strangely depleted...
Everything is seeming too much and too little.
Trying to find out why, I came across this in The Tiny Buddha:
'It’s only the ego, or small self, that’s fragile. The soul — your authentic self — is a honey badger.' The honey badger is a tough little thing and doesn't care who or what tries to harm it.
(What is a honey badger? According to the Urban Dictionary, the honey badger is the most intelligent and most fearless animal in the world. In fact, he is the ultimate badass of the animal kingdom.)
While the ego gets ruffled and upset because of some named or un-named fear or out of defensiveness, the soul is actually tough, reslient, savvy, and self-sufficient.
Which is the path I usually find myself on? The ego path! The slightest thing flips me and I go off. I'm not pausing...not giving myself the chance to tap into my soul! I'm reacting instantly instead of waiting for my soul to respond. The words just fly out of my mouth in retaliation/explanation/justification.... Or, I plunge into the depths of worry/anxiety/despair because some imaginary thing popped into my head...(Note - react and respond. Reacting is a negative action - not thought out at all, responding is not - it is carefully thought out).
The Tiny Buddha says that while the ego is fueled by fear and sees threats everywhere, the soul is rooted in love and a deep sense of well-being. So, the ego would naturally jump to the bait of the smallest threat while the soul would not. It would take a lot for the soul to respond...the small things would just bounce off it.
The ego is like the boy in the fable who cries 'Wolf' at a passing shadow. The soul doesn't waste time or energy on this kind of thing, but, if there is need of action, it will act fearlessly.
The ego wants apologies, assurances & reassurances, ironclad guarantees. The soul doesn't need any of these. The soul is tough and it would take a huge, huge thing to ruffle it - like the honey badger. The soul is in a secure place so it would really take a lot to upset it.
The ego hates uncertainty. The issue thus only gets compounded because in our reacting by justifying, apologizing excessively, explaining, and worse, we might draw other people into the fiasco, for fiasco is what it surely becomes. The soul pauses....waits...and tells us to sit tight. Not to react. The soul is responsible only for its own response...does not worry about anyone else's response.
So what does one do? One cannot ignore the instant feelings of hurt or fear or worry...okay, so pause and look at it. Find out if we had a part in it. Then, if needed....but only if needed, express ourself and stop. The trouble with expressing ourselves is that very often we blabber and the barrage of words instead of healing, only causes more of a rift. Therefore, Stop, Sit Tight, Take a Deep Breath and Check with our Soul. When the waves on the surface of our soul ease off, the calm deep takes over...