'is so powerful. Silence can be so loving. It takes a Warrior to be silent.'
Charles Alexander Eastman, OHIYESA SANTEE SIOUX goes on to say: "Silence is the cornerstone of character."
When do we need to be silent?
When we hurt - either because someone has hurt us, or we have done something to bring us hurt, or, we experience a surge of feeling we are not proud of, such as anger, hatefulness. Instead of reacting or responding, what we need to do is this:
Sit tight. Sit quietly. Step back from the issue that brought this disturbance about. Breathe as slowly as we can.
While sitting quiet, acknowledge the hurt WITHOUT damning ourselves - “I am deeply hurt and it is okay to feel the way that I do.” "I am angry and it is okay to feel the way I do." "I am hating this, and it is okay to feel the way I do." If someone has unthinkingly and possibly unknowingly, but definitely unfairly, been judgmental, we could say--"Even if he/she has judged me, I don’t have to judge myself.” "What they say reflects on them not on me."
Thus, let the moment pass.
Two things happen:
1. We find that our heart beat has slowed and become stable. What has actually happened is that in forgiving ourself and being kind to ourself, the strong negative waves have ceased. We may even be able to extend forgiveness and kindness to others, especially to those who are the cause of us getting into a 'down state'.
2. The anxious, worrying, harsh thoughts that our monkey mind threw up are pushed away and we are distanced from them... We have been able to create a space around our core.
Another time silence helps is when we don't bring ourselves into a conversation. This actually does wonders for us - our inner selves. For instance, the person you are talking with is telling you about an incident. You had the same experience and maybe it ended well, or it ended badly. The natural instinct would be for you to narrate your experience. DON'T. Initially I found it difficult - very difficult - not to 'participate', but gradually I'm realizing that in fact, it is better not to talk about our own experiences and the way we reacted/responded to them (this would only set off its own fallouts)...........Best is that I've started feeling more composed, more calm and more at peace...
Try it. It works!! For, once those difficult moments pass, there is no negative or unsettling feeling lingering and spoiling the moments that are yet to come...