Two beautiful characters…

Mameha in Memoirs of a Geisha. The book, a historical fiction novel by Arthur Golden, is about achieving a goal, and how one has to struggle to achieve that goal. A geisha symbolizes the beauty and elegance of Japan, and Nitta Sayuri learns her art with great skill under the tutelage of Mameha, a geisha whose gentle smile hides a will of steel. 

And,

Lily Casey in Half Broke Horses, a book by Jeannette Walls. Lily, a straight-talking girl of the wild west tames wild horses, beats ranch hands at poker, and saves lives with equal ease. 

Both girls, Nitta Sayuri and Lily Casey handle everything Life throws at them with immense courage, determination, composure, and….a smile…

A man with great integrity…

Nadav Lapid, Israeli filmmaker. 

I admire the way he sunmed up and spoke about the film The Kashmir Files. In spite of the huge backlash both from the Indian Film Festival of India and the criticism he received from the Israeli diplomats in India, Lapid did not back down.

Every word he has spoken is from the depths of truth. One sentence that jumped out at me was this:

‘…in countries that are increasingly losing the ability to speak the truth, “someone needs to speak up.”’ And he has spoken up. He has spoken in the context of the Film Festival. 

This article is an absolute must-read…

https://www.telegraphindia.com/india/kashmir-files-row-israel-filmmaker-nadav-lapid-stands-by-his-comments-on-film/cid/1901209

(So very grateful to know that there are some fearless people of great integrity who are not afraid to speak out…who can tell it as it is….who will not hide/ignore or sugarcoat the truth…I had written about Gianni Infantino, who was one such person, and now here is Nadav Lapid).

Lately…

I’ve been thinking a lot about why we women go through crisis points. This applies to all women, regardless of social standing, wealth or the lack of it, super efficient women or winging-it women, working women or stay-at-home women…all categories of women. Comes a time in life when women question themselves, their place in the universe, their place in the home, their place as wife, sister, or any other familial position they hold….indeed, even their place within their own selves. Of course, society does put pressure, both seen and unseen on how women ‘should’ be, how women ‘ought’ to be, how women are ‘expected’ to be. A kind of taken for granted that women combine home with work, with social life, and with all the odds and ends of life that are left around. A subtle but definitive kind of expectation that it is the job of women to make sure that everything runs clockwork, no glitches anywhere, and still look perfect, and behave perfectly….be the gracious, loving, caring, tiptop wife/mother at the end of the day. No room for anger, or feelings of frustration, or gaaahhhhhh moments, with ‘I’m done’ moments not too far away. We may take coffee breaks with our friends, or by ourselves, indulge in retail therapy, or go to the beauty parlour…but how many of us are actually able to disconnect ourselves from the lists of chores that we instinctively make every morning? There isn’t any prioritising for women—everything is a priority because everything has to be done. What starts out as a loving and efficient homemaker ends up as a crabby homemaker with feelings of being taken for granted, and put upon, and feeling as if she is on a treadmill that doesn’t stop. She can have help come in, but it doesn’t ease the feelings of being the home drudge and workhorse. And if she is a working woman, all these feelings end up getting magnified. 

How to have moments of total disconnect? How to have ‘me’ time…real ‘me’ time? How to take time off to reconnect with our core? How to just stop everything and curl up with a book and a glass of wine? How to do what I really want to do without explanations to anyone or most of all, without reasoning it through with myself? 

We know we must not give the strings of our lives to anyone. We must not become slaves to work, housework, or work outside the home. We must be our own people. We must not conform to what is ‘expected’ of women. We must find time for ourselves…. And yet we get so caught up in the whirlwind of everyday life and chores around home and family that we not only put ourselves on the back burner, but we neglect ourselves so completely till one day there is an explosion….

We just have to learn to treat ourselves a little more kindly and lovingly, ensure we are healthy for our own sakes, and in the midst of the turmoil of life, we need to create and fiercely protect our inner haven…

Why does football…

evoke such strong feelings? Something about the game…? Or the mystique that we build up around the players….? And the ferocity with which we defend them…? They don’t even know who we are, scattered all over the world, but for this one month, they belong to us. We cross boundaries, revere flags other than our own country’s, learn up every single detail of the lives of our heroes, open a piggy bank account for the next World Cup……you name it! World over, restaurants serve up menus with the names of football teams, or the countries playing that day, drinks are creatively rechristened, the decor is football-themed, big screens are set up so one doesn’t miss a second…malls look like mini football stadiums… parks are set up with massive screens, along with smaller settings in tents and smaller screens….home routines are worked out around match timings…what a fever….and it carries everyone along - this is the most beautiful part. No borders define us, no economic class separates us, no age limit bars us, no ethnicity colours us….it’s just football, football, football… One season of madness fuels the world. 

I love Messi!!!!!!!!!!

How does one…

even begin to offer words of comfort to a friend… how to look at the blue sky, and the beautiful world when your friend is in pain knowing there isn’t much time left… how to eat all the things the friend and you enjoyed - sharing recipes and tastes… how to deal with the end of life with dignity and courage…???

A must-read….Gianni Infantino….

is clearly Man of the hour.

Each word is a punch…

https://www.telegraphindia.com/amp/sports/football/fifa-boss-gianni-infantino-fights-for-qatar-on-eve-of-cup/cid/1899121

3 mistakes…

we commonly make:

1. Mistake information for knowledge

2. Mistake connections for relationships 

3. Mistake convenience for happiness

1. Mistake information for knowledge - Knowledge involves listening, and knowledge involves the interpretation of information. Our brain is at work processing the information it receives in order to choose and sift so that we can discard the information we do not want and store the information which is meaningful for us.

2. Mistake connections for relationships - A connection is something superficial. It can be made with a click of the mouse on Facebook or Twitter or any of the social network platforms. A connection has no rules, no commitment, no expectation. A connection can be ‘unfollowed’ at any time. A relationship needs commitment, needs time, needs sharing, must be reciprocal, and is multilayered. Since it is an entwining of hearts and minds, breaking a relationship is not easy and involves a great deal of pain and suffering. 

3. Mistake convenience for happiness. Conveniences are bought or arranged to make life comfortable. Soon, we see we need more conveniences, and more perfect conveniences to make life easier and better. The pleasure that conveniences give us is transitory and does not give us either a sense of fulfilment or completeness. There is always something lacking. Happiness, on the other hand is the change that happens to our internal landscape. Our brain, heart, senses are all at work interpreting what we see, hear, and experience. Internally we are learning, absorbing, and making choices in keeping with what we believe will bring us peace and happiness…a feeling of quietness and contentment. Further, life teaches us from a very young age that there is no such thing as perfection. We are a part of the universe, and the universe is ever-changing, ever-evolving, and ever-growing.

Two powerful movies…

Soni and Meel Pathar (Milestone).

Both are beautifully crafted films, directed by Ivan Ayr. Like all sensitive films, these have to be seen at least twice to be understood and fully appreciated. I just loved them. Though they are in a Punjabi-Hindi mix, they are dubbed in English. What I really liked about the films is Ayr’s portrayal of the characters. Just beautiful. Very realistic, but there is nothing demeaning or degrading about the way he has shown the characters. They don’t seem to be acting…it’s as if the actors are really living their roles. The characters come alive and one feels one is right there with them. And I loved this. Lots to learn…

Immigration…

This report shook me out of my ignorance/unawareness:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-62893926.amp

Indians, especially from the North, are desperate to get out of the country. Statistics show a huge increase — from less than 2000 in 2014 to more than 16,000 in 2022. I just cannot get my head around this somehow… Only those who are desperately unhappy will want to leave their own soil. I’m not talking about those who are privileged…they have choices and the option to make choices. They can go where they will. These are the poor…they have no options, no choices in this land to which they belong. What a terrible feeling of desolation they must have…and what kind of a country is this that people of the soil should feel that anywhere is better than here. The worst is that so many of migrants die along the way….they suffer so many frightful situations, not to mention the fear which must be eating into their very soul. They have to cope with loss of money, most often all that they have saved, loss of loved ones along the way, loss of self-respect, and finally the fear of loss of their own lives. And there is the constant unspoken fear of what they will do if and when they are allowed entry into another country, or, in case they are not allowed in, then what…? Bartering everything for a tiny place in the sun… it takes a long time, sometimes generations, for the fear to abate…

While one reason for this choice is economic, most are fleeing their own roots, their own country for something which is absolutely unpardonable—discrimmination. Many have given persecution as their reason to flee this country…persecution because they are Muslims, Christians, ‘low caste’ Hindus, and members of the LGBTQ communities. In any country, and especially a land as diverse as India, there are so many man-made divisions, but, no matter the lines on which these divisions are made, the fact is that all of these are human beings first and last. All differences are merely superficial. And the land they belong to, the soil on which they are born, is for them as much as it is for those who don’t fall into these categories. True, some have more, and some have less, but everyone has something. Most importantly there is the sense of belonging to one land. If that sense of belonging to the land is taken away, then what is left? To start all over in another land is traumatic to say the least, and then to establish themselves no matter how flimsily, demands a price that cannot even begin to be estimated… just too too sad. Unbelievably so. I know it is a foolish thing to ask, maybe even puerile…is there noone responsible for these people? Noone they can turn to or appeal to? 

Don’t just be a bystander…

What is happening in Iran can and will happen in every country in the world. It may take a different form but happen it will. The issue is not just the hijab. It is the question of freedom. The freedom to choose. The freedom to be. Technology has very effectively broken all barriers. How, then, can we remain as islands? Girls-women all over the world are identifying themselves with their sisters-daughters-mothers in Iran. Today it is them. Tomorrow it will be us. The girl child-woman is not willing to be an appendage any more. Our minds, our personalities, our hearts have to be recognised as having an equal place in our world. It is OUR world, not exclusively a man’s world where he has let women live. NO. It is OUR world. We have an equal place in it. 

The one really heartening thing is that men-boys have joined hands with the women-girls in the shout for azaadi, in Iran. And we all will too. We WILL stand by the women of Iran because their fight for azaadi is our fight too. 

The greatest gift that can be given to a human being, the greatest respect that can be shown to a human being, is that of freedom. Each one of us, regardless of any physial differences, has to be given this gift, this respect. In a world where there are no lines of demarcation between countries, we as a people need to stand together, equal and strong and human, to confront human issues of all people, without any differentiation or discrimination.  

Our world is not gender specific. Women should not have to fight for freedom….it is something which should be automatically ours. Women the world over, standing by each other, will be heard. The time for silencing us is over…

In the words of Benjamin Franklin: Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are. 

Bishen Singh Bedi, Intikhab Alam and some jazz…

This is such a beautiful incident I just had to share it. For me, a child of the Partition and born in newly-minted India, Pakistan has a special place in my heart. Sikhs, too, are my absolute favourite people. 

One has only heard of how a game unites people but here, check this out:

https://indianexpress.com/article/sports/cricket/borders-blur-in-kartarpur-as-bedi-intikhab-catch-up-over-some-jazz-8192135/

To say it is amazing is to say less…..love remains through age, through borders, through every man-made obstacle….the passage of time does not diminish the feelings even one tiny bit…

We tend to randomly…

talk about race and ethnicity, trying to put human beings into boxes so that we can better understand them. 

As we know it, race refers to the concept of dividing people into groups on the basis of various sets of physical characteristics. Ethnicity, on the other hand, describes the culture of people in a given geographic region including their language, heritage, religion, and customs. 

In recent years, both of these definitions have been disproved. There is nothing in the genomes of individuals that could be used to separate them along clear racial lines i.e., variations in human experience do not equate to genetic difference. 

Thus, while both are portrayed as ways to understand human diversity, in reality they also wield power as agents of division. The unassailable fact, however, is that these two don’t reflect any scientific truths…

Do the prejudices…

we grew up with remain and calcify as we grow older? This is a question that came up when discussing issues that tend to poke at and periodically trouble our minds, especially when thinking about choices that impact or might impact our lives. I realized that if we are not careful, things we heard when growing up right into adulthood have a way of creeping in and influencing our decisions about our friends, including the choice of our life partner, the educational institutions we choose to go to, our jobs, and the places we choose to work in and live in. Some of these may be useful, some may be pointers, some may be red rags, some may be detrimental, some may be downright stumbling blocks. Very, very necessary, therefore, to examine each one of these prejudices and push them right out of our heads, if necessary, or tweak them if need be. But, difficult as it maybe, and often it is so, we need to do this…it’s imperative we do this for ourselves…

The concept of personal space…

It happens to everyone…we get so immersed in the business of daily living that we become our last priority. Our space becomes the most neglected. And yet, all we need is half an hour to connect with our inner space. This half hour has to be uninterrupted and undisturbed. We need to physically just shut down and enter into our inner sanctum…the space that belongs exclusively to us…This time out has no activity in it…no cramming in exercising or shopping, even if it is for ourself. This time out is to sit and relax or try to sit and relax with a cup of tea, or coffee, or a drink…Choose your own time…use it to review things, or think unfinished thoughts through, or just let the mind wander where it will. Of course there is a lot that pulls and tugs at the mind. And this happens at each stage of our lives. The demands are different, but they are demands nevertheless, and negotiating time away from them is a challenge. But, it is a challenge we have to fight and conquer to save ourselves. It is terrible to grow older with our hearts and mind in pieces, troubled, depressed, stressed out. Growing older is not easy and it would be infinitely more bearable if we grew older with dignity. This can happen only if there is peace in our mind. And this can happen only if we create our own space and spend time in that space every day…

(I learnt a lot of this from Shobha Dés book, Seventy…and to hell with it). 

Out of the mouth of babes…

So much truth in this saying… 

This morning my daughter sent us a msg saying her little 5-year old cannot find a book in her bag, but can spot a Baskin-Robbins in a super crowded mall from a mile away!!! 

Huge lesson here…..we forget the wonder of life as we grow older…we, carelessly, without thinking, allow all the dross, all our cares (imagined or real), hassles, and unhappinesses to crowd out the wonder of life…. Takes a little one to point us in the right direction…. We would do well to heed these pointers coming to us in sweet baby packages… As adults we have an amazing capacity to hang on to stressful people and in stressful environments… why not just look at life through the eyes of a child. No child will ever stay voluntarily with either stressful people or in stressful environments. No child will stay unhappy for long…the child will find her or his own corner, devise her or his make-believe game, or recreate an environment out of her or his head. Even if punished, a child will not stay ‘punished’ for long…the little one goes into her or his world and creates her or his own happiness. They never let the punishment rankle…neither do they hang on to the issue, nor do they wallow in either punishment or unhappiness…

I am 71…

and it is the going on ahead which I am thinking about. Here are some of my thoughts:

We are older and not so agile. There is a lifetime of mental, emotional, and physical wounds to deal with, illnesses to bear, financial constraints to work through and around….But, this is OUR time. Our chores and  responsibilities are over, and now, older and wiser, battered and tired, we are on the last lap….Now is our very own time to do and be just what we want to do and be. OUR TIME…and we need to enjoy this time, celebrate our small achievements, and let go of all regrets, enjoy the things we liked but didn’t have time for, be responsible for ourselves, now that responsibilities for the family are over. It is a time for enjoying our grown children and the grandchildren as they come along, and be of help as and when needed. We need to look at life, not thinking about things to be done, but as gifts to enjoy. When we needed it, we had the energy to do what needed to be done at that time. Now we only need to do what we need to do for now. But, and this is the catch, now, we need to wake up and use all our mental, physical, and hidden inner energies to celebrate and enjoy life as it happens to us now…in these moments of every day…

When we are young…

we go by what our parents teach us, and exhort us to do, and we absorb the intangibles of our home environment. We live our lives the way our parents teach us, and go by all the norms of our family. We have our place in the society our parents belong to. And so, as we grow we add to ourselves, building on the foundations our parents and society have laid for us. 

But, then, as we grow up, and have experiences of our own, our life view changes and then we try to align what we grew up with, with what is happening within us in the present. I think this is where the conflict begins. Some of what we grew up with works in our present context, some may need a little tweaking, but some downright don’t work. We tend to fail to realize that we are different people now….the environment is different, most of our ‘usual’ habits have changed, often even our focus has changed….what’s important and what’s not has changed. The old is still there, but the new overlaps it. Some of us can reconcile the two, but some find it difficult and then, very often, an insistent voice whispers in our ear - but this is not what we are used to…. Or….. this is not how it is supposed to be…. Or…..this is not how we knew it to be done….. and many such incidents which may well stop us in our tracks. This is our growing up experience, and it is not age-specific. We then find a way to work on what is happening to us (‘something not usually what we were used to’), go ahead and do it, and when the outcome is positive, we feel good about ourselves and more confident in our skin. If the outcome is negative, we are still loth to go back to the old ‘usually done/thought’ way, and so try out new methods and forge forward. However, should we flip backwards and go back to the ‘usual’, then, as persons, too, we go back trying to find refuge in the old. And this never ever ever works out. This is when the dangerous words ‘I’ve always thought/done this like this’ become a trap and take us down into the depths of depression. 

This is a life process we all go through. And we need to look out for each other…

As I grow older…

by the day I’m learning the beauty and power of words. Not only words, but the intonations, choice of meaning in words that have more than one meaning, the punctuation…the entire landscape of words that form the pictures of our minds. 

Ludwig Wittgenstein famously said: “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” And language is all about words. The connection language has with music and math becomes so clear. Words, like notes in a piece of music, or numbers in a math problem can be positive, negative, or hurtful (language)/discordant (music)/a mistake (math). 

One never stops learning how best to use words. Language is so alive that it keeps growing and if one is to make sense of this life then one cannot stop learning words. We want to describe to ourselves how we feel, we want others to understand the workings of our mind, we want to share….and all of these need not only words, but the best use of them…

Talking about the minds…

that have impacted the world, in an article I read yesterday, ‘Shared luminosity’, Gopalkrishna Gandhi, has talked about 5 powerful minds that have influenced the world’s thinking: Charles Darwin (1809-1882), Karl Marx (1818-1883), Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1939), and Albert Einstein (1879-1955). Not too far apart, and with some overlapping, these minds have left a legacy we cannot ignore.

I’m mentioning only two of the thoughts Gandhi has written about…..deep thoughts that often trouble us. The first one is relevant in the Ukraine-Russia war which might just spill over to the rest of the world….in fact, it is relevant to every country, as there is some kind of conflict in every corner of the world….it has to do with our humanity—something we tend to forget when looking at those who are seemingly different from us….and yet, in fact, are as human as we are. The second has to do with the power of our minds and how we use that power…

‘Days before he died, Einstein signed, along with Bertrand Russell and nine others (including Linus Pauling and Joliot Curie) the ‘Russell-Einstein Manifesto’ of July 9,1995, which highlighted the dangers posed by nuclear weapons and called upon world leaders to renounce war and seek peaceful resolutions to international conflict. Towards its end, the text ended memorably with the words, “Remember your humanity, forget the rest.”

I do not doubt when Einstein pondered these words, the words from the author of Faust (Goethe) resounded in his mind: We are our devils; we drive ourselves out of our own Edens.”’

The rest of this wonderful article can be found here:

https://www.telegraphindia.com/amp/opinion/shared-luminosity-context-shapes-even-the-most-brilliant-of-minds/cid/1887299

So much is being written…

about the Queen’s passing. But what I am finding increasingly intriguing is how in her passing the Queen has brought the whole reality of colonisation into focus. Quite unwittingly. Historians, thought leaders and influencers are pulling out all kinds of data on colonisation and are analysing how it has affected and impacted on people and, in fact, still does. This one sole lady has, somehow, caused people to reflect on the condition of the world. She did her bit to help deconstruct and dissolve the British Empire, but it is as if a Pandora’s box has been opened with discussions and debates on the British Empire, leading to discourses and debates on other colonising powers….So many man-made and man-created empires pillaged and looted and occupied lands not their own, created so much turmoil in the lives of ordinary people, spread so much fear and grief…. Colonised nations are still trying to rebuild themselves even after years of freedom… Thing is, we are all human beings, all created in God’s image—black, white, yellow, whatever, bright, genius, not-so-bright, challenged, SLGBTQ, of various faiths and denominations…the differences are many…and yet we are all human with all of a human being’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, concerns, fears…This may sound simplistic, but it is the reality—the simple true reality which we are so busy trying to complicate. There has been huge pain in death, holocaust, partition, tortures… Can we not try and put the past behind? Can we not concentrate on the aspects of life of our countries that connect us - music, sport, literature, technology, to mention some… Can we not allow our human-ness and humanity to link us…and look to the future which comes with its own set of problems that need to be solved… that need us to work together….? 

Some people…

are like shooting stars. They appear on the firmanent of our lives, brightening up our own personal universe for a bit, scattering stardust on our quiet moments mundane lives.

Legendary Vietnam War photographer, writer, and counter-culture documenter Tim Page was one such star. An Australian friend and fellow photojournalist, Ben Bohane, described Page as one of the great war photographers as well as a “real humanist.” “He always said it was more important to be a decent human being than a great photographer,” Bohane said. 

One of Page’s famous lines was, “The only good war photograph is an anti-war photograph.”

Page covered the conflicts in Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia during the 1960s and '70s. Later he covered the conflicts in Afghanistan, Solomon Islands, Israel, Bosnia, and East Timor. His images were iconic and featured in top news agencies. 

Page also worked as a freelance photographer for music magzines including Rolling Stone and Crawdaddy from the late 1960s. 

Page wrote a dozen books about his war experiences and music. 

His was not an ordinary life.

I have often wondered what makes people like Page famous? They don’t crave fame….they just live full lives, not trapped…nor allowing themselves to get trapped…in the narrow worlds made by man. Their world has no boundaries and their mind soars unafraid and untrapped by the confines we usually draw for our minds. 

The most beautiful aspect of Page’s life was that he believed in the inherent decency and dignity of man, and he lived this belief…

Some of Tim Page’s quotes:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

They say: Belief is important. I say: No, actions are important. Judge by deed, not by creed. 

The more a man knows, the more willing he is to learn — the less a man knows, the more positive he is that he knows everything. 

I leave you with this question. How many of us will truthfully be able to say what Tim Page says:

Go where you will; commit what crime you may; fall to what depth of degradation you may; you can never commit any crime that will shut my door, my arms, or my heart to you. As long as I live you shall have one sincere friend. 

In the light of my last blog on the importance of detail…

I want to put down here an article I came across by Prasenjit Basu, eminent historian and economist. 

I was troubled by the villification in some quarters of the Queen and realized that what was being said and written had a lot of gaps and falsification. I scoured the net to see where I could get clarity, and found it in this piece:

QE I was a feisty queen of a small island nation (with 1/30th the population of the world’s largest economy at the time, India’s) but gave the royal charter to establish the English East India Company in 1600. England had defected from the mainstream of Christendom during her father’s (Henry VIII’s) reign. The charter for the EICo marked the start of England’s (and Britain’s) global ambitions. 

QEII, on the other hand, was a gentle monarch who presided over the empire’s dissolution. The jewel in her father’s crown, had already gone by the time she ascended the throne, although her uncle Dickie Mountbatten had ensured that Nehru and Gandhi agreed to keep India a dominion—betraying the Congress’s pledge (since 26 January 1930) to accept nothing but Purna Swaraj. The British had no interest in giving India even dominion status at the end of WWII, as was clear in a white paper produced for the British government in May 1945 by the British army Chiefs of Staff. This spoke of steps needed to keep iron control over India and the Indian Ocean area for the next 15 years (until 1960!) regardless of any “constitutional changes” in British India. At Simla in 1945, the British basically offered the Cripps plan rejected rightly by Gandhi in 1942—partial self-rule by Indians, albeit in a Balkanised nation, still supervised by a British viceroy and provincial governors in accordance with the GoI act of 1935, with slight modifications to its federal features. 

It was QEII who was to reign over the dissolution of the rest of her empire. After Suez in 1956 (when the absence of Indian soldiers showed that Britain was a paper tiger in the ‘Middle East’), Pakistan became a republic, Malaysia and Ghana became independent soon afterwards, Iraq threw out its British-puppet monarchy in 1958 and Singapore got self-rule in 1959. African colonies (Kenya, Uganda, Zambia, Nigeria, Tanzania) and Kuwait declared independence in the 1960s, other Arab protectorates (UAE, Qatar, Bahrain) in 1971 (the year Sri Lanka became a republic), and Hong Kong was ‘returned’ in 1997 to China (although its Central island had been given to Britain in perpetuity in 1842). 

The two Elizabethan Ages thus bookended the start and end of the British Empire. 

(Our grouse and hatred is for what the East India Company did to our country and our people, and which British government added to and continued till our independence. The monarch was merely a figurehead with no real powers. And so, as a human being how she impacted on us (or not) is, I feel, important.)

The importance of…

being factually correct in the details of the topic we are writing about, as well as in how we express ourselves. It is easy to read a bit of an article or of any source of knowledge or information, and write on it filling in the blanks the mind throws up with our own expertise and play on words. If questioned, we are able to come up with answers and more words to hide behind, or we deluge the other person with so many words and ideas that the topic itself is lost. How much easier it would be to read, refer the dictionary or thesaurus, and learn more about what is exercising our mind, and then write about it or speak about it. We need to be honest to our intellect, honest to our source of knowledge and information, otherwise we run the danger of not being taken seriously and worse, not knowing anything about anything at all…

Queen Elizabeth…

Deeply saddened by Queen Elizabeth’s passing. We didn’t know her. Indeed she belonged to another universe but her influence was great. She was the one steadying factor through the years. The world experienced - and still continues to experience - the turmoils of war, illness, hatred, divisiveness, and what have you, but somehow this person sitting in faraway England remained a constant. She lived the values that were inculcated in her as she was groomed to rule. Regardless of the love-hate relationship Britain has with the countries of the world, this one lady held the imagination and respect of everyone. Her steady presence was the one sure factor in a world, totally fragmented and pulling in a thousand ways. She struggled too within her own family, in a differently evolving England, in a world rapidly changing for better and worse, and yet never lost her equilibrium on the world stage. 

One needs heroes, and for me, she was one. 

May her soul rest in peace.

A strange but…

very real phenomenon we have here in India is how we manage to ‘Indianize’ everything. No matter from which part of the world the influence is, if we like it, or if we find use in it, we take it in, Indianize it and make that version our very own….!!! For instance, English—-we speak it, but in our own way. We love western wear, but we Indianize it in our own unique distinctive way. In Education, the International Baccalaureate programme, and the International General Certificate of Secondary Education programme are deeply interesting and we want to incorporate them in our schools….so we do this, and then promptly go about Indianizing them….. And Music! Dance! The biggest changes ever have been made in these fields because of the western influence. And so, whether it is planning a buffet, or a getting ready for a plane journey, or choosing the decor for our home, no matter which area of our lives we look at, we set our criteria keeping western standards in mind. But…….they are all very, very, very Indian….. very desi….. and somehow we force the world to accept this…

Dani Blum…

has cleared a huge doubt in my mind. This morning The Telegraph, Calcutta, has an article, ‘Life as we know it’, and Dani Blum clears the confusion between ‘burnout’ and ‘depression’. While both show many similar symptoms, they are different and we would do well to understand this so that we can ask for the help we need. 

Burnout: while we usually connect this with the workplace, increasingly it is being found out by researchers that there is parental burnout, where caregivers feel exhausted all the time. There is also the burnout that’s been brought on by working out of home. After the initial feeling of comfort of working from home, and maybe even increased productivity, people are realizing that because they are working from home, they are tending to put in longer hours. Now, psychologists are warning of burnout happening because workers feel like they don’t have control over their day-to-day lives, often getting bogged down by a thousand little tasks. 

The symptoms of burnout are feelings of depletion, cynicism, resentment, irritability, and ineffectiveness. 

Healthcare workers, workers in the service sector, and those in retail industry, who suffer burnout start to lose empathy.

There are also physical symptoms to deal with—insomnia, headaches, and gastrointestinal issues. 

The World Health Organisation includes burnout in its diagnostic manual as an ‘occupational phenomenon’. 

Depression on the other hand is a clinical diagnosis. Activities, books, and movies, among other things, that a person enjoyed start to seem tedious, and downright hateful. 

While with burnout you don’t have energy for your hobbies, with depression they seem unpleasant and not fun anymore. 

While the initial symptoms of both may seem the same, a person can bounce back from burnout by taking a day off or with small changes in lifestyle, but depression causes people to think they are worthless and life is not worth living. 

We also need to start putting the ‘screen’ be it of the phone, ipad, computer, laptop, or tv, in its rightful place in our lives…give it the importance it needs, but not our lives… periods of quietness away from the light of the screen help regain equilibrium. 

Both issues need help and it would be best for our own sakes to get the help we need and not try to fix these issues ourselves. 

I lost a dear friend to depression, and I would not wish anyone to go through this. I was headed this way when my daughter hauled me out…..

At the slightest hint of fear either from burnout or depression, we need to reach out for help. 

A hideous experience…

18th August, 2022,  we had this experience at the Telephone Exchange junction on L.B. Road, Chennai. My daughter who had come for 5 days had rented a car to take us to Mahabalipuram. At this particular junction, thanks to all the happy noise the family was making, she missed the red light, and we were stopped by the police. There were 3 of them. The older one walked up to the car, saw us, and my daughter, who immediately got out of the car, apologised to him. He told her to be careful and as she turned to get into the car, a second policeman very rudely spoke to her about having jumped the light. She apologised but he kept shouting at her, told her he would cancel her license, and then asked her for her ATM card. My daughter explained she was here just for 5 days and she was sorry this had happened but the man using his raw brute force kept talking to her very rudely enjoying the spectacle of her child crying and all of us stunned by this exchange. ATM card? Crime? The older policeman then told him to let her go. He told her to get into the car but he called another policeman who was standing there, whispered something to him and asked him to go with her to the car. At the car this third policeman who was carrying a portable cash machine asked her for Rs 1200/-. She took it out to give it to him and he asked her to hold it below the machine, which she did. The money was hidden from view. He then slipped the money into his pocket surreptitiously and went away. The strange thing was that none of the policemen were wearing name tags. I get that they had to stop my daughter for having jumped the light but I absolutely fail to understand the horribly rude tone of voice and words that were used, as if she was a criminal and this was a major criminal offense. I also could not understand why her ATM card was being asked for. It was a hideous playback of the Raj days when the natives were bullied by native policemen. 

 

I decided to go on the Net to find out what the responsibilities of police should be. And in this link - https://lawtimesjournal.in/who-is-police-what-are-powers-duties-of-police/  I found these statements:

 

Every police officer shall behave with the members of the public with due courtesy and decorum, particularly so in dealing with senior citizens, women, and children.

 

 

The police should always be courteous and well mannered.

 

 

Integrity of the highest order is the fundamental basis of the prestige of the police. 

 

My family has always admired Tamil Nadu-the culture and ethos. This was a rude awakening to the grim reality of corruption and rudeness among those who are meant to protect the people. 

wish you well…

by David Baldacci is an absolute must read. It is a beautifully and sensitively crafted story. The main character, Miss Louisa Mae Cardinal is someone who has something for all of us. She has become my role model and as I begin the last lap of my journey, she is someone I would love to be like… I have often asked myself what now? How can I handle this part in the best way? What should I do? How should I be? What should I think? It’s Louisa’s approach to life… to every day… to everything that crosses her path… how she approaches the huge responsibilities that fall to her lot at this time of her life when she is in her eighties… lots to learn from this, and if I can be a quarter of the person she was, I would have really LIVED and would be able to end my life in peace…

How difficult it is...

to come to terms with the death of loved friends. I lost two of them in quick succession....before I could come to terms with Madhu's passing, Thomachen went away... Two quirky, brutally honest, totally no-nonsense people - temperament-wise, they were my complete opposite. And yet the love was so strong. They saw me through some of my darkest days and brooked no excuse in my getting back to myself - I had to get back myself totally and completely. No compromises. They believed in me and believed that I could be the best version of myself. There were times when I would break down...from these two there would be a bit of 'Okay cry' but in a short while it would be  - enough, get up and fight back....get yourself back.....They held up mirrors of how I was in my childhood and in College..... and insisted I get back some semblance of that person. Involuntarily I check my mail for one of those long, rambling letters from Thomachen, or my What'sapp msgs for a short, scratchy msg from Madhu.....  I knew and always felt their caring.... The pain is sometimes unbearable....as if someone is trying to cut off all the threads that bind me to this earth. But I have my beloved daughter and granddaughter - they told me more than once and in just so many ways that instead of being strong for these two beloved beings, I was becoming a liability to them and to myself..... Brutal. Honest. and totally loving.....

83...

the film....

I saw this film back to back, and intend seeing it again and again... something about it has gripped me completely. I have always admired Kapil Dev. And Ranveer Singh plays the role beautifully and so authentically. Again, speaking for myself, the movie was a total experience - the making of the film, the cricketers, all that goes on behind the scenes, the expectations of the whole country.... thousands of aspects.... One thing that I realized with a start was the amount of work the manager did behind the scenes and the taunts, money issues, and other travails he had to deal with. This was reinforced when I saw the film Soorma on Sandeep Singh, hockey player. Goodness!! One would imagine the country would go all out to create a good support system to help sports persons.... Also, we don't hear enough of all the sports events the country takes part in, and yet how hard the players work. The hurdles in front of them are tremendous....no/not enough funds, no proper technique, no proper clothes or footwear, nor any of the usual accessories necessary for the game....not even a good enough diet.... Plus they have to get through and over the financial and other difficulties and problems at home. Tack on the societal pressures of their immediate environment. But, it is their children's passion and love of the game that drive parents to give of their 200 percent in any which way they can.....and what is the end goal? To play for India...to wear the India colours....Junoon... And the hope that if they get selected to play for India it will improve the quality of life for their families...no personal egoistic wish.... and so they work...how they work... just their striving and overcoming every block in their way would qualify them as superheroes. What humility and what passion. The coaches don't have any kind of support system to offer a team  - themselves ill-equipped and poorly compensated. These coaches and managers go on and on despite the huge, huge, sometimes Himalayan problems they have to overcome, not to mention the daily societal tensions.....they go on pushing and pushing these players to give more than their 100%. Together coaches, managers, players manifest their complete and total dedication to their sport. They are our superheroes...

Which bring me to the painful realization that for the country it is the politics of it, while for us, the people, it is our solitary dreams and aspirations that spur us onwards through each difficult day.... 

The beauty of tradition…

in the light of the removal of Abide With Me from the Beating Retreat ceremony. 

 

Let me try to put things in perspective. 

 

 

Beating Retreat

Beating Retreat is a military ceremony, dating to 17^th-century England, to recall nearby patrolling units to their castle at sunset. By extension this ceremony was used to end the day’s fighting in a battle. As soon as the buglers sounded the Retreat, troops ceased fighting, and withdrew from the battlefield.

 

In our context, the Beating Retreat ceremony marks the end of the Republic Day festivities, and is on the 3^rdday after Republic Day. 

 

Over the years it has become as occasion for Band displays by the Bands of the Armed Forces. Timeless classics of Western Music, and, of late, typically Indian tunes are played by the highly competent members of the three Bands: the Army, the Navy, and the Air Force. It is a beautifully crafted ceremony with a gorgeous backdrop of decorated camels against the North and South Blocks. Beating Retreat is always at sunset, making the ceremony very impressive and moving. 

 

In the particular context of our country, the Beating Retreat ceremony was started in the early 1950s when Queen Elizabeth ll and Prince Philip visited an independent India. Jawaharlal Nehru, our Prime Minister at that time, asked Major G.A. Roberts, an officer in the Grenadiers, to do something spectacular for the royal visit. Major Roberts conceived the Beating Retreat ceremony. It was to be a display by the massed bands of the Army, Air Force, and Navy bands. Over the years these bands have developed an eclectic repertoire and a variety of marching formations and displays. 

 

Tradition

Tradition is the handing down of customs, or beliefs, from one generation to another. Tradition reinforces values we hold dear. Tradition also provides a forum to showcase and celebrate customs that are important to us. 

 

The Beating Retreat ceremony is a gorgeous symphony of music, discipline, and colour. It is not a colonial hangover, but it has taken the best from the various cultures of the world and knitted them into a uniquely Indian ceremony. Every year new tunes are added, new displays worked out. The drum sets are modified for increased effect. The tradition is enriched every year as it moves from one generation to the next. Every tune and every display comes together as one composite whole. This ceremony showcases the virtuosity of the men in uniform. While accompanying the March Past, of course, typically marching music is played. The end of this ceremony has always been the hymn Abide with Me. This is a beautiful hymn and it was one of Gandhiji’s favourite hymns. The playing of Abide with Me is a musical tribute to the Father of our Nation, and along with this, the playing of Sare Jahan se Achcha is a tribute to our beloved country. 

 

In Lawrence, Lovedale, I remember as if it was but yesterday, how hard the boys and girls in their respective bands practised for the Beating Retreat ceremony. Every free moment went into rushing to the Band Room and taking their instrument to secluded places around the Band Room to practice. And then, when they all came together, it was another round of intense practice. As the last day approached, their instruments and uniforms literally shone. What pride there was in the way they played and conducted all the exercises. The end of the ceremony was marked with Lawrencia. There was not a dry eye in the stands. Lawrencia was our tribute to Sir Henry Lawrence and our beloved school. 

 

 

Can you imagine a world…

without Birju Maharaj?

Unthinkable. 

I’m not a dancer, nor do I know much about the world of Indian Music and Dance. But these people - Ustad Vilayat Khan Saheb, Ustad Rais Khan Saheb, Ustad Ali Akbar Saheb, and Ustad Bismillah Khan Saheb…and now Pandit Birju Maharaj have gone leaving a huge void…. Through their music and dance, through all the nuances they brought to their art, they created a world of beauty and elegance, refinement and gracefulness. This is forever lost. Worse, the world of culture seems orphaned….. 

However, they have left behind a lasting legacy and we can still draw from them, thereby enriching our lives. That need not ever end…

Music for my soul…

Have been listening to the most amazing music. 

Farida Khanum Begum Sahiba must be in her 80s and still the same charm…and what a voice. Aaj jaane ki zid…..

Also heard a beautiful number by Abida Parveen & Naseebo Lal—Tu jhoom.

& lastly, Ghungroo toot gaye by Ustad Rais Khan Saheb. His sons Farhan and Suhail also sing this…..Both versions go straight to the heart…..

We listen to so many kinds of music. However, there are times when you happen to play just that music that your soul requires. And the thoughts and changes that this brings about rejigs and re-calibrates the course of life, as it were….

Two films…

that have affected me deeply are Lion and Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui. Both very powerful in their own way. 

Lion exposes a terribly unsavoury side of our country when the story line follows the plight of a small boy, 5 years old, who gets lost. It moves on to little Seroo’s adoption by an Australian couple who live in idyllic Hobart, Tasmania. 25 years later he tracks down his family with Google Earth, based on images that were engraved in his 5-year-old mind. 

Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui, deals with deep questions that refuse to be kept under wraps anymore…. A typical punjabi  munda falls in love with a girl who reveals that she is a transgender girl. The tensions of social pressure and family pressures are exposed. Further, the boy’s father, a widower, falls in love with a Muslim girl, revealing the underlying apprehensions and fears of an inter-religious relationship. In the end sanity prevails and there are happy endings all around but this film was an eye opener. These delicate issues have to be dealt with. The time for hiding these or pretending they don’t exist is over. It’s high time the underlying hypocrisy of civil society was exposed. I’m so glad and grateful that Abhishek Kapoor and his team, Supratik Sen and his team, and Bhushan Kumar and his team dealt with these issues in a refined and easy-to-understand way so that everyone can understand and therefore accept. Ayushmann Khurrana and Vaani Kapoor did full justice to their roles.

Don’t miss these films. 

Why should a place of worship be closed….?

 I felt the need to go to St.Paul’s Cathedral this morning. I felt the need for solace…. Went all the way there - from my home it is quite an expedition - only to find the gate closed. The guard at the gate said the Church was closed on account of the virus. 

When I went on the 24th of December, I paid an entry fee and a parking fee. Went inside and saw that all the pews had been cordoned off…because of the virus. So all of us who had gone inside to pray/see the Church/spend a little quiet time/meditate were milling around in the aisle. I asked the lady who was in charge of the gardeners who were decorating the pews if I could sit awhile, and she said noone was being allowed to sit. 

I wonder what Jesus would have said. He never turned anyone away. People mobbed him wherever He went….whether they went to Him for healing, or to listen to Him talk, or just to be in His blessed presence…. A house built in His blessed name had no place for all of us who went just to be in His presence. 

Silence…

The single most important skill one must, absolutely must cultivate and learn is to be silent. To be still is the natural corollary. In the face of the harshest words, the most testing of times, if one can lesrn to will oneself into being still and silent, a lot of the hurt goes away. Life is never going to be how we want it to be. There is never going to be a time when everything goes the way you want. There is never going to be a situation when everyone agrees with you. Never. One has to either cocoon oneself against the world, or learn to be still and silent when things go awry. For me, it is a kind of disturbance that happens inside my heart and mind. Pulling myself back and forcing myself to be still till the heartbeat slows down again has been, and still often is, the biggest challenge. To let harsh words, careless words, painful deeds just flow through and flow out is what we really need to learn. Sometimes, it is just random words or thoughts that cause the disturbance. Quieten down. And force yourself to be still both physically and mentally. Be silent. And see how calm and clear you feel…

The Universe…

 is more resilient than we think. 

These wonderfully reassuring words were told to me by my cousin. It, therefore, stands to reason that every living being who makes up the Universe is also more resilient than we tend to believe. The best takeaway from these very difficult days is that we have had to pause and give thought to ourselves, and our world as we have made it today. We need to cherish ourselves, rework the pattern of our lives, be more compassionate and kind, and show more respect to Life. And so, there is no need to just give up, or buckle under. We will make it through. 

Some thoughts from Anne Lamott…

 The point is not to try harder but to resist less.

Grace finds us exactly where we are but does not leave us where it found us.

When we cast our bread upon the water, maybe its return is not the blessing, the casting, the faithful process, and participation is.

…..have to get back to participating in Life, engaging with Life……..

Victim of the virus…

 Last year went by so painfully—-deaths, illness….so much grief and pain…and unbelievable suffering. I too fell victim. It is the most lonely kind of illness, as you struggle to breathe, struggle to get some food down, struggle to move… And the fear is almost paralysing. The worst is that this affects the mind. Blankouts, the feeling of sinking, too tired to take the next breath, the pulling backwards when you want to go forwards…. Months on, I am still trying to get my mind back. Having come close to death, it is not fear of death, it is the fear of living. 

On the other side of this darkness is the light of gratitude. The deep gratefulness of being able to see my daughter and granddaughter. The joy in holding them and touching them. The gratefulness of seeing the sunshine come in through the window, the blue sky, the boundless ocean, the plants…..and hearing every day sounds of children’s laughter, people talking, cars honking…. The deep gratitude of being alive. The darkness tries to pull me back but the light drags me on. I cannot give up. There is a whole new life ahead and i mean to live it.