believe the lies that others tell us about ourselves. We believe the accusations levelled against us. (How do we know these are lies? or that these accusations are false? Because, deep down we know that what they are telling us about ourselves isn't true. We are not like this.... or that..... or the other........ ) And then we get into repair-the-damage mode vis-a vis that person or incident or situation...Just to prove to others that we are not what they are claiming we are.
What about the lies about us that people insinuate through their conversations and looks...unspoken, but loud and clear? This also affects us and we tie ourselves up into knots trying to prove that we are not what they are portraying us to be.
Some things that we can do:
1. We can pick out these spoken or insinuated accusations or lies, about what we are claimed as being, examine them as objectively as we can and see if there is any truth in them. If there is any truth, we can fix it - WITHOUT TRASHING OURSELF. We are human and we will fail. Making a mistake or doing something we had not thought through, happens precisely because we are human. But we will also get up and get going....we have that strength inbuilt in us.
2. We can dump these spoken or insinuated accusations or lies into the dustbin. Forget about them and carry on. This also becomes sifting time...because we can then sift out the people we want to continue to know or move away from them. If someone is constantly trying to prove us wrong and make us feel small and not bright, then they are not worth wasting even a microsecond on.
3. Spoken or insinuated accusations or lies about us have not to be taken seriously at all. They are meant to hurt us. Of course, knowing this, we can stave off these lies about us.....but there are times when we are feeling not too strong, or not quite ourselves, or maybe we are feeling vulnerable at that point of time....and at these times these spoken or insinuated accusations or lies hurt....they hurt deeply wounding us to the quick.
If we can tie ourselves up into knots trying to prove to the world that we are not what is being claimed - spoken or insinuated - our first duty actually should be to ourselves....We have to tell ourselves over and over again lovingly and kindly that we are important for us first and foremost, and also for those who truly love us - love us unconditionally - and that we owe it to ourselves and these true friends not to accept these spoken or insinuated accusations and lies..... We owe it to ourselves to find happiness and peace and be in a space that allows us to make mistakes, learn from them, pick ourselves up, try something new..... We owe it to ourselves not to feel as if we are useless or rubbish or incompetent or incapable of thinking or doing things..... We owe it to ourselves not to feel unwanted or unworthy or not good enough..... We owe it to ourselves not to blame ourselves for things that go wrong or awry..... We owe it to ourselves to fulfil and expand what is deep inside us - what we are...want to be...how we want to be...how we want our life to be lived...