There's been a terrible blackness in my heart...

for the past 2 weeks. Something that I had not expected happened, and I found that the blackness that entered my heart because of it, just seemed to stick. It would go away for short periods and I would think I'd broken it, but no, back it would creep in when I was least expecting it, turning everything shades of black again. Nothing seemed to make it go away. Prayers, huge, huge support from my DD, meditation, exercising....nothing kept the blackness out permanently...back it would sneak. Of course every day it was becoming less, but I didn't want it to color my life at all. Finally, today, in my White Bison meditation, I came across this -

'It's not what is going on that matters, but how we look at what is going on. It's our relationship to it that counts. Nothing in the world has any meaning except the meaning we give to it. Any relationship that we have that is causing problems means we need to pray for a new point of view.' 

I had willy-nilly allowed myself to get into a relationship with this thing that had happened - picturing scenarios, making up conversations, thinking of why and how it had happened, feel ing miserable at the sacrifices that this action resulted in - sacrifices of things that I had been long waiting for....and on and on.

Now I realize I had got into a relationship with this unfortunate action. I was responsible for creating many shades of that blackness. I was giving this foolish, irresponsible action a great deal of importance, and even though the consequences are something that have to be faced and got through, I realized I was according it more weightage and importance than it deserved. By allowing my mind to wander over into the area of the persons involved, I was polluting my own mind - creating dark swirling eddies in my mind which actually did not matter to the wicked people who had benefited from this.

Enough.....enough already. Yes, I have grown a great deal, and a lot of things have become clear...now it is time to concentrate on a new point of view.

Take heart.....I know it can be done and I will do it...