A deeply touching message at Christmas...

from the Atlanta Homeward Choir...

Donal Noonan, who serves as a church musical director at the Catholic Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in downtown Atlanta, started a choir after for the men who shelter in a church basement.

Noonan wanted to bring them some joy – and a purpose.

On December 21, in the grand entrance hall of the White House, Noonan played the mahogany 1938 Steinway grand piano for two hours as his choir performed for people touring the East Wing holiday decorations.

Neal, 61, one of the oldest of the group and the longest on the streets, says: The choir is a reminder that there’s more to life than being homeless.


Baby Jesus had no home to be born in.....he was homeless too...but the little babe comes year after year bringing joy, peace and love. The least we can do is to stretch out our hearts to enfold those who this night are homeless, those who feel unloved and uncared for, those who feel lost.....

Learnt something yesterday...

when I was watching an interview of Arun Jaitley. He was talking? being quizzed? interviewed? by Dutt of NDTV.

I realized that he was hedging giving direct answers. He was either hiding behind a deluge of words, or he was deflecting his answers into the regions of 'we'll see tomorrow' and 'I'm not saying anything definitive' and other replies along the same lines, which were neither here nor there. In short, he was not willing to commit to anything - neither to what his party was doing, nor, worse, to what he thought, or believed to be a fact - There were just large numbers of words all floating around in the ether....and none of them were coming together to form cohesive replies...

By extension, I realized how often an adrenaline rush causes us to blather....or how sometimes, our adrenaline-charged moments cause us to say all kinds of things we don't mean...

How much better to keep quiet. Or, if one does want to express oneself, then it is infinitely more satisfying to ourselves, to say what we think or believe or mean. It's okay if it's wrong and we have to eat our words (they are OUR words), or change our thinking ( they are OUR thoughts), or do a mid-course correction in what we plan to do (they are OUR actions). It is all right to retract and try again. It is perfectly okay to go back 10 steps and then move forward one. It's also okay to go back many times, till we get the right note....It's much better to acknowledge we are wrong, change our thinking and go forward, rather than drown in our own sea of meaningless words...We ARE human - and as humans we have thoughts, beliefs, views, opinions.....they may be wrong, they may be right....but they are OURS....they show who we are....they express what we think, believe, feel....they connect us to other humans....they help us create the contours of our mind and thinking and feeling...they make us different from other humans.....they make us US - special, unique...

It is amazing...

how powerful negative words and thoughts are....how totally they can not only destroy our peace of mind but also totally change the way we view the world.

Have been going through 3 wretched experiences - two with banks and one with an online Christmas tree shop. Ever since we moved into the world of the cellphones getting to people is so difficult....press 1 for this, press 7 for that, and on and on till finally you press the number to talk to a customer care executive only to be told that all lines are busy....Then you go through the whole thing again and finally after an hour or so of frustration, dire thoughts, hair pulling, you get through and state your problem. Then, the line gets disconnected - if so, you go through this whole rigmarole only to get someone else at the other end, to whom you narrate your problem all over again.....OR, you are given a complaint number and then following through on that is another whole cyber-story.....

We've totally lost human contact.....and the humanness that goes with a human contact. This is the really sad thing. Not for a moment am I denigrating the digital world....I'm not dismissive about the wonderful things one can achieve in the digital world.....but we also need the human contact - and not just a disembodied, uninterested voice.

Have we lost our ability to care.....?

really, really care? As in find out more about why someone is going through the experiences they are going through and even if we cannot do anything, at least just hold that person's hand and say - I'm around...? Or spend a moment enjoying the another person's happiness, laughing with them, enjoying the pleasures of life with them?

Have we lost our ability to look around us when we are outside to look at other people, at trees and flowers....?

Have we lost our ability to listen to the sounds of life, the chirping of birds, the voices of children....?

I'm wondering if we are not losing our human-ness in this whole new  digital-cyber-world....If we aren't losing the reaching out to each other, instead of messaging in abbreviations....If we are not becoming the poorer for a perfunctory nod while checking our cellphones instead of spending time talking....If we are not putting our parents and those of earlier generations into a second zone simply because it would take more time to communicate with them, seeing as they do not quite belong in our primary zone, the digital-cyber zone....If we are not forgetting that we are a part of nature, and becoming incapable of listening to the sounds of birds, the voices of children, and seeing the beauty nature unfolds every day...If we are not forgetting the tone and texture of human contact, the human touch as it were.

Basically, we need to care for others....care about others. More importantly we need to give of ourselves....if only for the good of our own selves...

Questions...

Am I willing to step outside of myself to extend a helping hand to someone who is struggling? Or offer my shoulder for someone to lean on? Or give of my time to someone who is in distress/confused/hurt/sorrowing?

Am I willing - especially when I have a thousand things that need my immediate attention - to put everything aside and listen, really listen, to someone who needs to talk, or spend time with someone who is lonely.

Am I willing - when it is distinctly uncomfortable to do so - to extend a hand in friendship over miles of misunderstanding and hurt?

Am I willing - when it is certainly not convenient to do so - to walk an extra mile with someone who is  faltering and afraid to take the next step?

Am I willing - my own problems notwithstanding - to send a message to a needy person that I am there for them?

How wrongly we think...

that our parents are disappointed in us...

Parents only want what is good and though one cannot doubt their intentions, their way of going about this may often be wrong.

However, it is when children tie themselves up in knots trying to keep on the path that their parents have charted out, that trouble starts.

Parents and children themselves have to realize and understand that they are all individuals in their own right. As such, though their lives are joined by Life, they are each responsible and answerable to Life for their own lives. Being the older ones in the relationship, we must offer, indeed shower, our children with unconditional love and release them so that they can find themselves and fulfill their own destiny.

This man is different...

Hajji Ghalib, who, at 54, has only a lifetime of bad memories, and who has lost a long list of relatives, including both his wives, his daughters, a sister and a grandchild at the hands of the Taliban, has chosen to reject bitterness and lead the fight against the Taliban and Islamic State across Eastern Afghanistan.

This is the story of a man wrongly branded an enemy combatant and imprisoned in Guantánamo for nearly four years, He now emerges as a steadfast American ally on the battlefield.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/28/world/asia/once-inguantanamo-afghan-now-leads-war-against-taliban-and-isis.html?emc=edit_th_20151128&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=58824118&_r=0


Why I included this in my blog is because something about this story touched a chord in my heart. We probably lose one-thousandth of what this man has lost, we suffer maybe one-millionth of what this man has suffered, and we are treated badly maybe one-zillionth of how this man has been treated by Life and by people. We give up, we lose heart, we buckle under the pain, we paralyze ourselves allowing our negative, depressing thoughts to drag us down lower and lower into a bottomless pit of despair suffering. Look at this man.....look at his face and find solace and strength in the lines of his face and the sadness in the depths of his eyes...

It just takes a drop of love...

as this nun proves...

Sister Neyda Rojas, a Catholic nun, has been serving God for more than 17 years in Venezuela's General Penitentiary (PGV) in Guarico state. The inmates of this penitentiary call her La Gota Blanca (The White Drop), because of her white habit.

"I have always seen the face of God in their faces", she says.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-34931359

As always, one just needs to reach out....just a little love....some person out there needs to know someone cares...

An absolutely fantastic take on growing old----er.....

From Dr. Oliver Sacks

I do not think of old age as an ever grimmer time that one must somehow endure and make the best of, but as a time of leisure and freedom, freed from the factitious urgencies of earlier days, free to explore whatever I wish, and to bind the thoughts and feelings of a lifetime together.


Doesn't this open up a whole new way of thinking? Doesn't it give you a warm, complete, delicious sort of feeling? Isn't this the best way forward from old to older to o--l--d--e--r?

Talking about...

Loving ourselves unconditionally...

I had written that while we extend our love and time and energy outwards, it is very difficult when we have to - need to direct it towards ourselves.

While my DD fills my whole life and being, I find I have also been able to give of myself to those who have turned to me for comfort or encouragement or friendship or light-hearted, happy times. However, quite obviously, I have been quite incapable of turning these towards myself. My DD gave me a sound talking to and I realized I had to do something concrete about this. Am working on it....

I am battling with the question of why...

Came across this in connection with Tchaikovsky's life - Even though Tchaikovsky frequently lamented his “wearing, maddening depression,” perhaps most remarkable yet quintessentially human about his disposition was the ability to assure his loved ones of the very things he was unable to internalize himself — for who among us hasn’t found that it is far easier to offer light to our dearest humans in situations that leave our own inner worlds shrouded in impenetrable darkness?

Now I believe I can leave the darkness behind....

Adding to the greatest gift...

we can give ourselves...Freedom...

Being free and living for myself in freedom would also mean taking an inventory of the past and putting it away. As Uncle Jack tells Scout in 'Go Set A Watchman': 'It's always easy to see what we were, yesterday, ten years ago. It is hard to see what we are.' 

Stop seeing today in the light and shade of yesterday...all the yesterdays...

I have to stop beating myself up, or patting myself on the back for all that is past...and ask:

Who am I today?

What am I today?

Because when I see what I am today, I will have to do something about it...Face it, change it, remodel it.....for tomorrow I must ask these questions again....

The greatest gift...

we can give ourself....yes, definitely ourself...especially ourself...

is the gift of freedom.

The freedom to just be...so that there is no pretending out of fear, or out of the need for acceptance, or to make an impression, or for any reason at all....

We need to love ourselves unconditionally if we want to be really free. This seems difficult, because while we can and do extend our love unconditionally outwards, it is very difficult when it has to be directed inwards, towards us...very difficult.

I came across these words by Emery Allen (am only using those that hit me between the eyes): There's a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself. You need to fill yourself up with love. Become a whole being on your own. .......sit in a coffee shop on  your own,.......dress up for yourself, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don't romanticize life.... Live for yourself. Be happy on your own.

Suddenly at age 64...

I find myself in a situation where I have to learn something very, very new and difficult...

From age 23 I have looked out for my daughter. Today she is standing on her feet and I revel in her independence of spirit. With immense pride I see her soar.

There were also huge problems I had to learn to tackle and they took up my time, energy, spirit and almost my life. But I did manage to free myself from the bondage my soul had got into...well.....almost....am still working at it.

Now I am looking for the meaning of 'live for yourself'...

Got these words from Emery Allen

'There's a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself...and it doesn't need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own.'

(Of the things suggested, I'm sure I could do some!!! -  especially...'dress for yourself, give to others, smile a lot.'

I'm an angry, angry school teacher....

3-yr-old girl dies after getting stuck in school elevator

First we take away their childhood and then we don't even look after them.

We send them to school at age 2, and so that they can get admission into these 'portals of learning' we send them for preparatory classes well before age 2. We attend 'practice interview' sessions so that we can boast that our children are in this school or that. Chances are this school for which we have stolen practically every childish attribute is a box with no playground or a tiny one, maybe, where the children are taken in a scheduled period once or maybe twice a week for 'games'. And so, when the child is supposed to play and sleep and freely wander around in the fantastic world he/she can create naturally, we bung them, sometimes 30 to a class, into rows and columns and shove 2 languages, Math, Science and Social Studies down their as yet unformed throats. We have become experts in dulling their sparkling eyes by taking away their world of fantasies. We have stolen their natural ways of sharing by thrusting them into competitive zones which they cannot even begin to comprehend. And, before the child is even conscious of himself/herself, we have stuck labels on them. We scold them, we yell at them, we beat them (never mind that we are not supposed to use corporal punishment) because we do not know how to deal with them, or even talk with them....let alone respect them as individuals in their own right...and all because we have put them in a place they are not even meant to be at age 2 or 3 or 4 or 5. We don't give them time or space because, why, they have to be better than the neighbor's kids and somehow, instead of being a source of strength for them, we link our sense of self-worth to these fragile, beautiful minds. We won't let them flower because we need to be 'up there' in society.

When they get caught in lifts, or are molested, or lose their hearing because some 'teacher' has boxed their ears, or have weals across their faces, we, the adults take out all our frustration in the media...never mind the pain of the child...what pain?...what child?... If they take their lives we quickly blame the system little realizing that we have created this system. Since most of the schools are 'corporate' run, they have the money and wherewithal to either silence the parents or fight them in court. Society goes up in arms briefly but then...well...why get involved....?

After stealing their time with Nature and 'educating' them by stuffing their heads with reams of information and digital data, we wonder that these children - and I will call them children for technically they are still children - have skewered, digitized brains and prefer to hang out in shisha dens, pubs and bars, and internet cafes, and haunt malls.

Do we ever ask children how they are feeling? What they think of this, that or the other? Do we stop to take their opinion on something of importance? Do we recognize that they may have feelings/opinions/thoughts? Do we spare a moment to think of how the child who has been hurt, or who has died, or whose dignity has been violated, or who has been humiliated by some 'all-knowing' adult, must have been feeling? What thoughts go through these as yet unformed, hurt minds? Do we identify with their suffering? Do we consider their questions important enough to answer them? Do we acknowledge that they may have a point in the suggestions they offer? Do we at all take them seriously? Do we even know who they really are?

Each child is so precious.....What are we doing to them?

All they need is unconditional love...

Yesterday I asked...

Will hatred heal the wounds inflicted by hatred?

I got my reply in this article:

'You will not have my hatred', husband of Paris victim tells ISIS

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/europe/You-cant-make-me-hate-husband-of-Paris-victim-tells-ISIS/articleshow/49815198.cms?from=mdr


Antoine Leiris lost his wife in the massacre. He and his wife have a 17-month-old son. The Parisian refuses to give the killers a feeling of victory by hating them.

This wonderful person says:

"We are two, my son and I, but we are stronger than all the armies of the world. If this God for which you kill indiscriminately made us in his own image, every bullet in the body of my wife will have been a wound in his heart."

"....to respond to hatred with anger would be giving in to the same ignorance that made you what you are."

"....and all his life this little boy will dare to be happy and free. Because No, you won't have his hatred either."

This terrible, unbelievable tragedy in France...

It's awful what happened - this should never have happened...man against man....a terrorist against ordinary people.....this man, this terrorist...he too is a human being - no, I should only say being because the humanness has been taken out of him........inflicting this sort of pain on other human beings.....??? what can justify this? what went so wrong in his evolution to turn this being into a monster?

How can killing innocent people solve the terrorists' issues? Are they looking for attention to their problems? These kind of acts will only turn the world against them...or do they do this for larks knowing that nothing is going to come out of it? they have nothing to lose or gain?

How does one return to normalcy? How does one remove the hate from the heart? Will a 'pitiless' retaliation solve the problem? Will hatred heal the wounds inflicted by hatred?

There are many theories doing the rounds.......much advice from the wise......much planning and plotting on how to deal with this, the latest in the series of terrorist attacks that have happened and that are waiting to happen....

For now....my love and energy goes out to all those whose lives were so brutally cut short, who have left behind families....loved ones...

......and are now memories...

While we continue to search for something familiar to hang on to while we deal with our loved ones not being with us...while we deal with the devastating pain of separation...

A difficult exercise...

but one which needs to be done every day, is to take in life's little pains and joys. We have so many instances of these every day. But, we tend to balk at both the pains and the joys - pains because it's awful to feel and deal with any kind of pain, especially when that evil little voice pops up to tell us this is all there is to life, and joys because that evil little voice tells us to beware of joy. I've battled with both these for many, many years. I'm still not too brave about pain but I've seen that when I just accept the pain as is without dwelling on past pains or future ones, I can handle it better and when it finally leaves me, it does so without leaving any residue behind. Joy, too....I've been so skeptical, have done things like tell myself joys are not for me, this joy is going to extract its price and so on till the joy just faded away leaving an aching blank. Now, when I accept joy just as is, without connecting and relating it to anything past or future, even the teeniest bit of joy fills my heart with a peaceful, happy glow.

Try it......accept the pain and joy without analysis....just accept. This will clear the mind to deal with and bear the pain and savor the joy.

What my tree taught me...

I call it my tree because I can see it from my balcony. I love trees, but living in a city, these are rare, so I cherish this one. I can spend hours just looking at it and drawing its energies into me. I have seen how my tree changes itself in all the seasons, and love it equally in all its avatars.

This morning, while spending time with my tree, I thought these thoughts...

My tree breathes in all the toxic fumes generated all around it, but it gives out only life-giving and life-sustaining oxygen. Lesson to be learnt here - no matter what is dealt to us, no matter how toxic, heart-rending or gut-wrenching, we should send out and share only good thoughts, good vibes and uplifting words with those around us.

My tree never rushes. Each of its thousands of leaves takes its own time to grow and become mature. Its flowers are in no hurry either. Each flower waits patiently till Nature creates her distinctive shape and features and when she is ready, she blooms spreading her color and beauty to everyone, without exception. Lesson - there is no need to 'rush about and worry so'. Leave ourselves to Nature till she carves and creates us in our own unique shape. Then, we need to share ourselves in the beauty Nature has created, with those around us.

My tree is not scared of the winter. Though she looks glorious when she is in full bloom with an abundance of dark green leaves and beautiful red flowers, come winter she has to shed all of her glory. Every single leaf and flower is gone and my tree stands in its nakedness against the harsh winds, the hot sun, the swirling dust and terrible dryness. No birds chatter on the tree. My tree weathers it all patiently and bravely, becoming stronger in her solitude. The twigs and branches that cannot withstand these vagaries of the season are shed. Everything that distracts my tree from its standing straight and tall are cast off. And then, when all the conditions of Nature have been fulfilled, the first tiny little pale green leaves make their debut. Soon, the tree looks fresh and new and pale green. The leaves glisten in the early morning. And then, gradually, gradually, very gradually they mature and the tree stands tall and full. Lesson - we too need winter in our lives so that we can remove all that is bringing us down. We need the quietness of solitude to sift and sort our insides and clean ourselves up so that when the first winds of spring blow, we'll be new persons...

Many of us...

search diligently for perfection. Wise people have said that this is only an illusion; that in the striving for perfection, we often lose sight of what really matters to us....and so on. In other words, while striving for perfection, we have to keep in mind that we may be driving ourselves to beyond our limitations; that we are opening up ourselves to hurt; that we are in danger or trashing ourselves because we cannot attain that pinnacle on which we have set our sights.

Here is something to make us pause, since we often think...no, believe...that it is only if we are perfect that we are whole. There is no room for broken dreams, broken hopes, broken lives...

But...

Wholeness does not mean perfection, it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of your life. The broken bits are where the Light comes in from. Putting broken bits together shows us what we can do without and what we can shift around. Fixing broken pieces creates new patterns and designs.

My article...

Impressions.....Musings.....Questions

http://www.ibuzzle.com/articles/impressions-musings-and-questions.html

Spare a moment and go through it. Would love to hear back...

Daily Meditation...

from the White Bison (whitebison.org)


"Everyone has a song. God gives us each a song. That's how we know who we are. Our song tells us who we are."

~ Charlie Knight, UTE

The meditation on these lines, leads us on to further thoughts - Whenever we sing this song, we will receive courage and strength, not only for ourselves but if we sing this song for others, it will also help them. The song will give us power and make us feel really good. The song will make us see life in a sacred way.

The idea is to live our song every day...

Amid all the big things...

happening in our life, are we forgetting the small kindnesses? For, these are what make the difference. These are what make life fulfilling...and happy...

Thinking about...

leisure.

According to the Free Dictionary, leisure is:

1. Free time when one is not working or attending to other duties.

2. Relaxation or activities engaged in during such time: the pursuit of leisure.

3. At leisure - 

a. having free time for ease, relaxation, etc

b. not occupied or engaged

c. without hurrying

According to the Thesaurus, synonyms for leisure are:

Convenience, recreation, relaxation with quiet and pause coming way down the list

However, if leisure is meant to rejuvenate and refresh us, it must have something to do with our inner being....our core. Our inner core has to feel rejuvenated, maybe even renovated and restored...it has to be made to feel new again from its jaded, tired condition. In that case, these words make sense:

'Leisure, then, is a condition of the soul – (and we must firmly keep this assumption, since leisure is not necessarily present in all the external things like "breaks," "time off," "weekend," "vacation," and so on).

Leisure is an inner absence of preoccupation, a calm, an ability to let things go, to be quiet. Leisure is a form of stillness - only the person who is still can hear, and whoever is not still, cannot hear.'

(I got these words from Brain Pickings)

Sharing this poem by William Henry Davies

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

Native American Indians...

have always fascinated me. Their Code of Ethics struck a note deep within me. I'd like to share it:

The Native American Code Of Ethics

1. Rise with the sun to pray. Pray alone. Pray often. The Great Spirit will listen, if you only speak.

2. Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path. Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy and greed stem from a lost soul. Pray that they will find guidance.

3. Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

4. Treat the guests in your home with much consideration. Serve them the best food, give them the best bed and treat them with respect and honor.

5. Do not take what is not yours whether from a person, a community, the wilderness or from a culture. If it was not earned or given, it is not yours.

6. Respect all things that are placed upon this earth – whether it be people or plant.

7. Honor other people’s thoughts, wishes and words. Never interrupt another or mock or rudely mimic them. Allow each person the right to personal expression.

8. Never speak of others in a bad way. The negative energy that you put out into the universe will multiply when it returns to you.

9. All persons make mistakes. And all mistakes can be forgiven.

10. Bad thoughts cause illness of the mind, body and spirit. Practice optimism.

11. Nature is not FOR us, it is a PART of us. They are part of your worldly family.

12. Children are the seeds of our future. Plant love in their hearts and water them with wisdom and life’s lessons. When they are grown, give them space to grow.

13. Avoid hurting the hearts of others. The poison of your pain will return to you.

14. Be truthful at all times. Honesty is the test of one’s will within this universe.

15. Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental self, Spiritual self, Emotional self, and Physical self – all need to be strong, pure and healthy. Work out the body to strengthen the mind. Grow rich in spirit to cure emotional ails.

16. Make conscious decisions as to who you will be and how you will react. Be responsible for your own actions.

17. Respect the privacy and personal space of others. Do not touch the personal property of others – especially sacred and religious objects. This is forbidden.

18. Be true to yourself first. You cannot nurture and help others if you cannot nurture and help yourself first.

19. Respect others religious beliefs. Do not force your belief on others.

20. Share your good fortune with others. Participate in charity.

Okay - Not Okay...

It's okay to be bugged and annoyed and irritated; it's even okay to be angry 

It's not okay to be hurtful...

It's not okay to be treated badly or feel used or be made to feel like a spare wheel by someone who has called themselves/herself/himself your friend 

It's okay to feel let down and it's absolutely okay to walk away...

It's not okay to always rush about and worry so 

It's okay to take time off and just sit and watch the world go by...

It's okay to feel rushed or tense about things 

It's not okay to let the feelings linger...

It's not okay to let someone else dominate your life 

It's okay to protest and it's okay to walk away...

It's not okay to have to grovel in apology or stand on your head explaining something that someone - maybe a dear friend or even a spouse - thinks is not the right thing/something you should not have done or said/the right kind of behavior 

It's perfectly okay to feel sorry, say sorry and walk away...

It's not okay to take part in a negative conversation 

It's okay to be silent…

It's not okay to be a Martha all the time and bustle around and fret about the daily, mundane things of life 

It's okay to be a Mary and sit at the feet of God...

It's okay to take time off 

It's not okay to feel as if you are doing something wrong if you are not spending a 'productive' day. Even sitting around is productive, because that is what your body and mind need at that particular time...

It's okay to loosen up and enjoy a smoke, or relish a drink 

It's not okay to make it an addiction...

It's not okay for anyone to make you feel defensive 

It's okay to get mad about it and then just walk away in silence, because, you know, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone... 

It's not okay not to be treated with respect

It's okay to turn your back on those who damage your self-respect and take away from your self-esteem...

It's not okay not to do what is planned for the day 

It's okay though to break the rules and put your feet up and read a book or listen to music...

It's okay to give weightage to another person's likes and dislikes 

But it's not okay to be ruled by them, or to put your likes and dislikes in the last place...

It's okay to have lots of answers 

It's also okay to do nothing but have the wisdom to wait...

It would be good to have a companion 

But, it's okay to walk alone

Something we loners need to understand...

is that it is important to share...

Hugely important.

I know it is very difficult to share especially if one has been alone for a long time, either forced to, or by choice.

Maybe if we look around, we'll see someone with whom we may wish to spend time...it IS important to get out of the shell, or we may end up destroying ourselves...(I know this to be true). Not all the people we extend our hand to will take it....some will, some won't and some may change their mind or we may change our mind about someone. That's okay. But we still need to reach out.

The thing is that unless we share our joys and sorrows with someone (even better if we can share with someone who understands us and appreciates us), those joys and sorrows never become complete. That is, the joys remain unfulfilled, and the sorrows become darker and leave a lingering pain. But if we share them, then the joys become full, filling us with deep happiness and satisfaction, and the sorrows don't seem so bad...they seem cope-able or manageable.

Sharing is important for friendships too for if we value our friendship/s, then by sharing our joys and sorrows, we cement our friendship/s...

From a wonderful book I read...

and which I would recommend strongly:

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

"We can busy ourselves with living or with dying."

And here dying is not the conventional death, but it is the daily dying to ourselves.

For all of us...

who are searching for true independence...

Independence of mind is not what you think but how you think.

Powerful words, these. It is in the how we think - whether we think conventionally and so get caught up in a web not of our making and which we viscerally rebel against; or whether we have allowed ourselves to break out of the bonds that we ourselves have created or allowed ourselves to be boxed into, and think out of the box/multidimensionally/radically/differently from the so-called norm...

For this we have to first find our core. It is only then that we have something to be true to, something to hang on to....kind of our North Star and this then would give us the strength to think the way WE want or feel or believe.

Not easy, but do-able...

Fascinated by these words...

The only thing intelligent about a good art is if it shakes you alive, otherwise it’s hokum.

In all this porn-no-porn hullabaloo...

strangely, no one's talking about how easy access to porn is affecting kids and adolescents...It is a school teacher's worst nightmare come true when she sees a child in her class (going down in some cases to class 4 or 5 even) intent on watching porn on the cellphone - in most cases even without understanding what is happening. I don't even want to talk about how it affects teens and young adults. What happens to these children's minds? Or am I just fretting? Where parents are involved in the lives of their children, it's fine, they'll know how to deal with it, but what about the children who grow up with hardly any adult/parental influence? I'm not saying that banning has ever solved any problem, but to my mind, what it does is that it highlights an issue that needs to be looked at and dealt with.

I simply cannot accept...

the hanging of Yakub Memon. I know with my head that the cards were all stacked against him. I have tried to see it from the points of view and arguments of various people - eminent and the not-so-eminent - as reported in the papers and heard on TV. The picture that emerges is at best a shady mosaic. So how can we say that something that does not have clear contours is a hundred percent correct? I believe with all of my being that for closure to happen there has to be compassion in the heart. I'm not saying exonerate the person who has caused this grievous hurt - am wondering if a punishment like hanging, which is such a violent act, can really heal a heart that has been wounded by an act of senseless violence? Added to this are the cries of those who have not received the same 'closure' on account of the numerous other violent hate-filled incidents. How can we say one kind of mass-killing is worse than another? How can we say that the reasons behind one kind of mass-killing are more justifiable than the reasons behind other mass killings? Is the grief of one set of people whose loved ones have been lost in mass killing greater than the grief of another set of people who have also lost their loved ones in a similar manner? If many people were involved in a mass killing, and only one was caught, then will hanging only this one person be enough for this closure?

Never...

let anything make you feel diminished.

I know how we feel depends on us, but sometimes it is necessary to allow those feelings to make you decide to walk away from anyone or any situation that evokes or plants a seed, no matter how tiny, of feeling diminished.

Sometimes...

life feels so full of emptiness...

Just do a self-check...

on your friends.

We often keep a friendship going with someone who has been insensitive to us, hurt us, bossed over us, made us take decisions we know deep down weren't right for us and didn't resonate with our hearts....and at various other times have made us be and do what we know - we just know - doesn't feel right, for us...

In other words, it is as if we are trying to be someone else in the presence of this 'friend' simply because we desperately want this friendship, or don't want to be seen as a difficult person, or don't want to be alone...

How many times we make compromises on what we know or believe because we want a particular friendship....or we've wanted to hang on to that very popular person, thinking some of the gold dust would get sprinkled on us too...

We've traded in ourselves because we're too scared to be alone.....so we're ready to do anything - anything - to show that 'I too have friends', or 'I'm in this person's group.'

If we stop right here and think, we'll come to realize that anyone who makes us BE different isn't our well-wisher....does not have our interests at heart....is doling out bits of friendship only for their own ego massage, or to justify something for themselves, or they hiding behind us, making us a front for what they want to do, and so they have a ready-made scapegoat.

We don't - DO NOT - need these friends. Better to be alone, rather than get into a situation where we will be spending time and energy trying to put the bits and pieces of ourselves together...or scraping ourselves off the floor on which we've been wiped...

It's difficult to be alone, but it is definitely better to be alone than to be a nobody in somebody else's scheme of things...

Am currently on a high with...

Chet Atkins

and

2 Cellos

The evening of life...

As you grow older

The past slips in and out

And tries to trap you...

But you can walk on 

And leave the past behind

Regrets - hurts - highs - joys

Dark shadows

Foil for the bright colors...

Chords - discords - silence

Create the music of life

Frail yet strong

Nothing can hold back or bind

The freedom of a soaring mind...

There are no shoulds or woulds 

No fetters of tyrannical thought

When the shadows lengthen

And you live by the glow of your child's star

You know He is there, close at hand...

He has led you thus far

He will lead you through.

Sadness...

is like quicksand

It just sucks us in...

Write...

your hurts/sorrows/bitternesses on a piece of paper and burn it.

Then

Release the people who caused these
And free up the space in your mind
So that a fresh breeze can blow through and play about in it...

Mariane Pearl...

has always held a very special place in my heart and in my thinking.

I followed the gruesome events of Daniel Pearl's kidnapping and ultimately his terrible death, wondering and wondering who Mariane and Daniel Pearl were. Read the book - saw the movie - re-read the book and treasure it among my best...

These are not ordinary people. Really. And when they touch our lives, albeit through the written word and the movie world, our lives can never be the same. They MUST NOT be the same...


Of the many things Mariane said while dealing with her pain, was this:


I decided that if those who killed my husband were determined to show the gruesome side of humanity, I would display its integrity, beauty and resilience. That would be my true revenge.

How often...

we don't do things, because the lines that pop up in our mind are: What will they say??? How will what I say or do, be perceived??? What will they think???

So, we put the reaction of others first, not thinking of ourselves...We hold ourselves back from saying something we believe in, or doing something we like, or emulating someone we admire....because of...."What will others say/think??!!!"

And the moment passes and we are left with the bitter taste of regret in our mouth.

It's a long hard battle that we have to engage in with ourselves in order to think about ourselves first and to give importance to our feelings, our talents, our abilities, and all that we think we can do. It's certainly not an easy battle, because we have to sift through the mass of feelings and thoughts that come up, to pick out those which are really important for us and to us, which mean a lot, and which we need to pay attention to. There is only one way we can do this and that is through quiet awareness of ourselves....the totality of ourselves. Meditation helps in the sifting process because that is the only way we come face to face with ourselves. This is the only way we can then take the next step of stopping to give explanations for ourselves.....what we are all about and why we think and act the way we do....both to ourselves and to others. For us to be at peace with ourselves, to align our hearts and minds and bodies, to lead a fulfilling life, we have to stop giving explanations for how and what we think or feel; stop giving explanations for doing the things we like to do; stop giving explanations for every action; and most certainly stop giving explanations for how we want to live or how we want to be, or, indeed, for how we are...

My search for answers led me to this site - Power of Positivity.


You don’t owe anyone a justification for your values and your priorities.

You don’t owe anyone a yes when you want to say no.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your relationships, whether lovers or friends.

You don’t owe anyone assistance with their happiness journey at the cost of your

own.

You don’t owe anyone a debate around your political views especially when the other

person’s mind is made up.

You don’t owe anyone an apology when you are not sorry, and you would make the

same decision again.

You don’t owe anyone a rationalization about why investing in yourself is important.

You don’t owe anyone the meaning of what you believe in.

You don’t owe anyone a change in your appearance just to please them.

You don’t owe anyone friendship, especially when they do not share your values.

You don’t owe anyone a negative mindset so that you can commiserate with them.

You don’t owe anyone access to information about your life that makes you

uncomfortable.

You don’t owe anyone gossip material about other people just to fit in.

You don’t owe anyone your time for their projects or for things that matter to them

unless they matter to you too.

You don’t owe anyone the commitment to try something “new” just because you

were asked.

You don’t owe anyone a safe place for constant complaining and dwelling in their poor

choices.

You don’t owe anyone an answer other than the truth to prevent them from being

uncomfortable.

You don’t owe anyone your services as a crisis counselor unless you are actually a

crisis counselor.

You don’t owe anyone false compliments just to make them feel better.

You don’t owe anyone anything that doesn’t make you feel good and goes against

your gut instinct.

Thank God...

for these ads...

Absolute MUST-SEEs:

Anouk - Bold Is Beautiful / The Visit

The Visit - Bold Is Beautiful / The Wait

The Wait - Bold Is Beautiful / The Whispers

Tanishq started the trend when it came out with an ad showing the remarriage of a woman in which her daughter plays an important role. Add this to the three mentioned and we have an emerging class of aware youth that is trying very bravely to counter the hypocrisy embedded in our society. 

Kudos many times over to Avishek Ghosh, co-partner of Hectic Content, the production house that made the film conceptualized by ad agency Ogilvy & Mather, Bangalore.

Silence and stillness...

have great meaning for me, and a very definite place in my living.

Here's a poem I came across. I think you'll love it - I do...

KEEPING QUIET

by Pablo Neruda

Now we will count to twelve

and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth,

let's not speak in any language;

let's stop for one second,

and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment

without rush, without engines;

we would all be together

in a sudden strangeness.

Fisherman in the cold sea

would not harm whales

and the man gathering salt

would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,

wars with gas, wars with fire,

victories with no survivors,

would put on clean clothes

and walk about with their brothers

in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused

with total inactivity.

Life is what it is about;

I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded

about keeping our lives moving,

and for once could do nothing,

perhaps a huge silence

might interrupt this sadness

of never understanding ourselves

and of threatening ourselves with death.

Perhaps the earth can teach us

as when everything seems dead

and later proves to be alive.

Now I'll count up to twelve

and you keep quiet and I will go.

All of us...

tend to obsess about our personal beauty. However:

The quality that we call beauty ... must always grow from the realities of life. Our ancestors, forced to live in dark rooms, presently came to discover beauty in shadows, ultimately to guide shadows toward beauty's ends. Were it not for shadows, there would be no beauty.

We tend to forget that it is the reality of our past - painful, hurting, mad, bad, horrible....and present - painful, hurting, mad, bad, horrible, that etches itself on our faces. We don't need to hide it under layers of make up. We don't need to rationalize it in our speech. We don't need to pretend it never happened or is not happening. We don't need to resort to the knife or medical therapies to erase the patterns our past and present have created/are creating on our faces and bodies. We need to accept that our past and our present is our reality - our very own reality.......and......we move on. When we accept the reality of our past and our present, the lines and blemishes become beautiful. When we don't accept it, they look ugly even as our soul in not accepting our past and present realities is ever uneasy and fretful and unhappy and black.

Without steeping/pickling ourselves in the past, or stewing in our present, we have to realize that it is the shadows and the darkenesses that have etched/are etching our souls that find reflection in our faces.

Let's toast ourselves: 'To me'!!!! Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I feel...

so mad with despair...

If you're a Christian, there's trouble

If you're a Muslim, there's trouble

If you're gay, there's trouble

If you're a lesbian, there's trouble

If you belong to the 'third sex', there's trouble

If you're a girl child, there's trouble

If you're challenged, physically or mentally, there're huge problems

If you're emotionally crippled, there're problems



What happens to the heart beating in each breast? Does it have a label? Does it discriminate?

What happens to feelings? Do they have a sex?

What happens to thoughts? Do they have a sex?

What happens to beliefs and values they live by? Do these have a sex?

One of the most powerful ways...

I would even go so far as to say - The only way...to change our life is to make a difference in someone else's life. Even just trying to make a difference in someone else's life changes ours.

If you've reached a dead end, if you're troubled beyond belief, if you've finally, finally arrived at a blank wall reaching up to the skies...

                                             it is time to take yourself in hand - no matter how difficult that proves to be, no matter you just want to pull the covers over your head and block out the day, no matter that you feel you have absolutely no strength in you to even lift your hand, let alone your head....no matter what...

Just make that herculean effort just once. For just one last time find a wee bit of love for yourself...

Get up and go to the poorest of neighborhoods, or an orphanage, or an old people's home, or a school for the less privileged. Talk to the people, see if you can do something to help, just be around if you don't know what to do....the answers will come. Once you look into the eyes of a dispossessed person, a brutalized woman, a hurt child...your life will never be the same again. You will feel energy flowing through you, your mind will start humming with all kinds of solutions and things you can do, and the balance returns to your mind-heart-soul-body......................and you feel healed.

For this is the reality. These are the real people. And these will bring out the real you.

Try it. I have...

A tribute...

to Aruna Shanbaug...

What a brave soul

What a brutal thing to happen to her at age 25.....she was on the threshold of a full life

What generosity of spirit - her colleagues, and subsequently two generations of nurses, looked after her, cared for her, and spent time with her....celebrating her birthdays and her tiny 'life' successes


42 years after...

                                                                                                         The KEM Hospital bid her farewell 

I've learnt by first-hand example...

that no matter how unpleasant/terribly unpleasant or horrible unhappy a situation is, to grit my teeth and ride it out.

This is difficult, can be unbelievably difficult, but it is do-able. Ride it out...Ride it out without bitter thoughts either directed to those creating this unpleasantness/unhappiness, or towards myself. And the results are peaceful.

The tactic is this: Do something, anything to keep your mind away and occupied with something else. Do something so that, as it is bound to happen, when your mind does go towards it or veers towards it, you force it away and do something else - keep on at your regular tasks - no matter how much you don't feel like doing anything - read, do some craft work, or whatever you had scheduled for this time, or which gives you pleasure during normal days. Maybe you'll have to re-read what you'd read or redo the craft work again, but it wouldn't have been a waste of time and energy, because it helped you ride out and wait out the unpleasantness/unhappiness.

This helps:

Let every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the best of it. ~ Walker Samui

How many times...

have we heard this being nastily told to someone, especially someone who cannot answer back-----"I'm only saying this for your improvement....for your good."






Are you perfect? Have you never committed this 'crime/misdemeanour/error/mistake/'terrible' thing?

The other day...

Some of us colleagues were talking on how short we are on one very important thing - listening.

The conversation moved on to how many kids could be drawn back from getting into wrong habits or doing wrong things if only someone would listen to their conversations - one would then be able to detect undertones which are really cries for help.

Even with each other, how often we just don't keep quiet and listen - we're in such a hurry to give our point of view, or solve their problem (which they haven't even asked us to help with), or just to show we are know-it-alls and have all the answers. Why can't we just keep quiet? For all you know - and it often is so - while the person is talking, and we are giving them our ear - QUIETLY - they figure out their own solutions. All they needed was the reassurance of our presence - that's all.

In my meditation, that evening, I came across this wonderful quote:

Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person.
~ Rachel Naomi Remen

So true - and so what we don't do...

I've talked about identity before...

Came across another very do-able and understand-able take on identity.

This is from the Brain Pickings Weekly newsletter. It features Margaret Mead and James Baldwin on Identity, Race, the Immigrant Experience, and Why the "Melting Pot" Is a Problematic Metaphor.

Identity is something we claim for ourselves, then must assert willfully to the world:

You've got to tell the world how to treat you. If the world tells you how you are going to be treated, you are in trouble.

You see, I think we have to get rid of people being proud of their ancestors, because after all they didn't do a thing about it. What right have I to be proud of my grandfather?

I can be proud of my child if I didn't ruin her, but nobody has any right to be proud of his ancestors.



And so draw their sense of identity from them (our ancestors)...

Creating our identity is something we have to do ourselves, for ourselves.

Something to munch on...

Technology celebrates connectedness, but encourages retreat.

There are many kinds of silences...

One is total silence when the body, mind and soul are at one - are at peace - and are quiet. There are no thoughts scurrying across, no memos niggling at the back of the mind and nothing poking or needling the soul. All are still creating a sense of complete and restful calm.

There is another silence when words hang in the air like drops of water waiting to condense on the nearest surface regardless of time and place and who's around.

And there is another silence which is sheer hostility - where the words though unspoken, ping on your vulnerabilities and send out barbs of deep hurt, never mind who is around...

You can overcome fear...

that fear that blinds - physically, mentally, emotionally

that drives away all ability to think - every last bit of it

that makes you a victim, sometimes without your even knowing it, till something brings you up short and you ruefully tell yourself - there...it happened again...

that morphs you into something horribly sad

that puts its claws in deep into your very soul

that makes you think you don't have a chance

that tries to keep you in its grip, making you feel that being free is actually not a good thing....



This 'fear' thing is so debilitating, and some of us spend and have spent so many years on it, knowing - somewhere deep inside - that the only way to really live is to live without fear. No one likes to be afraid....no one. And fear is such a terrible thing that it knows exactly who to get its claws into, and when.


Whereas, actually, in reality

You don't have to fear anything...


However,

This is not easy to do - it takes practice not to be afraid (self talk - I am not afraid; You have no power over me; I am not going to give in to you; and so on). It takes vigilance not to let fear creep up inside of you...It takes strength of mind and determination to push it out the instant you see it coming on...



The best part is that it can be done.

Learnt a great deal today more about women...

from the place where I'm serving...

learnt how much suffering women carry around in their hearts as they stoically go on and on and on...

learnt how the only way to break a woman is through her daughter...for a woman can take everything except the tears of suffering of her daughter...

learnt how a woman will do all she can to see that her daughter is happy in her in-law's home...even up to spending money she can ill afford if it meant buying her daughter at least some peace of mind...

learnt how much a woman can hold in her heart...and hold it in silence...

learnt how accepting a woman is of a lot that she may not have ever wished for, have ever dreamt would be hers, or even agree with...

learnt how a woman sees her dreams broken one by one by one, even as she keeps the smile pasted on her face...

learnt how a woman grapples with a fate she never thought would be hers, and tries to be cheerful about it...

learnt how a woman finds her own freedom and space and learns how to hang on to it and keep it against all odds - for that is the only place where she can let her heart roam...

learnt how women try to balance their place in society, at home, and in their workplace...

learnt how women try to protect their reputation knowing that always the first stone is always thrown at them...and that stone invariably comes from someone in their own home...

learnt how a woman who wants to educate herself and work will not let anything or anyone stand in her way - like water she flows on till she finds the route that will let her get these two things...

learnt how protective a woman can be of the weak links in her family...

learnt how women immediately form a fierce and protective shield around a woman who has been hurt by a man...

learnt how women give tips to other women about how to deal with difficult situations in the home...especially when it is related to the mother-in-law...

learnt how sometimes it takes just one hurtful word or call or look to make a seemingly strong woman crumble...

learnt how a woman can be diminished if the men in her family relentlessly go on at her...and yet she goes on and on, till she can go on no longer...and even then she will make one last-ditch effort to redeem herself...

learnt that a woman can take a whole-whole-whole lot before anything finally breaks her...

learnt too that when things don't work out for a woman, some of the first stones that get thrown at her are by women who live in glass houses...

learnt that these women who belong to this small town and do not have the kind of access to things that big city women have, are braver, tougher-without-being-rough, more down-to-earth, more silent and hence stronger in their silence, have more laughter and are more unselfishly supportive of each other...

I still have some more time here with them, and I hope I can absorb more of them for after all I am of this same soil...

Another brutality...

this one has ended in death at the age of 40 years. Suzette Jordan was fearless....but they crucified her with their callousness....men stalked her and society ostracized and humiliated her. She was a single mother. Her beloved daughter wrote of her:

http://theladiesfinger.com/my-mother-suzette-jordan/

The Chief Minister dismissed the incident cruelly saying it was "cooked up" and "an attempt to malign the government."

Ms Damayanti Sen, IPS, first woman joint commissioner of Kolkata police (Crime), differed. She worked with Suzette and nabbed all but one of the accused. Sen was transferred.

Read for yourself, and once again ask how we can help these women - they are as important as we are to our Maker...and we should never, ever, ever treat with unkindness anyone who has gone through this experience...Only love and inclusion could have helped Suzette Jordan. May her soul find peace. Sending love and positive energies to her lovely daughters. Suzette lives on through them - nothing can destroy that fact....

http://m.timesofindia.com/india/Kolkatas-Park-Street-rape-survivor-dies/articleshow/46551499.cms

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/toi-edit-page/why-india-hated-suzette-jordan-she-defied-every-stereotype-of-a-rape-survivor/#_ga=1.212817108.1334723767.1425541977

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/kolkata-police-officer-who-solved-park-street-rape-case-removed/1/183041.html

Though we should...

believe in ourselves - especially if we know and believe that we are the children of a loving Father God - sometimes our way leads us into thickets and forests, and we have to cut our way through to stay on the road...Sometimes the road is full of potholes and we fall into them as we go along, and then have to scramble out...So many things happen to us every day...sometimes we are strong enough to combat them and come up on top, sometimes we fall, sometimes we are reduced to crawling, and sometimes the weight lands on us and prevents us from getting up at all. Through all of this, though it is difficult to do so, we must remember that these are only tests, and it's okay to fail the tests, because they leave holes in us through which the Light can come in and fix us, and after a bit we realize well, we're really okay...

Sometimes, a friend or well-wisher, or a stranger you may have lent a shoulder or a hand to, helps and in the words of e.e. cummings,

"reveals that something deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

I think, after we realize we're okay (referring to the first para) we need to then also believe what e.e. cummings has to say...that "something deep inside us is valuable....."

What a thought to start off every day with...

Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me.
- Quincy Jones

So just go ahead and be yourself - just BE YOURSELF - I feel this is the hardest thing to do anyway....we 're either looking to our left and right or behind us or over our shoulders, and we're even trying to peer into the future to see how we will look then if we do this....or that.....or be this.... or that.... or think this..... or that...... and on and on and on...

And totally lose ourselves in the labyrinth of our thinking - our real selves, that is...

Tithing...

of our lives.

Everyday that I spend here in the Ashram, I learn something new....something to correct my thinking, something to get me thinking, some thinking that I have to change.

One such incident happened yesterday.

The Acharya of the brothers' ashram brought some guests who had come to see the two ashrams and participate in the life of these two ashrams for a couple of days. Last evening they were to have a meal in the sisters' ashram in Sihora. After dinner, the Acharya spoke on how spending time in an ashram, serving and meditating, for certain periods of time - could be 3 months or a year, or even one month - during the course of our working lives, or even after retirement, instead of just whiling away time, was like tithing of our lives....I was totally dumbstruck.

We tithe the required amounts of what we earn or of what we have. Do we give a tithe of our lives?

It takes...

eleven tonnes of pressure on a piano to tune it. You need to see the way a piano tuner tunes each string to realize the kind of pressure he needs to exert on each string till it sounds exactly the way it is supposed to. The strings cannot be loose - they have to be taut and there are degrees of that tautness...

Each note has a trichord, i.e., three strings each. The tuner mutes the two outer strings so that only the middle one is free to vibrate. After he tunes this to the exact pitch, he tunes the outer strings to the one in the centre. This is only one part of the tuning process - it is a long and tedious process and the tuner goes on and on till he is finally satisfied. It is only then that the pianist can produce the most heavenly music.

Our lives too are tuned by the Great Tuner. So often we veritably quail under the hammer, we wonder when the pain will stop, we pray for the end of the hammering and tuning....but the Great Tuner knows when to stop. He wants the perfect pitch, the perfect temperament and the perfect overtones and harmonics.

These lines...

from my very special book of meditation - In beauty may I walk...Words of wisdom by Native Americans - had me thinking:

....we are members of the sacred hoop of life, along with the trees and rocks, the coyotes and the eagles and fish and toads, that each fulfills its purpose. They each perform their given task in the sacred hoop, and we have one, too.
~ Wolf Song
   Abenaki

We, each one of us, has a duty to perform wherever we are placed by life. And we have to just perform our given task, and fulfill our purpose.

Which to my mind means that we need to see to it that we do our best and give of our best wherever we have been placed by life. Look at a tree - it stands where it has been placed, its branches cover a certain span, its roots go down to a certain depth,and various small animals live on it, both above and below the ground, and depend on it for succor. We depend on the tree for Oxygen and shade and it nourishes our soul with its beauty. But the tree stays where it is. It does not stretch out its branches anywhere else just because it sees a weary traveller walking a little distance away, it does not suddenly provide more food to feed other little animals that roam around, it does not sprout any more branches than it should or send them out in other directions than it is supposed to.....It just IS and provides succor and nourishment for the body and soul for those who fall in its path. Which is exactly what we too should do I believe. Instead of stretching ourselves out all over the place trying to help everyone, trying to fill gaps which we often see only at a distance...in short thinking that we are someone very special and can solve everyone's problem. For one thing we cannot and for another, we are required to be in one particular place and do our best there. Nowhere else. So many times we feel we can sort out other people's problems and end up only making a worse mess, for we move out of where we are supposed to be. For all you know if we had just stayed where we were, we'd have been of more help...

Think about this....We each have our place in the sacred hoop of life.

When we find ourselves...

in a situation we never imagined would happen to us, we get this pain in the pit of our stomach, or double over with a cramp, or feel we are shrivelling up inside. We don't want to feel this way. Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother, Pema Chödrön says that 'if somehow you could stay present and touch the rawness of experience, you can really learn something.' This means that we need to connect with that physical sensation. This is terribly difficult and even seems unfair, but to connect is the only way out. Pema Chödrön understands this, so she says, that at this time we need to say to ourselves, 'Millions of people all over the world have this kind of discomfort, fear—I don't even have to call it anything—this feeling of not wanting things to be this way. This is my link with humanity.'

Impossible as it is to imagine that anyone else could be going through this same kind of painful and unfair experience, the fact is that we are not alone in our suffering. Connecting with the idea that this moment is a shared experience all over the world, is called compassionate abiding.

This connection with the humanity - knowing that we are not alone in our pain or sorrow or hardship is what eventually brings healing. The pain eases off and we are in a better position to see the situation clearly and figure out how to deal with it.

There are no victims in this world...

says Dr. Edith Eva Eger (Dr. Edie), 'only willing participants.'

She continues, 'Each of us have the opportunity to transform our lives. You may not control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond to them. Everyone has the power to change at any time.'

This is contrary to popular belief, but it is true. So true. Think about it.

And this continues the train of thought started in the previous blog on habits - we actually fall victim to our habits...

Could one of the reasons for our becoming victims is because, in Anne Lamott's words, 'We keep ourselves small with people-pleasing.' Or, to be accepted by people, or to conform, or to stay with the crowd?????

How dangerous it is to say...

this is a habit with me, and I can't change it, or that is a habit with me and if you want to be a friend you better learn to live with it, or this is a habit and well, there it is..., or that is a habit with me and I'm too old to change now.

We adopt a habit and then defend it with all our might little realizing that this or that habit has us trapped, and worse, we've allowed ourselves to get trapped in it.

Pico Iyer's words come to mind: It so often happens that somebody says 'Change your life' and you repaint your car rather than re-wire the engine.

The same can be applied to a wrong habit - a habit that brings pain and grief and separation and hurt. Note, I'm specifying that it brings us pain and grief and separation and hurt, for if we love ourselves, we would not want to hurt or harm ourselves ( remember, unless we love ourselves, we cannot love anyone else).

Instead of changing the habit to a better one, or changing ourselves to get rid of the habit - which would mean hard work - we prefer to, in fact sometimes go to great lengths to whitewash it, or portray it as a virtue. We prefer to stick with the habit, instead of trying to re-wire ourselves to get rid of this habit that has trapped us and has us in its grip.

For some time now...

the question of what a dream is, has been........troubling me? haunting me?

Wise people say we must live our dreams. What are these dreams?

And then comes the question: Do I have a dream? What is my dream? Can it be that I have no dream? There must be something/s that I would love to be/have/experience which would help me make my life meaningful? Maybe even exciting? or life-enhancing?

So I decided to find out a little more about this elusive (for me) thing one should live for, or according to which one should shape one's life, or one should strive for...or one should unearth just in case it has been hidden/trampled down by one's experiences...or, it could be that one has to discover it in case it's always been there, but hidden...

This is what I found:

A  dream is a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal.

Dreaming could also be about new things, new dynamics and new dimensions.

Joan Chittister says: Find the thing that stirs your heart and make room for it. Life is about the development of self to the point of unbridled joy.

More important than being right...

is being capable of understanding the views of others and working together with them.

I learnt this from my Kabbalah meditation.

How often we stick to what we think, maybe even know for sure, is right, and hang on to it totally not seeing how the other person's face is changing, not reading the body language that says 'please, just let it be..okay you're right....why do you want to pummel me', not feeling, maybe blocking out, the sensitiveness of the moment for the other person.

Besides estranging the person you are trying to prove is wrong, you lose a friend, you become that much more hard-hearted, not realizing that chances are that one day you may just find yourself in the same situation.

It would be better, instead, don't you think, to work around the point of dissension, to understand what the other person is trying to say, try to get what is hidden inside, and then work as equals?...with respect?

De-stress? Detox? Relax...

the place to go is Cancio's House, Aldona, Goa.

The Amarals are a warm family - Roberto and Raquel and their three children take you straight to their heart - even the dogs and cat welcome you happily; you're in the lap of nature; there's good food and music......what more could you want?

Besides the 'have-to-be-done' sights to be seen in Old Goa, Roberto and Raquel put together a sight-seeing plan which shows the real heart of Goa. There's even a fort in Aldona - The Corjuem Fort!! Gorgeous sunsets, hot buns straight from the ancient oven, lazily strolling to Steve's Pub & Grub place, homemade wine, the 'Teen Mansher' sluice gates......what are you missing? Nothing...In fact, you feel blessed to be in this quiet, beautiful village. The crowning moments are when Roberto takes you on the speedboat, of which he is the skipper, down the beautiful Aldona River to the high seas. The Arabian sea, with its wealth of exotic history, is fabulous, and the dolphins are a treat to watch. In the distance, one can see ships clothed in mist - reminds one of Capt. Jack Sparrow??!!!

Roberto explained the concept of susegad which is associated with Goa. It is derived from the Portuguese word sossegado which means quiet. Sadly, the word has acquired negative connotations and is taken to mean a relaxed attitude and enjoyment of life. Roberto was quick to tell us that this is not what susegad meant. It means contentment, and being at peace with yourself. Raquel and Roberto certainly embody this concept for you cannot find two people who live their passion for their home, and their interests.

How many of us can claim this? After a visit to Aldona, living at the Amaral's ancestral home - Cancio's House - this concept seems the only way to live...live and do things and be in a way that you are at peace with yourself...

Cancio's House

Corjuem Fort

The village road

Sunset in Aldona

Aldona River

Teen Munsher

Cheers!

What a woman may be...

The tussle is between what we may be or might be and our conditioning which begins in childhood.

Most of us are quite happy coasting along on our conditioning, till adversity strikes. This adversity could be in the form of what you thought of as a strong relationship gone sour and beyond repair, or a financial setback, hard times, or deep suffering for one reason or another.

It is then that we start questioning our conditioning because it does not fill the gaps left by this change of circumstances. We start questioning ourselves and this is the worst and the longest to get over, because we are questioning our conditioning and all that has been ingrained in us over the years. Once free from, and of, this conditioning, come the feelings of revolt. Here again there is a mini tussle, for every woman's mode of revolt is different. This not only comes from what defines her, but she also realizes that this is what defines her. Gradually, very, very gradually, a future starts to take shape, and she discovers that she can carve a way out.

Finally, she realizes that she can love herself....she has gone through so much - that is proof enough that she ought to love herself....Those who are close to her love her for what she is, but it could well be that she has still has not recognized and appreciated her own qualities (could be remnants of the conditioning are holding her back). If she can hang on to herself, hang on with all her might, then she will be free to live as she wants...in a manner that she would want to live.

It is not easy - this self-discovery and this launching out on a new voyage. But others have done it, and they remain the beacon for us...

Germaine Greer sums it thus: “In the struggle to remain a complete person and to love from her fullness instead of her inadequacy a woman may appear hard. She may feel her early conditioning tugging her in the direction of surrender, but she ought to hang on to herself and not find herself nagging, helpless, irritable and trapped. Perhaps I am not old enough yet to promise that the self-reliant woman is always loved, but she cannot be lonely as long as there are people in the world who need her joy and her strength, but certainly in my experience it has always been so."

And Maya Angelou, my role model adds: My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style!

If you pray...

long enough (or meditate long enough) and hard enough about a crisis situation that you may find yourself in, you'll see that messages about what to do, how to go about it, how to think and many other related and viable ways of thinking come across your path. It almost seems as if the Universe is gathering the material that you need just at this point and is sending them to you. You have to give your situation your full attention - only then will you see the pattern in what the Universe is sending you. Only then will you be able to see that your life has been leading you to this point and whether it works or not, you will also be given the strength to bear and overcome.

Believe me - it is true for I am walking this path.

The only thing is that since this is your life, you must battle/reason/work with it by yourself. Not even the most well-meaning person can fully grasp or understand your pain or your questions/doubts/apprehensions. No one can take away the pain - you have to deal with it, and absorb it by and into yourself. Another thing is that if you ask too many people - as it sometimes happens, when the pain is too much and you run from here to there wondering what to do - chances are that there will be too many opinions offered, most of them conflicting ones. You cannot shift the responsibility for the taking of your decision on anyone - not even the one you love the most with your whole life - simply because it is your life and you have to live it...no one else can live it for you...

Jesus walked this lonesome valley - He had to walk it by Himself - Oh nobody else could walk it for Him - He had to walk it by Himself....

Likewise each one of us.

Roll with the punches...

Having popped up more than once during my reading in these past few days, I felt this phrase had a message for me.

Read up on it on the Net, and here's what I found.

To roll with the punches means:

Every time life throws an unexpected turn, go with it - don't fight it or try to get even.

When things don't go your way, adapt to the changes and keep moving ahead instead of flipping out.

If something unexpected happens that might be negative, don't let it get to you - instead, adapt to the situation; handle life's hardships.

To cope with and withstand adversity, especially by being flexible.


Quite a deep hidden message...and one to be taken very seriously...

This New Year's Day...

has been a day of retrospection and looking forward...

I am at a crossroads of my life...