31 January 2014

My favorite Joan Baez songs..

Honest Lullaby

Let your love flow

Diamonds and rust

It is vital...

to create your own little oasis...

It could be in a corner of your home...

or you could turn your home into one...

Either way, it is fundamental to your well-being...

It is your retreat and safe house, your sanctuary as it were - a pleasant or peaceful spot, just yours, and just for you...a place where you can replenish your soul...

29 January 2014

Couple of things...

my eyes have opened up to.....finally...

1. When a person asks for advice, very often they actually only want a validation of what they want to do or of their thinking...

and 2. When someone asks you for help, telling you that your help is invaluable and they need it badly, you can be sure that this has been told to a whole lot of others too. So, when you do your background work and get back to the person who'd asked you for help, you'll see, nine times out of ten, that the person has already taken someone else's help and is probably well on the way to executing it...

This is not being cynical - not at all - it's just one of those ways in which life works. So, the best is to just hear out the person in both instances, for in reality all they are looking for is a sounding board. If they really value your advice or help, they will get back to you....If you think of it this way, then you can offer them that most invaluable of gifts which is listening....just listening....and you will be spared the feelings of resentment or of being used, that are likely to creep into the mind...

28 January 2014

It's ALL in the style...

of living is what I've finally and  firmly come to believe - as of yesterday. It was kind of there in the back of my mind, but yesterday it somehow took shape and crystallized in my mind. And I realized that for style in living one has to believe in it. You don't need much money, and you don't need too many things....it lies in the graciousness of living.

We never had much money growing up, as my Dad was a priest who firmly believed in his vow of poverty, and lived it....but it was not poverty of spirit.....and that translated itself into a very lovely way of life. Gentle, slow, pretty - some flowers here, or some potted plants there - a garden which he used to religiously tend, a way of arranging the furniture, sea shells that we used to collect put in a glass vase or bowl, maybe, definite rules of quiet behaviour, and manners at the table....so many little things came to my mind. I remember we had to cut down this huge tree that stood near the house. He scooped out the inside of it, filled it with earth and put in a plant, and arranged the rocks that I used to collect around it, creating this lovely rockery...or he would put some creeper against a window...definitely flowers on the table, or a spray of violets on a tea tray. Worn out Christmas decorations would suddenly look renewed when kept, supposedly carelessly, here or there.....and pictures or artifacts on the walls...Every room had some touch of beauty. Adult life too did not bring in very much by way of money, but some candles here and there, some incense sticks, or something picked up from a fair or roadside stall and used as a pencil holder, or spoon holder....pretty cushion covers to hide the oldness of a sofa....we used so many inexpensive things to make 'house' a 'home'. I always remember my Mom telling me that if she put me in a corner, I would make it look pretty.....but it never came home to me till yesterday, that it was part of the style of living that I had inherited from my Dad, and which had been a way of life in our family.....it made life so lovely!

This line of thought totally syncd with my belief in wabi-sabi, and reinvigorated it..

Living in style also makes it easier to bear the difficulties and hardships, pain and hurt that is part of life...

24 January 2014

I loved this phrase...

signature look...came across it in the Advanced Style blog.

How important it is to develop this....scary to launch out on, this creating of our own special, signature look, but very rewarding I'm sure....Just have to try it out...

Accept...

that being buffeted about by strong winds or running into squalls and tempests are a part of life....they just are....the Creator didn't say that life was going to be a smooth ride...but he did give us the tools to cope.

Don't waste time on asking 'why did this happen to me', 'why are bad things happening,' 'why should this happen,' I haven't done anything wrong,' and other questions in the same vein. A squall or earthquake or thunderstorm has happened, accept it, absorb it and then look inside for the tools that are waiting to be used. These tools become visible to us only when we accept the bad things that come into our lives...then all we have to do is use them to deal with life as it has presented itself to us at this moment....

21 January 2014

We are living in an era of mass networked communication...

(I got this phrase from brainpickings.org)

While a social communication platform becomes a platform for communication between two people, a side canal also starts up between the writer and the reader and other readers and writers.....each adding in what he/she thinks believes....and so you finally see what you have written being bounced off many people...

The idea of writing about oneself...

or one's thoughts, can be traced to a single person:

Michel Eyquem de Montaigne, a nobleman, government official, and winegrower.

He lived in the PĂ©rigord area of southwestern France from 1533 to 1592 and invented this idea of writing about oneself so as to create a mirror in which other people could see themselves - as in, his readers would find resonance in what he wrote. It was a way of linking people...

He is therefore credited with being the first proto-blogger.

18 January 2014

Our lives are like cherry blossoms...

Evanescent, ephemeral...

What we need to examine is whether our lives are as beautiful...to share and to offer only beauty with those who cross our path


We tend to forget that we are on this earth for but one brief moment in time...

16 January 2014

If ever you needed the assurance...

that it was all right to make mistakes, here's proof of it from Harold's Planet...

so don't be afraid of making mistakes....they are needed...

15 January 2014

It is only when the hurricane touches the eagle...

that with a scream he turns his breast to the storm and uses the storm to carry him high above it...

Everyone has their own way of dealing with hurt...

and there is an element of hurt in all relationships - parent-child, spouse-spouse, employer-employee, colleague-colleague, buyer-seller, friend-friend, sibling-sibling.....at some time or the other each hurts the other. The question is how much hurt are we willing to bear, how far are we prepared to go, to keep the relationship.

No relationship, not even the umbilical one of parent-child can be taken for granted - indeed that is the most precious one and the one most worth fighting for...

While it is easy to walk away, that is not always the solution. We need to put the problem out in the open, look at it, study it, and then decide on what to do - some tweaking may be necessary, sometimes changes have to be made, maybe help has to be found, a source of wisdom needs to be tapped, we may need to rely on the thinking of higher minds. This needs a great deal of honesty and courage. But it is worth it...

Of course this becomes easier if we have a shoulder to lean on, someone who will take our side and validate us in our efforts to deal with the painful complexities of life.

Talking about mindfulness...

I came across this method which made a lot of sense to me - made the practice of mindfulness easier.

Consciously tell yourself in the moment you are in right now what is happening. If you are alone, say it out loud. If you don't feel like saying it aloud, then speak to yourself - but say the words - don't only think them. So, if you are having a cup of coffee, speak the words - I am having coffee just now and I am enjoying it. Or, if you are writing, then tell yourself - I am putting down my thoughts for this is what is in my mind. Or, if you are upset and in tears, then say - I am upset by ___________________ and I feel as if my heart is breaking. Or, if you are putting things in the washing machine speak out the words - I am putting in the white clothes first and then will do the rest. Or, when you are cooking, say - okay now I am putting in the onions to brown, then I'll need to put in the ginger-garlic paste, so let me get this. This way, with practice (nothing in life comes easy!) you will be able to look at each moment.

Why? because them you will be able to meet what comes to you in the moment head on, and accept what is in that moment - so if the moment is giving you happiness, you are conscious of it, if it brings the fact that you have run out of onions, then you will be able to work out an alternative, if the moment brings sorrow, then you will be able to deal with it or distract yourself to go out of the sad zone. In other words, you are meeting each moment of life AS IT IS, not as it should be or as you would like it to be.

And the result - you get better at dealing with pain, you can cool-headedly  solve the problem in hand, you can fully participate in the pleasure or joy of the moment, you can avoid a difficult situation you feel is beginning to happen...

12 January 2014

First it was 16-year-old Malala...

now 15-year-old Aitzaz...

both from the Pakhtunkhwa region....both put the importance of education above all else...

Let us all join together and salute these brave children...My heart goes out to the proud parents - how will they ever reconcile to this terrible loss. What grief the parents of Malala and Aitzaz must be going through...what fear...

And again this question - when will this madness against children end...these are the most precious gifts Life has given us.

10 January 2014

There is something to be said...

in favor of examining the situations we find ourselves in.

It could be that we are in a difficult situation and feel there is no way out, or it could be an incomprehensible problem that has suddenly cropped up. It could be a health issue that sounds ominous, or it could be a dilemma we unwittingly find ourselves in. It could be a bolt out of the blue that almost paralyzes our mind...

Some of us can stay calm, but some cannot, and some of us totally panic when anything out of the ordinary or out of our ken happens.

The realization that has come to me is that when we find ourselves in such a situation, we have to force ourselves to examine the issue that has caused this upheaval, no matter even if it is a small one, in our lives and no matter how hurtful it may be to us. It is easy to jump to conclusions based on our past experiences, or decide that well this is the way it is and this is the way I am, or this has happened so this is the response.....fact is that we really cannot refer to our past experiences for we were different people then - in fact we are different people with every breath we take. We have to see the problem from all angles, through the eyes of all parties involved - most definitely including ourselves. A solution is bound to come up - the question is whether we are willing to be part of that solution, or are we going to hang on to our hurt...

Just as problems are difficult to handle, solutions are difficult to live...

09 January 2014

We all have...

eureka moments now and again...

Very often we would have heard or read the same things a hundred times, on and off over the years, but it hits us only when we are ready for it...and that is the time we need to grab it, take it seriously, and work on it....for it is only now that it will work, and work wonders for us.

I'd like to share two eureka moments I've had in these past two days.

One was from Oprah's newsletter 'Thought for the Day', where she talks with Bishop T.D. Jakes. This sentence grabbed me: 'When you hold onto your history, you do so at the expense of your destiny.' And my destiny is one moment at a time...

The second was this quote by Stephen Covey: 'I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.'

So, decide to shape your moment, shape it, and you will be shaping your destiny.....and don't let anyone or anything distract you from that.

07 January 2014

Something to revitalize...

all of us over 60...

Workers in the US retire on average at the age of 61.

At 67, it would seem that Janet Yellen is just getting started. (BBC News Business)

Isn't that just fantastic? Great encouragement for those who want to drop off the road of life and hide away...

06 January 2014

The best thing is that...

every morning is a new beginning....

every morning we can start our life afresh.....

every morning we get to work on a new page...

every morning is the first day of the rest of our life...

What has gone before is of no consequence, so don't wast precious moments thinking of yesterday, or all the other yesterdays....think only of today....

The best thing is that if you fail....never mind...don't beat yourself up....for tomorrow you will get a chance at a new beginning again....All you have to do is to give today your best shot...

Unwittingly...

your parents would have passed on their hurts and prejudices to you....Comes a point in time in your own adult life when you realize that you are reacting unreasonably to some things - you are, in fact, reacting the way they do, but out of the context in which they reacted to those things. Think....for we live in an age where a great deal of knowledge is easily available via the Net on every subject. There is a lot of emphasis on right thinking....thinking that will help you lead a happy and fulfilling life (and by happiness I don't mean the he he ho ho variety of happiness, but that deep feeling of contentment that fills and warms your being)...and thinking that will bring peace of mind...

Then, discard those ways that have been handed down and that you have been blindly following, for they will only bring you grief....worse and worser...they will twist your mind into something which is not your own unique self.

Don't blame your parents....it is very easy to do so....for in all possibility they too were carrying on what was passed on to them without examining them...In your life you can examine and discard what is hurting you or blocking the real you, and choose what will help you a) create your own unique life b) create an aura of happiness or real freedom around you.

04 January 2014

I visited my old college...

Isabella Thoburn College, a few days back. Of course she has changed from the time I was there - 1967 to 1972. It would be foolish to think she would have remained the same....indeed, while my head tells me it would have been terrible, almost retrograde, if she had remained as she was, my heart ached, for her physical appearance had changed.

Change does happen...it is the law of life. Change could be better, as in 'my' idea of better, or it could be worse - 'my' idea of worse....but what is important is whether the essentials have changed.

I will be honest - I was terrified at the thought of going to see my old College. I felt inadequate, wondering if I would be able to sync my now with my then.... I felt weak about my knees as I thought of going back to my home, as it were. For I would have to look within...I would need to examine if I had broken her trust....But, Isabella Thoburn, like a true Alma Mater (Latin: Alma "nourishing/ kind", Mater "mother") drew me to her again.

Facing her, and breathing her air, I realized that Isabella Thoburn's essentials are rock solid...they have withstood all the changes of time and administration, and have even stood up to the enormous political changes that have swept Lucknow. There is neither a scratch nor a dent in what she stood for, what she was all about, and what she had to offer her students. The Ideals she gave us and expected us to live by, remain steadfast and relevant. Isabella Thoburn's legacy to all those who passed through her portals is unblemished. This was very, very reassuring and comforting....it was also a reaffirmation - I am an indelible part of her as she is of me.

My most important and most impressionable years were entwined with Isabella Thoburn. Being there, looking at her, and allowing her to wash away the years in between, I knew without a doubt, undeniably, that she was clearly a vital part of my inheritance and heritage...and it was about time I reclaimed it.

As I stood in front of her, I, once again, felt her reaching out to me, just as I had felt when I was but a chit of a 15-year-old; her strong, calm presence as surely as ever showing me the way to go....

Thank you, Isabella Thoburn for restoring me to myself...

 In front of the College

In front of the Chapel. A bit of the new block that has been added shows up in the corner. It changes the symmetry, because the old buildings were built as ITC - the admin block and classes formed the I, the Chapel the T, and the Library the C. In style, though, the new block tries to blend in with the old...

I am pointing to the pillar that I stood in front of during our graduation exercises, to represent the Ideal of Poise (the pillar to my left).

In front of my room - there was no grill then, nor was there any number above my door - but room 51 was my room when I was VP of Naunihal. I'm trying to stand as close to it as I can! (52 was Dolly and Indu's room).



02 January 2014

We cannot take away...

anyone's pain or sorrow or suffering...

But we can help heal the storm-swept barrenness of a person's soul with a warm hug, unconditional love, and the strength of our presence...

01 January 2014

When we talk about decisions...

we know how difficult it is to take one. Friends say something, life has taught you something, the world requires something of you, and your family claims something...

Thing is that since we have to live with the decision we take, it is important, no, imperative that the decision is one that our conscience and we can live with...live with....not resign ourselves to...

and from somewhere the strength to do so comes....

It's that time of the year...

when we need to forget all the hurts...

remember all the good times...

clean out our minds and hearts of old memories and make way for new ones...no matter if some memories are painful...it's all part of the tapestry of our lives....