Music for my soul…

Have been listening to the most amazing music. 

Farida Khanum Begum Sahiba must be in her 80s and still the same charm…and what a voice. Aaj jaane ki zid…..

Also heard a beautiful number by Abida Parveen & Naseebo Lal—Tu jhoom.

& lastly, Ghungroo toot gaye by Ustad Rais Khan Saheb. His sons Farhan and Suhail also sing this…..Both versions go straight to the heart…..

We listen to so many kinds of music. However, there are times when you happen to play just that music that your soul requires. And the thoughts and changes that this brings about rejigs and re-calibrates the course of life, as it were….

Two films…

that have affected me deeply are Lion and Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui. Both very powerful in their own way. 

Lion exposes a terribly unsavoury side of our country when the story line follows the plight of a small boy, 5 years old, who gets lost. It moves on to little Seroo’s adoption by an Australian couple who live in idyllic Hobart, Tasmania. 25 years later he tracks down his family with Google Earth, based on images that were engraved in his 5-year-old mind. 

Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui, deals with deep questions that refuse to be kept under wraps anymore…. A typical punjabi  munda falls in love with a girl who reveals that she is a transgender girl. The tensions of social pressure and family pressures are exposed. Further, the boy’s father, a widower, falls in love with a Muslim girl, revealing the underlying apprehensions and fears of an inter-religious relationship. In the end sanity prevails and there are happy endings all around but this film was an eye opener. These delicate issues have to be dealt with. The time for hiding these or pretending they don’t exist is over. It’s high time the underlying hypocrisy of civil society was exposed. I’m so glad and grateful that Abhishek Kapoor and his team, Supratik Sen and his team, and Bhushan Kumar and his team dealt with these issues in a refined and easy-to-understand way so that everyone can understand and therefore accept. Ayushmann Khurrana and Vaani Kapoor did full justice to their roles.

Don’t miss these films. 

Why should a place of worship be closed….?

 I felt the need to go to St.Paul’s Cathedral this morning. I felt the need for solace…. Went all the way there - from my home it is quite an expedition - only to find the gate closed. The guard at the gate said the Church was closed on account of the virus. 

When I went on the 24th of December, I paid an entry fee and a parking fee. Went inside and saw that all the pews had been cordoned off…because of the virus. So all of us who had gone inside to pray/see the Church/spend a little quiet time/meditate were milling around in the aisle. I asked the lady who was in charge of the gardeners who were decorating the pews if I could sit awhile, and she said noone was being allowed to sit. 

I wonder what Jesus would have said. He never turned anyone away. People mobbed him wherever He went….whether they went to Him for healing, or to listen to Him talk, or just to be in His blessed presence…. A house built in His blessed name had no place for all of us who went just to be in His presence. 

Silence…

The single most important skill one must, absolutely must cultivate and learn is to be silent. To be still is the natural corollary. In the face of the harshest words, the most testing of times, if one can lesrn to will oneself into being still and silent, a lot of the hurt goes away. Life is never going to be how we want it to be. There is never going to be a time when everything goes the way you want. There is never going to be a situation when everyone agrees with you. Never. One has to either cocoon oneself against the world, or learn to be still and silent when things go awry. For me, it is a kind of disturbance that happens inside my heart and mind. Pulling myself back and forcing myself to be still till the heartbeat slows down again has been, and still often is, the biggest challenge. To let harsh words, careless words, painful deeds just flow through and flow out is what we really need to learn. Sometimes, it is just random words or thoughts that cause the disturbance. Quieten down. And force yourself to be still both physically and mentally. Be silent. And see how calm and clear you feel…

The Universe…

 is more resilient than we think. 

These wonderfully reassuring words were told to me by my cousin. It, therefore, stands to reason that every living being who makes up the Universe is also more resilient than we tend to believe. The best takeaway from these very difficult days is that we have had to pause and give thought to ourselves, and our world as we have made it today. We need to cherish ourselves, rework the pattern of our lives, be more compassionate and kind, and show more respect to Life. And so, there is no need to just give up, or buckle under. We will make it through. 

Some thoughts from Anne Lamott…

 The point is not to try harder but to resist less.

Grace finds us exactly where we are but does not leave us where it found us.

When we cast our bread upon the water, maybe its return is not the blessing, the casting, the faithful process, and participation is.

…..have to get back to participating in Life, engaging with Life……..

Victim of the virus…

 Last year went by so painfully—-deaths, illness….so much grief and pain…and unbelievable suffering. I too fell victim. It is the most lonely kind of illness, as you struggle to breathe, struggle to get some food down, struggle to move… And the fear is almost paralysing. The worst is that this affects the mind. Blankouts, the feeling of sinking, too tired to take the next breath, the pulling backwards when you want to go forwards…. Months on, I am still trying to get my mind back. Having come close to death, it is not fear of death, it is the fear of living. 

On the other side of this darkness is the light of gratitude. The deep gratefulness of being able to see my daughter and granddaughter. The joy in holding them and touching them. The gratefulness of seeing the sunshine come in through the window, the blue sky, the boundless ocean, the plants…..and hearing every day sounds of children’s laughter, people talking, cars honking…. The deep gratitude of being alive. The darkness tries to pull me back but the light drags me on. I cannot give up. There is a whole new life ahead and i mean to live it.