that no one owes us anything. I'm talking about happiness. No one owes it to us to make us happy or keep us in good cheer. This is something we have to choose to be or do for ourselves.
Bar our parents, no one owes us anything. And, rightfully, we can hold our parents responsible for our happiness only up to a point...that is, till we reach the age when we can make decisions. Decisions can go wrong...will go wrong...but that would be our fault, because of wrong choices we've made - we cannot put the blame at the door of our parents. We can depend on a loving parent to help put us back on our feet, but then it's up to us how soon and how well we get back up again. Indeed, we cannot put the blame on anyone or anything or any circumstance. We've heard - So-and-so is a victim of his/her circumstances. Agreed, things did not go the way so-and-so thought they would. However, now, so-and-so has to take charge (not an easy thing to do, and more difficult for some than for others) and get out of the victim state of mind. The sooner we realize this, the better, and we can start equipping ourselves to take charge of our own happiness. This is not something we can say aloud - it is something we have to work on in the quietness of our mind. We have to become independent in our thinking and being and doing intensely but quietly and invisibly almost.
Today, and every day, I have to tell myself, almost like a mantra, is that I am responsible for my own happiness. No one, but no one, owes it to me to see to it that I am happy. This is something I have to do by myself for myself no matter what anyone says, no matter what situation I find myself in, no matter what my circumstances.
I love the way Olivia Laing puts it: We are left to make ourselves at home in the way things are, imperfect and sometimes downright ugly. The measure of a life has to do with this subletting ability — with how well we are able to settle into this borrowed, imperfect abode and how much beauty we can bring into existence with however little control over its design we may have.
The stress is on the 'we' - you and me...