we go by what our parents teach us, and exhort us to do, and we absorb the intangibles of our home environment. We live our lives the way our parents teach us, and go by all the norms of our family. We have our place in the society our parents belong to. And so, as we grow we add to ourselves, building on the foundations our parents and society have laid for us.
But, then, as we grow up, and have experiences of our own, our life view changes and then we try to align what we grew up with, with what is happening within us in the present. I think this is where the conflict begins. Some of what we grew up with works in our present context, some may need a little tweaking, but some downright don’t work. We tend to fail to realize that we are different people now….the environment is different, most of our ‘usual’ habits have changed, often even our focus has changed….what’s important and what’s not has changed. The old is still there, but the new overlaps it. Some of us can reconcile the two, but some find it difficult and then, very often, an insistent voice whispers in our ear - but this is not what we are used to…. Or….. this is not how it is supposed to be…. Or…..this is not how we knew it to be done….. and many such incidents which may well stop us in our tracks. This is our growing up experience, and it is not age-specific. We then find a way to work on what is happening to us (‘something not usually what we were used to’), go ahead and do it, and when the outcome is positive, we feel good about ourselves and more confident in our skin. If the outcome is negative, we are still loth to go back to the old ‘usually done/thought’ way, and so try out new methods and forge forward. However, should we flip backwards and go back to the ‘usual’, then, as persons, too, we go back trying to find refuge in the old. And this never ever ever works out. This is when the dangerous words ‘I’ve always thought/done this like this’ become a trap and take us down into the depths of depression.
This is a life process we all go through. And we need to look out for each other…