quite forcefully...
In the daily rush of life and living, we tend to forget that we are not playing stellar roles in the drama of someone else's life, even though they may be family or dear friends. Each of us is the main character only in the drama of our own life.
In a family, all the close and immediate members of a family are the main characters in their own family drama. No one can share this space, not even the close extended family. For instance a brother before he is married is a main character in the family drama of his parents and siblings, but once he is married, then his own family becomes his main family, and his siblings and their families become part of the close extended family group. In which case the siblings play only a supportive role, if asked.
Now there was an issue in my family - my nephew (brother's son) is getting married according to traditional and conventional rites. Since our parents have both passed on, as the older of the two, I felt it was my responsibility to get involved and do what was required. However, my brother and his wife have not included me in the preparations. While I was getting all agitated about this, my friend - a real friend - put me right. She asked me if I had been taken into confidence regarding the wedding, by my brother. When I said no, she gave it to me straight from the hips - asked me not to give so much credit to myself and my opinions. She said that I was important only in my own family unit, and not to think of myself as having any influence in my brother's family. I came crashing down to earth. She was right. This was the bald truth. I realized how wrong I had been.....spending countless hours getting stressed and worked up about an issue that, in actual fact, didn't concern me at all......
Two lessons I've learnt and am the better for having learnt them:
1. Only share your opinions, your feelings and the stands you may have taken, if asked. Never otherwise.
2. Make a conscious effort not to interfere or pass judgment on any one's life or the way they lead their life.