about dealing with the pain and suffering of the past...
Look at it - no matter how painful it is - look at it one last time, dwell in it and on it one last time, and then leave it.....if we spend time in regret - that all these years have gone and what have they brought? only sorrow and pain and suffering...there was so much i could have done.....so much that i could have enjoyed....so much time wasted on ___ and ___ such a long way that i could have travelled...These re-visitings of the past and dwelling on the what-might-have-beens only sap the energy of the present. We cannot - no one can - bring back even one moment of the past...not even one breath....but we are allowing those thoughts to poison this breath that we are taking right now...and in poisoning the present we are sapping ourselves of the energy to deal with the breaths still to come.
Remember that the past happened for a reason - there were lessons there to be learnt, and since you were not learning them, Life forced you, through painful processes, to learn them. Life wanted you to change the way you think....But Life never intended for you to remain there.....Life is a river, and like a river flows over rocks and boulders, sometimes flowing over them, sometimes under them, sometimes around them...it goes on.....If you are having difficulty in letting go of the past, then just picture that you are stuck at one of the boulders and as Life moves on, you are going to get hit by every wave that comes....so get out of the way and get back into the main stream of Life.
Another thing that possibly prevents you from leaving the past is the blame....You took your decisions based on how the circumstances of the moment presented themselves to you, and your own limited, faulty thinking and knowledge...you can pinpoint events and blame this one and the other one - sometimes the blame is towards loved ones, sometimes towards others, and more often than not it's directed at yourself - when you decide to leave the past, you have to leave the blame too in that past.....leave everything connected to that past....imagine that it is a country that you are leaving behind and moving to another. You have lived there, you know it well, you also know that while you can sort of survive there, you cannot really live there or make a living there - and so now it's time to move on - with no baggage at all - not even hand luggage...just with the clothes you have bought in the present with the money you earned in the present....
Release every moment in its totality as soon as the next moment comes....
30 August 2013
28 August 2013
We, so often...
cannot understand the actions of our parents vis-à-vis us...
The decisions they may take for us...or their suggestions for a course of action...
Their words of caution, or reprimand, or advice...
Indeed there are times when we feel angry and irritated, and maybe even rebel at what we think is their cramping of our style
We just don't seem to get that at the bottom is their love or maybe fear for us...maybe it is because they can't bear to think we may suffer in some way or other...
I guess what we have to figure out as parents of our children and children of our parents, is a kind of via media...reconcile with what we can and should do, and leave the rest to the power of love...
The decisions they may take for us...or their suggestions for a course of action...
Their words of caution, or reprimand, or advice...
Indeed there are times when we feel angry and irritated, and maybe even rebel at what we think is their cramping of our style
We just don't seem to get that at the bottom is their love or maybe fear for us...maybe it is because they can't bear to think we may suffer in some way or other...
I guess what we have to figure out as parents of our children and children of our parents, is a kind of via media...reconcile with what we can and should do, and leave the rest to the power of love...
27 August 2013
Do you really...
want to live your own life your way?
Then start tapping into the wells of courage you have....
That's the thing...all of us have these wells of courage inside of us which we don't know about - if we can start off by believing that these wells of courage are part of us, part of our 'default mode', then next step is to start drawing on it.....start drawing on it, and see how it comes up....wells up inside of us.....and nothing then seems to difficult to do or handle or deal with....
Then start tapping into the wells of courage you have....
That's the thing...all of us have these wells of courage inside of us which we don't know about - if we can start off by believing that these wells of courage are part of us, part of our 'default mode', then next step is to start drawing on it.....start drawing on it, and see how it comes up....wells up inside of us.....and nothing then seems to difficult to do or handle or deal with....
22 August 2013
I want to clear up...
a misunderstanding that might have popped up from my last blog...
When I said that we need to make a list of all the things we can do without, it had nothing - absolutely nothing - to do with the economic recession we are going through...The free fall of the rupee has a lot of people gasping..but actually it needn't....simply because there are a whole lot of things in our life that are really not important to our happiness....
We get so used to every whim being catered to, every desire fulfilled, every wish made true, that we leave no space for our own real selves to find happiness...and believe me, you don't really need much to be happy...
So just see what is really important and you'll be surprised....
A memory comes to mind. I could never afford expensive toys or for that matter any toys for my DD - so I read this about how one could make whole doll's house sets with empty match boxes glued together, colouring some and sticking colored paper on others....so I started collecting match boxes, and with her tiny hands helping me, we made all kinds of things....We had this huge box which used to help us whenever we moved ('cos we could pack in a lot into it)...she kept all these little match box things we made on top of that box, perched herself up or leaned on it....and she could spend hours playing with those....just hours....and she was as happy as could be...
So, we don't really need much - whether we can afford it or not - but we need to know what is important to us...and what is important comes out of searching our mind and heart.....
When I said that we need to make a list of all the things we can do without, it had nothing - absolutely nothing - to do with the economic recession we are going through...The free fall of the rupee has a lot of people gasping..but actually it needn't....simply because there are a whole lot of things in our life that are really not important to our happiness....
We get so used to every whim being catered to, every desire fulfilled, every wish made true, that we leave no space for our own real selves to find happiness...and believe me, you don't really need much to be happy...
So just see what is really important and you'll be surprised....
A memory comes to mind. I could never afford expensive toys or for that matter any toys for my DD - so I read this about how one could make whole doll's house sets with empty match boxes glued together, colouring some and sticking colored paper on others....so I started collecting match boxes, and with her tiny hands helping me, we made all kinds of things....We had this huge box which used to help us whenever we moved ('cos we could pack in a lot into it)...she kept all these little match box things we made on top of that box, perched herself up or leaned on it....and she could spend hours playing with those....just hours....and she was as happy as could be...
So, we don't really need much - whether we can afford it or not - but we need to know what is important to us...and what is important comes out of searching our mind and heart.....
Make a list...
of all the things you can do without...
You'll be surprised....
Keep that list and keep adding to it, and you'll soon totally, totally unclutter your life...
The feeling of freedom this affords is like nothing you've ever felt...and it's priceless...
You'll be surprised....
Keep that list and keep adding to it, and you'll soon totally, totally unclutter your life...
The feeling of freedom this affords is like nothing you've ever felt...and it's priceless...
21 August 2013
There's an important difference...
between giving up and letting go.
- Jessica Hatchigan
Giving up is defeatist.....letting go involves a great deal of courage...
- Jessica Hatchigan
Giving up is defeatist.....letting go involves a great deal of courage...
19 August 2013
I got...
two very important takeaways from Khaled Hosseini's 'And the Mountains Echoed'...
There is a character in the story - Thalia - who as a child had the lower part of the left side of her face bitten off by a dog. She drapes a mask over the lower part of her face. Her own mother cannot handle the situation, and eventually leaves her with her best friend, a no-nonsense, good person, Odie, a schoolteacher who lives with her son, Markos. Odie tells Thalia that she was not ashamed of her so Thalia could take off her mask if she wanted to - which eventually she does...not an easy thing to do. With Odie at her back and beside her, she braves it out...all the stares and gasps and comments.....and begins a new chapter in her life. Later, when Markos becomes a plastic surgeon and tells Thalia, who by now is like a sister to him, that he will fix her face, she refuses.
My takeaways from this episode:
One is about Markos deciding on plastic surgery as his field of specialization. He learned 'the world didn't see the inside of you, it didn't care a whit about the hopes and dreams, and sorrows, that lay masked by skin and bone. It was as simple, as absurd, and as cruel as that.' And he sets out to right this for people.
And the other is what Thalia says when she refuses Markos' offer to reconstruct her face. She says: "This is who I am." She says it with full acceptance - no self-pity, or self-sympathy---Just a definite acceptance taking shape slowly over the years slowly but surely molding itself into an identity...her own identity...an identity that she has created for herself and of which she is not ashamed...thus leading her own life to its fullest...
We do tend to limit ourselves to what we look like on the outside without taking the time or the effort or the trouble to fix the inside...Of course the outside is important, but not without the wholly-healed-and-fixed-and right inside...
There is a character in the story - Thalia - who as a child had the lower part of the left side of her face bitten off by a dog. She drapes a mask over the lower part of her face. Her own mother cannot handle the situation, and eventually leaves her with her best friend, a no-nonsense, good person, Odie, a schoolteacher who lives with her son, Markos. Odie tells Thalia that she was not ashamed of her so Thalia could take off her mask if she wanted to - which eventually she does...not an easy thing to do. With Odie at her back and beside her, she braves it out...all the stares and gasps and comments.....and begins a new chapter in her life. Later, when Markos becomes a plastic surgeon and tells Thalia, who by now is like a sister to him, that he will fix her face, she refuses.
My takeaways from this episode:
One is about Markos deciding on plastic surgery as his field of specialization. He learned 'the world didn't see the inside of you, it didn't care a whit about the hopes and dreams, and sorrows, that lay masked by skin and bone. It was as simple, as absurd, and as cruel as that.' And he sets out to right this for people.
And the other is what Thalia says when she refuses Markos' offer to reconstruct her face. She says: "This is who I am." She says it with full acceptance - no self-pity, or self-sympathy---Just a definite acceptance taking shape slowly over the years slowly but surely molding itself into an identity...her own identity...an identity that she has created for herself and of which she is not ashamed...thus leading her own life to its fullest...
We do tend to limit ourselves to what we look like on the outside without taking the time or the effort or the trouble to fix the inside...Of course the outside is important, but not without the wholly-healed-and-fixed-and right inside...
The beautiful white kachnar...
Harsh hands pluck her, yanking her out of her gentle green home
As an offering to the gods...
17 August 2013
We know we cannot ignore...
the hurt we feel when we look back at what has hurt us and maybe even almost destroyed us...and we work and work hard to dealing with this...
Nor, equally, can we ignore the hurt we feel when we look back at happy memories....These need to be faced too - head on. We have to get a grip on their meaning if we are to experience the fullness of life.
And when Life thinks you are ready, believe me, God sends the right person to help. The only thing is that you have to allow yourself to open up to the pain...
I had solidly kept the door on the happy memories of my growing up years in Leonard, closed. I never thought that I'd be able to handle the happiness of those years....and of who I was...my carefree life with my parents and brother.....I guess the good Lord felt, in His wisdom that I was ready to open that door, and he sent a very gentle soul - one of my Dad's students - to do that....I'm still dealing with the pain but I know that this was needed. The time was right....you can never fault God's timing...nor deny the strength you feel - the strength He pours into you...
I realize that the development of an independent spirit hinges on being able to face and deal with hurt - hurt of pain and hurt of happiness...
Nor, equally, can we ignore the hurt we feel when we look back at happy memories....These need to be faced too - head on. We have to get a grip on their meaning if we are to experience the fullness of life.
And when Life thinks you are ready, believe me, God sends the right person to help. The only thing is that you have to allow yourself to open up to the pain...
I had solidly kept the door on the happy memories of my growing up years in Leonard, closed. I never thought that I'd be able to handle the happiness of those years....and of who I was...my carefree life with my parents and brother.....I guess the good Lord felt, in His wisdom that I was ready to open that door, and he sent a very gentle soul - one of my Dad's students - to do that....I'm still dealing with the pain but I know that this was needed. The time was right....you can never fault God's timing...nor deny the strength you feel - the strength He pours into you...
I realize that the development of an independent spirit hinges on being able to face and deal with hurt - hurt of pain and hurt of happiness...
16 August 2013
Words are so inadequate...
when up against grief...
There are many things one can call to mind: God will not test us beyond our strength; He knows the flight path of every bird and life span of every flower; He knows what we have need of and never fails us....true, absolutely and a hundred percent true....but we also need to give a thought to our part - how can we help, what can we do....form a support group for a woman going through a messy divorce; help a single mother with baby sitting or grocery shopping or getting her a movie to watch or a book to read, helping her get a little time to herself; reach out to say that you are just a call away; send flowers or a plant; give a hug giving her the reassurance that she is not alone....There are so many ways you can show your solidarity besides just mouthing words....Never give suggestions that you cannot do yourself or that you cannot help out with or that you cannot follow through....never....just hold her hand and say you're around to help out with what she may want to do - and do it, even if to you it may not seem the very right path ------ it takes a long time to get a grip on grief before even beginning to work out how to cope with it...and that is where you need to show that you are there.....
Reminds me of the time we were driving through the night after my mother passed on, taking her to the house she went to as a bride, so that she could say her final good bye from there.....it was a difficult thing to do but my brother didn't fail her last wishes...My DD was with me - she was sitting on the back seat where I could see her....Throughout the night....throughout....whenever I turned my head to reassure myself that she was there, I saw her looking at me......my DD never closed her eyes for a moment nor did she take her eyes off me....she was at my elbow - a quiet loving steady presence.....my lifeline....that was what helped me even begin the process of getting a grip over my grief...
That is what we need to do......quietly be there for anyone who may need us. Of course God is there, but we have to do our bit too here on earth...
There are many things one can call to mind: God will not test us beyond our strength; He knows the flight path of every bird and life span of every flower; He knows what we have need of and never fails us....true, absolutely and a hundred percent true....but we also need to give a thought to our part - how can we help, what can we do....form a support group for a woman going through a messy divorce; help a single mother with baby sitting or grocery shopping or getting her a movie to watch or a book to read, helping her get a little time to herself; reach out to say that you are just a call away; send flowers or a plant; give a hug giving her the reassurance that she is not alone....There are so many ways you can show your solidarity besides just mouthing words....Never give suggestions that you cannot do yourself or that you cannot help out with or that you cannot follow through....never....just hold her hand and say you're around to help out with what she may want to do - and do it, even if to you it may not seem the very right path ------ it takes a long time to get a grip on grief before even beginning to work out how to cope with it...and that is where you need to show that you are there.....
Reminds me of the time we were driving through the night after my mother passed on, taking her to the house she went to as a bride, so that she could say her final good bye from there.....it was a difficult thing to do but my brother didn't fail her last wishes...My DD was with me - she was sitting on the back seat where I could see her....Throughout the night....throughout....whenever I turned my head to reassure myself that she was there, I saw her looking at me......my DD never closed her eyes for a moment nor did she take her eyes off me....she was at my elbow - a quiet loving steady presence.....my lifeline....that was what helped me even begin the process of getting a grip over my grief...
That is what we need to do......quietly be there for anyone who may need us. Of course God is there, but we have to do our bit too here on earth...
How many times we have heard these words...
Create yourself anew every day...
The thing is that even as we hear these words and maybe even use them for ourselves and others, what we fail to realize, very often, is that this is a task one has to do consciously....it doesn't just happen....it requires,
First, a belief that if we change our life will be richer
Then make a roadmap, where, first is the struggle to actually make the map and then, to put in additions and make adjustments to suit the particular stage of life we are at (and that is an extra bit of effort too, for realizing, adjusting to and getting used to the different stages of life we are at is in itself a task...and like all tasks it needs to be faced squarely)
And then work on it every single day. Mark the words - work on it - for this is hard work and it IS possible only if we believe that our lives are going to be richer at the end of the hard work; if we believe in what we are doing and how we are going about doing what we have to, to get to the point of leading a fuller, better and richer life...
15 August 2013
Fragrance...
is the pleasant, even sweet, smell that lingers in the air after an action is over...
When you go to a restaurant to eat, often you will not remember what you ate, but how you felt...are you carrying away a bouquet of a totally good experience or is the lingering smell one that you would not want to experience again...
When you meet someone you will not remember what she/he wore, often you won't even remember their features, and you will certainly not remember the mundane, usual criteria of where they live/work/status in society (a figment of people's imagination anyway)....but something about them stays with you...if you've clicked, the fragrance is a pleasant one, and if the meeting has in any way been abrasive, then that is the odor that lingers...
When you visit a place, for instance the hills, maybe you won't be able to retain the picture in your mind, but how you felt in the presence of the magnificence of nature will surely remain with you, ever after offering solace and comfort and a beautiful feeling...
When you do something you really like to do...it could be anything....that warm feeling lingers long, long afterwards...the fragrance stays with you....
So then what kind of fragrance should you leave.....be pleasant, polite, and interested in everyone and everything for everyone and everything crosses your path for a reason....
(if the interaction with and about the everyone and everything is good, it will leave a fragrance in your heart, and if it isn't, then you can learn your lesson and move on...)
When you go to a restaurant to eat, often you will not remember what you ate, but how you felt...are you carrying away a bouquet of a totally good experience or is the lingering smell one that you would not want to experience again...
When you meet someone you will not remember what she/he wore, often you won't even remember their features, and you will certainly not remember the mundane, usual criteria of where they live/work/status in society (a figment of people's imagination anyway)....but something about them stays with you...if you've clicked, the fragrance is a pleasant one, and if the meeting has in any way been abrasive, then that is the odor that lingers...
When you visit a place, for instance the hills, maybe you won't be able to retain the picture in your mind, but how you felt in the presence of the magnificence of nature will surely remain with you, ever after offering solace and comfort and a beautiful feeling...
When you do something you really like to do...it could be anything....that warm feeling lingers long, long afterwards...the fragrance stays with you....
So then what kind of fragrance should you leave.....be pleasant, polite, and interested in everyone and everything for everyone and everything crosses your path for a reason....
(if the interaction with and about the everyone and everything is good, it will leave a fragrance in your heart, and if it isn't, then you can learn your lesson and move on...)
09 August 2013
Had to link you with this...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-macy-stafford/the-day-i-stopped-saying-hurry-up_b_3624798.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular
and the key thought here is:
Living at a slower pace takes a concerted effort...
It is not easy to slow down - but it is the only way to LIVE...
and the key thought here is:
Living at a slower pace takes a concerted effort...
It is not easy to slow down - but it is the only way to LIVE...
Sharing...
a piece I've written....
Work and Leisure: What is Your Orientation?
You'll find it here: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/work-and-leisure-what-is-your-orientation.html
Work and Leisure: What is Your Orientation?
You'll find it here: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/work-and-leisure-what-is-your-orientation.html
06 August 2013
Check your to-do-today list with...
this one.....
It's a compilation of different tasks I got from the net. Of course we have to add on as we go on.....just be careful it matches the general idea...
1. Carry a notebook everywhere....and get a pretty notebook
2. Get away from the computer if you spend too much time at it, and if you aren't computer savvy, make sure you know the basics for it is your window to a world of information
3. Quit beating yourself up
4. Do small special things just for yourself
5. Light candles and incense.....and have soft music all day
6. Drink coffee and have a glass of wine or your favorite drink every day
7. Sing, even if it's off-key
8. Be open....and don't be afraid to be open
9. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.....people who add to life, who are a pleasure to be with, and walk away from those whose presence is disturbing
10. Meditate, as in, just sit quietly and let the mind empty itself.....enjoy solitude
11. Work towards being the person you always wanted to be
12. Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up
13. Exercise...include yoga
14. Allow yourself to make mistakes
15. Have a garden if you can, or at least a couple of pots of plants....tending plants is uplifting
16. Count your blessings every day
17. Get lots of rest
18. Adopt the Chinese saying: "When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other."
19. Break the rules
22. Don't force anything...do things at your pace
20. Read a little every day, and try to fit in a crossword puzzle
21. Create a loose framework for the day with lots of spaces between your tasks
22. DEFINITELY stop trying to be someone else's 'Perfect'
23. Clean your workplace.....or your favorite corner and make it Zen
24. Have fun...glitter up life
25. Do some kind of craft work, which would include sewing, knitting, crocheting....or if you can draw or paint, do that
It's a compilation of different tasks I got from the net. Of course we have to add on as we go on.....just be careful it matches the general idea...
1. Carry a notebook everywhere....and get a pretty notebook
2. Get away from the computer if you spend too much time at it, and if you aren't computer savvy, make sure you know the basics for it is your window to a world of information
3. Quit beating yourself up
4. Do small special things just for yourself
5. Light candles and incense.....and have soft music all day
6. Drink coffee and have a glass of wine or your favorite drink every day
7. Sing, even if it's off-key
8. Be open....and don't be afraid to be open
9. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.....people who add to life, who are a pleasure to be with, and walk away from those whose presence is disturbing
10. Meditate, as in, just sit quietly and let the mind empty itself.....enjoy solitude
11. Work towards being the person you always wanted to be
12. Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up Don't give up
13. Exercise...include yoga
14. Allow yourself to make mistakes
15. Have a garden if you can, or at least a couple of pots of plants....tending plants is uplifting
16. Count your blessings every day
17. Get lots of rest
18. Adopt the Chinese saying: "When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other."
19. Break the rules
22. Don't force anything...do things at your pace
20. Read a little every day, and try to fit in a crossword puzzle
21. Create a loose framework for the day with lots of spaces between your tasks
22. DEFINITELY stop trying to be someone else's 'Perfect'
23. Clean your workplace.....or your favorite corner and make it Zen
24. Have fun...glitter up life
25. Do some kind of craft work, which would include sewing, knitting, crocheting....or if you can draw or paint, do that
05 August 2013
Have you noticed...
that the only time you really hit back is when someone gets to your core...touches a raw nerve or hits where it hurts.... This is also the only time when you feel real rage and a kind of anger-mixed-with-pain-and-hurt-and-humiliation.
You hit back because you feel threatened...you are vulnerable and don't have the tools to attack or foil the attack, and you feel as if your very existence is being called into question.... All that you hold dear, what you believe in, your ideas, everything that you stand for is being trashed out of hand, and your very person is in danger...imperiled as it were...
At this time it is very difficult to do what the wise tell us - 'you know who you are....don't let words - any kind of words, from anyone - question that'....but since we feel as if we've been 'felled' we crumble.
Since this deals with our core and we are allowing the negatives that we hear to get to us, we therefore need to keep letting ourselves hear good things too..tell ourselves that we have the divine spark in us..that is, we have to love ourselves and make allowances for our shortcomings, forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and praise ourselves for the good things we do.... The rider here is that we have to do this all the time for ourselves, so that it becomes a strong enough force to foil the power with which the negatives attack us...kind of like a shield which deflects the arrows shot at us so that they don't pierce us...
At the end of the day, you are left with only you...and you are responsible for that 'you'...
You hit back because you feel threatened...you are vulnerable and don't have the tools to attack or foil the attack, and you feel as if your very existence is being called into question.... All that you hold dear, what you believe in, your ideas, everything that you stand for is being trashed out of hand, and your very person is in danger...imperiled as it were...
At this time it is very difficult to do what the wise tell us - 'you know who you are....don't let words - any kind of words, from anyone - question that'....but since we feel as if we've been 'felled' we crumble.
Since this deals with our core and we are allowing the negatives that we hear to get to us, we therefore need to keep letting ourselves hear good things too..tell ourselves that we have the divine spark in us..that is, we have to love ourselves and make allowances for our shortcomings, forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and praise ourselves for the good things we do.... The rider here is that we have to do this all the time for ourselves, so that it becomes a strong enough force to foil the power with which the negatives attack us...kind of like a shield which deflects the arrows shot at us so that they don't pierce us...
At the end of the day, you are left with only you...and you are responsible for that 'you'...
01 August 2013
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