The sad/bad/painful/hurtful things that happen to us eventually make us stronger people. I'm not talking about rape and plunder and devastation and wilful killing....These are unforgivable crimes and I don't even know how we can deal with these, if at all we can, that is,....I'm talking about the daily hurts and setbacks one faces. Sometimes we can deal with them, but sometimes they tend to break us and sometimes, they do break our backs. The Kabbalah says these sad/bad/painful/hurtful things happen in order to create space for the Light to enter our beings which have got all dark and scary. I do believe they happen because we do need things that will make us stronger people. Why? So that we may enjoy this gift of life more, so that we may make the most of our own inner gifts and talents, so that we may appreciate more the happy/good/joyful/healing things that do happen. Learning to accept that the sad/bad/painful/hurtful things are as much a part of life as the happy/good/joyful/healing things will make it easier for us to stay on an even keel, not blame anyone, especially our parents and siblings for having put us through sad/bad/painful/hurtful experiences, not rail at God asking how He can let sad/bad/painful/hurtful things happen to His children, not curse our fate, not generally freak out....
If we say that happy/good/joyful/healing things elevate us, then the sad/bad/painful/hurtful things happen so that we can appreciate the happy/good/joyful/healing things and in the dealing with the sad/bad/painful/hurtful things become stronger and better people.
Quoting from Brené Brown:
Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives; it's the process that teaches us the most about who we are.
And,
The resilient has some form of spiritual life rooted in love and belonging - be it communion with nature or meditation practice or the reverence of art or the divinity of solitude.
29 April 2016
27 April 2016
I was brought up...
not to see the dark side of things. My Dad shielded me from everything that could, remotely even, be hurtful. Unrealistic! My Mum always said my Dad was setting me up for trouble later in life. Prophetic words came true.
I've struggled to understand why. My DD has stood by me through it all. She still does....
Recently I came across this from Neil Gaiman and the veil of un-understanding lifted...
He says: If you are protected from dark things then you have no protection of, knowledge of, or understanding of dark things when they show up.
While dealing with this, I also came across these wonderful words of comfort. Strength-giving words....
It is when life bends us to its will and we don’t break that we learn what we are made of.
What grants life its beauty and magic is not the absence of terror and tumult but the grace and elegance with which we navigate the gauntlet.
I've struggled to understand why. My DD has stood by me through it all. She still does....
Recently I came across this from Neil Gaiman and the veil of un-understanding lifted...
He says: If you are protected from dark things then you have no protection of, knowledge of, or understanding of dark things when they show up.
While dealing with this, I also came across these wonderful words of comfort. Strength-giving words....
It is when life bends us to its will and we don’t break that we learn what we are made of.
What grants life its beauty and magic is not the absence of terror and tumult but the grace and elegance with which we navigate the gauntlet.
25 April 2016
Gymming...
is teaching me many lessons.
One, one can spend hours there without talking to anyone...there is a great sense of peace that slowly pervades the whole body. And the sense of achievement for every teeny bit of cardio exercises/weights completed...it's a warm fuzzy!!
Second, climate control hardly matters...we have fans in our gym, but often we are so engrossed in our exercising that we forget to switch them on...
Third, that dreadful feeling of self-consciousness vanishes, because we are not alone on this journey of physical fitness. There are others working out, there's music, and there is the occasional sound of laughter...There is a silent camaraderie without criticism or teasing or making fun of anyone. All body shapes and sizes are accepted....and as we go through our punishing schedules, there is only a sense of comradeship.
Fourth, one is not struggling alone. The instructor and trainer are there to check on how we are doing, mark our progress, increase or maybe decrease our weights and exercise time, and regulate what we are doing or have to do next. They also encourage us when we are struggling, and stand by us, cheering us on to get to the end...but they don't cut down on anything. We have to finish what we are doing...They are also around in case we sprain a muscle or feel unwell.
Fifth, one learns a lot about oneself. A great deal that we never knew or imagined about ourself is revealed. For that matter, qualities that we never dreamed we had pop up. Of course our self-confidence gets a boost, but more importantly, questions that we had hitherto buried deep inside of ourselves surface....and then there is no alternative, but to face them, deal with them and then work out what to do about them. We also learn that we can deal with muscles that are screaming in protest, increased heart beat, sweat pouring off us, and tears of frustration and pain.....
I'm totally loving this rigorous training of the body...it is making me stronger physically, mentally and emotionally.
My grateful thanks to my DD for insisting I join a gym...
One, one can spend hours there without talking to anyone...there is a great sense of peace that slowly pervades the whole body. And the sense of achievement for every teeny bit of cardio exercises/weights completed...it's a warm fuzzy!!
Second, climate control hardly matters...we have fans in our gym, but often we are so engrossed in our exercising that we forget to switch them on...
Third, that dreadful feeling of self-consciousness vanishes, because we are not alone on this journey of physical fitness. There are others working out, there's music, and there is the occasional sound of laughter...There is a silent camaraderie without criticism or teasing or making fun of anyone. All body shapes and sizes are accepted....and as we go through our punishing schedules, there is only a sense of comradeship.
Fourth, one is not struggling alone. The instructor and trainer are there to check on how we are doing, mark our progress, increase or maybe decrease our weights and exercise time, and regulate what we are doing or have to do next. They also encourage us when we are struggling, and stand by us, cheering us on to get to the end...but they don't cut down on anything. We have to finish what we are doing...They are also around in case we sprain a muscle or feel unwell.
Fifth, one learns a lot about oneself. A great deal that we never knew or imagined about ourself is revealed. For that matter, qualities that we never dreamed we had pop up. Of course our self-confidence gets a boost, but more importantly, questions that we had hitherto buried deep inside of ourselves surface....and then there is no alternative, but to face them, deal with them and then work out what to do about them. We also learn that we can deal with muscles that are screaming in protest, increased heart beat, sweat pouring off us, and tears of frustration and pain.....
I'm totally loving this rigorous training of the body...it is making me stronger physically, mentally and emotionally.
My grateful thanks to my DD for insisting I join a gym...
22 April 2016
Some things to do...
just for ourselves...
This is especially for those of us who tend to stand in judgement on ourselves every time we slip up, and then spend hours condemning ourselves and painfully trying to find out why...
I got this from a post on the Tiny Buddha website.
*I am heading towards healing, helping, supporting, and empowering myself.
*I start paying attention to what I need in all areas of my life instead of ignoring, avoiding, or neglecting those needs.
*I start speaking to myself, seeing myself with kindness, forgiveness, fairness, encouragement, and patience, and treating myself so.
We tend to forget we are our only true friend...
This is especially for those of us who tend to stand in judgement on ourselves every time we slip up, and then spend hours condemning ourselves and painfully trying to find out why...
I got this from a post on the Tiny Buddha website.
- Slow down
- Look inward
- Ask myself questions and listen for answers
- Seek new solutions
- Be kind and patient with myself
- Value my opinion
- Trust in my instincts
- Embrace my sensitivity
- Forgive my mistakes
- Quiet my inner critic
- Give myself a voice and allow myself to speak
*I am heading towards healing, helping, supporting, and empowering myself.
*I start paying attention to what I need in all areas of my life instead of ignoring, avoiding, or neglecting those needs.
*I start speaking to myself, seeing myself with kindness, forgiveness, fairness, encouragement, and patience, and treating myself so.
We tend to forget we are our only true friend...
20 April 2016
You will never be heard...
if you are always speaking, or if you are filling the air with a barrage of unspoken words....Either way, there is an absence of silence.
Complete stillness of the mind is silence and for this to happen we have to thoroughly and effectively empty our mind. If there is even one word, it will ping on the walls of our mind and generate more words.
Just with the force of your own self you can silence your mind. This will keep your mouth also shut. The resulting silence will heal and bless your soul.
Huxley compares Beethoven's and Mozart's music with Wagner's. While Beethoven and Mozart use the silence of rests/pauses to bring out the beauty of their music, Wagner's is a 'ceaseless torrent' of notes. Beethoven and Mozart generate beautiful words in our hearts, but Wagner cannot be heard since his music is 'always speaking'.
So many words only end up exhausting us physically and emotionally, and depleting us spiritually.
Empty your mind of words and listen to the Benedictus in Beethoven’s Missa Solemnis.
Once again, we have to WANT this, for this to happen. We also have to be determined to practice this till it becomes a part of us...
Complete stillness of the mind is silence and for this to happen we have to thoroughly and effectively empty our mind. If there is even one word, it will ping on the walls of our mind and generate more words.
Just with the force of your own self you can silence your mind. This will keep your mouth also shut. The resulting silence will heal and bless your soul.
Huxley compares Beethoven's and Mozart's music with Wagner's. While Beethoven and Mozart use the silence of rests/pauses to bring out the beauty of their music, Wagner's is a 'ceaseless torrent' of notes. Beethoven and Mozart generate beautiful words in our hearts, but Wagner cannot be heard since his music is 'always speaking'.
So many words only end up exhausting us physically and emotionally, and depleting us spiritually.
Empty your mind of words and listen to the Benedictus in Beethoven’s Missa Solemnis.
Once again, we have to WANT this, for this to happen. We also have to be determined to practice this till it becomes a part of us...
18 April 2016
An extremely important word...
Pause
As days go by, small incidents and big incidents are teaching me that pausing is the secret to peacefulness and a feeling of completeness.
More and more I see how important it is to learn and cultivate the art of pausing. Further, it is imperative that we practice it so that it becomes a part of us - becomes a part of who we are and what we are all about.
Never mind good thing or bad thing, happy thing or sad thing, bugging thing or ordinary thing......PAUSE.....before you say something/show your feelings/respond/react. JUST PAUSE.
The obvious fall-out of pausing is that we won't say things we might, or are likely to, regret. The not-so-obvious result of pausing is that we can savor the good/happy/fun things before giving our opinion or trying to add to the situation. So often we lose the essence of something because we are so desperately trying to put our mark on the event. If it is something we don't like, pausing will help us 'get' what we are missing - maybe we need to tweak our thinking, maybe we need to step back and take a re-look, maybe we just need to let go...or maybe we are totally losing the point by our instant reaction...We've already splashed black paint on the situation that we think-perceive as being not good for us, without stopping to think of the layers beneath the obvious one.
Pausing to let a happy-good thing soak in also changes our outlook. We can bask in that warm, comfy feeling that slowly suffuses through the whole body, stills the racket in the mind and lifts our spirits. How wonderful to just relish the cozy comfort of just quietly being.
We don't HAVE to say something or do something or respond to everything that happens, and then plunge into damage control for ourselves or for others....I do believe that the words 'Don't take it personally' is just as valid for ourselves as it is for others. If we pause, we are likely to sift out what we don't want to accept, and so not take everything that comes our way personally. Protecting ourselves from hurt is important for our well-being.
And, if we pause before saying something to anyone, then we don't have to tell that person what we said wasn't to be taken personally, when we see that our words have hurt the other person or taken away from his/her feeling of self-worth or self-esteem.
Cowardice will want you to retreat
Precipitancy will urge action
Presumption will argue miracles happen
Just PAUSE
As days go by, small incidents and big incidents are teaching me that pausing is the secret to peacefulness and a feeling of completeness.
More and more I see how important it is to learn and cultivate the art of pausing. Further, it is imperative that we practice it so that it becomes a part of us - becomes a part of who we are and what we are all about.
Never mind good thing or bad thing, happy thing or sad thing, bugging thing or ordinary thing......PAUSE.....before you say something/show your feelings/respond/react. JUST PAUSE.
The obvious fall-out of pausing is that we won't say things we might, or are likely to, regret. The not-so-obvious result of pausing is that we can savor the good/happy/fun things before giving our opinion or trying to add to the situation. So often we lose the essence of something because we are so desperately trying to put our mark on the event. If it is something we don't like, pausing will help us 'get' what we are missing - maybe we need to tweak our thinking, maybe we need to step back and take a re-look, maybe we just need to let go...or maybe we are totally losing the point by our instant reaction...We've already splashed black paint on the situation that we think-perceive as being not good for us, without stopping to think of the layers beneath the obvious one.
Pausing to let a happy-good thing soak in also changes our outlook. We can bask in that warm, comfy feeling that slowly suffuses through the whole body, stills the racket in the mind and lifts our spirits. How wonderful to just relish the cozy comfort of just quietly being.
We don't HAVE to say something or do something or respond to everything that happens, and then plunge into damage control for ourselves or for others....I do believe that the words 'Don't take it personally' is just as valid for ourselves as it is for others. If we pause, we are likely to sift out what we don't want to accept, and so not take everything that comes our way personally. Protecting ourselves from hurt is important for our well-being.
And, if we pause before saying something to anyone, then we don't have to tell that person what we said wasn't to be taken personally, when we see that our words have hurt the other person or taken away from his/her feeling of self-worth or self-esteem.
Cowardice will want you to retreat
Precipitancy will urge action
Presumption will argue miracles happen
Just PAUSE
15 April 2016
While we've been talking about getting old with dignity....
the big issue that is bothering me is how we treat our old...do we afford them the dignity they deserve?
Or,
Do we treat them shabbily and carelessly knowing they will never be able to hit back, and even if they are hurting desperately, their dependence on us will stop them from opening their mouth.
Do we treat them caringly and with respect, knowing that they have been strong and independent in their time, or do we crush them whenever we can?
Do we treat them as the older part of us, or do we make them feel as if they are redundant and as such, they really have no place in our present?
This morning, I saw this very elderly couple walking down the lane near my home. The lady kept looking down at her sari and smoothing it - it was obvious that her sari had not been starched and ironed, or even just ironed...she was wanting to look good, but how could she in this un-ironed and rather crushed sari? I was devastated by the look on her face - kind of ashamed to be seen in this crushed sari-I don't normally dress this way; kind of feeling like a sub-person-I know my body looks old, but my heart is still young and full of all kinds of feelings, and my head is buzzing with all kinds of things I'd like to share; kind of feeling - no don't blame my children they have enough on their plate........though it would be nice to sit and chat over a cup of coffee or a drink.....after all I do know how your heart ticks; kind of trying to be brave.....So obviously dependent on her children, and so obviously made to feel like a burden or headache or your-time-has-gone-now-it's-ours....It's worse when they send out the feeling - what does it matter how you look? Who's looking at you anyway?
How little it would take to insist that your mother wear a nice sari, or the old parents share tea time and are included in the family 'rap' time every day. With just a little effort and care....a little thoughtfulness, we would not let our old feel unwanted and unloved.....instead we would do wonders for their feeling of self-worth.....for after all, they have little else...
True, our old have had their time, but our present wouldn't have been possible without them. When their time is over, they know they are not in a position to ask for anything.......and this is the time when they need all our love and caring and our support - monetarily, so that they don't have the feeling of utter dependence - their dignity is preserved; psychologically, so that they feel good about themselves - that they have played their role in shaping our today; and emotionally, so that they know that they have not been abandoned - their place in our hearts is intact.
One day, we will be where they are at now...
Or,
Do we treat them shabbily and carelessly knowing they will never be able to hit back, and even if they are hurting desperately, their dependence on us will stop them from opening their mouth.
Do we treat them caringly and with respect, knowing that they have been strong and independent in their time, or do we crush them whenever we can?
Do we treat them as the older part of us, or do we make them feel as if they are redundant and as such, they really have no place in our present?
This morning, I saw this very elderly couple walking down the lane near my home. The lady kept looking down at her sari and smoothing it - it was obvious that her sari had not been starched and ironed, or even just ironed...she was wanting to look good, but how could she in this un-ironed and rather crushed sari? I was devastated by the look on her face - kind of ashamed to be seen in this crushed sari-I don't normally dress this way; kind of feeling like a sub-person-I know my body looks old, but my heart is still young and full of all kinds of feelings, and my head is buzzing with all kinds of things I'd like to share; kind of feeling - no don't blame my children they have enough on their plate........though it would be nice to sit and chat over a cup of coffee or a drink.....after all I do know how your heart ticks; kind of trying to be brave.....So obviously dependent on her children, and so obviously made to feel like a burden or headache or your-time-has-gone-now-it's-ours....It's worse when they send out the feeling - what does it matter how you look? Who's looking at you anyway?
How little it would take to insist that your mother wear a nice sari, or the old parents share tea time and are included in the family 'rap' time every day. With just a little effort and care....a little thoughtfulness, we would not let our old feel unwanted and unloved.....instead we would do wonders for their feeling of self-worth.....for after all, they have little else...
True, our old have had their time, but our present wouldn't have been possible without them. When their time is over, they know they are not in a position to ask for anything.......and this is the time when they need all our love and caring and our support - monetarily, so that they don't have the feeling of utter dependence - their dignity is preserved; psychologically, so that they feel good about themselves - that they have played their role in shaping our today; and emotionally, so that they know that they have not been abandoned - their place in our hearts is intact.
One day, we will be where they are at now...
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