Ramdomly thinking...

Those of us who belong to South India, or are familiar with at least one South Indian language will be able to catch the imagery and lyricism of this statement:

'What-what things should happen-o,

That-that things will happen-a (a as in pace) happen'!

...........................................................................................and the wisdom of it.....................

Time...

I'm wondering if there are other women out there, over 50, who are also becoming conscious of the wonderful fact that they don't need to hurry any more??? That they can do things at a comfortable pace, and hey, the world is still going on as always - no calamity??? That they can take their time over EVERYTHING, still finish what they set out to do, and best of all, not fret and fume over time passing by???

I'm asking this, because I had to move from easy-going to hyper, and since that was wearing me out, and not really doing anything for me, am again learning to shift down to taking things easy and taking everything as it comes - easily, that is....and of course I'm over 50!! Love being over 50!!!

And so, it's cheers to 'TIME UNBOUND'!!!

Hypocrisy & multiple identities - is there a connection?

The terrible hypocrisy in our society has been troubling me - and the newspapers are full of it - how people who mouth all kinds of wonderful ideals, in real life do just the opposite; the awful corruption in India shining; the attitude of chalta hai, and the we-are-like-this-only line that we sprout to cover up intolerable and unacceptable botch-ups, the evil power of 'khadi-clad' politicians over the people they are meant to serve; the impotency of the judicial system meant to protect its citizens; the carelessness with which we trample on those who are less fortunate/of a different caste or creed/who speak a different language/who belong to a different region, all the while talking about 'Indianess'. And there does not seem to be a respite...

I'd read about multiple identities somewhere, cannot remember...the article said that Indians have multiple identities. We have the identity of the region where we are born (therefore we learn to speak the local language, and maybe even identify with the local culture), the region to which we actually belong (therefore we speak our mother tongue, and identify with our own specific culture), caste, sub-caste, creed, social position... have I left out any? If we belong to that minuscule class of English-speaking Indians (who therefore cannot help being slightly westernized, or are clearly West-philes), then that is another identity we have.


So, does our national talent for hypocrisy have something to do with our multiple identities? Multiple identities would presuppose multiple personalities. How do all these reconcile with each other? Guess this is where the whole problem of who we really are lies. Maybe, too, this is why we are so good at faffing - we have to somehow or the other bring about some kind of synchronization between all the confusion of personalities inside of us! Of course there are those who scrupulously lead their own lives free from hypocrisy, in spite of the multiple identities, but they are very much in the minority. And, like all minorities these suffer...

Once again, we see that it is the common man who  is the most grounded, and who is not generally confused. He has the identity of his culture through his mother tongue. He may have a little Hindi (picked up from Bollywood) which he needs for practical reasons of business. He is the one who gives our country whatever stability it has.

Could this then be the reason that Westerners come across as more whole, more sincere, maybe even more naive, than us? because they have only the one identity they are born with and into? The identity that comes from one culture as expressed in their mother tongue...Here again, what we see is that if they do speak in English, it is only for reasons of pragmatism.

Radhika. Shefali. Sherry. Mitali.

Students of ours in Lawrence School, Lovedale.

All brilliant girls, completely non-conventional, and completely fearless. It was a pleasure to be with them, talk with them and see them grow...It was also fascinating to see them go through the most painful times, never losing their cool, and with a sweet, rather enigmatic smile which clearly said 'can-but-won't','will-but-don't-feel-like-it-yet', and 'yes-but-on-my-terms'. And, if anyone ever said they would have to do something, it was 'have-to-but-when-I-feel-like-it', leaving those who said the have to spluttering and hopping in frustrated rage, while some of us cheered them on in our hearts, admiring their sheer gumption! These girls merrily coasted along the difficult life in Lovedale, studying, playing, mischievous, standing by each other, and often protecting each other's backs.  They would not let anything either faze them, nor would they allow anything to damage their inner core. They realized what they were up against, and decided to stick out their chins and cock their snooks at the world at large. With all the force of their young lives they completely resisted being pummeled and pounded into the Lawrencian mold. As a result, they enriched the lives of all those who saw them for who they really were and loved them for what they were. I did fear for them, wondering if life after school would put paid to their individuality...need not have. All girls today are young people any teacher would be proud of - we certainly are...

Justice deferred IS justice denied

It was completely maddening to hear on the news last night that the boys who had ragged Aman Kachroo and killed him were allowed out on bail. Unbelievable. Dr. Kachroo was on the panel to discuss this latest on the fate of those who had killed his son. I must say that he is an amazing gentleman, so calm and composed. In spite of his great sorrow, he is a picture of strength, and in fact a source of strength to all those who are troubled and hurt by the course justice has taken.

Those who have lost their dear ones to this scourge of ragging, are going to continue their fight against it - but it will be a long and hard fight, which, in all probability they will lose, because these are all ordinary citizens of the country. As the lawyer on the panel put it -  if the father had been a politician or an industrialist or a rich person with political connections, the killers would not have gone free.Succinct and true. Aman is not going to get justice for a long, long time. After being in custody for more than a year, the boys yesterday walked free - on bail, but free. It is a known fact that their lawyer will now try all the delaying tactics possible to keep the law from catching them. And yet, all the facts were there. What is worse is that this a judgment punishing these boys would have sent out a message to all the bullies out there that this is IT. No more. Instead, we have sent out the message that they can do what they like, even the courts won't do anything. So where does the ordinary man go for justice??

Going one step further, just think - there is no legal help, no medical help, especially no help of any sort for the elderly, no social security, low interest rates which hits the senior citizens the hardest, unbounded crippling poverty, inflation, not enough education facilities for the ordinary, forget the poor who cannot avail of any kind of education...i can go on and on. I see it all around me. Whatever the common man wants, he has to make his own arrangements, whether it is for his own personal security or whether it is for justice...There is just no relief or help for the ordinary tax-paying person.

And we call Pakistan dysfunctional??

Liberté. Égalité. Fraternité

Even today, these words bring on goose pimples, and make the heart beat faster. What power there is in these 3 words -Liberté. Égalité. Fraternité - Liberty, Equality, Fraternity. These words powered the French Revolution in 1789, and look where France is today...It was the Jaques and the Madames Defarge who set France on a path from which there was and never has been any looking back. One has to see 'Tale of Two Cities' to become a part of the people who were so mercilessly downtrodden, and who rose as one to create a new social order.

My own interpretation of these words are: Liberty - as being public freedom and personal freedom. Public freedom being that responsible freedom which would create a society where everyone can live with their heads high; where everyone can live in a clean, healthy environment, and personal freedom as being that responsible freedom which every individual feels but which ends where the other person's nose begins. Equality - as being a society where everyone has an equal chance and equal opportunities to live and grow. And Fraternity - we all need to remember at all times that we are all - ALL - no matter what the differences - created equal and are equal before God. Consequently, everyone needs to be treated with respect.

When will our country see these words becoming a reality? When will we have our Jacques and Madames Defarge fighting against our Evrémondes?  Or is it just a wish? Our politicians are so intent on making spectacles of themselves on every TV news show every night, where would they have time for anything else? In any case, they are so far removed from the common man, and so bank on his innate decency, helplessness, and rigid adherence to caste and creed that they know they can get away with just about anything. And they do...A case in point being the dreadful rise in prices of everyday foods and goods. (wonder if Manmohan Singh and others ever go to the market?)

The hope in our country lies in the common man--that common man who is so badly exploited. Maybe we, in our little worlds, could live the power of the words -Liberté. Égalité. Fraternité.

 

A teacher's dilemma

In the changing world of education, I see 4 categories of teachers emerging:

• The old-world teachers whose mantra is  - 'All these years my methods worked, so I don't see any need to get into all this new-fangled  jargon that is being bandied about.' 'Notes are the best, I say, as also 6 of the best.'
• The old-world-trying-to-understand-and-enter-the-new world teachers who have realized that the old methods are not working any more, whether it is in pedagogy or matters of discipline, and are trying to do something about it. This, for their own sakes and because they feel the weight of the responsibility of bringing up/educating children in a world that is highly competitive, and in the midst of an ethically and morally irresponsible media.
• The new-world teachers who are experimenting with and learning new teaching methods and better and more sensible ways of dealing with children. 'After all it is our responsibility to give these kids a runway to take off from. We have to give them a good head-start be it for their future education or in the form of life skills.'
• The new-world-playing-it-safe teachers whose mantra is - 'Oh no! cannot do anything, it gets into the press'; or, 'n any case these children are exposed to all kinds of things in the media, so why say anything to them'; or, 'why check them -  that is the responsibility of the parents'; or, 'I want to be popular - that would help me keep my job.'

 I wonder - are there any more??

For those who are on gear shift to another phase of life...

This is especially for the over-50 girls -------Get hitched to the Internet...That is the only way, to my mind, that you can stay connected to the world. If you are an empty-nester, your kids are just a mouse click away. If you are downsizing to a slower pace of life, or moving into a comparatively less active stage of being, or are wandering in a state of confusion in a what-next period, then you'll get all your answers on the Net. Nothing like learning something new--so for all the girls who have reached a point in time when they feel like adding a little zing to their dal-roti-home chores routine, get to the nearest computer and learn - learn - learn all you can. Don't let anything - guffaws, or, heavens!, as-if-you-can! comments deter you; especially don't let your own fears, inhibitions and ability-doubts discourage or divert you. You can do it - all you need is to hang in there...and you'll be amply rewarded with enough zing to spread around...

Age-graduations

I remember how whenever there was a problem with teenagers in school, some people would say ' Oh this is the age...', or 'It's the hormones...' I've wondered through the years, what exactly these statements meant. What age? what hormones?? don't we have behavior issues at all ages?? and don't hormones cause problems at all ages? Then why are these statements reserved only for teenagers?

At every stage of life - no matter what the change, be it from 12 to 13, 19 to 20, 29 to 30, and so on down the years, the jump from one bracket to another does cause huge physical, mental, emotional, psychological, physiological changes. These changes also produce their corresponding stresses. I guess it is only when we believe that 'There is, as there always was, and always will be, only us' (paraphrasing Carol Matthau), that graduating from one age to another becomes seamless, and maybe even fun! There are reams and reams and reams of material on this phenomenon of age-graduations, especially as one steps into the 60s and 70s. I particularly find Jenny Joseph's "When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple" very, very inspiring.

I also find this picture very motivating:


Guess this would be the only way to live, right???

What fun - with this as the motto, we can bear/beat/conquer any- age- graduation blues, I do believe we can...

And another tiny life snuffed out...

This time, a little girl.

I have only now been able to force myself to write about my feelings - just cannot get the image out of my mind, or subdue the torrent of thoughts and questions...

A couple of days back, there was a newspaper report on a little 5-year old girl child who was strangled by two boys - a 12 year old and a 10 year old. Why? Because she fought back when they tried to molest her...Molest - what a loaded word for 2 small boys, boys who have probably not even entered puberty. These were privileged kids. One would imagine that at that age, their minds would be full of adventure stories, thrillers, science fiction and what have you. Crosswords, Starmark, Oxford, to name some of the easily accessible book stores have a huge selection of children's books. These bookstores also plan a variety of activities for kids, book reading and story telling included. In fact, Calcutta is one place where there is no dearth of book shops. Check out College Street. Instead, their little minds have probably been overdosed with sensational pictures that are a regular feature of the daily newspapers, media, and some of Bollywood's mass offerings. These are kids, so where does the blame for the corruption of their minds lie? I do believe that since the baby draws its first breath of life in its parents home, the parents are squarely responsible for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being of their children. Then comes school and society at large. I know of parents who grab the paper just as it comes in and remove the pages that have indecent pictures in them, or tune off certain TV channels (very, very unfortunately sensationalism is what keeps the subscription lists and TRP ratings high). Why? Because - how can I face my little daughter if she sees these pictures (since most of the pictures portray women in the very light that they should not be portrayed in. I wonder, how much more women have to work, how much more they should do, to show that they are not sex objects; that they are human beings with thoughts and feelings...but then that is another story...). For that matter, how would parents face their sons, in case they asked them difficult-to-answer questions? I believe that all these sensitive issues are best dealt with at home in a loving and enabling atmosphere. Of course people can turn around and say - 'suppressing' these issues does not send them away - true - very, very true - but then, teach children how to look at these issues, create the contexts for them, teach them the right way of thinking when confronted with these issues. After all how much can that little brain think on its own - he has no experience with the world, nor does he have the required vocabulary to think, so how much can he understand, or decipher. These 2 boys are a case in point - it could be that they have seen movies where men have treated women badly, or molested them; or they have seen the older men in the family looking surreptitiously at unacceptable pictures; or they have been exposed to porn, and they have not known how to handle it in their minds. What they did, then, is a corollary.

I don't even want to think about what that little girl would have gone through in her little heart and mind. Plucky little girl did put up a good fight...poor, poor little girl. She is every woman's little girl. How will her parents ever be able bear this loss - made unbearable by the knowledge that she suffered so much. We really have to make our girl children strong...stronger...'tis a man's world, and 'tis a cruel world...

Journalists have to be cognizant of the impact of unethical, irresponsible and sensational journalism and on young, immature and unformed minds. The media including the movie makers too need to understand and accept the enormous responsibility they have - that of influencing young minds. We have to remember that creating a world for children to live in safely is our collective responsibility.

Once again I come back to the parents - let us make our children strong - let us educate them in all these real-life matters - let us teach them to think, act and take responsibility for themselves. Let us not pass on this sacred charge of bringing up our children on other people, even if they be in the extended family. Loving our children involves equipping them to understand and deal with this world. It's not easy for the girl child, it's not easy for the boy child either...