the big issue that is bothering me is how we treat our old...do we afford them the dignity they deserve?
Or,
Do we treat them shabbily and carelessly knowing they will never be able to hit back, and even if they are hurting desperately, their dependence on us will stop them from opening their mouth.
Do we treat them caringly and with respect, knowing that they have been strong and independent in their time, or do we crush them whenever we can?
Do we treat them as the older part of us, or do we make them feel as if they are redundant and as such, they really have no place in our present?
This morning, I saw this very elderly couple walking down the lane near my home. The lady kept looking down at her sari and smoothing it - it was obvious that her sari had not been starched and ironed, or even just ironed...she was wanting to look good, but how could she in this un-ironed and rather crushed sari? I was devastated by the look on her face - kind of ashamed to be seen in this crushed sari-I don't normally dress this way; kind of feeling like a sub-person-I know my body looks old, but my heart is still young and full of all kinds of feelings, and my head is buzzing with all kinds of things I'd like to share; kind of feeling - no don't blame my children they have enough on their plate........though it would be nice to sit and chat over a cup of coffee or a drink.....after all I do know how your heart ticks; kind of trying to be brave.....So obviously dependent on her children, and so obviously made to feel like a burden or headache or your-time-has-gone-now-it's-ours....It's worse when they send out the feeling - what does it matter how you look? Who's looking at you anyway?
How little it would take to insist that your mother wear a nice sari, or the old parents share tea time and are included in the family 'rap' time every day. With just a little effort and care....a little thoughtfulness, we would not let our old feel unwanted and unloved.....instead we would do wonders for their feeling of self-worth.....for after all, they have little else...
True, our old have had their time, but our present wouldn't have been possible without them. When their time is over, they know they are not in a position to ask for anything.......and this is the time when they need all our love and caring and our support - monetarily, so that they don't have the feeling of utter dependence - their dignity is preserved; psychologically, so that they feel good about themselves - that they have played their role in shaping our today; and emotionally, so that they know that they have not been abandoned - their place in our hearts is intact.
One day, we will be where they are at now...