Have been seeing a lot of cross-talking...

about all kinds of issues raging in India of late. Nastiness and hitting below the belt... Intolerance for any difference... Getting vitriolic when viewpoints differ...and worse, noone really talks with any kind of intellectual authority - it's all hearsay with some masala added to it that gets passed on...

And the more I listen to people, the more I see that:

• they have not bothered to think about the topic they are being so vocal about 
• don't care about what words they are using 
• cannot bear to think that someone may have a different opinion, let alone accept that, and 9 times out of 10, they actually know nothing about what is being debated, discussed, or conversed about
• their words are full of hate and animosity

These people have just let fly a whole lot of disjointed words, not realizing that each word has its own energy which gets released into the ether - the aim, the only aim - to get the better of the person they are talking to (not with) or to put the person in the conversation down...somehow, say anything to get the upper hand, never mind that you are being rude or nasty, or wrong, or off the topic or anything... But, the released words develop a life of their own and get strung up as sentences which are very likely to become potent in their negativeness.

Really, ignorance cannot be forgiven.

It is so much better to keep quiet and listen to people talking about something you may not know, then later find out more about the topic. Then, your information along with what you have heard will help you develop your own body of thought about that particular topic, and you will be able to formulate your own view and opinions. The downside is that you will find yourself opting out of many circles that you may have joined, or being excluded from many circles you are a part of, but the upside is that you will be a better-informed person, will be able to expand your knowledge base, and be with people who respect you and whom you respect.

One needs humility to realize that one cannot know everything about everything. But that does not make one less interesting or intelligent or lovable or beautiful - it is just one (or ten or a hundred) things that one doesn't know. So what? We can find out. And, those who really care about us will continue to care and be enriched even as we feel enriched...

Sharing...

a very powerful statement by James Baldwin:

This collision between one’s image of oneself and what one actually is is always very painful and there are two things you can do about it, you can meet the collision head-on and try and become what you really are or you can retreat and try to remain what you thought you were, which is a fantasy, in which you will certainly perish.



I can say with total certainty that this is true - the image one has of oneself is quite, quite different from what one is.

I am in the middle of this collision right now. The image of who I am has been shaped by my parents, Leonard - my home for 23 years, my teachers and all those I came in contact with....those who love/loved me moulded me to their way of thinking and 'this is how you should be' and those who dislike/disliked me trashed everything I was and believed I was standing for...However, since your view of yourself is dominated by how your parents treated you, that becomes your take-off point till you realize that once away from parental influence and out in the world, many of those things don't work for you, simply because you are not a lot of the things you've grown up believing you were. Often, when you react naturally, at this point of your life, you get pulled up short by your mind reprimanding you or cautioning you that 'this is not what is expected of you'. And this can be disconcerting because now, then, you have to question all the ideas of yourself that you have grown up believing yourself to be.

Daily life is showing me who I am - in my reactions, the way I look at things, the way I think and the choices I want to make. And there is a clash at every point. A clash that I have to resolve....that only I can resolve...and that I want to resolve...I don't want to remain who I thought I was...Yet, a task as difficult as this needs one person who is your North Star - for me it is my DD - an eternal reassurance.

Difficult as this is, I believe that this has to be done. It means a total readjustment, realignment, cleaning out, refreshing and....being....

This post...

has been written in the light of a Class 12 boy (High School Senior) who was left to bleed to death in the car park of an upmarket residential building in Calcutta. There are all kinds of versions/explanations/reasons doing the rounds but the bald fact is that the lad is dead...

Parents, teachers---in fact all the adults who make up a child's world---really need to become more savvy about all that is happening in the world their kids are growing up in. More knowledgeable and better informed. 'Am working so hard to make life for the family comfortable' or 'demands of housework' are not shields to hide behind any more. In fact, parents today have to ensure they are one step ahead and one step behind their kids. One step ahead means to be able to talk-and i mean really talk-with their kids in the contemporary language of social media, Pokemon, mobile phone jargon or whatever. And, one step behind to prop them when they falter as all kids do--no matter how 'adult' they think they are. This 'hum ko yeh sab modern cheez nahin maloom' (I don't know all these modern things) and 'hamare time mein....' (in my time...) and 'we want to give our kids what we never had' never ever ever works. As parents we have to be attuned to their world. After all they didn't create this world, they've landed in it. We can say that we, adults, too didn't create this environment--but we have age and experience on our side which kids don't. We need to help them with ways of dealing with and coping with the zillion confusing issues they encounter every day. That is....if we don't want another misguided lad being left to bleed to death in a parking lot...

We have to be interested in our young. Interested, not in an interfering kind of way, or an information-getting kind of way, or in an intrusive way, or a meddlesome way. Interested as opposed to either being friendly (our kids don't want us as friends but as adults they can communicate with) or authoritarian. Interested and respectful. But we have to talk with them person to person so that we know where they are going, who their friends are, what they are reading, what are they surfing on the net, how school/college is, what their interests are, what their future plans are.....generally everything about them. This would ease them into becoming responsible people. This would also help them to take decisions, and, if they botch up, they would know who they could call or fall back on. It would also prevent us adults from making inane statements like 'bachcha hai' (he/she is a kid)....conveniently making them bachchas when the law catches up, or worse, 'you know how these teenagers are...today's kids....!', and allow them to do whatever they want and go in whichever direction their unformed minds are led...

Being an adult in whose orbit there are kids is hard work.......with huge rewards.

Our kids are people in their own right, and need to be treated as such.

Sharing...

I commit to:

*1. Being fully in and embracing the present moment—mindful living

2. Preparing and eating three healthy meals a day, avoiding sugar fixes

3. Getting outside every day

4. Exercising every day

5. Doing something I enjoy every day—being creative

6. Spending time with positive people

7. Setting healthy boundaries—Saying NO more often

8. Identifying negative self-talk and changing it to positive

9. Pausing before reacting—Asking myself: 'Do I really want to do this?'

10. Getting one thing done every day, and celebrating this achievement

11. Looking after my health, body, skin, hair, teeth—regular appointments

12. Being grateful—starting each day by consciously telling myself at least three things I am thankful for

*13. Regular yoga and meditation

14. Laughing more and starting the day with a smile

15. Singing or dancing whenever possible

16. Having more fun and taking life less seriously

17. Treating myself with love and compassion—being my own best friend

18. Focusing on myself and prioritizing my needs—not focusing on the lives of others

*19. Spending time alone and being still every day

20. Being my authentic self, not what others want me to be

*21. Listening to my inner voice/intuition and doing what feels right for me

22. Avoiding over-analyzing a situation

23. Limiting my time on Facebook

24. Not worrying about what other people think about me

25. Getting a good sleep every night

26. Being patient with myself

27. My self-development, no matter how challenging


* There are four very important points that need solitude and quiet time with one's self...Actually, these are what will help with the others because they become the point to return to...

Need to examine: What’s my most important self-care practice?

The bald truth is...

that no one owes us anything. I'm talking about happiness. No one owes it to us to make us happy or keep us in good cheer. This is something we have to choose to be or do for ourselves.

Bar our parents, no one owes us anything. And, rightfully, we can hold our parents responsible for our happiness only up to a point...that is, till we reach the age when we can make decisions. Decisions can go wrong...will go wrong...but that would be our fault, because of wrong choices we've made - we cannot put the blame at the door of our parents. We can depend on a loving parent to help put us back on our feet, but then it's up to us how soon and how well we get back up again. Indeed, we cannot put the blame on anyone or anything or any circumstance. We've heard - So-and-so is a victim of his/her circumstances. Agreed, things did not go the way so-and-so thought they would. However, now, so-and-so has to take charge (not an easy thing to do, and more difficult for some than for others) and get out of the victim state of mind. The sooner we realize this, the better, and we can start equipping ourselves to take charge of our own happiness. This is not something we can say aloud - it is something we have to work on in the quietness of our mind.  We have to become independent in our thinking and being and doing intensely but quietly and invisibly almost.

Today, and every day, I have to tell myself, almost like a mantra, is that I am responsible for my own happiness. No one, but no one, owes it to me to see to it that I am happy. This is something I have to do by myself for myself no matter what anyone says, no matter what situation I find myself in, no matter what my circumstances.

I love the way Olivia Laing puts it: We are left to make ourselves at home in the way things are, imperfect and sometimes downright ugly. The measure of a life has to do with this subletting ability — with how well we are able to settle into this borrowed, imperfect abode and how much beauty we can bring into existence with however little control over its design we may have.

The stress is on the 'we' - you and me...

Seems like a never-ending nightmare...

with one brutal killing after another.....

Many of these attacks have been carried out by people who have basically felt and believed they were beyond the pale of society. Mark - I said felt and believed...And here is where I believe the whole trouble lies. No one wants to be excluded from the warmth and comfort of the human circle. When someone feels some kind of rejection, for whatever reason, sadly they do things which, while getting the world to focus on them, destroy many, many innocent lives. Bad enough when adults get killed for no reason, the sight of a little child dying/dead breaks my heart as I'm sure it does everyone's.

We have people who have been directly affected by these killings, families torn apart, loved ones snatched away....and people who, though, many thousand miles away, feel deeply troubled and desperate too.  

It's a feeling of unspeakable grief along with anger and helplessness at a totally unwarranted show of someone's rage.

The killers feel strongly about something and take it out on people who have no connection with what the killers feel strongly about. For what? To teach a randomly picked country a lesson? Is it a war against their fate? Is it a blind anger at being of a different color/race/creed?

And there seems to be no end in sight. No forgiveness, no healing, no nothing. Just insensible actions based on mad rage.

I'll take a line out of a quote by Albert Einstein, for, while our politicians and diplomats try to hammer out a solution, in our own small way we need to do our bit too...

'........widen our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures..........'

Treasure...

Independence of spirit....without becoming hard

Charity of heart..........without becoming judgemental

Openness of mind..........without losing perspective

Physical fitness..........without becoming a fanatic

Mental agility..........without rationalizing

Spiritual strength............without becoming self-righteousse

Respect of self.........without becoming selfish

Courageousness in all areas of life..........without becoming over-cautious

Cherish truth..............without becoming hurtful

The capacity to find happiness and love in all things..........without fear


Please feel free to add to this.....only we know what is in the depths of our hearts and only we can fix it...

Tranquility...

Isn't this what we all search for?

.....long for?



Real tranquility will only come when we face ourselves head on....

And for this the first step is self-acceptance - be it a self gone wrong--either by one's own self or by others, or a self that has moved into being judgmental, or a self that is helpful and kind................never mind....this is the only self we have, and if things are not going in a manner to allow for tranquility, then we will need to face that fact first.

Next - and this is the hard part. We have to summon up the courage to accept that we are imperfect, that we have not been leading an authentic life true to our own beliefs and values, that we have not been living as we ought but are trying to live as someone else wishes/dictates/desires/dreams, and that we are terribly vulnerable emotionally.

After this accepting comes the fixing...repairing...healing...carrying on living...


Point to remember: This is not a one-time thing. Us going off the rails, losing our tranquility is going to happen again and again. So, sensitivity to our inner climate is very necessary. And no matter what......no matter how dark or how deep, no matter how bright or beautiful, we can once again regain our equanimity and serenity....we owe this to ourselves, do we not?

Sensitivity...

in speech is imperative. I don't think one can ever or should ever compromise on good speech.

Imagine someone speaking to us--

We're all noodle heads, and we all process what we hear, differently.

For some of us listeners, the words ping head on and we respond off the top of our heads, usually without thinking.

With some of us, the words cause all the noodles to go into a spin, and if we respond right away, chances are we will quickly regret what we say.

If we allow the spin to settle into a pattern, but do not allow for a little space, our understanding of what we have heard would probably allow us to give some sort of reasonable response, which, on later mulling, we would wish we could change/take back/rephrase.

Some of us who allow our mind to think clearly about what we have heard, after the noodle spin settles, the response is likely to be a carefully chosen one. We choose, with care, delicacy, and tact, the words we want to use and the tone of voice, and see to it that the meaning of what we are trying to say is clear with no undertones, or dark overtones, or innuendos, or hidden meanings.

And this last, is like music...

To paraphrase Hazrat Inayat Khan's teaching: 'Each individual composes the music of his own life; if he injures another he breaks the harmony and there is discord in the melody of his life,' so also, the words we use should not cause any kind of discord in the harmony of the life of the person we are talking with, concurrently keeping the melody of our life intact.

We have the freedom to choose how we want to speak. Question is are we using this wonderful freedom to make our speech beautiful or are we just going on as we are, hiding behind a 'Take it or leave it' stance. The point is not about taking it or leaving it, the point is about not causing dissonance in the general environment, or a harsh jarring in someone's life-harmony, and at the same time not totally jangling up our own life-harmony...

Sharing my meditation from the White Bison...

"Silence is the cornerstone of character."          
~ Charles Alexander Eastman, OHIYESA SANTEE SIOUX

Be still and know. Anyone can verbally attack another. Anyone can be a smart aleck. Anyone can be angry and tell other people things that will hurt them. Anyone can be sarcastic, devaluating and belittling. It takes a Warrior to be silent. Silence is so powerful. Silence can be so loving.

Our task here on earth is...

only, only, only to create ourselves. Nothing else. Life throws numerous challenges at us right from the moment we are born: where we are born, where we live, who all we come in contact with, who we choose to love or hate, where we are placed to work.....every single action. Some of these affirm us, some negate us, some build us up, some destroy us....through it all, the one thing that is constantly happening to us is change - we keep changing

We can either leave this to the forces of Nature, or we can take a hand, understand, chip off, tweak...do whatever has to be done, through happiness and deep pain to go on creating and re-creating and re-re-creating ourselves.

We do not take away anything with us when we finally return to dust....but our soul and spirit will find peace and fulfillment if we have lived as better people...

A bit of Mohawk wisdom...

Wisdom is how you live and how you interpret what your mother
and father, what your grandmothers and grandfathers have told you about
this world - and then how you interpret that into the fact of living every day."

The key words here are 'how you live'.

Time, then, to stop and introspect on how we live our life.

Do we:

drift from day to day, aimlessly, just doing our chores and what is required of us?

fill our days with noise and activity because otherwise we would be forced to face ourselves?

embrace solitude?

seek to make our life tranquil?

try to be easygoing instead of being hyper about everything?

believe that only we have all the answers to everyone's problems and questions, and thus try and control all situations and people?

approach the day with joyfulness, grateful for the beauty of another day....a brand new day?

express an interest in people and all that we see around us?

look for answers in Nature, seeing as we are all a part of Nature and if we just be still for a moment and look around us, she will reveal our answers?

think about the balance, rhythm and harmony of life and try and work towards that?



What we are looking at is a redefinition of our life. Periodic but steady redefinition. An interpretation of what we have received from our parents and grandparents regarding every day living and then how we incorporate that interpretation into actual living...every day.

Virginia Woolf asserts that “a self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.” Being pleased with ourselves as we are is, clearly, not the best thing.

Interpreting and incorporating wisdom gained into our thinking and then redefining ourselves can be a nightmare, but I don't think it is really an option. The question then begs, do we just plain ignore the fact that we need to change some of our ways, add and subtract some of the characteristics we've adopted consciously or unconsciously, adapt and tweak our thinking? Do we discard out of hand the wisdom handed down to us because we think it is not relevant to us in this day and age? Are we filling our days with all kinds of activities, simply so that our senses get dulled and we don't have to face the brutal fact that we are not living but just existing?

Since we are alive, we may as well do something about our life and make living a joyous experience...

Powerful words to remember and live...

James Cavitt, an inmate at San Quentin State Prison says men and women behind bars are working hard to create better lives and futures for themselves after they serve their time.

This is from a piece he wrote: 'Where I live'


I live in a world where most people are too afraid to go. Surrounded by tall concrete walls, steel bars where razor wire have a way of cutting at the hopes for a brighter tomorrow. I live in a world that kill people who kill people in order to teach people to kill people is wrong. Imagine that. Better yet, imagine a world where healed people help hurt people heal and become strong. I live in a world that has been called hell on earth by those trapped inside, but I've come to the stark realization that prison is really what you make it. You see, in spite of the harshness of my reality there is a silver lining. I knew that my freedom was going to come. It was just a matter of time and so I treated my first steps as if they were my last mile and I realized that you don't have to be free in order to experience freedom. Just because you are free doesn't mean that you have freedom. Many of us for years have been battling our inner demons. We walk around smiling when inside we're really screaming 'freedom'. Don't you get it? We're all serving time. We're just in different places. As for me, I choose to be free from the prisons i've created. The key-forgiveness. Actions-my witness. If we want freedom, then we got to think different. Because freedom - it isn't a place. It's a mindset. 


(http://www.ted.com/talks/john_legend_redemption_song?utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=tedspread#t-212388)

A word of caution...

to all of us who are battling with past hurts, no matter what form they take...

It has to be a strong conscious decision to break with the past. Why strong? because the past has a way of creeping up on us unbidden, seeping into our hearts through doors that have been blocked to them and then spreading their poison.

I am sharing this because this is what happens to me.

This poison takes two forms - One is of hurting...a dark, deep hurting when your whole being wants to cry out, and it does, reliving the pain, the sadness, the darkness and the big question why me goes round and round keeping the poison alive. The second is, strangely of comfort. It is a distorted comfort, but comfort it is because we are now in a zone we are used to, an area we understand, and we know that the loving presence of our friends and family will cocoon us.

Neither of these will liberate us from the cycle of hurt and pain.

At this time we are unable to recollect all the wise sayings we've made a note of. However, I'm finding that the more I read about pain management, or tap into the wisdom of Maya Angelou, or learn about people who have battled all odds to live a good, productive and peaceful life of joyfulness, slowly these start to filter in and push the poison out. To this when we add our own slight strength of pushing out the horrible things filling our mind, not only is the poison drained off, but we also feel stronger about ourselves.

It is the mind playing tricks on us and most times we couter these cruel tricks, but there are times when we can't or fail to see that they have crept in and spread.

So, next time the sadness comes on, STOP. This is the first step and it is the hardest. Then work on removing the poison.

Surely we deserve to live in the fullness of life...

Darkness...

of mind and heart can be so overwhelming.

Thing is, it needn't be.

And yet, more often than not, it is.

Why?

Because darkness is like a whirlpool. It stays in the yard of our mind, silently, watchfully, even enticingly, and the instant we are unmindful, relax our mind, or feel that nothing can destroy our hard-won peace and serenity this time around, we fall into this whirlpool. It makes us feel that there is only this left for us....this oblivion.

But,

Living is not oblivion. One has to strive hard to live fully with joyfulness. One has to work hard at keeping the darknesses at bay.

God never promised us roses or a life without pain or that life would be easy.....but He did promise us the strength to overcome the thorns and the pain and He did promise us that He would be with us through it all, He would see us through...

Here is an anonymous poem - hope it will help us see our own light...because no matter how much a loved one holds our hand, in the end we have to fight and vanquish our darknesses ourselves.



I asked for strength.
God gave me difficulties to make me strong.-----------------------------so when we go through difficulties, believe that they are making us strong...

I asked for wisdom.
God gave me problems to solve.---------------------------drowning in problems and issues of all kinds? Believe that in solving them we are gaining in wisdom...

I asked for prosperity.
God gave me brawn and brain to work.-----------------------------------how easy life would have been if we had a little more money! But no, we can have great happiness, indeed real happiness when we work for what we want, redefining our needs as we go along...

I asked for courage.
God gave me dangers to overcome.--------------------Fearful? Afraid? Believe that overcoming fear - and this is hard work - will make us laugh in the face of all that tries to scare us and drag us down...

I asked for patience.
God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.-------------------------how nice it would be if we achieved our goals through an easier path...maybe a little quicker too would be good. Believe that every roadblock is teaching us patience...and this patience will see us through great darknesses because we would have learnt that nothing that is good comes easy...the right answers take time in coming...

I asked for love.
God gave me troubled people to help.-----------------------oh to bask in someone's love! Believe that if this does not happen, then we are being called to lavish all our love on those who really need it to get them through their darkness...and thus drawing us out of ours...

I asked for favors.
God gave me opportunities.------------------------would be nice to receive a favor now and then...would make life a little easier... Believe that every chance seized, every moment of hard work, every contingency overcome, becomes a favor in our life...

I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.-----------------true! 

Come we can do it....we have to do it alone, but knowing that every human being has his/her own darknesses to deal with and overcome will help us know we are not the only ones in our struggle to lift ourselves up and make our personal world a better world for us to LIVE in...