, calculations, negotiations, we are indeed in heaven. Whenever we fight, or hate, we are in hell.

8. The whole universe is summed up in the Human Being.
    Devil is not a monster waiting to trap us,
    He is a voice inside.
    Look for Your Devil in Yourself,
    not in the Others.
    Don’t forget that the one who knows his Devil,
    knows his God.

9. The real dirt is not outside,
    but inside, in our hearts.
    We can wash all stains with water.
   The only one we can’t remove is the grudge and the bad intentions sticking to our hearts.

10. The summary of the advice of all prophets is this; Find yourself a mirror.

11. No matter what people call you, you are just who you are. Keep to this truth. You must ask yourself how is it you want to live your life. We live and we die, this is the truth that we can only face alone. No one can help us. So consider carefully, what prevents you from living the way you want to live your life?

12. Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full.

13. While the parts change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs this world, a new one is born. And every decent person who passes away is replaced by a new one. In this way not only does nothing remain the same but also nothing ever really changes.

14. It is pointless trying to know where the way leads. Think only about your first step, the rest will come.

15. The past is an interpretation. The future is an illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future. Instead time moves through and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind and remain within the present moment.

16. You can study God through everything and everyone in the universe, because God is not confined in a mosque, synagogue or church. But if you are still in need of knowing where exactly His abode is, there is only one place to look for Him: in the heart of a true lover.

17. Love is a journey. All travelers whether they want or not are changed. No one can travel into love and remain the same.

18. When everyone is trying to be something, be nothing. Range with emptiness. Human beings should be like a pot. As the pot is held by its emptiness inside, a human being is held by the awareness of his nothingness.

19. To get closer to Truth and Right, we need a beautiful and soft heart. Every human learns one day or another to become softer. Some accidentally, some because of disease, some suffer from human loss, some other from material loss.... We all face these situations, but we can either see the good in it and open our hearts, or, unfortunately, see another occasion to lock it forever.

20. The past is a fog in our minds. The future? A complete dream. We can neither guess the future, nor change the past.

21 October 2016

Dubai...

I'm amazed every time I visit Dubai. The changes.....the growth....are mindblowing. The rulers of Dubai have taken the best of all cultures and used it in their buildings and lifestyle. Really a matter of great pride for them that they have been able to make their desert bloom so beautifully......and in a way that everyone - rich and poor, Arab and expat - can enjoy...

 I do believe Dubai is a testimony to the tenacity and beauty of the human spirit.



                               













                 Some shots of the incredible Burj Khalifa...

   
 








and the stunning Dubai Fountain, the world's largest choreographed fountain system.

When we let...

anything get to us, we are allowing it to invade our personal space - the space of freedom. This is a space we need to guard and if we love ourselves, we will do this. Loving ourselves seems to be very difficult to do. If we love ourselves, we will take care of ourselves and that includes not letting anything mar us mentally, emotionally or psychologically. A small example: My DD told me I was hunching a great deal - while sitting, standing, walking. I realized after a lot of looking into myself that this was my body's way of protecting me from hurt/sadness/and any kind of upset. Obviously I was allowing things to get into my personal space. Now that I am conscious about it, I'm working towards clearing this up. It is not that we are perfect - far from it. But we need to work through our own imperfections without allowing ourselves to be made to feel guilty or bad about these imperfections.

There are times when people are nasty, say hurtful things, or try to provoke us. If we allow this to get to us then things take a wrong turn. What does this getting to us entail? We allow ourselves to feel bad, question ourselves, be harsh with ourselves, and put ourselves down. There are even times when try to counter what we are being accused of or blamed for. We go to great lengths to prove that we are not what we are being painted as. It doesn't help. The person who has sent this poisonous dart has gone his/her way and we are left trying to patch up our broken/shattered/disturbed/upset selves. Result: Feelings of inadequacy, deep despondency, insecurity....to name some of the horrible things that we experience.

It's not an easy thing to do, but when someone is nasty, and needling you, either keep a strict control on your tongue, or, if you cannot do that, then walk away...just turn on your heel and walk away. You'll find it very easy then, to tell the person, at a later, calmer point, that you don't appreciate the way he/she talked or behaved.

Not taking it personally means just this......not letting anything or anyone (other than your child) come into your personal space. That space is sacrosanct...

19 October 2016

I had a wonderful time...

with my DD in her home. Her home evokes peacefulness, and happiness, and I soaked it all in like a starved and thirsty sapling. Cooking for her and her husband - the sweet darlings - was hugely enjoyable as they loved what I made. Walking on the Marina, sipping wine while cooking, sitting and dreaming on her balcony watching the boats go by on the bay towards the sea, snuggled in a warm, soft blanket with a book, in her drawing room, pottering around her plants, having an evening drink as a family, sitting with her and checking out all the things she's bought.....and on...and on.... Every moment was special.

There are a lot of things that I realized during this past week with my DD.

The first is: Freedom makes sense only if there is respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others. When we say that we believe in the maxim 'Live and Let Live' we are actually talking about freedom - freedom to live as we envision living to be and according the same freedom to others to live as they visualize their lives to be.

We all know how difficult the freedom to be ourselves is, because we live in a social structure, be it in our home, our work place, where we shop, or in what we do for recreation. And yet our deepest craving is for freedom...this is what we relentlessly and tirelessly strive for... Just to be free...to feel free...to live free...

This freedom is never going to happen unless we respect ourselves. Through all the compromises that we make or choose to make or are forced to make, one thing that is for sure is that we have to work hard to not put ourselves in a situation that will require us to forfeit our freedom...we cannot compromise on the respect we ought to have for ourselves...we cannot shortchange ourselves and then soothe ourselves by saying that we did it for others. Naturally, this means that we have to become aware of who we are, we need to force our mind to think clearly and sensibly, and ww do not shy away from making some hard decisions if we have to.

Freedom is actually the space we give ourselves....the space we build around ourselves. And how can we do this if we do not honestly take a hard look at ourselves...unless we get to know and understand who we really are, what we really like and dislike and most of all, how far we are willing to be pushed.

Once we start on the road to making ourselves free, I do believe that a lot of things will fall into place.....a lot of issues about ourselves will become clearer.....and life will become infinitely more interesting. The first step is always the hardest, isn't it....?

And when we get to that critical place called freedom, we'll see that we are perfectly willing to allow others to have their own freedom without any kind of judgmentalism...

06 October 2016

I'm so happy...

am on my way to my daughter's home for almost 10 days. I will try and blog from there but if I don't know that I'm in heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much has happened these last few days and these incidents have given me so many insights, I need to process them all....and then will share.....

Dancing with happiness..................................

03 October 2016

Random thoughts...

invade my mind as I find myself taking stock of myself one year since I joined the gym. I joined the gym primarily on my DD's insistence. I was at a very deep low point of my life.

And so I started going to the gym as part of my journey to get back my self....to allow my mind to heal....to let my heart start feeling the right things again....to force my mind into thinking the right way.

Gradually I realized how much the discipline of going to the gym helped. It was not only the routine work-out that my instructor planned out for me, it was the whole experience - waking up in the morning and getting to the gym on time, being with strangers - working out in front of them, listening to them without understanding what they were saying...just letting the words, and nuances of tone wash over me. (I don't speak Bengali, the local language. I speak Hindi and English besides my mother tongue. Very few people in the gym speak Hindi, and English and my mother tongue not at all). This was a new experience.

Though we search for, read about and try to understand the wisest way to go about our life, it is often difficult to remember them...and wisdom often flies out when there is a critical situation on hand. Critical can be anything - it can be not being able to cope with anything that is harsh or hurtful - even the tiniest bit so. Critical can be something very big. Critical can be anything that affects just us in a bad way, critical can be something that draws in other people into our circle. The discipline of doing a routine regularly and relentlessly brings about a steadiness. You don't easily get rattled. I work on what I have to do, even though it gets tedious sometimes, very regularly and steadfastly. I'm, therefore, able to remove my mind from the tedious task. The good thing is that now I don't feel unhappy about the whole daily tasks routine. I don't feel I'm unfairly saddled with a whole barrage of humdrum things when my mind actually wants to soar. I can still allow my mind to roam around where I want it to go. I'm able to not let the routine get the better of me. It doesn't happen as blissfully all the time, but it does happen often enough for me to know that I have to work on it. Just like we have to juggle our work routine in case the work station that we are supposed to be on is not free, it is now easier for me to juggle my work at home without getting distressed.

I was initially a little skeptical about doing yoga. I didn't want to get into the mumbo-jumbo of it. My instructor said I needed to do the exercises as it would help me make myself more supple and take away a lot of the stiffness of my joints. Now I feel that it has made me a more peaceful person as well. If you cannot still your mind, you end up flailing your arms and legs - as has happened with me so many times. Peacefulness is not just a stillness of mind, though that is imperative to begin with. Peacefulness has to be a stillness with no disturbances hovering on the edges. It has to be a steady, pervasive kind of peacefulness. I'm beginning to feel this now and can make out the difference from how I used to feel.

The fact that sometimes the exercises go off smoothly and sometimes do not....and yet we go back to the gym the next time around, has helped me a lot. I used to think that everything has to be just so and if it wasn't then there was something wrong with me. Gymming has taught me that even though things don't go off as they should on certain days, the fact that they do go off well on other days, points to the fact that I'm not a failure...nothing's wrong with me.

Often, when a yoga asana is just not happening, after a while my instructor tells me to leave it off for the day. How often we have read about letting go.....and still we hang on trying and trying and trying through blood, sweat and tears only to be met with the same negative result. I've now learnt that sometimes my body just will not obey my mind. If I leave that particular exercise off and do something else, often, I can go back to what I'd left. If my body persists in its stiffness, then I leave it and do something else and feel none the worse for it....Sometimes, just sitting still helps me.

Another thing I've learnt is not to get desperate when one chore is taking longer than usual...not to hurry through things. The fact is that when exercising, there are no short cuts. One can cut short the time required to be spent on that exercise or at that work station but that doesn't really help in the long run. There is also a nagging feeling at the back of the mind that one cheated on oneself. My chores used to feel too much too handle and never-ending, now I finish one completely before moving to another, instead of doing a bit here and a bit there and then going back and doing some more before finally finishing. I've learnt that if I keep on at it, I'm able to finish it with fewer retakes and mistakes. So now I finish one task completely before moving to the next one. The bonus here is that I'm taking less time, instead of more...

A big thing I've learnt is to laugh....laugh at myself when I struggle, sometimes quite comically, at a work station. We all also laugh together - one doesn't need a language to laugh! - at someone's acrobatics. Native American wisdom says "Laughter - that is something very sacred..." (John (Fire) Lame Deer, ROSEBUD LAKOTA). Laughter is mental, laughter is emotional, laughter is physical, and laughter is spiritual. Laughter helps us find balance. If we get too angry, laughter will turn that emotion in a balanced direction. If we have a mental picture of someone who is too strong, laughter will help ease the tension. If the body is stressed, laughter will release natural relaxants into our muscles and our nervous system. Laughter often changes our attitude. We need to lighten up and laugh more.

I see those who are really very fit - I'm not even halfway there - but the truths I've learnt are priceless. Peace of mind requires the body to be in good condition, first, then it requires us to work, and work hard, towards achieving an all-pervasive quietness....One cannot be free from anxiety or worry, but one can learn that there are other things to think about as well. There are some things that we just cannot do. No point in thinking about it and fretting about it. No point in running from pillar to post. No point in hassling ourselves over it. It's not going to happen. What can happen is to free ourselves from its clutches and look at what we are, what we have, with peace of mind....with no disturbing or upsetting waves beating around the edges.


It's not easy. I'm just beginning to internalize some basics... I recognize the hard work involved and I mean to work at it...including laughter....need to laugh more....much, much more...