No amount of...

cosmetics, plastic surgery, botox injections, nor a complete overhaul of our wardrobe or total makeovers will bring about the change we crave, unless we fight and vanquish the past--every tentacle, no matter how daunting or how tiny it is, that reaches out and strangles our hopes and our faith in ourselves...that puts us down and makes us feel small and unworthy.... Every atom that comes hurtling at us and destroys our peace of mind has to be deflected.... Only then will we be able to bring about the change in ourselves that we so long for and want to happen....

Have you got...

your own song?

Charlie Knight, UTE, says:

"Everyone has a song. God gives us each a song. That's how we know who we are. Our song tells us who we are."

According to Native American wisdom, 'This song is given to each of us from the Great Spirit. Whenever we sing this song, we will receive courage and strength, not only for ourselves, but if we sing this song for others, it will help them. The song will give us power and make us feel really good. The song will make us see life in a sacred way.'

Clearly having our own song will empower us. But, we may not have our own song. We need to ask the Creator, in prayer, to give us our own song. With the song, the Creator entrusts us with a responsibility - the responsibility to act and conduct ourselves as the song demands... Thus we learn who we are...

3 things one must never say...

to the young:

1. When I was young....in our time.....when I was your age.... How times have changed...

2. I've sacrificed so much for you... Is this what I get in return...

3. I never got a chance to do something I wanted to do.....go see places I've always wanted to....live my dream.....have the career I wanted..... Now I'm making all this possible for you.....

Putting this kind of huge pressure on the young only ends in distress for both - the one who makes these statements and the one to whom these are made. We really cannot lay any kind of emotional hold on any person, especially on the young even if they are our children.

We, each one of us, old and young, have to flower in our own gardens...

I came across this...

piece of African wisdom:

Hold but do not grasp.

How incredibly wise! And believe me, while thinking about this and meditating on it, I realized how true it is.....in every single circumstance of life and in every single challenge life puts in our way.

Not only is this statement absolutely true, but it works... I'm pulling out everything that has come my way and I realize that all my grief and sorrow and pain and trouble has come because I went beyond holding....I was grasping for emotional security. I was grasping for recognition in my field of expertise. I was grasping for friendship. I was grasping for financial security and freedom. I was grasping anyone who showed affection. I was grasping for emotional freedom. I was grasping the spiritual strength that I was blessed with in one situation - wanting it to happen in all situations of life. I was grasping at relationships. I was grasping......and grasping.....and grasping....thinking that if I held on, it would stay with me......the people I was grasping would stay with me.....And this did not happen and now I realize that it will never happen because that is not the way of Life...

Life says 'Hold' and to hold means to cherish the moments of holding....cherishing a friendship, cherishing a love, cherishing anything that is important to us....

Holding has inbuilt into it the element of relinquishing....and thus at any moment we are called upon to relinquish what/who we are holding. This relinquishing does not have any bitterness in it....it is just a releasing...

And so we learn that it is only in holding that the mind and heart find peace...grasping and hanging on would only result in bitterness...

Check this out...

Being good at something is never a replacement for loving it.

I came across this in my meditation today. It's from The Tiny Buddha.

When we are good at something we will get awards, we will get recognition, we will get the big boss' approval, we will be chosen for important posts, but we need to check if we are happy. Happiness in what we do is something else altogether.

Our expertise in what we do, and deep happiness and satisfaction in what we do, may not always be on the same track.

When our starting point is that we are good at our jobs, we do everything that ratifies this belief. As the responsibilities and accolades grow, we start believing that this is what we were meant to do. However, there comes a time in life when the doubts, hidden till now, surface and we ask ourselves - what am I doing? When did I get to be like this? What happened to the real me? And the result  - disillusionment and a sense of loss. It could well be that when we realize this, we are in our 50s or 60s or 70s.

And so, for those starting out - check if what you are good at is also something you love. If not, change track...

For those who are past the hump, conventionally speaking, if you see that where you are and what you are good at is bringing you a sense of loss and heartache, you can still change track...

What are we to one another...

but a means to a meaning we haven't yet discovered. ~ Camille Rankine

A meaning about ourselves. A meaning that would make us authentic as persons.

We see culturally different people - how we respond to them tells us something about ourselves, hitherto unknown. We meet people who live by different values - how we respond, gives us clarity on our values, hitherto hidden. We find ourselves in different environments where we come in contact with people who probably never even knew that the country we come from exists - how we respond tells us something about what being so different means, hitherto never thought of.

All these meetings with other people help us to discover something more about ourselves, and goes into making us more authentic people. Linda Hogan, CHICKSAW, says there is a lot of power in being authentic.

Back again...!!!!

I had a little problem getting the hang of signing in to my blog account since I am now in Dubai with my daughter. But, I did it, and here I am!

Dubai, as always fascinates me. Every time I come here, the city seems to have grown - skywards and outwards into the desert. The combination of the sea and the desert, with mind-blowing futuristic-looking buildings is unbelievable, simply because they all seem to be of a piece. I don't know how they do it, but they do and the end effect is just fabulous. Of course for the very rich it is a playground, but even for the ordinary, not-so-rich, there is something to grab their attention....something to touch their heart...something to excite their sense of adventure....for, this is truly a fairyland. Age-old traditions blend with the ultra-modern...the natural desert way is comfortable with the carefully-created super-luxurious way...the Arab lifestyle rubs shoulders with the lifestyle of people from around the rest of the world...strict codes of conduct exist quite comfortably without taking away anyone's freedom.....and the best is that nothing is reduced from the old, natural, Arab way to accommodate the ultra-modern, luxurious, cosmopolitan way. The two seem to have created a lovely blend....an exotic blend. Of course, where there are humans, a plethora of human emotions come into play. These may be difficult to contend with sometimes, but then that is life, is it not....? One can strive to be happy and not find happiness, and one can take life as it comes and find happiness and contentment...

Remaining present...

and intimate with the moment.

American Tibetan Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chödrön gives us two beautiful Buddhist concepts:

Maitri
and
Ye tang che

She says it is imperative to master these two concepts.

What is Maitri?

Maitri is the Buddhist practice of loving-kindness towards oneself. It is how we deal with what happens to us. In Maitri, we do not try to solve a problem. We do not strive to make pain go away. We do not work on becoming a better person. In Maitri, we give up control.  When we realize and internalize the fact that whatever occurs is neither the beginning nor the end, and that our experiences are what everyone goes through, and what everyone has been going through since the beginning of time, we reach the state of Maitri. Thoughts, emotions, moods, memories come and go but the basic NOW remains here and now always. In fact, in Maitri we let go of all those concepts and ideals into which we are busy trying to jam and fit ourselves.

What is ye tang che (a Tibetan expression)?

Ye means totally, completely
Tang che means exhausted, tired out

Thus, ye tang che describes an experience of completely giving up hope - hope as in longing, ambition, anticipation, expectation: there's somewhere better to be, there's someone better to be, there's something better to do, there's somewhere better to go to.....This is the beginning of the beginning. It is only when we completely give up this kind of hoping that we will be able to relax with where we are and who we are...

Conditions don't have to be perfect...

for us to give of our very best...for us to give all that we are capable of.


I came upon this plant quite by chance, and it captured my heart. Had to share...

This pretty flowering plant (I don't know the name of it) is not blaming anyone for the condition it finds itself in - no flower pot, old soil which the roots have encircled so as to hold it in tightly, not a very pleasant place to grow in since the yard is not cared for. No one waters the plant or cares for it. And it cannot take care of itself. Yet, it did not give up hope. When Nature gave it the conditions it needed, the plant grew, stretched out and spread its branches, and at the right time burst into bloom...pretty, lavender-coloured flowers. Small, they seem to float above a bed of leaves. Just beautiful!

No one would ever see the plant unless one made the effort to look out of the window and specifically 'see' it. We usually look around without really seeing anything....and this very ordinary plant in this dreadful condition, in a sad-looking yard would be the last thing on anyone's minds... And yet there it stood in all its natural glory and beauty...

Truly, we don't need perfect conditions to give of ourselves. If we tune in to Nature, we will see that where we are is where Nature meant for us to be. Nature provides all the conditions we need in the place where we are. We don't need to blame fate for where she has placed us. We don't need to crib at life for having given us a raw deal. We don't need anyone to arrange things for us so that we can do our work, nor do we need anything to make our space 'conducive to productivity'. We don't need a lot of money and care to spread love, kindness, and goodwill. We don't have to have a perfect face and body to smile at the people we see, even if they are strangers. We don't need the right conditions to be courteous and polite. We don't need to rush around trying to fix things so that we are in a comfortable place. We need to be still, and do what we are meant to do in the most beautiful way, in the place where we are...

Getting trapped...

The worst kind of trap is our mind. Not only do bad things create a trap in our mind, but the good things do too.

When sad or bad or unfortunate things get trapped in our mind, we find ourselves on a Ferris Wheel of crazy behaviour. We do all the things that only push us further and further into the quicksand of misfortune. Our actions and words land us in one disaster after another. When our mind gets trapped in sad or bad or unfortunate things, it seems to take on a life of its own and starts working in a frenzied manner. The result, we find that we have pushed ourselves far, far down in a chasm of despair. We become desperate and finally realize that unless we free ourselves from this mind trap, all is lost.

It is the same with materially good things. These too create a trap in our mind. The result is that we become greedy for the 'good things in life', so greedy in fact, that we may not realize what we are doing and thus end up doing something quite unfortunate. We become blind to rules and behaviour, blind to our values, blind to everything other than the drive to get what we want. We become desperate because we have to have this, that or the other. Finally, something - and this is usually something quite drastic - happens to bring us back to our senses and we see the folly of what we had allowed ourselves to do and become.

We need to go back to the Zen practice of being still. Be still till the turbulence in the mind eases off and clear thought and reason come back...

A very strange thing happened...

yesterday. I was witness to an unhappy scene. At the gym, one elderly, not at all fit, and rather opinionated man said something quite, quite personal and unjustifiably unkind to a girl, young enough to be his daughter. I was in the room with her - we were doing weights. I couldn't understand the language, but I understood from the tone that he was saying something not good, and this girl's reaction proved that. She gave him a piece of her mind. (I heard the conversation, quite aggressive in tone, going on in the main hall). I felt helpless I could not go and take this girl's side, because of the language issue. However, when the fool went off, and the girl came back to resume her weights, I asked her what had happened. Of course then I put in all at my command to help her wipe the incident off her mind.

These kind of unjustified things hurt. Hurt badly. And it is only human to react. The trouble is that when we do react to something unfair and hurtful, it does not leave us with a feeling of peace. There is always a vestige of bitterness that remains in the mind. And it takes time for this horrible feeling to pass.

Strangely, last night when I checked my phone for one last time before turning in, to my great surprise, I got this message from a colleague:

I felt as if the concentration to deal with this through the day (I was intent on getting this young girl back to her usual self), had, in fact, brought this message to me. I can think of no other explanation.

Neither good and bad situations nor good and bad interactions with people will have any power over us unless we go on thinking about them and so allow them to have power over us. Nay, indeed, we give them power over us. We cede the space in our heart and fill it with the thoughts that this power generates.

By investing bad interactions or bad situations with power, we let them take away from our self-esteem and self-worth. We need to be vigilant about this, and careful not to let this happen. Likewise, by investing good interactions or good situations with power, we must guard ourselves against becoming proud and arrogant...

Little things...

matter.

It's the small nod of the head - an acknowledgement of the person who cleans the stairway of our apartment building...

It's the cheery greeting to a stranger we see on the same sidewalk...

It's a smile to a person who obviously is not having a good day...

It's picking up a scrap of paper that has been carelessly thrown on the pavement...

It's doing something that noone sees, or acknowledges, or thanks us for, or recognizes, that make the difference.

Likewise,

It is the little things that give us away.

Sometimes we shoot our mouths off about something, but then, right afterwards we give the lie to what we just said...

We do something that we have shouted from the rooftops as being the wrong thing to do...

We are horrible to someone when just before that we have been talking about how we should respect all people...

We snipe at someone who is not in the room, after we have been righteously telling people we should not talk behind anyone's back...

We do the exact opposite of something that we take great pains to impress on people as being something we don't believe in...

We have to be aware of ourselves....of what we say and do and are...We need to strive to be real...always, just be real. Then, when we fall short, we can fix what is lacking in us...Being something we are, in our essence, not, will only complicate things for us. Better to grow into the things we admire and respect, and want to be, but are still not...

Communication...

is the greatest gift man has. It is an ancient human gift.

Ursula K. Le Guin says: Every act of communication is an act of tremendous courage in which we give ourselves over to two parallel possibilities:

the possibility of planting into another mind a seed sprouted in ours and watching it blossom into a breathtaking flower of mutual understanding.

And

the possibility of being wholly misunderstood, reduced to a withering weed.

We may try to be as clear as possible, choose the right words, put what we are saying in a context, use the right tone of voice, even, and yet there is always that niggling thought at the back of our mind of whether we have been able to convey what we wanted. There is that bit of uncertainty, no matter how small that bit is. We wonder if we have been able to communicate what we actually want to say. We have all been in situations where our enthusiasm has met with a cold, frosty look. We have been in circumstances where we are conveying some good news only to be looked at with skepticism. We have been in situations when an innocent remark has drawn blood. There have been occasions when an off-the-cuff statement has got a scathing response.

And yet, we want to talk....we want to communicate, because, there have been times when we have had pleasant conversations, meaningful dialogues and happy chatting.

Human communication is more than just information giving. In talking with each other, we actually share a part of ourselves.

In our humanness we want - crave - communication precisely because it is a giving and receiving of our self with another self. However, we also need to be careful we don't hurt another person, because our wounded hearts and bruised sensibilities may get scarred badly by wrongly chosen words. Our communication should not be such that we are unaware of everyone and everything but our own intense need to communicate. And, most of all, we must never try to confuse a person with our communication.

Buddha says we should talk only if we can improve the silence. This may take time for us to achieve, meanwhile we need to be conscious that communication is a communion of souls...

We all go through times...

which we know are not going to end well. We make friends who we know deep inside our heart are not good for us. We plan things that we know are not going to work out. Sadly, these are all conscious decisions that we make and strangely, even as we make them we know they are wrong for us. But something drives us on to take these decisions. Having taken these decisions, very few of us backtrack on them for some vague reason or other, or have the guts to tell ourselves this was a wrong decision and we need to opt out before it's too late. Wrong decisions have only one outcome - they leave us with a bad taste in the mouth, a deep sense of loneliness and a terrible feeling of shame.

What we need to do first is to tell ourselves we're human and this was one of those unfortunate times...We have to release the shame that goes with the wrong turn that happened on our road. We need to tell ourselves that well, this is a mess in which we find ourselves, but we will see ourselves through the mess. We have to do this for ourselves, because we are our only best friend. Some people may be lucky to have a good pal hold their hand through the mess, but many of us don't have pals we can trust. So, it is necessary to tell ourselves - okay, too bad, but we can ride this through....we can get through this.... and with time, we are sure to......we are able to find the strength to get out of the mess we landed ourselves in.

We all have dark parts in our selves. We have parts in us that cry out for love. We have parts in us that want to be accepted by people around us. There are parts of us that want to fix everyone's problems. There are parts of us that want to be in control. There are parts of us that want to establish our place in the sun. We have parts that are always looking for approval from everyone. There are parts of us that are trying to impress people....and so it goes...

We have to acknowledge these dark parts. There are times when these dark parts try and derail us. They get the upper hand when we are weak and vulnerable. They creep up on us and before we know it, we're in their clutches. But it's okay. We don't need to trash ourselves for this. We don't need to think it is the end of the road for us. We don't need to give up on ourselves or on life. We need to stop, get a grip, and then peel away that dark layer and slowly get to the core of us which is beautiful. We will need to do that with each dark layer that appears. The question is not 'How many more layers?'....but.....'Wow! I beat that'... Once we get the hurdle of 'Why me?' out of our mind, we are sure to enjoy peeling away the dark layers.

Life, my friends, is the journey...

3 Gs...

of life.

Gracefulness--How we comport ourselves...there has to be elegance, refinement, and dignity in all that we do...every movement of ours. We need to work towards having an easy, flowing personality...

Graciousness--How we speak, how we act towards others, and, indeed, even our attitude to ourselves. Graciousness implies politeness, good manners, good taste, civility (tact and propriety) in our talk and behaviour, courteousness at all times, and well-mannered and respectful, no matter what the occasion, or situation, or who we are talking with. Graciousness has to be the hallmark of all our dealings too, even if they are fraught with unpleasantness. A generosity of spirit is a deep element of graciousness...

Gratefulness--Appreciative of and thankful for gifts or favors received. Warm and deeply appreciative, too, of kindnesses or benefits received. A smile and thank you to God and man goes a long, long way in making us beautiful...

Silence...

'is so powerful. Silence can be so loving. It takes a Warrior to be silent.'

Charles Alexander Eastman, OHIYESA SANTEE SIOUX goes on to say: "Silence is the cornerstone of character."  
     

When do we need to be silent?

When we hurt - either because someone has hurt us, or we have done something to bring us hurt, or, we experience a surge of feeling we are not proud of, such as anger, hatefulness. Instead of reacting or responding, what we need to do is this:

Sit tight. Sit quietly. Step back from the issue that brought this disturbance about. Breathe as slowly as we can.

While sitting quiet, acknowledge the hurt WITHOUT damning ourselves - “I am deeply hurt and it is okay to feel the way that I do.” "I am angry and it is okay to feel the way I do." "I am hating this, and it is okay to feel the way I do." If someone has unthinkingly and possibly unknowingly, but definitely unfairly, been judgmental, we could say--"Even if he/she has judged me, I don’t have to judge myself.” "What they say reflects on them not on me."

Thus, let the moment pass.

Two things happen:

1. We find that our heart beat has slowed and become stable. What has actually happened is that in forgiving ourself and being kind to ourself, the strong negative waves have ceased. We may even be able to extend forgiveness and kindness to others, especially to those who are the cause of us getting into a 'down state'.

2. The anxious, worrying, harsh thoughts that our monkey mind threw up are pushed away and we are distanced from them... We have been able to create a space around our core.

Another time silence helps is when we don't bring ourselves into a conversation. This actually does wonders for us - our inner selves. For instance, the person you are talking with is telling you about an incident. You had the same experience and maybe it ended well, or it ended badly. The natural instinct would be for you to narrate your experience. DON'T. Initially I found it difficult - very difficult - not to 'participate', but gradually I'm realizing that in fact, it is better not to talk about our own experiences and the way we reacted/responded to them (this would only set off its own fallouts)...........Best is that I've started feeling more composed, more calm and more at peace...

Try it. It works!! For, once those difficult moments pass, there is no negative or unsettling feeling lingering and spoiling the moments that are yet to come...

We HAVE to remember that...

Busy is a decision.

And,

Presence is more rewarding than productivity.


Busy is a decision we take, unconsciously most of the time. If we just stop a moment and think about this decision, honestly, we will realize that we are just trying to distract ourselves from living - living every moment. Doesn't matter if the moment is a happy one or a sad one, a good one or a bad one. A moment is one moment in the time line of our life and we need to accept this truth. We cannot have only the good - for it is the bad that shows us what the good is; it is the sad that highlights the happy.... If we remove the words 'I'm busy' from our vocabulary and lives, then we will not just skim life, or coast through it. We will live life. We will not mechanically fulfil our obligations. We will enjoy doing what we have to do. And we will not just DO the day, we will BE present in every moment of the day.

Likewise, being productive because we have to do something only lulls us into a trance. We passively go through all the motions of the day while our heart and mind and, indeed, our very being is somewhere else...or nowhere at all... We need to be PRESENT in every moment. We need to be conscious of our every action. We need to be actually in what we are doing. We need to be tuned in to every thought and every moment. We may see that we are 'producing' less, but in fact, what we are 'producing' will not only be of better quality, but we would feel good about ourselves while doing what we do. And, we will BE present in every moment.

Thus, instead of just going through every day, we will LIVE every moment of every day. We will BE PRESENT in the moment and in tune with our inner selves.

What would constitute a good life...

Seneca says: It was nature’s intention that there should be no need of great equipment for a good life: every individual can make himself happy. External goods are of trivial importance and without much influence in either direction: prosperity does not elevate the sage and adversity does not depress him. For he has always made the effort to rely as much as possible on himself and to derive all delight from himself.

Thus, the gifts that we believe 'Fortune' to have bestowed us with - money, public office, influence, even peace, should, in fact, be pushed to a place in our lives and hearts where they or the lack of them don't bother us at all.The lack of these things, especially, may affect us a lot...may affect those we love, a lot...still, the wise thing to do would be as Kipling says -

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same....

Further..

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss....

And...

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Thus, we go back to our quiet space and replenish our spirit for, it is only the disciplining of our mind which will lead to the inner stability of our spirit. And it is ONLY this inner stability that can help us to remain calm and happy no matter what the conditions around us, or how dire the circumstances in which we find ourselves. The best thing is that we have the power to choose our attitude in any condition or circumstance...we have the power to keep our monkey mind clear and clean...

We tend to think of work...

as tiring, sometimes tedious and often boring, and sometimes even as a waste of our time, energy, and resourcefulness.

However...

We never tire of serving (read helping) people. We can spend oodles of time doing things that we know will bring relief and happiness to people, and not even feel the passage of time.  We feel good and not one bit tired when we work straight through for days on end trying to help people reconstruct their lives after some calamity. We have no trouble in giving of ourselves to those who we know are in some kind of distress.

Should we look at all that we do at 'work', be it in an office or at home, as service, we will never feel tired or dispirited. There is no chance of our slipping into depression. Our energy levels will always be high, and importantly, we will feel strong about ourselves. For, all work is, in fact, service, no matter if we work in the private sector or public sector. If we think of what we do from 9 to 5 as serving people directly or indirectly, then that work becomes service. We are sure to find our mind opening up and becoming free and this feeling is the best of all.....the free mind and spirit...

Words of wisdom...

easily incorporated in our daily life...


Lead a frugal life, simple and unassuming.

Live every day with Kindness, Beauty and Truth. These ideals will give us courage to face life cheerfully, no matter what comes our way.

Form bonds of kinship only with those of like mind.

Occupy ourselves with things that matter such as art and scientific endeavors.

(--these were taken from Einstein's musings)

If we check to see where our place in the galaxy is...

we'll see that we are tinier than a speck and as inconsequential.

We, however, think we are important, the world will not be able to move without us, the earth will not rotate if we are not on it. Sadly, the fact is that we - who are so indispensable - are not immortal and one day we will have to leave this beautiful world.


Here's something from Albert Einstein that made me introspect. I want to share it here:

Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people — first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.

We need to make our brief sojourn here meaningful...

During WWII...

Albert Camus, while reflecting on the strength of people's character in turbulent times wrote: "We must mend what has been torn apart, make justice imaginable again in a world so obviously unjust, give happiness a meaning once more.”

WWII had brought with it deadly injustices which engulfed Europe. Camus believed that mending the world required patient, steadfast, and often unglamorous work. "It is the work of choosing kindness over fear, again and again, in the smallest of everyday ways, those tiny triumphs of the human spirit which converge in the current of courage that is the only force by which this world has ever changed," he said.

We live in turbulent times too. All kinds of turbulence and injustice hit and completely put out of countenance our ordinary, everyday lives. We are shaken to the core as the world literally seems to have gone off the rails. We can and we must take strength from what Camus says and in our own little spheres and worlds do our bit of mending and give happiness a meaning again.......and again......and again...

Dance...

“Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.” ~ Rumi

To dance...
We need to choose not to ever become victims of our reality. We need to believe that there is a reason for our being here - in the exact spot where we are right now. We won't see why right away, but our being where we are is part of a pattern in the tapestry of our lives. For the pattern to work out, we need to clear up all that is blocking us - guilt, anger, sadness, fear, hurt...anything that is making us feel like victims - and let the Creator's Light come in. When the Light comes in, we feel at peace with ourselves and the place we are in.

And, we need to sing.

To sing...
Ethel Wilson of the COWICHAN tribe shares this piece of Native American wisdom: "Your power comes from the songs." She says, "Get yourself a drum. When you sing a song and play the drum, you'll be surprised how your mind, body, and spirit will react. Everything becomes calm and joyful. Our bodies love the songs. The songs allow us to touch the hand of the Creator. When we sing and touch the Great Spirit's hand, He gives us power."

The other day in the gym...

one person stopped me to tell me about his visit to Sri Lanka and how he could not get over the fact that missionaries had gone there against all odds of climate, and distance, and all the other troubles and problems, to work among the native people.

Was it religiosity that drove them or were they so intensely spiritual that they could overcome all odds to do what they believed in.

There is a huge difference between religiosity and spirituality.

Religiosity is belief in God - whatever form God may take. It is a belief in a Supreme Power that rules the Universe. It is belief in a Universal Consciousness from which we all come and to which we all go back. One's religion is a deeply personal matter.

Spirituality helps us to live in the right way. We try to make the right choices and do the right thing. St Paul summed up the nine attributes of a Christian - these are universal in nature:

Love - Benevolence and goodwill. To seek the highest of the other and to give without asking anything in return without considering the worth of the object.

Joy - Serene and stable. Not like worldly happiness, which is merely emotional and lasts only for a time.

Peace - Peace is more than an absence of conflict. It is the tranquil state of a soul fearing nothing and content with its earthly lot.

Forbearance - Patience, which can be translated into longsuffering or endurance.

Kindness - Kindness is goodness in action, sweetness of disposition, gentleness in dealing with others, benevolence, kindness, affability. The word describes the ability to act for the welfare of everyone regardless of what they do (even if they tax your patience).

Goodness - The state or quality of being good, regardless. Goodness would include kindness, generosity, not hurting anyone, looking at the best part of everything.

Faithfulness - Commitment to something or someone. This would involve moral strength and a personal resolve not to wander away from commitments or promises.

Gentleness - Even-tempered, tranquil, balanced, unpretentious. Gentleness is not an indication of weakness, but of power and strength under control.

Self-control - The ability to control one's thoughts and actions.


One can be deeply religious, but in order to live a complete life one needs spirituality. Spirituality in its deepest essence is a belief that God or a Higher Power is in control for we cannot truly go it alone. In fact, there is no limit to what we can be or achieve...

There is...

a powerful week ahead.

How can we make it work for us?

1. Empty ourselves completely and totally of all thought--preconceived or as they arise, of all kinds of judgmentalism, of all planning, of all promises to be this, that or the other kind of person, of all the notions we have acquired, of all bias, of all negativity, of all that we claim to know, of all that we think we are... totally empty ourselves. It's what the Zen Master told a student who had come to meet him for the first time: I cannot teach you until you empty yourself of all that you think you already know.

2. Remove all negativity...indeed, ignore all the prods from within to be negative. One can find negativity in just about everything and everyone. STOP. Don't do this. This is actually counter to life. Just see the Creator's hand in everything. If you are not a believer, remember that all things...people...circumstances...have good in them. Concentrate only on the good.

3. Build self-esteem. Remember that what others say or believe about us actually says a lot about them than about us. Likewise, what we say about others actually says a lot about us..... So, good time to do a little checking up on ourselves!

4. Keep the capacity to learn open. We have to guard ourselves into getting locked into any one kind of thinking. It could be something that happened to us at some time, it could be an idea, it could be a notion we have acquired, it could be a lesson some personal experience taught us. Never mind. Just push them out and view whatever comes our way with fresh, clean eyes......We may learn something about ourselves that we never knew.

5. Go to the trees: The trees are the Elders of the Earth. Find a young
tree. Spend some time with it. Then find an old tree and sit by it and listen to the thoughts that come into the mind. Native American wisdom says that just by being in the presence of an old tree we will feel calm. Our thoughts will contain wisdom and our answers will be deeper.

“When you learn to accept instead of expect...

you’ll have fewer disappointments.” ~ Unknown


Not only fewer disappointments, but not having expectations takes the pressure off relationships - no matter which relationship it is: Parents-children; friend-friend; teacher-student; salesperson-customer; boss-employee...any relationship at all. Either we are expecting things of them, or they are expecting things of us...and the circle goes round round entangling us in unhappiness.

Now we need to check and see how we think. When something goes 'wrong' or 'awry' in a relationship, do we instantly start blaming ourselves? Do we start thinking that we can never do anything right? Do we tell ourselves that we are all wrong? Do we find ourselves taking the blame?

Why do we do this? Because we were expecting something out of the relationship, that we didn't get. We were looking forward to something that we see is not going to happen. In fact, things probably went totally off course from what we were anticipating or imagining. Could be we were presuming something, or we thought we deserved something better and that was not happening...

The thing is that things do go wrong, but if we immediately point the finger at ourselves, then we gradually start internalizing the sentences we use to tell us we are all wrong. Also, we put a huge burden on the other person (the person from whom we had all these expectations) and the result is a strain on the relationship.

What happens next is that we either gradually withdraw into ourselves and build a wall around us...not going out ourselves, nor letting anyone in. Or, we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into the mire of being the 'wrong' person. And so 'everyone else is better and first and I am dreadful and last.' Otherwise things would be different, right? Strain-strain-strain all around!

To get out of this, we need to keep telling ourselves that we are different from others - each person is different - and therefore there is no need for me to apologetic about myself or put the other person on a pedestal. As we repeat this over and over again to ourselves, a strong feeling of respect for ourselves starts to grow. This helps us get to know ourselves better too! And we realize - slowly but surely - that it is not any particular relationship that is giving us grief, it is the way we are viewing the relationship that is causing the problems.

Once you let go of all expectations and take each moment as it happens, without tying it to the past or the future, it becomes a freeing experience. You also start seeing the other person as a person in his/her own right.

Try it. Fight for it. We have only this one life and we really can do without binding our self-esteem and happiness to someone else's expectations...and likewise if we give up our expectations of others, we will find huge reservoirs of fun and happiness inside of ourselves... better still, we will be able to keep a relationship going stress-free...

The fundamental belief...

of Buddhism and Sikhism.

Buddhism does not preach an extreme way...nor does Sikhism.

The beauty of Buddhism lies in The Eightfold Path:

Right Understanding

Right Intent

Right Speech

Right Action

Right Livelihood

Right Effort

Right Mindfulness

Right Concentration

These are the eight aspects of life and if consciously integrated in our every day living....in every thought we have....in everything we do....in how we are with ourself and with others, it will definitely make life understandable and allow for quiet peacefulness and happiness.

The beauty of Sikhism lies in the three beliefs proferred by Guru Nanak. Like the Eightfold Path, these are to be practiced in our daily life:

• To selflessly serve and share with others especially with those less fortunate than yourself.  “Share and Consume together”. Every Sikh has to contribute in whatever way possible to the common community pool.

• Earning/making a living honestly, as a householder, without exploitation or fraud.

• Meditating on God's name to control the weaknesses of the human personality. 

It is living a life founded on decency and controlled by high spiritual, moral and social values.

How will we know if we are on the right track? When we do things according to the very do-able ways these wise men recommended, a very special calmness fills us and we know in our bones that we have done the right thing or been the right kind of person.

Both the Buddha and Guru Nanak knew that true morality could only be gauged in terms of one’s interaction with one’s neighbours. And who is our neighbour? Jesus said any man in distress or stumbling on life's path is our neighbour...

Sharing...

Illustrator Wendy MacNaughton and writer Courtney E. Martin (From Brain Pickings)

The difference between...

feeling depressed and feeling rejuvenated when meeting someone from the past is this:

If meeting person/persons from the past stress you and evoke feelings of unhappiness or sadness, raise complicated thoughts and negative reflections, remind you of slaps in the face or being turned down, or bring up memories of instances when you were rebuffed or made to feel small, then this is reliving the past and any further meetings with this person or persons should be avoided. We don't need to spend our energy dealing with hurts...

However, if the person/persons you are meeting bring in happiness of shared memories, laughs, a feeling of companionship and camaraderie and the atmosphere is convivial, then this meeting is a trip down memory lane.

Why I'm making this distinction is because one does come up against the past... people we've known at various earlier stages of our life do suddenly make an appearance. One comes across references to people and events that were probably responsible for changing the course of our lives.

We need to know if we are  -

reliving the past ------ debilitating

or

going down memory lane ------ invigorating

Awareness...

is the main part of mindfulness.

The Buddha taught awareness in every single aspect of living. For instance, enjoying tangerines went like this:

Look at the tangerine - really look at it - the color, shape...
Peel it slowly and carefully
Take one segment at a time and enjoy eating it, conscious all the time of the taste of the tangerine
Gather up the peels

There is no hurry, and yet no time is lost. Thus there is no strain or stress in the mind or body. This is the beauty of awareness and mindfulness.

This is mindful eating and the Budda ate all his meals in this way. His followers did so too.

This is just one small example. One has to practice this in everything one does. It takes time and effort till it becomes an effortless part of our living. As soon as the mind starts wandering, one concentrates on the breathing to bring back the focus and concentration...

Mindfulness...

is awareness. The opposite of mindfulness is ignorance. Ignorance that everything - including us humans - is impermanent.


Feelings - pleasant, unpleasant, neutral - are impermanent.
Perceptions - believing that things are permanent, believing that there is a self - are impermanent.
Physical presence - birth, existence, age, death - is impermanent. 


Mental states - fear, anger, hatredm arrogance, jealousy, greed - are all sources of suffering because they all arise due to ignorance.
Once we look deep inside us, no matter how painful it may be, and realize the cause of these mental states, the ignorance about them is removed, and we will be liberated from them and feel free in our heart.

We cover the reality with all kinds of things, little realizing that the reality is that everything is impermanent and therefore, will pass.  

The Buddha said: To accept life means to accept impermanence and emptiness of self. The source of suffering is a false belief in permanence and the existence of separate selves. Thus, one understands that there is neither birth nor death, production nor destruction, one nor many, inner nor outer, large nor small, impure nor pure. All such concepts are false distinctions created by the intellect.

Thus, once we understand, accept, and believe in the impermanence of everything, we will be free from the suffering that all these cause us...

The second...

The Buddha teaches the wisdom hidden in 'Observing our breathing'.

No matter what we are doing, we need to learn to be aware of our breathing.

Optimal breathing is:

Diaphragmatic
Nasal
Deep
Smooth
Even
Without sound
Without pause

Check this out when you are lying down or sitting still. It doesn't happen all at once or within a particular time frame. A lot of practice is needed.

There are many times during a day that the breathing changes. Once we get into the habit of observing our breathing, we will notice when the breathing has changed. We then need to bring our breathing back to where it was.

Steps that may help:

1. Sit comfortably straight on a cushion, or wherever you feel comfortable.
2. Close your eyes and let your body rest. This will allow the breath to start flowing deeply.
3. Let your breath flow without a pause. Slowly, slowly you will see the breath becoming smooth.
4. You will now find yourself starting to relax. Allow your whole body to relax.
5. Let your attention slowly move through your whole body releasing the tight spots and tensions.
6. Whenever the mind wanders - and it is natural for the mind to wander - bring your attention back to the breathing. (If you give any wandering thought your attention, your energy will get into it and the distraction will result in stress). Keeping the attention on the breathing is a practice that takes time, so don't be disheartened. It needs a lot of practice.

You will see that once this becomes a habit, you will observe your breathing no matter what you are doing...while walking, while working, while washing the dishes, while doing housework, while working out.....no matter where you are or what you are doing, you will observe  your breathing.

Observing our breathing helps in many ways. One prime example is when we are stressed or unhappy about something. We need to just stop what we are doing...thinking.........and concentrate on our breathing.

Gradually our breathing becomes deeply relaxing - this is when we know that our session of observing our breathing has been successful. Observing our breathing is the foundation of mindfulness...

As I read...

Old Path White Clouds by Thich Nhat Hanh, I will be sharing some of the things that we, lay people, can benefit from....things that all of us can do as a community, even though we don't see each other.

The First:

Whenever the Buddha walked, he and his bhikkus walked slowly and with great ease. They 'walked just to enjoy the walking, unconcerned about arriving anywhere at all. No one seemed anxious or impatient to reach their destination. Each man's steps were slow, balanced, and peaceful.'

I believe there is a great deal of wisdom hidden here. To walk - slowly and with ease - fully engaged in just walking - with no anxiety or impatience - in order to reach a specific point. 

By extension, no matter what we do, we need to do it slowly and with ease - fully engaged in what we are doing at that moment - with no anxiety or impatience about the dozen other things that may be waiting for our attention and time.

Two things emerged from reading this - a) the Buddha got to where he wanted to be at the end of the day, and b) he was not tired or stressed or anxious.

This means that if we go about our work, and all the chores the day demands of us, the way the Buddha did, we would not only be able to finish all that we wanted to, but we would be able to do it without feeling like a rag at the end of the day...

I found a resonating thought in my Native American wisdom meditation:

Whenever we walk on the Earth, we should pay attention to what is going on. Too often our minds are somewhere else, thinking about the past or thinking about the future. When we do this, we are missing important lessons. The Earth is a constant flow of lessons and learnings which also include a constant flow of positive feelings. If we are aware as we walk, we will gather words for our lives, the lessons to help our children; we will gather feelings of inter-connectedness and calmness. ~ Cleone Thunder, NORTHERN ARAPAHOE

I'm reeling...

under the emotions I'm experiencing, having just finished a powerful book - Mayada, Daughter of Iraq, by Jean Sasson.

Once again the power of the word freedom hit me.

When doing something, we need to focus entirely on what we are saying or doing. Though we all do not live in police states, one never knows when one might step on another's sensibilities, or infringe, no matter how lightly, on another's personal space, or say/write/do something without thinking of the consequences this can have... Even in a totally politically free country, are we really free to do and say and behave any which way we like? or want to? Besides the damage this kind of thing is bound to create, be assured that we too will be victims of this damage. I don't think there is any room for any callousness or frivolity in freedom.

This does not mean we allow ourselves to be frightened, or behave falsely.....it just means that we need to be aware of the fact that something we say carelessly, or without thinking, may cause someone, somewhere grief...and worse, may get deflected right back on to us and we will be left defending what we meant by what we said....

Carving a bit of time...

out of every day.

Sharing something that has started working for me...

I go to the gym 3 times a week for a full workout. I also go on Sunday evenings, because that is a bad time for me and being out of the house, engaged in something, in a happy atmosphere, helps.

The other three days when I'm at home, I thought of going for a brisk half-an-hour walk in the morning. It worked for a while but my gym instructor insisted that if I do the walk then I must give myself one whole day of total rest, otherwise the body would collapse under the strain. He suggested, instead, a 20-minute yoga work out combined with meditation. I was hesitant at first, but I trust my instructor implicitly so decided to give it a go. Believe me, this is helping and I'm the most surprised!!

Of course it didn't start off as a 20-minute session. When I first started, I felt terribly restless during the meditation time of 5 minutes I'd scheduled for before the yoga work out. Also, I found, to my dismay, that I couldn't do the yoga asanas and pranayams my instructor had suggested. The list of daily chores kept pinging on my brain, and I was restless and uncomfortable thinking I was spending precious time on yoga when I should be doing something that needed doing around the house. Gradually, very gradually, I forced myself not to quit. Forced myself to keep at it. Forced myself to just be on the mat. I couldn't do anything, not even the meditation....I was so tense....but then when I kept sitting there, every scheduled day, the tension eased off.

And now, slowly but surely, it is working.

I realized that one cannot do any yoga if the mind is troubled/in turmoil/uneasy/not at rest. My mind had to be absolutely calm and quiet. So I decided to concentrate on my 5-minute meditation. It didn't happen right away, but after a few days I could calm and quiet my mind. The asanas also took some time to work out the way they should (even now, if my mind is not totally calm, I cannot do the asanas successfully). Likewise for the pranayams. When I found I could handle these, I fixed another 5-minute meditation time at the end of the session.

Now I can spend 30 minutes without any panic attack! Best is this little bit of time sets me up for the day and I find that I can comfortably finish all my chores without rushing. The other things that used to turn on panic attacks are also all easing off. Loneliness was another thing that used to set off the panic button, but now that too has stopped, and I am more in charge of myself. Feelings and thoughts keep coming, but they are not to be taken seriously. They are just visitors, Zen Buddhism says, and as such should be allowed to move on and out of us. We need to keep only those thoughts and feelings in our mind that are uplifting...

A reminder to all girls...women...

Don't Be Beautiful

They keep saying that beautiful is something a girl needs to be.

But honestly? Forget that. Don't be beautiful.

Be angry, be intelligent, be witty, be klutzy, be interesting,

be funny, be adventurous, be crazy, be talented - 

there are an eternity of other things

to be other than beautiful.

And what is beautiful anyway

but a set of letters strung together to make a word?

Be your own definition of amazing, always.

That is so much more important than anything beautiful, ever.

                                                                                   ~ Nikita Gill

A new take on freedom...

The Kabbalah says that it is very easy for us to think that freedom is the ability to do whatever we want.

However, spiritually speaking, freedom is actually the fortitude to refrain from doing or participating on all that pings on us. It is the strength of mind to decide how we want to behave or be.

And so, though the idea of freedom is very attractive, it carries with it the responsibility of what we do with it.

On one side we have the power of self-determination and on the other is this ocean of freedom. What are we going to do with this power...?

First, whatever we choose to do should not harm us or hit back at us, and second - but as important, if not more important - we must not do anything to harm anyone around us.... This would make us feel truly free.

Been away...

for a long time...

One thing that I thought about a lot was this:

Life places us where it will but what kind of human beings we are or become depends solely on ourselves.

Life-circumstances-decisions....some, of our making, and others, made for us by others...all play a role in where we find ourselves.

How do we react or respond to these?

---We can coast along, unthinkingly.....
---We can push down disturbing. questioning thoughts so as not to upset the place-space we find ourselves in.....
---We can react...respond...to the situations we find ourselves in...this would include new situations and people, or, it may include situations that are disturbing to us, or people we really would rather not have anything to do with.....

How we deal with these...how we behave...will tell us a lot about ourselves....and we do need to know about ourselves because this is something that keeps cropping up.

So,  the questions, in fact, are:

What kind of human being are we?
What kind of human being would we be?
What kind of human being do we want to become?

It's no use, really, trying to reach out to others because willy-nilly we hope they will echo what we feel....hope they will reassure us of our worthiness....

The litmus test of our response--our very own individual response--has to be how we feel about ourselves...whether we appreciate ourselves...whether we feel worthy inside of ourselves...worthy enough to deal with the circumstances and places and people we find ourselves with/in... and all of these go into moulding our human-ness...

The thing is that at the end of all this we stand alone......so we need to become strong enough to stand alone...

The best day of your life...

is the one in which you decide your life is your own. No apologies. No excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
---Bob Moawad.


If I believe this to be true and not some good-sounding words, then I have to tell myself this every day. I also have to tell myself:

-----I don't need to be good at everything I do. I need to stop demanding this of myself at every point, instead of obsessing about it.

-----not to push down 'off moods'. I need to tell myself that when I feel off, my body and heart and mind are trying to tell me something. They are trying to tell me that some part of me needs a little special attention. The 'true me' is demanding this of me and I should heed it, if I want to be whole again.

-----that I am only human, and as such, am imperfect. But, I am precious. I need to accept this and forgive myself for believeing I have failed in this__, this__, and this__. I need to stop flagellating myself, forgive myself, not worry about what a, b, or c might be thinking, and put my life back on the track from which I had temporarily derailed myself and move on in a new direction - on my amazing journey - leaving the pain behind.

Keeping silent...

to avoid further hurt doesn't really work out, because the unsaid words build up and these can cause terrible harm to our bodies...the mind anyway becomes a mess...

Keeping silent when one must speak up against an injustice is worse, because we harm not only ourselves, but also someone we could have helped...if nothing else, someone in distress hearing our voice would take courage from it...the person would know he or she is not alone and someone is hurting with him or her.

Keeping silent when we see something or someone going on the wrong path is bound to land us with an uneasy conscience...a conscience that will keep interfering with our thoughts. We could have helped, we could have stopped something bad from happening, we could have stopped someone from doing the wrong thing - and we didn't.

If we use silence as a protective measure, we couldn't be more wrong. It is not.

Rebecca Solnit says, "Silence is the ocean of the unsaid, the unspeakable, the repressed, the erased, the unheard. It surrounds the scattered islands made up of those allowed to speak and of what can be said and who listens. Silence occurs in many ways for many reasons; each of us has his or her own sea of unspoken words."

She brings out the difference between silence and quietude. Silence is imposed by us on ourselves or by others on us (because we are afraid), whereas quietude is what we seek.

Sometimes it may seem better to be silent, but the unsaid words will demand an outlet and so either we have to work them out of our system or we have to give voice to them. Work them out of our system means that we decide these words are really empty and meaningless and the person uttering them is neither worth our time or attention. We use our spiritual lessons to sublimate the hurt and let it go. We know that forgiving would let us let go of the hot coal of words burning our hearts, and we forgive and move on and maybe even move away.

Giving voice is more challenging because here we are not willing to let the issue go, or we are fed up of being taken for granted, or we are hurt to the quick. We also know from past experience that we cannot win a war of words. Then, it would be better to wait for a time when we can say what we want to without venom for venom not only poisons us but also causes huge damage, and we may not be able to deal with that.

The wonderful thing is that 'every day each of us invents the world and the self who meets that world.' So we have the chance to choose when to be silent and when not to... and when we need to just walk away with no bitterness in the heart...

Waiting...

on God's time.

This is another huge lesson I learnt over the past few days. Though examples of God's amazing timing have always stared me in the face, I just didn't pay as much heed to them as I should have. But what happened during these last few days have brought it home to me without a shred of doubt that all things that happen, happen according to God's own timing....and His timing is never wrong. This is the absolute beauty of it. While we may rant and rave at the time something is taking to happen, or we feel that what we want is not happening at all, you can be sure that all kinds of unseen and even unknown forces are at work...all kinds of things are happening behind the scenes to get us ready for what we have asked of the good Lord. The gift does not come a moment too soon, or a moment too late - it comes just exactly on time....the time when we need it.... The thing is that we have to be ready to receive what we ask for...we have to be ready to live the gift that is granted to us.

Trusting is a difficult thing to do but if we look at all the things that have happened to us...the way our lives have gone, we will see that everything has happened according to God's plan...the plan that He in His infinite wisdom and love has worked out for us.

For those who do not believe in God....look at it as the forces of Nature. We would have to agree that there is some Supreme Power guiding the forces of nature - there is a plan and life is happening according to that plan...and this is for every living creature... We are not random biological creatures living a random life...

Tune in to your inner voice...

at all times. Lots of things happen to crowd out that inner voice, but as soon as we feel hesitant about something, or have made an error of judgement, or have said something unkind without thinking, or have done something we should not have done, in retrospect,... it means we were temporarily tuned off. We somehow got disconnected. Of course we are bound to get disconnected....this happens....especially when we have a thousand things going on. But, we need to get connected back as soon as we can. There are signs that we need to pay heed to, which tell us when we have gone off the track.

Why I am saying this is because I have recently gone through a wonderful experience. I believe it is a miracle. My right eye which had developed pan uveitis 20 years ago, was declared out of danger last Thursday by my doctor. It hasn't been easy these 20 years. The doctor said that while he had done what had to be done, it was the healing hand of God that had finally healed my eye...

Many times when I failed to listen to my inner voice regarding my eye, I have felt the negative effects. These, with time and care, did ease off, but I needn't have suffered in the first place. This is something concrete. But ever since then, for the days we were in Madras, I have been thinking over all the times I could have avoided a lot of heartache and pain if I had listened to my inner voice. The options are not always easy to choose from, believe me. Sometimes both roads in front are painful....but the inner voice helps decide which pain would be easier to bear and overcome. A lot of my pain has happened from not listening - both physical pain and mental/emotional pain. My eye being declared healed has taught me a huge, huge lesson. It may take time, but with determined care and obedience to the inner voice, good things do happen. What is 20 years in the scheme of the Universe....I need to be eternally grateful that my vision has been restored. Another lesson - there is no quick fix solution to life's problems. There is no one way to handle all problems. A lot of patience is required. For each little step up, conscious gratefulness is necessary and has to be expressed. For each step down, of paramount importance are hanging in there, not letting go of faith, and gritting our teeth and doing all that needs to be done even though the end is temporarily out of sight. There is also no one result - good - in the solution of problems. Many times problems are sent to us and the hurt that is in them helps us to see what we had been blind to before... We actually need to be grateful for this pain and make sure we fix what needs to be fixed.

We need to draw the positive energies of healing towards ourselves. I use this Kabbalah chant - Mem Hey Shin - to bring the energy of healing to me.

Giving up is really not an option for if we are to live, then we have to live with hope, enjoy each day and above all be grateful to God for all that He sends our way...

There is no point...

in saying 'should' unless it is followed up by action.

Of course, there are many usages of should. I am talking about the 'should do this' 'should do that' variety....the expectation variety. Here, 'should' implies superiority, a kind of pompousness. It's also very easy to say a lot of shoulds, but, if you notice, the person who says these shoulds - 'this should be done', 'that should be done' - usually looks around for someone who will say 'I'll do it' or 'I'll get it done'.

The ones who DO, very, very rarely say 'should' out loud. Such people, when they come up against a situation that needs something to be done, will quietly go about doing what they have to do without making a song and dance about it...

When a 'should' touches our own lives, we need to work on it our own selves as far as we can, without waiting for someone to come and help us out or do whatever it is for us...

Next time we say 'should', we need to see if we can quietly do something about it, and retract the should...

I know this to be absolutely true...

that whenever we are up against some kind of trouble, or we are hurt, or there is some sorrow we are trying to grapple with, it is because there is something in us that needs to be chipped away, repaired, changed, rethought.... Our trouble/hurt/pain has not happened randomly. Nothing but nothing happens randomly. While there is one way of thinking that says that what happens to us is all part of the karma we create, I believe that what happens is because there is something that needs fixing in us...

Try this out: Next time things don't go the way you planned, or someone has said something hurtful or to put you down, just become quiet-withdraw into yourself, which is the safest and kindest and most soul-nourishing place to be. Initially, you may have to force yourself to keep quiet - but soon, it will become easier to become still and quiet inside of yourself, even as you carry on doing whatever you have to do. Gradually you will see that the knots get untangled and the muddied/muddled feeling in the mind and heart get cleared up and smoothed out.

It's the same with unplanned things that happen. You are doing something you have planned for, or maybe you are looking forward to a time alone, or you have something planned on your agenda - something that you've been wanting to do for sometime. Bang! Something totally disruptive happens and there go all your plans. Worse, you feel pressured, hemmed in and forced upon to deal with what has just happened, and shelve for a future time what you have been so looking forward to doing. Once again, I'm speaking from experience....Take a deep breath and deal with the disruptive thing that has come up as neatly and best as you can. What happens is that not only does this unplanned 'bit of trouble' get done but it also leaves you time to either still do what you wanted, or gives you the space to do something else that you have been wanting to do...so it is a win for you....you've dealt with the irritant and been able to do something you like/love to do.......without too much damage to your peace of mind and heart.

Both of these - becoming still and quiet inside of yourself, as well as dealing with irritants are eminently do-able, believe me...

Fun...

Are there times when we feel life is just dragging on....there does not seem an end in sight to this monotonous living....life is so bleak....

Of course there are times when we all feel a bleakness coming on. If we don't do something for ourselves at these times, then everything just becomes blacker and blacker.

To have fun is a basic need. (Even animals have fun when they frolic with each other. From pictures, one gets the feeling that they also enjoy roaming around on their own in the forest, tumbling in the grass, standing on a promontory looking out.)

When we are small, we may need a little help from adults but once we grow up, we know what make us happy....what we like to do....what we enjoy.... When we enjoy the moment or take great pleasure in some activity, we are having fun. For some people having fun means solving a cryptic puzzle or a complicated mathematical problem.

There may be times when one may feel that having fun is not right - one has nothing to feel happy about....enjoying oneself will only anger the gods....one does not have the right to have fun....where's the time to have fun....I'm too old and too tired to have fun...if we take time out to have fun, all that has to be done is only going to pile up, and then we're in for a great deal of stress trying to finish everything...

Of course this would beg the questions: Who said we have to do everything ourselves and at this very moment in time? What about priorities?

Here's the thing. Fun is absolutely free. It is a gift we give ourselves. Besides all the good fall-outs of having fun, it is absolutely essential for daily living.

'Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun.' ~ Randy Pausch

While thinking about what would constitute fun, I found a lot of things...I'm sure you'll be able to put down more things on your list.

So, fun would mean...

Spontaneously doing something or going somewhere
Freedom from all the shoulds and have tos
Silliness
Outrageousness
Going with the flow
Laughing with friends
A pyjama evening
Indulging a childhood fantasy
Having a carefree day
Not planning every moment of every day
An unplanned outing with maybe hot chocolate thrown in
Dancing
Playing
Enjoying new experiences
Curling up with a book
Watching children play
Being by myself and pottering around the house
Gardening (could also be sitting in the garden and watching Nature)

We need to check the fun quotient in our lives quite frequently...

The need to study...

is very deep in all of us. We may recognize this, or we may not. We actually long to have something to turn to when the daily chores get to us making us feel jaded, or useless, or taken advantage of. We need to hit our books when our brain starts feeling stale, screaming out for something new to think about.

Reading and studying, not only what we are interested in, but also following the many and varied links what we are reading/studying turn up, is indispensable for our well-being, and very, very important in keeping our brains active. We may not remember all we read and study after we hit a certain age, but the very act of reading and studying is uplifting. Actually, these are stimulating activities and push us to explore areas and topics we didn't know about.

Take reading books - books are classified in so many ways. Try a different genre, or a different style of writing, or a theme we've never approached before, or other authors in the same genre... Maybe we won't be able to read a particular book after a while, even though we bravely hung on attempting to understand what the author was trying to say. Not a problem. What we have read stays somewhere in our mind, and we may be tempted to give the author another go after a while.

Studying something in-depth has an uplifting feeling. This is linked to our interests...going deep into it will open up new worlds, new areas of thinking... Maybe we are searching for something but we are not exactly sure what it is we are looking for. Studying an area that is linked to our quest will get us to what we are searching for, and on the way we would also learn a whole lot of new things as well!

Studying and reading help us to have informed views about things...taking us away from hearsay. They help us to not be prejudiced about people. They equip us with the tools of getting to the bottom of what we read or hear, helping us form our own opinions.

Merely listening to all the words flying about around us is not only tiring, but it can also lead us to wrong ways of thinking about people and issues. We need to be able to think for ourselves and find out what we think about people and issues. It is only reading and studying that will help us here.

Studying and reading essentially make us feel good about ourselves...

Am I paying enough attention...

to my inner voice?

The mind carries on a non-stop conversation with itself - this is hugely distracting but what is worse is that it is also debilitating and defeating. This feeling gets worse when images of the past - what we did instead of what we could have done, what we were instead of what we could have been....and other thoughts along these lines start forming conversation loops inside our mind. Soon we get so caught up in these conversations - loud, clamorous voices - that we, without even realizing it, descend into a deep pit of depression, fear, insecurity and all the attending emotional states.

Another defeating issue is when our inner mind conversations revolve around 'I'm supposed to be more than I am'. What am I doing here? Why have I become just another housewife battling with the day's routine and chores? Surely I am worth more than this? What happened to all my thoughts and wishes of leading a different kind of life? What happened to my not wanting to be another run-of-the-mill person? Thinking like this is crippling. There is no time or place for thoughts in which we are always trying to figure out ways to show we are good enough...we are not this drudge person...we have a passionate heart...we are not this dull, regular housewife...we are more than this......

In all this clamor, it is difficult to listen to our inner voice, which is actually the only voice we should be listening to. It is only our inner voice that knows our heart, knows us in our totality and the only thing that guides us through the whirlpools and eddies of life. Importantly, it is the only reality that can counter the imaginings of our mind.

Shakti Gawain says, “Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”

This is true, for when we follow our inner voice, we not only find time to do all the things that we have lined up, but we also find time to do the things we like to do....and all without wearing ourselves out.

There is only one thing we need to do - we need to keep our minds calm and peaceful and create the right kind of inner environment so that we will be able to hear our inner voice clearly.

It is only our inner voice that will help us to navigate through all our confusions, doubts, fears and insecurities...

I'm questioning the saying...

'Take me as I am'.

Why?

Because I believe that I am changing constantly. I am not even the same person I was in the moment that has just passed.

Take me as I am smacks of smugness. That is death.

Of course things are not going to be the same - people around me are changing, circumstances are changing, words swirling around me are changing... Hanging on to what I know as the Absolute would only be splintering. Further, I may read something, or view something which will cause questions to rise and which may make me question my hitherto-held beliefs and opinions and ideas and views and I may want to make changes in them. I may want to discard some old strong beliefs or opinions or views in favor of new beliefs/opinions/views....I have to allow myself the freedom to do this.

Take me as I am would make me a dinosaur in no time flat. I would become the odd man out in a world that is changing by the nanosecond.

How I am in a moment determines how I am going to be in the next moment, so if I don't like what I am in this moment, I have the time to quickly effect a change so that the next moment will be different - it may be better which would be good, but it may well be not-so-good which will spur me on to find out how I can change and make things better. As Oprah Winfrey says, 'There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.'

Take me as I am is hugely arrogant. It is as if I am the only one who matters in the world.

The fact is that I may be wrong in a whole lot of areas of life.....I may be a total disaster in many areas of living... and if I don't do something about this and change myself, I may be left with huge holes in my heart and many sorrows and regrets to deal with. I may not be able to do this, in which case I would only end up bitter and hurtful to those around me.

Take me as I am is isolating. I may well find myself alone.

We have to recognize that we are living among all kinds of people. But, all these people - everyone - are sparks from that One God...One Supreme Power...Universal Consciousness. And even if we may question this and not want to believe in this, we still have no right to hurt anyone. If we don't want to have anything to do with a person who is very different from us, we need to respect that difference and walk away without causing any friction. If we value a relationship, then the onus is on us too, to enrich it as best as we can.

Take me as I am is a very demanding statement. It is eliminating the human factor in other persons and recognizing only my own.

Why would I want to take you as you are when you are not willing to take me as I am? And so, just as I respect that I am constantly changing - and trying to change for the better (not an easy task) - I would expect to be respected for who I am...


I should not take me as I am....I should strive to be better than who I am... I should use all my conversations, my readings, my meditations to be better than who I am...

We have a number of tiers...

in our personalities.

Multiple levels that have been placed on our internal landscape.

Science has shown that from the moment the baby's heart starts to beat in the mother's womb, and the baby starts growing, the baby is open to all kinds of stimuli being provided by the mother. Everything pings on the little one....forming a layer of consciousness.  Once the baby is born, the brain becomes phenomenally active absorbing all the stimuli that is around him/her....this would form another layer....and as the baby grows, layer after layer is added on....by the parents, by the school, by friends of the same age, by all people the little one comes in contact with... The process does not stop. As we grow from stage to stage the pinging goes on from new environments, new people, new places of work and living.

Some children start thinking for themselves at an early age. That is when the sifting of the layers starts. Some are discarded, some are changed or altered, some are retained....according to the experiences the child goes through.

Some people start thinking for themselves at a much later stage in life...some, even as well advanced in age. The same sifting process happens, only it is much more painful...for there is a whole life to look back on and assess.

This sifting happens because there is only so much the brain can handle. As we grow the capacity of our brain increases...whole new dimensions are added to our mind, thereby causing more and more layers to form. We have to get rid of the extra baggage - the baggage that is really not doing anything for us. And, I feel, we need to do this for our own sakes. We know that the ultimate aim of our lives is to be at peace with ourselves. Comes a time when it no longer feels important to fight for all kinds of issues...we can let a lot of them just go. But we have to do the sorting. I have found that there are some hard layers - painful layers - that take a lot of digging to get loosened up. Ramifications of thought go through from this layer to some on top and some way, way below. But the loosening up has to be done so that they can be finally just yanked out and removed. It is a painful process because suddenly we are confronted with a whole lot of things that we had either taken for granted, or not thought of as being important.... It could be that we had ignored some very important signs and signals which could have changed the course of our lives.... We come up against people who hurt us, destroyed a part of our lives, or who helped us and we ignored them.... There are things we did that we are not proud of, but we did them without thinking, and the consequences of those changed the very course of our lives.... There are mistakes we made - some unthinkingly, some wrongly, some because we took the wrong advice...  We have to resolve all these in our mind. To resolve means to look at them, accept the lesson learnt and then let it go. These may hang on a bit, but then they do go away...

If we don't do this, the bitterness is likely to poison all the other layers that are forming on top even as the bitterness obliterates all the good in the layers below, hardening up into one hard mass.

If we think strength lies in being hard, think again. Strength is not in being hard. What we mistake as being hard is actually being bitter - we have allowed the bitterness of the years to become a solid mass. Strength lies in our very vulnerabilities and how we handle them without changing our basic nature of goodness, happiness and above all gratefulness....without disturbing the lake of peacefulness which is inside our hearts.

Real strength lies in saying my parents screwed up, but I have a chance of setting myself right. I can let the past go and not blame what I am or what I have done on my parents or friends or situations or circumstances - these are all now in the past.

Real strength lies in saying I screwed up, but I have a chance to set things right...and I will do that...

Couldn't resist this...

Applies to everything, wouldn't you say.....?

Just a reminder...

Each creation in the plant world and animal world (man included) is unique.

Unique in size, color, how they are made, how they tick, voice/sound...

An imprint - finger, leaf, paw, or any body part - of every living organism is different...

Each living being's way of thinking and doing and growing is distinctive...

Every living being - from the tiniest plant to the teeniest animal to the largest tree and a giant animal - also suffers from stress and distress...

All living beings are interconnected - are dependent, even - in one way or the other in God's Universe...

We, each one of us, has our own unique space and place under the sun...

We just have to remember this and periodically remind ourselves that we are - each one of us - special, especially at those times when it seems as if everyone and everything is conspiring against us, pulling us down.... We also need to look at all other living beings as special in themselves...

For us women...

Our identity as WOMAN keeps getting jabbed at, dented, ripped....lost... We need to keep our focus on ourselves so that we don't stray too far away from being WOMAN...and if we do stray, we need to get back as quickly as we possibly can...

Here are some pointers/reminders:

It is in our nature to want to connect. We are most fulfilled when we are deeply connected with people.

It is in our nature to nurture. We nurture through our through love, affection, gentleness, and caring. A woman is not less feminine if she is single or if she is married and unable to bear children. She is just as womanly in form and spirit.

It is in our nature to be vulnerable. But we also have tremendous fortitude built into our nature. Yes, we tend to wall up our hearts to prevent being hurt, victimized, or wounded. We become defensive because we don't want to be taken advantage of. The downside is that in doing this we also keep the good things out. We need to know we have the strength to deal with all the bad things and come out tops!

It is in our nature to want to be beautiful. A reminder: Being outwardly attractive is not nearly as important as being inwardly beautiful. It is important, though, to have a pleasing outward appearance while working on our inner selves - our true, real selves. Our inward beauty comes from our gentle and quiet spirit. And we all have this...just that sometimes we push it deep, deep down to cope with external pressures that are unhappy or of a violent nature.

"You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are."
~ Melissa Etheridge

I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.”
~ Emma Stone


Maya Angelou sums up WOMAN for all of us:

PHENOMENAL WOMAN 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. 
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them, 
They think I’m telling lies. 
I say, 
It’s in the reach of my arms, 
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman 
Phenomenally. 
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me. 

I walk into a room 
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man, 
The fellows stand or 
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me, 
A hive of honey bees.   
I say, 
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman 
Phenomenally. 

Phenomenal woman, 
That’s me. 

Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me. 
They try so much 
But they can’t touch 
My inner mystery. 
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say, 
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile, 
The ride of my breasts, 
The grace of my style. 
I’m a woman 
Phenomenally. 
Phenomenal woman, 
That’s me. 

Now you understand 
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about 
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing, 
It ought to make you proud. 
I say, 
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman 
Phenomenally. 
Phenomenal woman, 
That’s me.