There is something bewitching...

about the 24th of December...

It's Christmas Eve for those who believe, which is magical, but generally, there is a special something in the air...something enchanting....

Relish and soak into every moment.

On December 10...

I had written about 'Solutions'

This is adding to that...paraphrasing from today's meditation of Hazrat Inayat Khan:

What he said was:
There are many paths, and each man considers his own the best and wisest. Let each one choose that which belongs to his own temperament.


My paraphrase is:

There are many solutions to a problem (and here I am talking about the problems we face, and the difficult situations that we often find ourselves in), and each man considers his own the best and wisest......our well-wishers, the friends who dearly love us, our parents, our siblings, all offer us their best solutions, solutions which have worked for them in similar or near-similar situations. However, let each one choose that which belongs to his own temperament.....simply because even if the context is the same, each person has their own  personality....their own chemistry....their own emotional/psychological/mental make-up, their own depth of intelligence, and their own understanding and interpretation of words and thoughts....and the tiniest thing could just make the difference for good or worse...

And so we have to tailor the solution/solutions/parts of solutions to what we would be temperamentally suited to do and comfortable with.....for it is only that that will work for us...      

Our sisters'...

Malala and this 23-year-old girl, victim of hideous rape and violence, battling for her life are proof that we women (of all nationalities, colors, creeds, and physical and geographic differences) have an indomitable spirit...if only we can let it surface, allow it to surface,...and we must - these girls have shown us that the least thing we have to be afraid of is fear.....one cannot have gone through more fearful situations than these girls....

It is unbelievable and miraculous how these two girls who were so brutally attacked head-on, as it were, have survived - it is their invincible soul and unconquerable spirit that have kept them alive.....both of them want to continue-in their own contexts-to speak up and fight up for women.

Each one of us women across continents and seas, even to the most remote places of the earth have to stand behind these girls......absolutely and completely.....

There is no punishment strong enough for those who tried to kill these girls.....but there is one thing we women can do....which is to not bend before any man who tries to take away or damage our self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth. These girls have shown us that we need not, because we can survive the worst....and we will.

I wonder who will come...

tomorrow...

Rumi says:
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor...

It makes it so easy to handle all that comes into our lives if we keep these words in our minds....because one or other of these will visit us.

And he goes on to say:
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

And it is so true because the meanest of mean things, the saddest of sadnesses, and even the greatest happiness has something to teach us. The hurt, sadness, and happiness become bearable or understandable and acceptable when looked at this way...and I would say that for our own mental and emotional comfort this would be the only way to look at whatever comes our way - that this is a guest who has come to teach us something - the very word guest implies that it will go away - just as the sadness/meanness/hurt will go, the happiness too will go away. So, hang in there during the painful moments for they will pass and enjoy the happy moments for they too will pass.

My DD's Christmas tree...

always rings in the festive season for me...

Love came down at Christmas.....

This hit me between the eyes...

You must believe in yourself -- if you do not then no one else will

It was sent to me by a dear friend, and to my question on how do I start believing in myself, this is what I got....something to go by:

and this includes looking in and taking stock - very bravely - of what I can do, where my talents lie, my likes, dislikes, loves, hates...

And adding to this was what I got the other day in one of my mails:

I may be whatever------but I still believe I can do anything. I still believe I can do more....

You can...

get a grip on things...as in, you may be able to understand how to deal with something....maybe....maybe not.....but you can try to.....and maybe in the end you will succeed in getting a grip on things....the option being that if you do not get a grip on it, you can always leave it be and move on.

You can also try to get a grip on yourself, that is, make an effort to control your emotions - this comes with practice....and with a lot of effort, you may actually be able to control the way you behave....be 'cool', never mind that your insides are being eaten up....(that can be dealt with in privacy)

It's not the good that one has a problem with - it's the sad, the bad, the ugly side of life that is so difficult. And our trying to 'get a grip' only makes it more complicated on the one hand, and on the other, completely destroys us.....and no 'grip' happens....

I feel,..no....am beginning to believe, that you cannot get a grip on life. Life is too fluid and keeps changing....I've come to believe that the only thing we can do is to go along with it, and then, slowly, sometimes very slowly, it unfolds into something we can understand and deal with....

Totally faulty thinking...

is when we think that the dreams we have when we are small....when we are growing up...when we are older....and older....and older are what should happen in real life.....we have embellished them, we have dwelt in them, we have, in our mind, made them real, and..................well.......those are the only dreams we believe we have...

But,

What if those dreams don't materialize?

What if those dreams don't become real?

What if those dreams get shattered?

What if those dreams, in spite of our best efforts, just don't happen the way we dream them to happen?

Then,

We feel betrayed....we are broken.....

But then,

Who ever said that the dreams we dreamt are the only dreams?

There are so many other dreams......

And,

Just like, every so often, we have to make course corrections in our life, so too, we need to make dream-corrections, and dream new dreams, different dreams, bolder dreams, way-out dreams, dreams that we only dream we could dream, and dreams that we never thought we could dream, dreams that we never thought we had it in us to dream....

and then see life change..............

Solutions...

We hear and read that every problem has a solution. When we are in any kind of trouble, our well-wishers tell us of one way or other of how to solve the problem - it could be something they've thought on their feet, or it could be from their own experience.

However, one person's solution cannot and will not work for another, because the contexts are different, the personalities are different, and the energies within each context are different. Even the most successful solution to a similar kind of problem will never yield the same result when superimposed on the problem simply because the surrounding energies can never be the same...never...

Yes, we have to listen to all, read the lives of great people who have been through very trying conditions, learn from wise men......and then work out our own solution....

And mind you, only the persons who accept your own special brand of solution are your real friends and well-wishers, because they genuinely respect who you are and value and appreciate you for who you are.

I came across this...

 a few minutes ago...

"The moment we want to be something we are no longer free."
 - Jiddu Krishnamurti

How true - and this can mean anything at all, it came to me in a flash of insight - the moment we want to be Someone in our fields of expertise, or Somebody in our place of work, or our community, or the place where we live, or even to be Something special in some organization...we actually lose ourselves...we lose the truth of who we are.

Even wanting to be that simplest of things - a good housewife - is binding....it has to flow from within out or even the mildest and sweetest and simplest of housewives will sooner or later pull and strain at the reins she herself has unwittingly created around her...

Whatever we do or whatever we want to be has to happen naturally from within....it should not be in response to a situation, it has to flow from inside out...

And I think we will know the truth only if what we do, or are, or be, brings a feeling of peacefulness and serenity...the moment there is even a hint of strife, that's it.....we'll know we are going against ourselves.

And what is this freedom? I believe this is the freedom from fear......from the myriad avatars that fear takes....

Some uplifting sayings...

by Germaine Greer...

Having seen her and hear her talk, I know that these words are backed up by experience, by the depth of feeling that has come from what she has gone through....and so, are real...

One may not reach the dawn save by the path of the night.

Human beings have an inalienable right to invent themselves.

Security is when everything is settled, when nothing can happen to you; security is the denial of life.

It's not going to end...

this mad targeting of Malala by the Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan.

This time they targeted Kainat Ahmed, one of the two girls (the other one was Shazia) who was with Malala the day she was shot at. They planted a bomb behind Kainat's home; one woman lost her life and seven others were injured. Kainat and Shazia were injured that fateful day, and Kainat was probably only just recovering from her injuries...will she ever get over this trauma.....

These girls have already lost their child's faith in the world, should they lose their mind too, and that too to the warped, mad thinking of some misguided adults?

All Malala wanted to do was study....for that she is branded as a teenage rights activist, and her 'crime'? Backing secularism and Western values. Can anything be more absurd?

Young sweet girl-children...our hearts and thoughts and prayers are with you...

Have you noticed...

that when you make an error in your work, everyone, even those who are friendly, or well-disposed towards you - both colleagues and bosses - distance themselves? none of the work - often commended - is remembered? in fact, nothing counts, except that error?

If you are one of those who tries very hard not to make errors, even maybe strive for perfection, like I so often wrongly do, we end up casting about our mind and reviewing and re-re-reviewing all that we did to desperately try to figure out why and how we could have made that error...

 I've italicized wrongly, because over the years I've seen how destructive trying for perfection can be...

And then if one person holds your hand (figuratively) and says 'it's okay, errors do happen,' then you don't feel alone - suddenly you feel strong and not-destroyed, and you get the strength to square your shoulders and go on...

It happened to me at work today, and it was my DD who gave me the impetus to go on...just by saying 'It's okay Ma, mistakes happen'...

If it's happened to you, pass it on...

Praise, appreciate, compliment, applaud as much as you can, to make up for that devastating single error...

Making the Indian bread...

or rotis is a skill. It is unleavened bread and can be made in many forms to suit different occasions....but the best form is the simplest, which is wholewheat flour kneaded into a dough, made into small balls called loi, and then rolled out - not too thin, but thinnish - and then cooked on a flat griddle. After both sides are cooked, the roti is placed directly on the flame till it puffs up....

I personally lay great store by my rotis and in October while holidaying with my DD, insisted she learn how to make rotis.............. and made sure she got it....imagine my pride and happiness when she msgd me today to say she had turned out lovely puffed up rotis for a dinner guest!!!!!

The two things that are needed are a good, solid pata (round flour board or pastry board) and belan (rolling pin). For the person who loves making rotis, it is important that these are made of good wood - teak wood or rose wood or some other wood like that - real good wood...and these have to be cared for...

Strange isn't it, how one makes sure that the things one loves to do are done with the right kind of instruments/apparatus/utensils/tools...

Life...

through Calvin's eyes...

Calvin: I don't like real experience.

It's too hard to figure out! you never know what's going on! You don't have any control over events!

I prefer to have life filtered through television.

That way you know events have been packaged for your convenience! I like a narrative imposed on life, so everything logically proceeds to a tidy conclusion.

And if you don't like what's happening, "click". You change the channel and there's something different! That's how real life should be.

To which Hobbes gives him a "click" with his foot!!!!!!!!!!!!

and to Calvin's deep chagrin says: Oh good, a farce! and Calvin starts chasing him.......

outdone again??!!

It's been...

a long two weeks...

and so much has happened....

Get together with the girls..........................fantastic

Breakdown................. finally facing the truth staring at me............. not going under.............comforted, supported, encircled and enclosed by the love of my DD and loving, caring friends...who say nothing more than that I am precious to them.....which leaves me with the joyful responsibility of living my life...

and so I am back at my desk - rejuvenated and refreshed...........

Adding to the post on recognizing and stepping out of denial...

If we are bitter about whatever it is we have to go through or live with, there is no way for us to connect to the Light  - i.e. find relief, strength, and serenity - life will remain painful and frightening.

On the other hand, if we see it for the truth of what it really is (accept it by getting out of denial) - we will get closer to the Light - i.e. we will release the power within.

And, we'll be able to start accessing the lessons that our circumstance has to teach us.

Paraphrased from my meditation: Weekly Kabbalah Tune Up: SLOW DANCE

Beautiful, beautiful...

words...

Rest in God....in His love

A tremendous breakthrough...

in my thinking...

We all have issues that beset us - some trouble/problem/difficulty that is persistent. Of course there are good times and good days, but the underlying and undeniable truth of our lives is that this particular trouble/problem/difficulty is something the 'good' cycle always returns to. And this is something that we are either loth to or scared to acknowledge, or even able to face. We enter into difficult relationships with our eyes open thinking that we'll be able to tackle everything - no problem is insurmountable; we believe we have it in us to overcome. The hard fact though is that there are certain problems that we cannot overcome....they keep recurring, threatening to erode the very foundation of our relationship and our life..........and then we go into denial. 'This cannot be happening to me,' 'I was not made for this,' 'Surely this cannot be happening to me,' 'I deserve something better,' 'Why me,' and on in the same vein - is what happens to us. Time is neither the great healer here nor does the trouble/problem/difficulty go away with time. 

However,

What came to me in the quiet moments before I woke up this morning is to accept - ACCEPT - that there is this problem, and it's not going to go away - it might even get worse - and strangely and wonderfully and even maybe unbelievably I got this tremendous feeling of freedom... .Only one who has gone through a torturous road can understand the feeling of freedom....and I felt this freedom - I felt strong about facing the future......something I've never been able to do through 25 years.......so, okay, it's taken me 25 years to get out of denial, but fact is I have...best is that the feeling of freedom, also brought with it a strength - it was as if the strength to cope was also being freed, so that it is available for me, for handling...for coping.....

It is not that the sadness will not happen.....it is not that things are going to get rosy......it is not that the trouble/problem/difficulty is going to go away.....it is just that the fear is gone leaving one free to go through the dark days without feeling/getting destroyed...

And so, thing is, whether we like it or not, life, though made of roses, also has its thorns, and once we stop denying this, the thorns become easier to handle, they don't seem so thorny, and best of all, since we see it, we needn't allow it to poke us, or even if it does, it's not as bad as being poked by thorns we cannot see. 

Often, when we go through...

one bad time, we think that if we ride it through, we'll be rewarded by a good thing...the pointer will move over the black patch into a patch of light...but more often than not, that is not the way Life works, because, so often, we find ourselves going from one bad patch, bang into another, and then again into another....the black clouds just don't seem to even want to part to let any light in....it is just unrelenting night and darkness and pain and sorrow....and we wonder if this is ever going to end...or change...

It does - if we just go through it concentrated on the moment without either looking back or ahead...I learned this from a wonderful book - The Art of Racing by Garth Stein.....will share more of this later......

Just wanted to say - one or two or a whole line of bad patches can be got through....

For those who grew up with...

Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird...


http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/10/some-things-should-happen-on-soft-pages.html

The more I travel...

the more I realize how similar people all over the world are...regardless of every parameter that humans have used to build walls around them.

Talking to my DD...

always opens out a world of hitherto unthought of or scared-to-allow-into-my-mind possibilities. But, she, young and full of life and making sure that she extracts the most out of life, will not allow me to hide behind the limitations that I perceive or think I perceive, and sometimes even cook up. For everything she has an answer that I cannot fault, or poke holes in......and it sets me wondering......am I doing this to myself?? and the answer stares me in my face---------------yes, I am...

Got this, from this morning's meditation - and it was as if she had especially ordered it in for me with my morning coffee.

'You have powers you never dreamed of.' - and this is not to mention the powers that I know I have, but which I'm afraid to acknowledge, let alone use.......'You can do things you never thought you could do.' - again, lots of hiding here........'There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind.' - which is - admit it - so true.....

The quote was by Darwin P. Kingsley

Seems like it's easier to make excuses--in fact the amount of energy I expend in making excuses could better be used to doing the things that I really want to do......that come into my mind.........that I feel would make life interesting.....

Have been reading...

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

An utterly charming book...

And one character who has totally captivated me is Dickon.

In the protagonist Mary's words:

'His speech was so quick and easy. It sounded as if he liked her and was not the least afraid she would not like him, though he was only a common moor boy, in patched clothes and with a funny face and a rough, rusty-red head. She noticed that there was a clean fresh scent of heather and grass and leaves about him, almost as if he were made of them.'

He was at one with the natural world...totally and completely...

According to Dickon: (paraphrasing from his thick Yorkshire-accented speech)

'There's naught as nice as the smell of good clean earth, except the smell of fresh growing things when the rain falls on them.'

And this one's something to go by:

'There doesn't seem to be no need for anyone to be contrary when there's flowers and such like, and such lots of friendly wild things running about making homes for themselves or building nests and singing and whistling, is there?'

And yet, how often we allow things to make us contrary.....

A book everyone can find something in.....most of all......just reading about Dickon lifts the heart....

In Muscat...

with my DD...

Happy and so at peace...

We left Muscat on 12 February 2003. Back after almost 10 years, it seems as if we'd never left! Huge changes have taken place in the landscape, but the essence remains the same...the vibes are the same...

the feelings that were evoked were the same...

How fortunate we were to have had the chance to live here!

We revisited the places we knew and frequented, drove past the homes we'd lived in, and re-looked at and re-lived memories...

And realized that going back a-ways in the past need not be painful...

Early morning...

writing to a very dear friend who's father is bedridden and who does not have too many days left to live, trying to offer words of comfort and strength, I realized that it is not the illness or the fact that one has the loved one only for a few more days that really stresses us out. It is the end of the familiar - familiar daily routine, familiar ways of the person, familiar round of duties, a familiar way of life that we have got used to - it is the end of our regular family day, it is the end of the comfort of knowing that we don't have to worry about the mundane, regular things of life, it is the end of planned expenditure, it is the end of a chapter, most probably.....it is the end of what we have come to accept as our normal...it is the end of what we believe is our due, without really having thought about it...it is the end of a comfortable way of life...in fact, it is our world turned on its head...It is also getting used to a new way of life, it is having to deal with uncomfortable thoughts, it is knowing that certain things have to be dealt with and there is no tomorrow to push it off it, or no comfortable carpet to push it under, it is coming face-to-face with reality, as it were......and that is surely the most difficult thing to deal with.....our comfort zone is smashed....

With a loved invalid, or semi-invalid who we know has not much longer to live, life now has to be re-worked around that person....we strive to make each day count....we try to deal with thoughts and feelings hitherto unknown....we try to cope.....and this is besides dealing, sometimes rather helplessly, with seeing the loved one suffer...

We buckle under this, we fight it, we do not accept it, we think and say out loud, hoping it will come true, that this is a passing phase....and deep down we know that there is no way out, or around----we have to deal with it....and this is nub of it all.

And yet, after the fighting with ourselves is over, a new pattern emerges which, in fact, is also beautiful...

Something I got when surfing...

 'To my 15-year-old self': Things I wish I'd known. 

Robin Bernstein - Relax and let the future arrive on its own time and in its own way.

Oprah Winfrey - You've spent too many days and years trying to please others and be what they wanted you to be. You will have to learn that the wounds of your past damaged your self-esteem, Yet through it all, you've held on to a belief in God and God's belief in you.

Christiane Amanpour - Perhaps the most important thing I could say is to never be thrown by failure and mistakes. You will only achieve success if you know how to learn from your failures and mistakes. It's vital.

Her Majesty Queen Rania Al Abdullah of Jordan - Carve your own path. Be different, explore the twists and turns on your way, and don't fear the occasional fall - it's part of every journey.

Victoria Azarenka - Never be afraid to show the real you and have fun.

Maria Shriver - Never think that someone else knows what's best for you. Trust your way and don't ask for so much advice. Learn how to be quiet and still enough to hear your own voice. It's up to you: Your voice will either be silenced or will get to roar.

Zaha Hadid - Trust your intuitions - even if they seem bizarre and strange.

Maria Sharapova - Don't put so much pressure in your life. There is always going to be room for improvement.

Vanessa Mae - .....improvise.... in your life

Arianna Huffington - Don't let that voice of doubt - the obnoxious roommate in your head - have the last word.

I was inspired by these words. They touched something within me. These are women who allowed themselves to feel-think-see-learn...so their words come out of the depths of truth. This is what I too am striving for.....to really go to the depth of what I am - not for anyone, but for myself...


You'll find more at:
http://edition.cnn.com/2012/10/11/world/gallery/international-day-of-the-girl/index.html?hpt=hp_c1&iid=article_sidebar

Guess what I stumbled on...

listening to Blue Storm Texas Country Music on Live 365 (Internet radio)...

A song by Gary Allen:

"Life Ain't Always Beautiful"

Life aint always beautiful

Sometimes it's just plain hard

Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful

You think you're on your way

And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger

And the changes make you wise

And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time

[CHORUS]

No, life aint always beautiful

Tears will fall sometimes

Life aint always beautiful

But it's a beautiful ride

Powerful words...

for all of us who at one time or other have felt cowed down by people or circumstances...

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept noone's definition of your life, but define yourself.
- Harvey S. Firestone

God is not going to ask us how many people we were accepted by, or how many people we pleased, or what we did to stay in favor with people...

He is going to ask us what we did with our talents, our potentials, our possibilities...

I just can't seem to...

think of anything else other than little Malala fighting for her life...

How brave these young girls are and how strongly they fight for what is right and for their freedom to express this...

Pussy Riot member Yekaterina Samutsevich, who was freed, had this to say: "We are not finished, nor are we going to end our political protest."

These girls have the inner strength and power to take on the Taliban, as in Malala's case, and the State, as the Pussy Riot girls did

Brave, brave girls......I wish I had a hundredth of their strength of mind...

So often I ask...

and hear people ask...

If there is a God above, why does He let bad things happen?

It was made clear in today's Upper Room meditation. God gave us a beautiful world to live in. He gave us free will. We've gone and screwed up big time. We've also relentlessly, in the pursuit of our own selfish needs and purposes, not bothered about the impact of our selfish decisions on other people and on the world. But God does not leave us alone....He's always there....silently, lovingly holding us close....As the writer says in the Upper Room, "God does not cause such tragedies, but God is present in them. '[God] does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone' (Lam 3:33, NRSV). God works through all the horrible things that happen to draw us closer to Him."

One of my mother's favorite lines was:

Underneath are His everlasting arms.

The next 48 hours...

are crucial for Malala Yousufzai. Join me in prayer...

We can never...

and must never deny our heritage.

Yes, we can change what we believe is wrong for us, we can choose differently, but we must never deny it...for then we would be denying our very being. We can choose to be who we want to be only if we recognize where we come from...For that we have to know our heritage, we have to find out about it, and we have to learn to accept that this is where we come from......and then go on from there.

Bothering me a lot...

if a young girl - Malalah Yousufai - believes she has the right to be free, the right to speak and dance and sing, the right to be educated, the right for peace, why do I shy away from thinking like this, be afraid to think  like this? And this fear has locked me into myself. Is it too late to break out?

Every fibre of my being cries 'no'......I too can.....

Joining in prayer...

for Malala Yousufzai, and her family...

Something I learnt...

yesterday...

and I've been mulling over it since.

For those of us who pride ourselves on our work, check and re-check to see if we've got everything down right, and maybe even re-do something till it is perfect in our eyes, it is mortifying when an error is pointed out - we die a thousand deaths trying to figure out the how and why of the error, we flagellate ourselves beyond all proportion, and generally feel like pond scum or worse.

Now here's what I learnt - if at that time - when an error is pointed out - you force - FORCE - yourself to say - Wow! I'm so glad you pointed this out to me. It's something I've been battling with, or Thanks for telling me 'cos now I've finally got it right, or something to this effect.....it works wonders. Now these are not the thoughts we generally think when an error is pointed out, so it is extremely difficult to accept - difficult to accept the error, and even more difficult to believe that we can accept the error gracefully.....instead, we lose sleep and our sense of well-being as well as our self-esteem. It needn't be so.

I tried this yesterday, and instead of feeling small and dreadfully inadequate, I actually felt good - for, Life is not a cruel examination; and the person who corrected me is not the judge of my life...

Life is a process of learning, and we are learning all the time...

Try it......it works.....and you don't fall in anyone's esteem least of all your own!!! and that itself is a great feeling...

Somehow, this picture...

on the BBC news home page struck at the very roots of my heart.....and my being...

The true nature of woman....and yet she will go on and on and on.....

On the flight back...

I saw the film Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It's a film I'd been wanting to see 'cos of Judi Dench- a person I admire both as an actress and as a person. It was a thought-provoking film, and I liked it.

The thread that runs through it is - "In India, we have a saying: everything will be all right in the end. So, if it is not all right, it is not yet the end."

I've been playing hooky...

not really....

just trying to assimilate the wonderfully intense time we had in Sydney where we'd gone to attend the 'Festival of Dangerous Ideas'...

Lots to share......

There is a kind of choice we make...

feel we should make...

choose to make...

sometimes...

that goes against all reason. Our friends and family give us all the reasons for and against, making it clear that the right answer lies with  'against the choice'; all indications of our circumstances point to 'against the choice'; and still we go ahead against even our own intelligence and mental reasoning, no matter how powerful, and make the choice 'for'...

Why do we do this? what drives us to make this choice, when the alternative stares us enticingly in the face? what holds us back, when those who love us urge us to get away? what keeps us putting out the anyway-almost-dead spark?

I think it is because we know that in those quiet watches of the night, when we face our souls - alone - we know what we have to do, and that knowledge gives us the strength to carry on in the face of all-all-all odds...

Harking back...

to my blog 'Talking about pressures...' on July 26.

I'd said - we hate it when life prunes us, and had put a picture of a lovely Ashoka tree with the top broken off, leaving jagged edges and a deep wound on the trunk...

Here's the same Ashoka, with new shoots springing up from the broken top...

Fresh light green and bronze leaves now cover the entire top.

Life does prune us - but it keeps showering it's bounty on us so that we grow out fresh and new again...

No matter how painful the break, or jagged the edges left behind, or deep the scars - we can grow out again...we must....WE CAN......we can again surge ahead with hope.

....and we will realize that the pruning was good for us, and that we needed it....

Angelou again...

'Flippancy and sarcasm are not qualities which we need to include in our daily conversations.'

How important it is for us to talk properly - never to slight anyone with flippancy, and never to take away anyone's sense of self-esteem or self-worth with sarcasm.

My Dad had a rule for us - No teasing. Ever. Never. For he said that teasing always ended in grief......and believe me it does........always and without fail.

So much clarity of thought...

in Maya Angelou's words.

Whenever I'm in doubt, I pick up Maya Angelou's books, and sure enough, there's always an answer to what I'm looking for.

The question of philanthropy has been a rankling one. I read of the rich giving huge donations to organizations that help people. Of course there is the practice of tithing, which is giving a tenth of what you have to the materially poor. There is 'giving to charity'. But what if you don't have money to give.....what you have goes into your own living.....does that make us uncaring? insensitive? hardhearted?

Here's what Angelou says:

'The word philanthropy was taken from the two Greek words, philo - lover of; and anthro - mankind. So, philanthropists are lovers of humanity. They build imposing edifices......give huge sums of money.....are the principal patrons of the arts.

There are those who would like to see themselves as philanthropists. Philanthropists often are represented by committees and delegations. They are disconnected from the recipients of their generosity.'

And she goes on to say:
(and this is what clarifies the whole thing to me)

'I like to think of myself as charitable. The charitable say in effect, 'I seem to have more than I need and you seem to have less than you need. I would like to share my excess with you.' Fine, if my excess is tangible, money or good, and fine if not, for I have learned that to be charitable with gestures and words can bring enormous joy and repair injured feelings.

I learned that I could be a giver by simply bringing a smile to another person. The ensuing years have taught me that a kind word, a vote of support, is a charitable gift. I can move over and make another place for someone. I can turn my music up if it pleases, or down if it is annoying. I may never be known as a philanthropist, but I am certainly a lover of mankind, and I will give freely of my resources.'

The idea is to give of yourself...

Instead of...

relying on ourselves to find answers to existential questions, look at Nature - there is an answer there for everyone.......but you have to set aside time for this - and not allow anything or anyone to distract you during this time - Nature not only gives us answers, but also comforts, nurtures and nourishes our heart and mind.

Sharing some things I read recently:

This one is difficult - (paraphrased)

Glory in the mystery and paradoxes of life, do not to be dismayed by the multitude of causes and consequences that are inherent in each experience, and appreciate the fact that life is complex.
 - M. Scott Peck


But, take heart, for,

One of God's arrangements is that after winter there should come beautiful spring days. It happens every year and it happens in every life.
 - Father Joseph

Have you noticed...

how people flower under appreciation?

It could be as simple as a
Please - appreciating the fact that the person of whom you are making a request can do what you want,
or
Thank you - appreciating what someone has done
or
Giving the time of day - appreciating the humanness of the people you meet
or
Paying a compliment (no matter how tiny is the achievement) - appreciating the effort that the person has put in
or
Taking the time to say Hello - appreciating the other person's presence
or
A well done to a sportsperson who has probably not made it to the top three places - appreciating the sportsperson's participation
or
Any kind of recognition expressed verbally or with a hug - appreciating whatever it is that the person has said or done

The teeniest word of appreciation brightens up another's day, raises their self-esteem and self-confidence, spurs them on to do better and go higher, and assures them that their place in the sun is intact.

My 500th post...

and a promise I'm going to make myself...

Never to ask anyone - 'Why don't you do this or that', 'Why don't you do things like this or that?' 'Why don't you try this method', 'Why don't you shop here?' 'Why don't you go here?' and other questions in the same vein.....

We never know why people do the things they do - we don't know their compulsions, or what drives them - we  do not know their very personal and special-to-them ideas - we do not know their deep, deep inner thoughts and feelings.....and asking these questions can just stir things up in their minds, and cause confusion/doubt/unrest. This is at best, and at worst they may be tempted to tell us to lay off. We really cannot, in truth, we have no right to, tell anyone what to do or how to behave in a particular situation...we are not walking in their moccasins, or living their lives.

You can give your views and opinions if, and only if asked and then too, remember they are your opinions and may not work with another personality or in other life conditions.....no matter how dear the person is or how close to you.

The only thing to do is to lend a listening ear, give your shoulder for her/him to lean on, be a sounding board, and offer your thoughts and ideas if asked. The point is to let the person know that you are around and will be around while they tortuously, maybe, arrive at their own solution/decision - and then to give them the reassurance that you will stand by them through the consequences....

Words of wisdom...

from Maya Angelou.

She says her grandmother taught her this:

'Sister, change everything you don't like about your life. But when you come to a thing you can't change, then change the way you think about it. You'll see it new, and maybe a new way to change it.'

Check out...

this haunting of music...it draws your soul out...

"Nocturne in C Sharp Minor"

Composed by Frédéric Chopin

It's been used very effectively in The Pianist and Karate Kid

Some random thoughts...

I picked up along the way recently...

Time is much too short to be living someone else's life.

It is never too late to be what you might have been - George Eliot

Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work... sacredly, secretly, and silently... and those with 'eyes to see and ears to hear', will respond.
- Author Unknown

Keep smiling and one day life will get tired of upsetting you.

Life isn't about pleasing everybody - it is certainly about not insulting  yourself.

And something especially for women - a quote sent to me by Debra Rapoport:

Women always try to tame themselves as they grow older,
But the ones who look best are often a bit wilder.
- Miuccia Prada

How often we...

refuse to walk away from something or someone we know is not good for us...

We make excuses and try to find the good and try to find reasons - even one teeny reason, sometimes.

So are we making a pact with our self-respect too? Or is it that we don't place any value on our own selves - we don't care enough about our own selves.....we think that sacrificing ourselves (our inner core is what I mean here) is some great act of goodness?

You could be into something, a job, or a relationship and fight tooth and nail to see to it that your inner core remains your own - you don't barter away your soul - you don't compromise on respecting your own inner person.....you try to hang on to what is good and true inside of yourself.....but sometimes the toll is too high. Then comes the point of having to take a decision to walk away....painful but necessary.......for you have to return your soul to your Maker.

The greatest grip...

that anything can have on one is the grip of grief. Grief over anything -

Worst is that grief is paralyzing...

Fact is one cannot move on from any kind of grief - it becomes a part of you...

It's only in facing it, understanding it and dealing with it that you can accept it and move on...

An inspiration...

My inner muse who began blossoming in the seventies, is now an inspired woman on the threshold of continuing change. Debra Rapaport from the advancedstyle.blogspot.com


So, for all of us who are in our sixties - it's not too late!!

It is so important...

no, IMPERATIVE

to find your truth....

It's an extremely difficult and painful process, believe me - and it's not a one-day thing.......it's a painstaking process, because you have to do a kind of inventory on everything that you like, dislike, eta, drink, wear, read, study, work on, think about.....everything.....and that is why it can be piercingly brutal. But, it has to be done, so that those layers of dust on the soul can be cleared....

States of mind...

don't happen...

I have to make it happen...

Kind of a - 'Cracklin' rose' state of mind....

                    'Let it be' state of mind...

                      'New York' state of mind...
       
                        'Song sung blue' state of mind...

                          'Country and Western' state of mind...

                            'Long and winding road' state of mind...

You can choose......................your state of mind!

I have been chewing over...

two actions that caught my attention in the papers today...

One was the Pussy Riot trio in Russia being sentenced to two years for hooliganism, and the other was an analysis of the dreadful events taking place in India whereby people of the North East who live and work in Pune, Hyderabad, and Bangalore are fleeing for their lives and going back home.

In both cases it was a case of misuse of personal freedom - unfortunately, Pussy Riot chose the cathedral to express their strong sentiments, and in India, people used the social media to send seditious messages. But, while in one case the punishment was utterly disproportionate, in the other the government is cutting capers trying to find out who all are behind these disturbing messages without encroaching on or curbing freedom of speech.

Are we losing it?

We lead life thinking...

there's this great design for us, and we're in the process of getting ready for it. So, whatever we do is in preparation for this. The present is not real - this is not reality - the reality is yet to come. When we finish a task, we eagerly look out for the next thing...wait for the next thing to happen so we can tackle that quickly and again wait...We finish the day and think - tomorrow we'll see the grand design.....and so we're always in a state of anticipation, of waiting, of trying to peer into the future. 

But......we don't realize that each action and each day is a part of the design.....this IS the design of our lives.......It's like the tiles on this tabletop. 

By our actions, and the way we live each day we create the design of our lives - each action - one tile, a section is like each day - so many actions, so many tiles - all setting together creating lines, some of which are short, some curved, some curled into a ball, some get crooked, some straight; some tiles represent dark days, some light, some bright, some dull, some shaded; some have had to be cut small, some shaped, some square, some rectangular..... but all needed for the grand design. If you notice, there are bright lines that run through the dark days, and also through the dull-and-drab-everyday days. 

Thing is, we are the ones who create those bright lines through our days....no matter what happens, we can rearrange the tiles of those actions which create brightness........we create our own unique individual pattern.....

and so we create the design of our own lives.....

One sure pick-me-up...

for when you just don't feel like talking to anyone or pouring your troubles out - one of those jammed in times...

Watch a fun movie....I just did...Nacho Libre, a comedy-drama directed by Jared Hess and has Jack Black acting as Friar Ignacio. It's loosely based on a real-life Mexican Catholic priest Fray Tormenta, who, in fact, had a career as a masked luchador. Ignacio loved the orphans in the orphanage where he worked. He wanted to give them good food, and some fun. In secret Ignacio wished he could become a luchador. He also wished to become a 'somebody'. His dream was to get a bus for the orphanage so he could take the children to see places...The movie is about how he achieves his dreams.

I thought the innocence of the film utterly charming......certain to get the good humor going again....

Chew on this...

Happiness doesn't just happen...

We have to make it happen...

There's huge effort needed not only to manage the situation as it is, but also to make sense of all the conflicting thoughts and emotions that surge up...win over everything, and the sit back and savor the happiness.....and this happiness is something very quiet that permeates every cell of our being..........Happiness is clearly different from moments of instant pleasure. Happiness is more a feeling of contentment, a sense of well-being.........

Have you ever...

when listening to some special piece of music, or gazing out on a rainy day, or reading.....or doing the dishes, maybe.................suddenly felt your spirit lift.................. and..........soar..............and go dancing and swirling away into the cosmos?

It's a gorgeous feeling....a feeling of liberation and a kind of pure peaceful happiness.....and you're just floating away so free....and so beautiful...and so light...

And so, even when your feet are bound, and you are fettered by the circumstances in which life has placed you, you can allow your mind and heart and spirit to lift up and dance away.........far, far away.............

When we ask Life...

(read God, Supreme Power, Light) for something, we are put in situations that demand this of us...

If I ask to have beauty of spirit, or tolerance, or patience, or strength to bear something, you will see that you are put in situations that demand these of you - ugly situations, difficult people......the exact opposite of what it is that you have prayed for......it is in the dealing with these with the help of God/Supreme Power/Light, that we acquire this in us, and it becomes a part of us.

Life doesn't ever just hand us what we've asked for.......when we earn it with our tears and struggles, it becomes us...

The many-colored weaves...

of life...

                 
                                       of relationships...

of every day...

Two tiny words...

which can help resolve many bugging issues...

You're(can put in he's/she's/they're) entitled

Once you say this, you can very easily put it out of your mind......is what I'm learning....

Some nuggets...

from advancedstyle.blogspot.com -

Personal style is healing

....................................this would particularly be for those who are ambivalent about having/creating a style of their own...

Two things...

I learnt today...

1. While David Ogilvy said that you should 'surround yourself with partners who are better than you are,' in most organizations, the boss wants to surround himself with sycophants. This, clearly is a situation to be avoided because it tells you something about the boss - therefore the best would be to lie low and consolidate your position and move on.

2. When deciding whether an offer should be accepted, it is necessary - no, imperative - to see how the offer squares up with the demands it is making on you as a person in your own right. Compromises there will be in every situation, but you must never sell even a teeny part of your soul for it.....better to eat dry bread and water and have your soul, than have a meal with champagne with bits of your soul missing. In the first case you will always have enough of your soul to build anything you want, but in the latter case, you end up as a nothing...

Adding to my blog on forgiveness...

here's a reinforcement I got today from FinestQuotes:

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. 

~ Harriet Nelson

Doesn't it add up? We have to ensure that our souls are free....for our own selves.

A deadly incentive...

from Ari Seth Cohen's ADVANCED STYLE

Everyone gets old........................................

                  but some get there in style.......

On forgiveness...

When someone hurts us or is rude to us, or makes us feel small, we react - sometimes very angrily. We may feel justified in our reaction, but what actually happens is that a part of our soul gets trapped into other person's soul. So actually we lose a part of ourselves. That is why it is important to forgive - set things right, resolve differences - even though we may be feeling hurt or demeaned or small or terribly upset...........................for that is the only way we can get the other person to release our soul.

Lesson here is that we have to try and handle potential as well as actual distress situations such that we don't end up losing even a teeny part of our soul.

To paraphrase Lewis B. Smedes: To forgive is to set a prisoner free - the prisoner being you...

Some of us...

learn to be defensive to protect our inner core. Through the years we make the shield we have created to encompass us, stronger and thicker...we push our real selves, and what we are all about deeper and deeper down... .Part of 'us' is stamped down by others, and part we push down for reasons of survival and to gain a measure of peace. But the thing is that we can only hide it, because what we are is never really going to go away (at all times, it is the positive in us that I'm talking about - the negative, that which causes sorrow and pain and makes our path rough, we have to remove).

The downside of this defense that we have made for ourselves is that the shell becomes harder and crustier and then we find that we cannot allow for any well-meaning kindness or friendship to pierce it. We are unwilling to peep out of our armor, and we are unwilling to expose the soft side of us - just in case... .We find it difficult to either let anyone in or come out ourselves... .Many of us are unable to discriminate between those who really love us and those who may be using us - result: keep the armor tightly closed, and pull up the moat allowing not even a fraction of ourselves to be exposed.

Somewhere, sometime, though, we are bound to burst -

There is always one person who is there just for us.....we need to allow this person in, who will then help us begin to clear our insides and let the Light in - or, we need to find some way of allowing the Light to come in....

We will find no real peace or serenity unless the Light fills us - then we will be protected from the inside and can do away with the external armor.

Never be...

swayed, or impressed, or bowled over, or carried away by the loud, brash, all-knowing, proud, show-off, bright spark, smooth-spoken, you-know-who-i-am-but-trying-hard-to-be-humble, obviously contrived, opinionated, pompous, seemingly fearless, bold, beautiful, outspoken, bragging kind of person.

Look instead for the shy, retiring, quiet, introverted, hanging-back, self-effacing, not-voicing-their-opinions-unless-asked, silent-about-their-talents kind of person.

The ultra-sophisticated is unobtrusive, restrained, uncritical, exceedingly simple, consistently respectful and well-mannered, quiet, and soft-spoken.

Something...

to read...adsorb...decide to do...make sure we do... force ourselves to do...

Remember - 

"The way people dress is the way they identify themselves, and that’s exactly fashion," says Berlin-born director Alexa Karolinski. 

And this is especially for those of us who are oldy-goldies, those who have given up on life, those who are so badly wounded in their hearts that they have no reason to have any self-esteem, for those who feel that caring for ourselves and loving ourselves is wrong, for those who are ambivalent about themselves vis-a-vis fashion or style, for those who feel that their time is past so why bother......and for those with all such thoughts that demean them and take away from their essence....

Till we leave this earth we have an identity, and it's best to realize that, understand it, accept it, and do our best to preserve it....

Check out - http://www.nowness.com/day/2012/7/29?ecid=ema1785&CID=# and you'll get the drift...

At some point...

we have to deal with a hard and essential fact: we discover that the things we're good at and the things we love are not necessarily the same...(wisdom from Robert James Waller)

and we must never feel guilty about it or distressed by this realization.

.........I may be very good as a teacher, but my heart may lie with wanting to run a cafe cum library...

so I do what I'm good at and dream about the other....knowing that it's all right to do so....



By extension this fits into so many areas of life....

If...

someone hurts you, there is no point in trying to either sort things out, or clear the air, because it only gets worse with each one defending his/her position. We end up saying things we neither mean nor would have in saner, calmer moments. Share your feelings only with those who recognize and feel and understand your heartbeat.......for the rest, only smile....

Talking about pressures...

Check out these two pix (taken from my window):

The picture alongside is of a Weeping Ashoka across the street - the top of it is jagged and with a magnifying glass you may be able to see the painful slit going through the main stem. It was a beautiful tree and looked lovely with the branches spreading out!

The picture here on the left, is also a Weeping Ashoka on our side of the street. It is regularly pruned by the gardener of our complex, and has a full head. Since the gardener prunes the branches, it is of the same circumference from the top to the lowest branch.

So what happened? There was a storm the other day, and the top of the tree mentioned first, just broke off....the top of the other one remained intact, and as full as ever.

A lesson here - we hate it when life prunes us, and it does - surely and painfully. But it is because of this pruning that we plumb depths in us we never knew we had; we grow in various ways, not imagining we had those potentials; we are forced into new and better ways of thinking; and we realize what we can be, and do - again, and yet again, and yet again...

Next time the Good Pruner comes around, allow yourself to learn something more about yourself.........and you'll be surprised at yourself.....

There are many times...

when we feel the need to ask for help. Or, we are in a bind, and people around us see this and come forward to help. Friends, colleagues, acquaintances all give us their well-meaning advice/help/suggestions. Our loved ones and dearest friends tell us, and debate and discuss with us the pros and cons and try to show us the path they feel would be good for us.

However, the only satisfying way is to look inside of ourselves for the answer - to listen to the voice of our conscience. Of course we must listen and accept what everyone tells us, but then................. we must heed that small, soft voice from deep inside, that tells us what we should do - gives us a solution we would be most comfortable with - guides us as we decide how we would really, honestly like to go about the problem - offers advice that syncs with what we are. Sometimes it may be contrary to what everyone, even our dearest ones have told us, it may seem we are flying in the face of all that is rational and reasonable, but................ it is what our heart tells us to do....it is what we believe we should do.....and it is the way we want to act... . In such cases we are ready and prepared to face the consequences, even if they are negative ones...simply because we have acted in a manner that is true to what we are.

And so, find your solutions - YOUR way - it will help you to deal with what comes after - the good gets highlighted, and the bad is bearable and eminently solvable.

Words of wisdom...

from two wonderful, fascinating, amazingly phenomenal women I came across in Ari Seth Cohen's Advanced Style (I'm totally hung up on his blog - advancedstyle.blogspot.com - in a word, it's extraordinary and very essential for women)



Mimi Weddell: 
You dance as you walk through life. If you don't dance, for heaven's sake, you cannot aspire. you do not lift up from this earth.
Rise above it. We're not supposed to be happy, happy, happy and jumping for joy every second.
Grace, is what it is - you dance as you sail through life, and furthermore, it heightens your living as of the moment.
..........you have to have the downers and the uppers to be a complete person. 




Illona Smithkin:
It's a wonderful thing not to need to have anything.
Perfection is a man-made concept. If God wanted us to be perfect, He would have made us so. 
Imperfection can be beautiful - makes a person easy in style, and better.
Don't be uptight about perfection. It doesn't add; it pressures us and doesn't accomplish what one pays for.

It is most natural...

to take offence, feel hurt, or feel slighted, when people are rude or abrupt with us, especially if the person is someone we love, or care for, or admire. We feel this way too, when those who are hierarchically superior treat us badly or show disdain for our work, or are just plain rude. When strangers respond to our help in a rude or abrupt way, these same feelings well up inside the heart...and the only thing we can think of at that moment is to hit back-----and sometimes hit back hard - for the thought that is in our minds is: what have we done to deserve this response?

Let me share what I came across today -

Great kabbalists have taught that we should wait for at least three full days before we respond to a perceived misdeed.

Two things stare out from this sentence:

To wait for three days - an almost impossible thing to do, especially when the heart is welling up with all kinds of feelings, and the tongue is just waiting to lash out, and the brain is on overdrive putting all kinds of thoughts into our heads which are on the verge of coming out.....

The word perceived - which we, if we give a little thought to, will slowly but surely make us realize that it is actually perceived, because we do not know what was going on in the mind of the person who was nasty....we do not know what his/her mental/emotional condition was...and in fact we do not know even what our mental/emotional condition was like, to have received the spoken words as nasty or rude or uncalled for.

So, if we put the two together - that, what we understood to be rude was possibly a perception of ours, and  we must force ourselves to wait for three days before responding, it is bound to work well in our favor, and preserve our peace of mind.

Reactions only lead to grief.......but if we can train ourselves to walk away, and shift our focus to something else every time negative thoughts come up, for three days, just three days, we will feel the difference in ourselves.....

Surely we owe it to ourselves to preserve the peace and serenity of our minds.

Adding to my take on work...

Even the best person at work, one with a 'most valued employee' certificate, most efficient troubleshooter, extremely dependable person, 'indispensable' person etcetcetc.... is still, at the end of the day, dispensable. That is why it is so important that we don't allow the work, or these tags to define us, and instead define the work that we do with what we are all about. This is so that if you have to leave, for whatever reason, you would do so knowing that you had enjoyed the work while it lasted, and you have happy memories of what you gave to your work and your colleagues. You would be able to draw the line painlessly, and without bitterness, and quite naturally move into what came next, taking with you all that you had garnered...

A tribute...

to a wonderful person called Kakda...

He was one of India's teeming masses. But he was very special to all of us who knew him when we were trying to get a school up and running under the most trying of conditions. The Admin Assistant Ravi, a singularly amazing person, brought him and another worker, Baliya, to the school as workers - their job description: any kind of work. Kakda was the leader of the two. The conditions, as I've said, were dreadful (an understatement) and our little team was trying to work a miracle out of nothingness...there was no time for us to worry about the nitty-gritties of daily life. Kakda and Baliya seamlessly moved in. Clean the rooms - Kakda; tea - Kakda; meals - Kakda; help in getting the rooms ready for the kids - Kakda; clean the toilets (when the housekeeping staff decided to play hooky) - Kakda; for pouring balm on jagged edges - Kakda. For everything it was Kakda. He would not speak much, but there was always a ready smile for everyone  - no matter the time of day. He would be dropping with tiredness, having run around all day, even then if there was a crisis - large or small, the first person on the scene ready to help wherever he could was Kakda, and Baliya of course. He never waited for anyone to tell him what to do - he just went wherever he felt there was a need and plugged the gaps. His purpose in life was to look after people and do whatever was needed for the looking after. When my DD and her husband came to visit us, there was no way I could look after them, as I would have wanted to. There was so much to do, and we were pulling and heaving against odds and time. Kakda ensured that their meals were on time, that there was nothing lacking in hospitality for them - all without even being told. And he did the same for everyone. Even after the school started, with inhospitable weather adding to every other calamity, Kakda was there when there was no water in the taps, or the electricity supply got cut, or whatever, whenever...And where he could not be, he would depute Baliya...

He stayed on in the school after my husband and I, and the rest of the team left - he had stayed on because of the money - and as he knew the ins and outs of the school, he thought he would be of assistance. One day, not long after we had gone, Kakda and Baliya appeared on Ravi's doorstep - they had left. After a lot of coaxing the truth was out that they had been ill-treated, demeaned, and insulted by the owners of the school. Money or no, it was too much to bear - their spirits had been wounded. For the rich in India, incidentally, the poor are not human - they are nothing, and to be treated as such. Ravi helped them to get jobs. This was some years ago - but till date, Ravi, who has kept in touch with us, said that they always talked about us with great fondness - all because we treated them as human beings - workers in the same organization that we were working for, and we made them know that it was thanks to them that the wheels were moving without squeaking and groaning. And we all remember them with great fondness.....there is no price tag on what Kakda did.

He passed on night before last...I have no words, and the tears will not stop for this singular person.....what a magnificent spirit.....

It's strange...

how suddenly something that has been there in your consciousness suddenly, after years, takes on a deep meaning and things which were hazy become clear...

A recent revelation has been this verse from the Bible:

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal..................for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
-------Matthew 6: 19 - 21

The truth of this verse came home to me like a bomb! While pretty things make us happy, and we do up our home with all kinds of things picked up from here and there as souvenirs and memories - clearly we are to realize that these cannot and must not become so important that when they get lost or broken or stolen, we become almost incapacitated and paralyzed with unhappiness and sorrow. And we end up limiting our heart to our safebox, the home, the cupboard...

But, even as we enjoy these, we have to set our sights on something more - the intangibles that really make life worth living and which, if you look at it honestly, bring real joy....chatting with those who are important in our life, pottering around with our plants, going for a walk, holding a friend's hand, a hug, laughing with those we love and whose company we enjoy, window shopping, mall ratting, snuggled in a comfy chair with a book, relishing the morning brew......and we let our heart go free to soar....

For your young ones...

Give them these gifts:

Love for reading

Love for Nature

Love for Music

Teach them to make choices exactly the way you would - no matter how young they are, kids can understand options, pros and cons, and what's good for them or not among other parameters.

Give them the respect due to a human being. Talk with them as you would to another person - whether they are babies or all of 20, or getting older at 50...

Cherish them - they are Life's gifts to us....

How often is it...

that we blame the world for our ills and our unhappiness?

How often do we ask: why me? I haven't harmed anyone or anything, then why should I bear this kind of injustice?

How often do we cry out: Why me? When I haven't hurt anyone, why this kind of hitting out and hurt for me?

How often do we question: Why me? It's not my fault that.....(whatever..)

To all of us who, more often than not have asked the 'why' which has no answers, here's something from Dennis Wholey:

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

Brilliant!! Now smile.....

The world will go on hurting us - unfairly and unjustly...instead of asking why, let's just try and laugh it off as another of those inexplicable lemons that life throws at us.....or the charging bull, maybe!

And by extension...

never blame or try to put the blame on anyone for showing you a path which they believed in, or thought would be in your best interests. Okay, you tried it. But when it doesn't work, opt out, and look inside yourself.


And stop blaming the world for your woes and ills and unhappinesses.....

Refer to J.K.Rowling. In her Commencement Address, “The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination,” at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association, she said:

There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.

There is an expiry date on blaming anyone - the responsibility for your life and happiness ultimately is yours....appreciate what your parents wanted for you - don't blame them if you have to change course - be thankful that they cared enough to set you off. Every experience is one step in the finding of yourself. Appreciate what your well-wishers want for you, but if the path they point out does not work out for you, don't blame them--they told you what worked for them and at least they have shown you what doesn't work for you.....and so it goes.......

My take on work...

I do believe that our work does not define us......but what we bring to our work that defines us.

You can be the greatest person in your organization, but you may not bring any of your real self to your work - just your super training and intellect...cold and clinical alone does not ever work...

Or, you could have chosen to be a motorcycle mechanic, but you bring your passion for things mechanical, your love for life, and your very real personality to your work, and in so doing make your workplace happier and brighter...

There are times when circumstances force us to take up any job that comes along - no matter--give it all you've got - you define it - and you'll see the transformation (I've been in this situation, and since I came upon this truth through a lot of heartache and trouble, I know it works--and works beautifully).

If you have the chance to choose something, don't-don't-don't-ever-ever-ever make the mistake of believing that your job position defines you - NEVER - you have to define it. If it is a corner store that makes you happy, go for it.....and do not believe anyone who goes - how could you, with all your qualifications do this? or how could you do this, with no thought of your family prestige? or how could you give up so much to do this for a pittance? or have you no thought for what you can contribute to the world (coolly forgetting that even the humblest - in man-made-terms - contributes to the world going round). If you know you have it in you to change policies, then hit the top of the ladder - but bring your self to it, and define it in your terms.

You have to make your life, and make it as happy as possible - and bring yourself to what you put your hand to, or have to put your hand to, or choose to put your hand to...

On...

being what I am, doing what I want, living as I like.....

We sometimes think that we don't want to be limited by shoulds as dictated by societal norms - there is no need for self control, because then how do we realize ourselves....it's my life.....

Fact is that it is only through self control that we truly test our strengths and our depths. We can know only through self control what are potential and possibilities and capabilities are.

Freedom to be and do and say as we like, is not real freedom, because in some way or the other it ends up limiting us. Freedom to be what we are comes only from knowing what we are, and how will we ever know our true mettle if nothing tests us? nothing causes us to delve inside of ourselves to find answers? nothing happens to make us use our brain with its mighty power? nothing plumbs the depths of our heart?

It's worth remembering...

that we do not need a certificate of approval from anyone...

So often we change ourselves to fit into other people's view - we want to please other people, or even those who are close to us. We forget that other people really don't care, and those who love us and are close to us love us for what we are...

We want to be accepted, without realizing that we need to first and foremost accept ourselves for who and what we are; we want to please people, and are willing even to bend and twist and contort ourselves to do so....

We have to realize our potential.....and be happy in that striving.....and be proud of who we are....we need to let our own conscience guide us, is all...

We do not need a certificate from anyone.....it is true....

So let's not limit ourselves.....let's not allow anyone to make our boundaries....let's free ourselves from the tyranny of being someone else, or something other than who we really are...

(Remember people who insist on our changing ourselves to suit them, are not people we should be with, for they are looking for mirrors and clones, and we don't need to be either...better to live free and proud, than as something/someone else under threat).

About respect........again.......

One thing I forgot to stress on while talking about respect, the other day...

Very, very, very importantly, we need to remember-practice-work on-fix into our heads and hearts - that everyone, but everyone has to be treated with respect - as much a baby as a very old person, as much those in the man-made-economically-lower rung, as the person on an economically very high platform, as much the 'important' as the 'unimportant', as much those who belong to our immediate social circle, as those who work to make life smooth for us (helps? servants? class 4? and all the other names we have for them).

I've seen how we treat our children - as if they are nincompoops, the general take-off point being--"what do you know", and with adults it is -- "oh times have changed"; it's "yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir" with those who we perceive to be 'in high places' and it's the "who the hell are you - go to hell" kind of talk with those we know cannot hit back; it's an oily respect we offer to those who we know feel will affect the quality of our lives (because we have foolishly given the responsibility of the quality of our lives to others), and rough talk with those who we believe are of no importance to us.......

Everyone, but everyone, but everyone has to be treated with respect - if nothing else, because everyone has the divine spark...

Just because...

we don't understand something, or what someone is saying, or what someone is all about, or what someone is doing......just because it is or they are different from us, from our world view, and from what we are about...just because we do not agree...

We must not disrespect it or the person, and trash it or the person out of hand.

Give them a chance, and have the respect to also give ourselves the chance to try and understand, and maybe even appreciate...

(Naturally this is not for things which harm people).

Dogmatism has to be shunned at all costs...all costs...

Reiterating...

and re-reiterating, and re-re-reiterating...

There has to not only be acceptance in a relationship if it is to at all survive, there has to be respect for the other person - his or her views, thoughts, dreams, wishes, feelings, and all that goes into making the other person what he or she is.

Code of conduct...

for those in the golden years...

Oh yes there is a code and if we follow it, there's going to be less grief all around. Growing physically old is something we have to learn to handle, especially when the heart still feels young. Being old is an actuality that we have to deal with on a daily basis.

 First of all we have to believe that our time is over - it is the time of the young.

Respect them, do not deny them the pleasure and pain of being young, and certainly do not ever thrust your views, and experiences on them.

Give them the space to discover themselves without shadowing them and trying to be an umbrella for them.

Step back and allow the spotlight to shine on the young. Stay in the shadows and keep them from becoming too dark for them.

Do as much as we can for ourselves.  While we are a responsibility for our children, our happiness is not their responsibility. Do not burden them with our demands or our talk or our wishes.

We need to be grateful for everything - every little thing. We need to be appreciative of everything. We need to be pools of light and not areas of gloom and doom.

We need to consciously never let ourselves go....either in dress, or speech, or action, or behavior. We can still be role models for our young.

We may need help to walk, but we can be a source of strength for our young to lean on.

We must speak in the present though it is our memories that we live in and tend to drift towards.

We have to, maybe force ourselves to, take an interest in everything - every little, teeny thing that is happening in the world, the country, the place where we live, the lives of those who touch us, our children and our grandchildren.

Growing old is a natural progression of life, and we cannot do anything about it. Gracefully accepting that and making the most of it, is something we can do.


(Anybody like to add in anything more?)

Every little thing...

takes an effort.....

even the teeniest weeniest thing takes effort.....be it for ourselves, or for those close to us, or for our home, or our society or....our country.

(much easier, isn't it, to sit on one's butt and find fault, cite reasons why, create innovative excuses, pomposify, debate, and predict....)

Somehow, we tend to forget that the effort is always worthwhile, especially when we have taken the effort for ourselves. For, an 'I' created with effort, always spreads something positive...lifts the spirits of all around....tempers life...

Here's how important...

friends are....

A Bosnian proverb says: One without a friend is like the right hand without the left...

                                          (not a fantastic pic, but you get the drift...)

True friends make life complete...

Why should...

we use the concept of karma primarily to beat a person with?

It works for good and right things too....so, thinking and doing and being right will bring in its own karma too...

Gravitate to the positive when offered a choice of thinking...

It does make a difference...

when you care...

(and this is not just about people - it is about anything and everything.....care about what you think, what you eat, what you wear, what you do, what you say, about yourself, about your loved ones.......everything and everyone.)

Care without wondering if you are going to be hurt

Care with all of your heart for the tiniest thing along with the biggest; for what may be perceived as the least important, as well as with what is perceived as the most important; for small-time things, and big time things.......EQUALLY.

Two...

wonderful things that have stuck with me from a fave movie 'Strictly Ballroom', and which I refer to periodically to top on inner strength...

and

'You stick with your goals, and eventually they bring their own rewards.' 

The first is self-explanatory. Fear is the worst thing ever, and yet we allow it to do inside our beings and wreak havoc. It's hard work, but it does happen when we work hard enough at it.....

The second, I find, works in all areas (including our efforts to banish fear). It's the easiest thing in the world to give up, but stick with a problem/issue, and you will reap the rewards that come along. These rewards are double sided - the problem/issue gets resolved, and you find depths in yourself you never knew you had. The only rider is that you have to take each day as it comes without coloring it either with the past or the future...

(Of course if nothing works, then you must give it up, but at least you can tell yourself that you tried your best!)

Every new day's effort is that day's only...

DD speak...

Injuries have histories - that's the whole thing...

so while we yowl at the time, we can look back, in wonder, perhaps, as to how we could have managed that!....

(injuries here refers to physical ones, since my DD has a habit of hurting herself, sometimes even when there is nothing around that she could have fallen on, or hurt herself on! - it's a family joke that both of us have this amazing knack of acquiring wounds and scars all over our arms and legs!!)

I'm sure...

all of us have gone through situations when we have been the butt of a joke on account of some gaffe we've made, and to hide the embarrassment, have joined in the general laugh with an apologetic 'that's me,' or 'well, what else,' or some such deprecating thing.......quite as if it is terribly unnatural to make a mistake, or say something 'different.'

While I know it is a terribly embarrassing situation, I also feel that we need to train ourselves not to put ourselves down. It comes very easy to want to blend into the wall, or disappear into the ground - but that doesn't help because what they said and what you said and how you felt will always come back to haunt. The best would be not to join into the general laughter, and to maintain a distanced silence, while boosting your own inner self and morale - simply because they would have forgotten it in the next 5 minutes, and if you are not to suffer, and to also forget it, then it is important not to let it damage you. Just tell yourself it's okay to make a gaffe.....absolutely okay.....

As to how many gaffes?....................................any number. You are a wonderful person.

We all admire the confidence some people have - confidence of dress, of attitude, of whatever they do, everything.....that hasn't just happened - it has been carefully cultivated - and to my mind (and I too am working on this) it comes from constantly telling myself.............I matter....