you’ll have fewer disappointments.” ~ Unknown
Not only fewer disappointments, but not having expectations takes the pressure off relationships - no matter which relationship it is: Parents-children; friend-friend; teacher-student; salesperson-customer; boss-employee...any relationship at all. Either we are expecting things of them, or they are expecting things of us...and the circle goes round round entangling us in unhappiness.
Now we need to check and see how we think. When something goes 'wrong' or 'awry' in a relationship, do we instantly start blaming ourselves? Do we start thinking that we can never do anything right? Do we tell ourselves that we are all wrong? Do we find ourselves taking the blame?
Why do we do this? Because we were expecting something out of the relationship, that we didn't get. We were looking forward to something that we see is not going to happen. In fact, things probably went totally off course from what we were anticipating or imagining. Could be we were presuming something, or we thought we deserved something better and that was not happening...
The thing is that things do go wrong, but if we immediately point the finger at ourselves, then we gradually start internalizing the sentences we use to tell us we are all wrong. Also, we put a huge burden on the other person (the person from whom we had all these expectations) and the result is a strain on the relationship.
What happens next is that we either gradually withdraw into ourselves and build a wall around us...not going out ourselves, nor letting anyone in. Or, we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into the mire of being the 'wrong' person. And so 'everyone else is better and first and I am dreadful and last.' Otherwise things would be different, right? Strain-strain-strain all around!
To get out of this, we need to keep telling ourselves that we are different from others - each person is different - and therefore there is no need for me to apologetic about myself or put the other person on a pedestal. As we repeat this over and over again to ourselves, a strong feeling of respect for ourselves starts to grow. This helps us get to know ourselves better too! And we realize - slowly but surely - that it is not any particular relationship that is giving us grief, it is the way we are viewing the relationship that is causing the problems.
Once you let go of all expectations and take each moment as it happens, without tying it to the past or the future, it becomes a freeing experience. You also start seeing the other person as a person in his/her own right.
Try it. Fight for it. We have only this one life and we really can do without binding our self-esteem and happiness to someone else's expectations...and likewise if we give up our expectations of others, we will find huge reservoirs of fun and happiness inside of ourselves... better still, we will be able to keep a relationship going stress-free...