we don't do things, because the lines that pop up in our mind are: What will they say??? How will what I say or do, be perceived??? What will they think???
So, we put the reaction of others first, not thinking of ourselves...We hold ourselves back from saying something we believe in, or doing something we like, or emulating someone we admire....because of...."What will others say/think??!!!"
And the moment passes and we are left with the bitter taste of regret in our mouth.
It's a long hard battle that we have to engage in with ourselves in order to think about ourselves first and to give importance to our feelings, our talents, our abilities, and all that we think we can do. It's certainly not an easy battle, because we have to sift through the mass of feelings and thoughts that come up, to pick out those which are really important for us and to us, which mean a lot, and which we need to pay attention to. There is only one way we can do this and that is through quiet awareness of ourselves....the totality of ourselves. Meditation helps in the sifting process because that is the only way we come face to face with ourselves. This is the only way we can then take the next step of stopping to give explanations for ourselves.....what we are all about and why we think and act the way we do....both to ourselves and to others. For us to be at peace with ourselves, to align our hearts and minds and bodies, to lead a fulfilling life, we have to stop giving explanations for how and what we think or feel; stop giving explanations for doing the things we like to do; stop giving explanations for every action; and most certainly stop giving explanations for how we want to live or how we want to be, or, indeed, for how we are...
My search for answers led me to this site - Power of Positivity.
You don’t owe anyone a justification for your values and your priorities.
You don’t owe anyone a yes when you want to say no.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your relationships, whether lovers or friends.
You don’t owe anyone assistance with their happiness journey at the cost of your
own.
You don’t owe anyone a debate around your political views especially when the other
person’s mind is made up.
You don’t owe anyone an apology when you are not sorry, and you would make the
same decision again.
You don’t owe anyone a rationalization about why investing in yourself is important.
You don’t owe anyone the meaning of what you believe in.
You don’t owe anyone a change in your appearance just to please them.
You don’t owe anyone friendship, especially when they do not share your values.
You don’t owe anyone a negative mindset so that you can commiserate with them.
You don’t owe anyone access to information about your life that makes you
uncomfortable.
You don’t owe anyone gossip material about other people just to fit in.
You don’t owe anyone your time for their projects or for things that matter to them
unless they matter to you too.
You don’t owe anyone the commitment to try something “new” just because you
were asked.
You don’t owe anyone a safe place for constant complaining and dwelling in their poor
choices.
You don’t owe anyone an answer other than the truth to prevent them from being
uncomfortable.
You don’t owe anyone your services as a crisis counselor unless you are actually a
crisis counselor.
You don’t owe anyone false compliments just to make them feel better.
You don’t owe anyone anything that doesn’t make you feel good and goes against
your gut instinct.