familiarity.
This has been playing on my mind for the past few days.
As a person, I hate any kind of familiarity.....it's not that I do not like the closeness of a happy and good relationship, just that I don't like anyone too close.
I am not talking about our children, for their bond with their mothers is umbilical - no one can be closer to a mother than her daughter/son or closer to a child than her/his mother. We may spoil that relationship, but it is there.....and best is that it can always be repaired.
No, I am talking about the other relationships - cousins, spouse, friends, classmates... People with whom we share likes and dislikes, interests, and have things in common. Growing up, my Dad took great pains to tell me where to draw a line with my friends. There were many times when he drew those lines himself. And one of my mother's favorite sayings was 'Familiarity breeds contempt'.
Often, I see how people just trample right into the very close space surrounding their friends, and indeed how they go right into the private space of even those they have just met. It feels abrasive to me. I cannot do this. Nor will I allow anyone to bridge my very private space. I do believe that this kind of closeness spoils things. It takes away that something special/different from a relationship We need space to manouver our thoughts, emotions, feelings... and we need to allow others too to have their own space...
For some it is a habit backed by 'this is who I am - take it or leave it'. But, what about the other person? How might he/she feel? Why can we not get to know another person keeping a slight distance. I feel it is important to respect the other person's feelings, beliefs, thoughts, values, strengths, weaknesses, compulsions, committments...even though we may not agree with them. After all we are all different - each one of us in our own ways. There can be interesting meeting points even with those who don't fit into our mold of how we think 'friends' (or whoever in whatever relationship) should be. To want us to do what they want or to make us clones of them does not bode well for any relationship.
Before writing this blog, I checked with the Free Dictionary and Thesaurus.com.
The Free Dictionary gives as one of its definitions of familiarity -
Undue intimacy; an instance of unwarranted intimacy
And the Thesaurus, while giving many lovely synonyms, also mentions presumption, forwardness and unceremoniousness
Which means that while there can be friendliness, there is the danger of unwarrented intimacy because of presumptions made by one of those in the relationship.
Doesn't sound palatable to me at all.
I think we need to have a space around us and respect the space around the other person - if necessary create an illusion of space around the other person and don't go into it at all. It can be misunderstood as aloofness by a person who believes in being familiar with everyone. In that case there is no common ground to begin with and so better to heed the warning signals beeping within us...
Not saying be aloof....no, absolutely not. But familiarity--------never, ever, ever...
29 June 2016
27 June 2016
Brexit madness...
reached its just end a couple of days back. To say that it shook the world is to say less. Besides the fact that there was a bloodbath in the global markets, this madness literally pulled the carpet from under many ordinary people. And this is what really mattered to me.
These mad political decisions always strike at the ordinary people. People who want to earn their livelihood and lead a peaceful life as best as they can, as happily as they can.
It is the immigrants who are going to be the most affected. Brits who live and work in other European countries will have to go through the hassle of visas, work permits and the usual horrible bureaucratic hurdles. Likewise people from other European countries who live in the UK will have to get their papers in order. This is not an easy task anywhere in the world. Plus, for those immigrants who have fled war-torn countries hoping to find a safe haven for themselves and their families in the UK, all hope is lost.
The world is not an isolationist world. It was not created thus. We may have lost sight of the real issues of life, but the fact remains that all people are interdependent no matter to which country they owe their allegiance. We are all human beings first and last and we all depend upon each other no matter which part of the world we live in.
It is the younger generation that matters. The results of the referendum brought home the fact that the older generation selfishly voted for a country in which they would feel comfortable, but which is close to destroying the dreams, hopes and ambitions of the younger generation.
What came to me, an Indian, whose parents lived through the trauma of partition was that this was Divine Justice. The Brits have done untold damage in all the countries they colonized. Their policy of dividing people on the basis of religion, language, place of origin, identity seems to have come home to roost. With arbitrarily drawn lines, they partitioned tracts of land which was home to millions. So many homes were destroyed, so many people displaced, so many refugees poured into other countries that were ill-equipped to deal with them, so many people killed. Many people have still not come to terms with their personal traumas created by the British Empire - they are still struggling to put their lives into some kind of a pattern that would make sense for the coming generations.
There are so many good things about British culture that we admire....All forgotten in the mad frenzy of the referendum. Look at the demons of hatred and divisiveness this referendum has unleashed in the tiny little country that it is.
It is also very telling of the people of the UK that after the results were out many people started googling EU to find out what it was. The young are clearly unhappy and worried about their future - they see a disastrous pattern emerging.
How could they not have educated themselves on what the fall-outs would be? How could they so blindly accept the rhetoric of certain politicians, who are now trying to backtrack? Did they not think this through? Did they not realize that they are just one among many other nations in the world and what they do will impact on the whole world? How could they turn their own country on its head?
These mad political decisions always strike at the ordinary people. People who want to earn their livelihood and lead a peaceful life as best as they can, as happily as they can.
It is the immigrants who are going to be the most affected. Brits who live and work in other European countries will have to go through the hassle of visas, work permits and the usual horrible bureaucratic hurdles. Likewise people from other European countries who live in the UK will have to get their papers in order. This is not an easy task anywhere in the world. Plus, for those immigrants who have fled war-torn countries hoping to find a safe haven for themselves and their families in the UK, all hope is lost.
The world is not an isolationist world. It was not created thus. We may have lost sight of the real issues of life, but the fact remains that all people are interdependent no matter to which country they owe their allegiance. We are all human beings first and last and we all depend upon each other no matter which part of the world we live in.
It is the younger generation that matters. The results of the referendum brought home the fact that the older generation selfishly voted for a country in which they would feel comfortable, but which is close to destroying the dreams, hopes and ambitions of the younger generation.
What came to me, an Indian, whose parents lived through the trauma of partition was that this was Divine Justice. The Brits have done untold damage in all the countries they colonized. Their policy of dividing people on the basis of religion, language, place of origin, identity seems to have come home to roost. With arbitrarily drawn lines, they partitioned tracts of land which was home to millions. So many homes were destroyed, so many people displaced, so many refugees poured into other countries that were ill-equipped to deal with them, so many people killed. Many people have still not come to terms with their personal traumas created by the British Empire - they are still struggling to put their lives into some kind of a pattern that would make sense for the coming generations.
There are so many good things about British culture that we admire....All forgotten in the mad frenzy of the referendum. Look at the demons of hatred and divisiveness this referendum has unleashed in the tiny little country that it is.
It is also very telling of the people of the UK that after the results were out many people started googling EU to find out what it was. The young are clearly unhappy and worried about their future - they see a disastrous pattern emerging.
How could they not have educated themselves on what the fall-outs would be? How could they so blindly accept the rhetoric of certain politicians, who are now trying to backtrack? Did they not think this through? Did they not realize that they are just one among many other nations in the world and what they do will impact on the whole world? How could they turn their own country on its head?
24 June 2016
One has to...
keep reminding oneself of who one is, and pause long enough to see what one's life is looking like, where it has got derailed, how it can be restored, and what it can become.
Willy-nilly we get into the rut of routine, and unless we force ourselves out of it, it is likely to swamp us and beat us down.
It is very important to take reality-checks of ourselves every so often. Reality-checks have to be honest. Having said that, it is only right to say that they can be painful because besides the zillion times all kinds of hurts - big and small - are inflicted on us, knowingly and unknowingly, it is only when we take a hard look at ourselves that we will be able to figure out where we are going wrong....Why wrong? Because anything that takes away our peace of mind, shakes our equilibrium, disturbs us emotionally, stresses us out, causes our insides to knot up, makes us think we are small, cannot be right for us.
Some of us can snap out and get back onto our chosen paths on our own. Some, like me, need to reach out...we cannot do this on our own. We need someone who's hand we can hold (metaphorically)...
And so in situations like this, I run to Maya Angelou's words of wisdom. As a lady who lived life to the fullest, was totally and completely unafraid of anything, overcame the rotten deals that life threw at her, and most of all, was so intensely HUMAN, she is my choice of the ideal person... Here are some nuggets:
'I will not allow my life to be minimized by anybody's racism or sexism or ageism.' (Or any -ism for that matter).
This one really helps me. When people slowly demolish you, by being nice one minute and rude/bad/hurtful the next and then again be nice and again rude/bad/hurtful.....and again and again till you feel your very foundation shaking, she says, 'Stop them in their tracks. And if they say, 'What, you can't take a joke?' say, 'No - I can't. You just stop right there.' People try to demean others because they want to dominate. Angelou says, 'The minute I hear someone trying to demean me, I know that person means to have my life. And I will NOT give it to them.' Broken, dented, scratched, patched up, lines redrawn, spaces recoloured, your life is still yours....We cannot let anyone else have it...
'Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.'
And I love this:
'A wise woman wishes to be noone's enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim.'
It is becoming a victim that we need to guard ourselves from. And we have to do this strongly and again and again till it becomes a part of us.
Willy-nilly we get into the rut of routine, and unless we force ourselves out of it, it is likely to swamp us and beat us down.
It is very important to take reality-checks of ourselves every so often. Reality-checks have to be honest. Having said that, it is only right to say that they can be painful because besides the zillion times all kinds of hurts - big and small - are inflicted on us, knowingly and unknowingly, it is only when we take a hard look at ourselves that we will be able to figure out where we are going wrong....Why wrong? Because anything that takes away our peace of mind, shakes our equilibrium, disturbs us emotionally, stresses us out, causes our insides to knot up, makes us think we are small, cannot be right for us.
Some of us can snap out and get back onto our chosen paths on our own. Some, like me, need to reach out...we cannot do this on our own. We need someone who's hand we can hold (metaphorically)...
And so in situations like this, I run to Maya Angelou's words of wisdom. As a lady who lived life to the fullest, was totally and completely unafraid of anything, overcame the rotten deals that life threw at her, and most of all, was so intensely HUMAN, she is my choice of the ideal person... Here are some nuggets:
'I will not allow my life to be minimized by anybody's racism or sexism or ageism.' (Or any -ism for that matter).
This one really helps me. When people slowly demolish you, by being nice one minute and rude/bad/hurtful the next and then again be nice and again rude/bad/hurtful.....and again and again till you feel your very foundation shaking, she says, 'Stop them in their tracks. And if they say, 'What, you can't take a joke?' say, 'No - I can't. You just stop right there.' People try to demean others because they want to dominate. Angelou says, 'The minute I hear someone trying to demean me, I know that person means to have my life. And I will NOT give it to them.' Broken, dented, scratched, patched up, lines redrawn, spaces recoloured, your life is still yours....We cannot let anyone else have it...
'Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.'
And I love this:
'A wise woman wishes to be noone's enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim.'
It is becoming a victim that we need to guard ourselves from. And we have to do this strongly and again and again till it becomes a part of us.
22 June 2016
Why....
do we have to publicly acknowledge, or go to great lengths to explain, or make a huge effort to justify what we believe in, or what or who we are, or why we think the way we do, or why we enjoy the things and people we enjoy...why we choose to live life the way we do?
I'm right now deeply disturbed by what is happening in my country - acknowledge that my ancestors were Hindus or else there is no place for me in this country, hide my identity as a Christian in order to avoid becoming the target of someone's hatred...
Plus,
I have to play down the fact that I am more comfortable in English than in my mother tongue, hide that I love the best in western culture and civilization, enjoy wearing western wear, prefer English movies to Hindi or those in the vernacular, for fear of being taunted and ridiculed......
And,
Be very careful about what I write on Twitter or in Facebook or anywhere on the net, lest I get swamped and threatened by trolls...
It's not that I don't find anything good in my own culture - I do...but I also love the West....
It's as if my Indian-ness is always in question...always under the scanner....
And I am hating it.
As I said I believe and I very firmly do that first and last I am a human being and I do believe that we need to respect everyone as human being first without their having to prove not only that they are human but they are our version of human.
My Principal at Isabella Thoburn College at our Baccalaureate ceremony ended her exhortation by telling us that we should not bend our knee or head in front of any man save God nor any thing save that which was good and just and honorable in God's sight. Through childhood and into adulthood there was never any place in our home for any of this nonsense of having to define who I am....
And though I do go through periods of fear and distress, I have decided that I will not stoop to this profiling - not for myself and certainly not for my way of life that has never ever had any place for this kind of fool thing...
I'm right now deeply disturbed by what is happening in my country - acknowledge that my ancestors were Hindus or else there is no place for me in this country, hide my identity as a Christian in order to avoid becoming the target of someone's hatred...
Plus,
I have to play down the fact that I am more comfortable in English than in my mother tongue, hide that I love the best in western culture and civilization, enjoy wearing western wear, prefer English movies to Hindi or those in the vernacular, for fear of being taunted and ridiculed......
And,
Be very careful about what I write on Twitter or in Facebook or anywhere on the net, lest I get swamped and threatened by trolls...
It's not that I don't find anything good in my own culture - I do...but I also love the West....
It's as if my Indian-ness is always in question...always under the scanner....
And I am hating it.
As I said I believe and I very firmly do that first and last I am a human being and I do believe that we need to respect everyone as human being first without their having to prove not only that they are human but they are our version of human.
My Principal at Isabella Thoburn College at our Baccalaureate ceremony ended her exhortation by telling us that we should not bend our knee or head in front of any man save God nor any thing save that which was good and just and honorable in God's sight. Through childhood and into adulthood there was never any place in our home for any of this nonsense of having to define who I am....
And though I do go through periods of fear and distress, I have decided that I will not stoop to this profiling - not for myself and certainly not for my way of life that has never ever had any place for this kind of fool thing...
20 June 2016
I have never been able to understand...
the classification of people into different categories.
For instance, Martina Navratilova and Elton John, two persons I admire tremendously, are categorized as 'different' on the basis of an intensely personal matter.
'Special' children are put in a separate category because they have different needs and then they are further classified.
We categorize people who don't look like us or think like us or believe in the exact same things we believe in. And then we label them.
We allow a vague thing called 'society' to classify us and then put us into specific cordoned-off areas or ghettos forgetting that we all come from one source - scientifically and spiritually...
Have we stopped to think that these 'different' people might think of the so-called politically-correctly-born people as different? To one set of 'different' people, everyone else is 'different'. Come to think of it, we are all different....each one of us, in our own way....
In the haste to classify, we forget that first and middle and last we are all human beings and that includes all 'categories' of people. This is our primary and, to my mind, our only identity. Everything else comes next - sexual preference, physical/mental/emotional challenges, color of skin, place in society, belief system....all come second. The common thread that runs through us all is our human-ness.
Martina Navratilova says, It's sad how people are scared of people different from them.'
It is this fear that creates self-doubt and it is this 'Self-doubt', that Iyanala Vanzant says, 'steals dreams, denies hope and assassinates faith.'
For instance, Martina Navratilova and Elton John, two persons I admire tremendously, are categorized as 'different' on the basis of an intensely personal matter.
'Special' children are put in a separate category because they have different needs and then they are further classified.
We categorize people who don't look like us or think like us or believe in the exact same things we believe in. And then we label them.
We allow a vague thing called 'society' to classify us and then put us into specific cordoned-off areas or ghettos forgetting that we all come from one source - scientifically and spiritually...
Have we stopped to think that these 'different' people might think of the so-called politically-correctly-born people as different? To one set of 'different' people, everyone else is 'different'. Come to think of it, we are all different....each one of us, in our own way....
In the haste to classify, we forget that first and middle and last we are all human beings and that includes all 'categories' of people. This is our primary and, to my mind, our only identity. Everything else comes next - sexual preference, physical/mental/emotional challenges, color of skin, place in society, belief system....all come second. The common thread that runs through us all is our human-ness.
Martina Navratilova says, It's sad how people are scared of people different from them.'
It is this fear that creates self-doubt and it is this 'Self-doubt', that Iyanala Vanzant says, 'steals dreams, denies hope and assassinates faith.'
17 June 2016
Respect, love, forgiveness...
start with us. First we learn to respect ourselves as we are and as we are striving to be...as we are dreaming we want to be. We learn to love ourselves despite hundreds of reasons that pop into our minds telling us we should not love ourselves...or asking how we could love ourselves after____(whatever). We learn to forgive ourselves for our wrong actions, wrong thoughts, for flying off the handle, for things we did or words we spoke unthinkingly, for hurting someone, the numerous things we wished we had not done....
Our first response of blaming our situation or our circumstances or other people does not hold any water because trying to shift the blame does not exonerate us or paint us in brilliant white, though that is, in effect, what we are trying to do...
So, cut the blame part right out. Forgive yourself. Then do things to show your respect and love for yourself.
And then share this with one other person who is struggling with these issues...
Life is a journey, so we cannot stop at a point and think this is how it is going to be forever, and feel either elated or desperate. We are constantly carving out our own special road for ourselves and we are forever a work in progress till our journey ends...
Our first response of blaming our situation or our circumstances or other people does not hold any water because trying to shift the blame does not exonerate us or paint us in brilliant white, though that is, in effect, what we are trying to do...
So, cut the blame part right out. Forgive yourself. Then do things to show your respect and love for yourself.
And then share this with one other person who is struggling with these issues...
Life is a journey, so we cannot stop at a point and think this is how it is going to be forever, and feel either elated or desperate. We are constantly carving out our own special road for ourselves and we are forever a work in progress till our journey ends...
15 June 2016
Loosen up...
Two words that have to become part of my consciousness...part of me...
There are times without number when I find myself swallowing my words. Words that I so want to say. I guess it is better to swallow them than be misunderstood or worse, cause pain to someone...anyone.
There are also times when I have not acted the way I want to...not done something I have wanted to. I'm not sure this is such a good thing.
One has to weigh one's words and actions - I agree with this...but where I am getting stuck is that there are many times that weighing and weighing and weighing, causes me to start feeling so jammed up inside. This is a feeling I'm not liking any more. There is a deep need in me now to feel free in my heart and spirit and mind.
One huge deterrent has been that I've always been paranoid about unpleasantness. For me, any kind of unpleasantness has meant the end of the world - my world. One book I just finished reading - and I loved so much - is Fredrik Backman's 'My Grandmother sends her regards and apologizes'. There are parts of it that I re-re-re-re-re-read so many times that I feel they've gone deep inside of me. Now I have to loosen up so that I can live them. And the most important thing I learnt is that unpleasantness is inevitable and if it is inevitable, I don't have to fear it...I have to learn to let it pass....not hang on to it, not act on it, not analyze it, not blame or tear apart myself for it, not predict the worst, not anything.....
I have to bring back fairy tales from where they have been delegated to and concealed in the depths of my heart...
There are times without number when I find myself swallowing my words. Words that I so want to say. I guess it is better to swallow them than be misunderstood or worse, cause pain to someone...anyone.
There are also times when I have not acted the way I want to...not done something I have wanted to. I'm not sure this is such a good thing.
One has to weigh one's words and actions - I agree with this...but where I am getting stuck is that there are many times that weighing and weighing and weighing, causes me to start feeling so jammed up inside. This is a feeling I'm not liking any more. There is a deep need in me now to feel free in my heart and spirit and mind.
One huge deterrent has been that I've always been paranoid about unpleasantness. For me, any kind of unpleasantness has meant the end of the world - my world. One book I just finished reading - and I loved so much - is Fredrik Backman's 'My Grandmother sends her regards and apologizes'. There are parts of it that I re-re-re-re-re-read so many times that I feel they've gone deep inside of me. Now I have to loosen up so that I can live them. And the most important thing I learnt is that unpleasantness is inevitable and if it is inevitable, I don't have to fear it...I have to learn to let it pass....not hang on to it, not act on it, not analyze it, not blame or tear apart myself for it, not predict the worst, not anything.....
I have to bring back fairy tales from where they have been delegated to and concealed in the depths of my heart...
13 June 2016
Have been indulging in...
reliving moments and times captured in photographs. There are these tons of albums that are all carefully kept in the bookshelf but not taken out and looked at often enough, I feel. To check on something we do pull them out, but then we are looking for something specific....not meandering through the roads and byways and slip-roads that our life has gone on.
Some of the pictures have become faded and in some the colors have actually changed but otherwise they are just fine and looking at them brought back such an amazing collage of recollections...Bright colors, dim shades, shadows, clear outlines, hazy silhouettes, a juxtaposition of moments in time....all working towards changing us - refining, defining, paring and scraping, including, deleting, repairing, fixing...
In some pictures I've wondered if those persons are really us...Yes, we've changed in many ways...the trajectory is clear - there is a deepening of maturity and a gradual but sure unfolding of strength...it's there in our faces, in the way we stand and in the way we have been photographed....
As for my DD.....all the stages are there....from a tiny little baby to the beautiful young lady she is today.
.....memories caught forever on sheets of photographic paper...
Some of the pictures have become faded and in some the colors have actually changed but otherwise they are just fine and looking at them brought back such an amazing collage of recollections...Bright colors, dim shades, shadows, clear outlines, hazy silhouettes, a juxtaposition of moments in time....all working towards changing us - refining, defining, paring and scraping, including, deleting, repairing, fixing...
In some pictures I've wondered if those persons are really us...Yes, we've changed in many ways...the trajectory is clear - there is a deepening of maturity and a gradual but sure unfolding of strength...it's there in our faces, in the way we stand and in the way we have been photographed....
As for my DD.....all the stages are there....from a tiny little baby to the beautiful young lady she is today.
.....memories caught forever on sheets of photographic paper...
10 June 2016
A wabi-sabi recap...
Wabi - poignant nuances of sparseness
Sabi - the patina of age, carries nuances of grace and loneliness
What wabi-sabi embraces:
Fukinsei - asymmetry, unevenness
Kanso - simplicity, sparseness meaning lack of clutter, decoration, any kind of encumbrance
Kako - astringency--this has something to do with wisdom, that is, the shedding of the irrelevant encumbrances of youth and keeping only what matters
Shizen - naturalness, which is the simplicity that comes from deep understanding
Yugen - spiritual depth - looking at things that are hard and difficult with wisdom
Daisozu - an untramelled mind with no devotion to any dogma ro idealogy, no habits or formulae holding one back---a total freedom of thinking
Sei-jaku - tranquility - before doing anything, calm and still the mind. Empty it completely. Then, and only then begin on the task you have to do.
There is no one way to work towards acquiring these beautifully releasing qualities and fixing them inside of us so that we become this...we each have to find our own unique, special way. What matters is that we live wabi-sabi...become wabi-sabi...
Sabi - the patina of age, carries nuances of grace and loneliness
What wabi-sabi embraces:
Fukinsei - asymmetry, unevenness
Kanso - simplicity, sparseness meaning lack of clutter, decoration, any kind of encumbrance
Kako - astringency--this has something to do with wisdom, that is, the shedding of the irrelevant encumbrances of youth and keeping only what matters
Shizen - naturalness, which is the simplicity that comes from deep understanding
Yugen - spiritual depth - looking at things that are hard and difficult with wisdom
Daisozu - an untramelled mind with no devotion to any dogma ro idealogy, no habits or formulae holding one back---a total freedom of thinking
Sei-jaku - tranquility - before doing anything, calm and still the mind. Empty it completely. Then, and only then begin on the task you have to do.
There is no one way to work towards acquiring these beautifully releasing qualities and fixing them inside of us so that we become this...we each have to find our own unique, special way. What matters is that we live wabi-sabi...become wabi-sabi...
08 June 2016
I'm fascinated...
So, I decided to do a small experiment. I found a pipal tree beginning to grow in the yard downstairs, so I uprooted it, fixed a pot and planted the little chappy. It had 3 stems and a few leaves. I watched it every day...many times every day, actually. Imagine, then, my dismay when one by one the leaves fell off and the branches started becoming a dark brown. Still, my heart wouldn't accept that the plant may have died, so I kept watering it. Finally, when I didn't see any sign of life, I stopped watering it, but couldn't bring myself to take the pot downstairs and discard it. So there it sat, along with the others.
Finally, a couple of days back I decided to take it down. When I picked up the pot, I almost fainted....there were teeny-weeny little green leaves very prettily growing out of those seemingly dead twigs!!!!!!! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...the little leaves were looking so sweetly out at the world! Now, except for one of the 3 original stems, the other two have the little leaves happily growing.
Looking at the plant this morning, I thought, see our lives are so much like this plant. Something happens - I had yanked it out of the place where it had sent down roots and planted it in a completely new environment - and the plant finds itself in a new situation. It seemingly dies - just like we do when something unpleasant happens to us. And then, after some time has lapsed, one morning, 2 stems that didn't give up on life, sprouted leaves - a sign of life. 1 stem, however, couldn't do it and it stands along with the others as a reminder that if we allow change (any kind of change) to get the better of us, we actually kill ourselves. The other two stems teach us that change can be handled, survived, and indeed become an environment for growth.
Have to stay close to Nature....she has all the answers, consolations, blessings and she wants us to draw these lessons from her...
As if listening to my heart, here is today's meditation from the White Bison:
"We need to save those Elders who cannot speak for themselves -- the trees."
-- Haida Gwaii, Traditional Circle of Elders
The trees are the Elders of the Earth. Go to the forest or to the mountains and find a young tree.
Then find an old tree. Spend time with each. Sit by the young tree and listen to your thoughts.
Then move to an old tree and listen to your thoughts again. Just being in the presence of an old tree, you will feel more calm. Your thoughts will contain wisdom and your answers will be deeper. Why is this so? These old trees know more, have heard more, and are the Elders of the Earth. We must ensure these trees live so we can learn from them.
06 June 2016
There's been a terrible blackness in my heart...
for the past 2 weeks. Something that I had not expected happened, and I found that the blackness that entered my heart because of it, just seemed to stick. It would go away for short periods and I would think I'd broken it, but no, back it would creep in when I was least expecting it, turning everything shades of black again. Nothing seemed to make it go away. Prayers, huge, huge support from my DD, meditation, exercising....nothing kept the blackness out permanently...back it would sneak. Of course every day it was becoming less, but I didn't want it to color my life at all. Finally, today, in my White Bison meditation, I came across this -
I had willy-nilly allowed myself to get into a relationship with this thing that had happened - picturing scenarios, making up conversations, thinking of why and how it had happened, feel ing miserable at the sacrifices that this action resulted in - sacrifices of things that I had been long waiting for....and on and on.
Now I realize I had got into a relationship with this unfortunate action. I was responsible for creating many shades of that blackness. I was giving this foolish, irresponsible action a great deal of importance, and even though the consequences are something that have to be faced and got through, I realized I was according it more weightage and importance than it deserved. By allowing my mind to wander over into the area of the persons involved, I was polluting my own mind - creating dark swirling eddies in my mind which actually did not matter to the wicked people who had benefited from this.
Enough.....enough already. Yes, I have grown a great deal, and a lot of things have become clear...now it is time to concentrate on a new point of view.
Take heart.....I know it can be done and I will do it...
'It's not what is going on that matters, but how we look at what is going on. It's our relationship to it that counts. Nothing in the world has any meaning except the meaning we give to it. Any relationship that we have that is causing problems means we need to pray for a new point of view.'
I had willy-nilly allowed myself to get into a relationship with this thing that had happened - picturing scenarios, making up conversations, thinking of why and how it had happened, feel ing miserable at the sacrifices that this action resulted in - sacrifices of things that I had been long waiting for....and on and on.
Now I realize I had got into a relationship with this unfortunate action. I was responsible for creating many shades of that blackness. I was giving this foolish, irresponsible action a great deal of importance, and even though the consequences are something that have to be faced and got through, I realized I was according it more weightage and importance than it deserved. By allowing my mind to wander over into the area of the persons involved, I was polluting my own mind - creating dark swirling eddies in my mind which actually did not matter to the wicked people who had benefited from this.
Enough.....enough already. Yes, I have grown a great deal, and a lot of things have become clear...now it is time to concentrate on a new point of view.
Take heart.....I know it can be done and I will do it...
03 June 2016
Be careful...
There is a concept that says you move toward and become that which you think about.
Sometimes we hear someone saying, about a person they've known for a long time, that ______ is behaving out of character....that _______ never did this kind of thing...
Of course one thing is that there could be a medical reason for this kind of change in behaviour. When my Dad, the gentlest of people, snapped at my Mum one day, this was so out of character that she knew there must be something deeply wrong. She got him to a hospital for a check-up and it was found that he had the beginnings of meningitis, which later on went on to become serious.
This is not what I'm talking about. This can be treated externally.
What I am thinking about is where we allow our thoughts to go...
So if I think victim, then all I do and say has all the characteristics of a victim - very sad, because I am, then, going to slowly but surely fritter away all my gifts and talents and cheerfulness and happiness. I would be on the road to forgetting that my DD loves me, there are some people who care, there are things for me to do, and that I have my own unique and special place in the Universe.
If I persist in thinking I know all the answers to everything everyone says and does, then I'm well on the way to becoming a self-styled know-it-all. Ghastly, because this is not the strength of conviction.
If I think aggressive, then that's what I'm heading towards - as opposed to being gently assertive when I need to be.
If, as my DD tells me, it's time I was a badass, then I have to start thinking badass, then, and only then, will I move towards being a badass (that's in a good way!). What fun!!
The body and mind move together and since the mind influences the body, it nudges, maybe even pushes the body along in the path it wants it to go. This would carry with it it's own momentum. Change of direction would, therefore, need change of thoughts...change in thinking...
Thoughts are passing guests of the mind...we need to choose which thoughts we need to give a permanent home to...so that we become happy, strong people.
There are a zillion things that need my immediate attention. But, since this concerns me and I'm not really liking who I've allowed myself to become - no matter what the reason - then it's time to kick ass - mine first...
Sometimes we hear someone saying, about a person they've known for a long time, that ______ is behaving out of character....that _______ never did this kind of thing...
Of course one thing is that there could be a medical reason for this kind of change in behaviour. When my Dad, the gentlest of people, snapped at my Mum one day, this was so out of character that she knew there must be something deeply wrong. She got him to a hospital for a check-up and it was found that he had the beginnings of meningitis, which later on went on to become serious.
This is not what I'm talking about. This can be treated externally.
What I am thinking about is where we allow our thoughts to go...
So if I think victim, then all I do and say has all the characteristics of a victim - very sad, because I am, then, going to slowly but surely fritter away all my gifts and talents and cheerfulness and happiness. I would be on the road to forgetting that my DD loves me, there are some people who care, there are things for me to do, and that I have my own unique and special place in the Universe.
If I persist in thinking I know all the answers to everything everyone says and does, then I'm well on the way to becoming a self-styled know-it-all. Ghastly, because this is not the strength of conviction.
If I think aggressive, then that's what I'm heading towards - as opposed to being gently assertive when I need to be.
If, as my DD tells me, it's time I was a badass, then I have to start thinking badass, then, and only then, will I move towards being a badass (that's in a good way!). What fun!!
The body and mind move together and since the mind influences the body, it nudges, maybe even pushes the body along in the path it wants it to go. This would carry with it it's own momentum. Change of direction would, therefore, need change of thoughts...change in thinking...
Thoughts are passing guests of the mind...we need to choose which thoughts we need to give a permanent home to...so that we become happy, strong people.
There are a zillion things that need my immediate attention. But, since this concerns me and I'm not really liking who I've allowed myself to become - no matter what the reason - then it's time to kick ass - mine first...
01 June 2016
Some serious advice...
Why we cannot all just live like Harold, I don't know! We entangle ourselves in so many issues....
Well, there it is, and there we are....Thank God for the Harolds of the world...
Cheers!
It's very upsetting....
when people say - 'So-and-so did it, you can too.' Or, 'You know, so-and-so also went through something similar and this is what he/she did...you can also do it.' Or, 'So-and-so tackled this issue in this way...you can too.'
Thing is, I may not, really not, be able to do what someone else did, or how someone else tackled a similar issue. I'm me, with all my failings and shortcomings and inabilities. Good points too, but there are my own fears and insecurities as well. The way I process things in my mind is different.
A lot of what we think about ourselves, particularly our negative attributes, are assumptions.
A lot of what other people think about us are also assumptions. Assumptions usually are just that - assumptions.
I checked the Free Dictionary and Thesaurus for better understanding this word. One of the definitions of assumption according to the Dictionary is 'something taken for granted or accepted as true without proof; a supposition'. The Thesaurus too gives as synonyms - something taken for granted; something expected; presumption; and supposition' among many others.
So there it is - based on how we view ourselves, or others view us, certain assumptions are made by us of ourselves and by others of us.
Isaac Asimov says: Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.
This is exactly what we should do...
As for others' assumptions of us...scrub them all off instantly...so that the light comes in for US to shine. If we can't do something as someone else does - no matter...Good for us that we arrived at this! We must do what we can, how we can, when we can...so that our light shines out....just for us...
Thing is, I may not, really not, be able to do what someone else did, or how someone else tackled a similar issue. I'm me, with all my failings and shortcomings and inabilities. Good points too, but there are my own fears and insecurities as well. The way I process things in my mind is different.
A lot of what we think about ourselves, particularly our negative attributes, are assumptions.
A lot of what other people think about us are also assumptions. Assumptions usually are just that - assumptions.
I checked the Free Dictionary and Thesaurus for better understanding this word. One of the definitions of assumption according to the Dictionary is 'something taken for granted or accepted as true without proof; a supposition'. The Thesaurus too gives as synonyms - something taken for granted; something expected; presumption; and supposition' among many others.
So there it is - based on how we view ourselves, or others view us, certain assumptions are made by us of ourselves and by others of us.
Isaac Asimov says: Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.
This is exactly what we should do...
As for others' assumptions of us...scrub them all off instantly...so that the light comes in for US to shine. If we can't do something as someone else does - no matter...Good for us that we arrived at this! We must do what we can, how we can, when we can...so that our light shines out....just for us...
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