When...

beset by doubts of any kind......................

it's best to be silent - if it happens naturally, you're lucky, but if it's something you find hard to do, preferring to try and explain (try - because you just end up becoming agitated, incoherent, and going round in circles), then you must FORCE yourself to keep quiet.

Only this seems to help resolve doubts and tangles.

The haunting strains of the theme from Papillon...

brought home to me as never before that while we all have a place under the sun, we, each one of us, also has our own special place in the scheme of things. It is extremely important to find this, and wholeheartedly accept this (this is the catch) without cynicism, rancor, or going overboard, for only then can we be at peace with ourselves, and in harmony with our surroundings.

To explain: just because we may have been brought up to believe that we are the center of the Universe, or among the flotsam of the Universe, doesn't mean that we belong there...our rightful place, if we belong to the first category, may be somewhere lower down, or, if we belong to the second group, our rightful place maybe somewhere on top - but it's always somewhere else...that is what we have to find, and accept and live...

Wonder why...

any kind of suffering or negativeness takes so long to leave the system - seems like it just permeates the whole being and causes a kind of paralysis; it wants to take up residence, and just stay on and on...

Wonder, too, why happiness and anything positive leaves the system so quickly - seems like it is in a hurry to leave, sometimes not even leaving a faint whiff of its warm, glowing perfume; or even leaving behind the impression of a memory...

Building ourselves...

on the strength of dear, good friends - friends who you know will always stand by you and share their last fragment of bread with you...

You know you are not alone, no matter what kind of or how many lemons life throws at you, because they are there to help catch/field/deflect/destroy/turn them

You know you can handle anything because of the wonderful support system they offer

You know you can face anything because of the back-up they provide

You know you can stand up to anything and anyone, because they stiffen your back and put iron into it

You are comforted, strengthened, and liberated....

           




                  I know that for my friends and me, we are the back-up we need...

Adding to living in the moment...

An exercise to be consciously done this year -

Check to see if I am living in the moment....

Of course if the moment is one in which I am working or doing something, the check is easy. The consciousness needs to be there in:

Happy moments - when I need to recognize it, participate in it fully, file it away, and.................remember that it is fleeting,                

Angry moments - when I need to get what really happened, and if needs be, even express it, instead of trying to look for reasons, rationalize, blame, suppress, and.................. remember that it is fleeting... . (There is a rider here - it's best when angry to be alone, and try not to say anything - if it would help, its even best to go off for a walk or to the gym - because what is said or done in a moment of anger may be worse than what happened to make you angry in the first place. Remember sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but angry words will hurt the soul).                                              

Hurting moments - when I need to face up to it (not wish it away, try to push it under the carpet, or rationalize it, or stifle/compress it), suffer it, cry, maybe, and.................... remember that it is fleeting...

This is a pass it on...

An extremely dear friend shared this wisdom with me - if someone has hit out unfairly at you, or what is your best effort, or your person; or has unthinkingly put you down, or tried to demean you, or wanted to show you as less; or has, because they were stressed, wrongly downloaded on you, in the process demolishing you, the best thing would be to confront the person - in fact, it is imperative to do so, (i.e., if you haven't been able to do a water-off-duck's-back kind of thing about it) - for your own sake - just for you.

If you are a person in whom such a thing would fester, evoke feelings of there-goes-again, or generate thoughts of I-am-truly-the-pits, or make you hurt and hurt and hurt, or make you go over the same ground again and again and again, with whatever it was becoming bigger and larger and more frightening in the mind...it is best to face the person who is at the bottom of your feeling this way. It could be right away, or after a month, or after six months, or a year - but get it out of the way.

Getting it out of the way, is also recognizing the fact that you are not afraid anymore - think - half the time, we don't ask the person head-on what they meant, instead, go on suffering, because we are afraid in case the person hits out in a manner that we will not be able to handle - the response may be cajoling, nasty, yelling, reasoning, a oh come-on-it's-not-serious one, or a aren't-you-reading-too-much-into-it one - all again designed to fill you with guilt, and make you question your own mind and thinking and emotions...

Fact is, as I have very recently learnt - you can take on all  or any consequences that arise from having responded to something which to you is unfair and unjust. You can - believe me, you can.

The only thing you need to remember when responding is to be factual, and state-but-not-accuse - a kind of bringing it to the mind of the person concerned.

The major question would be why? why not leave it be? Yes, leave it be if you can erase it right away - totally erase it - but otherwise, taking off on my blog on 'Gifts' - if the good Lord thought enough of us to gift us His Son, then surely we need to value the fact that we cannot gift ourselves anything but what is good and what will make us happy and what will restore the peace in our hearts...

The Upper Room...

is my Daily Devotional. Somehow, no matter what 'valley of the shadow of death' I'm passing through, or what grave doubts are filling my mind, whenever I open the Upper Room to the day's devotion, I get the feeling that it was written keeping me in mind - it's always a just-for-me kind of feeling.

One devotion that I wanted to share is the one on Gifts - we tend to associate Christmas with gifts - (I remember as children, how my brother and I would see the gifts gathering under our tree. Living in a campus, there was lots of sharing of gifts, and we used to love the gift-opening time on the 24th, as the family gathered near the fireplace. Carols and goodies, loving warmth and laughter...Later, my DD and I would share a similar ceremony at my mother's home).

There are certain traditions, so filled with memories - a wreath on the door, a Christmas tree, and the Nativity scene, that just have to be done... . From the devotion, I learned that these are also gifts. But these are gifts of a different kind. According to the devotion - 'Gifts come in various forms: not only in decorated packages sheltered beneath the lights of the Christmas tree, but also in supportive words and deeds. Gifts are symbols of the giver's love and may bring joy and wonder to the receiver.' Gifts of words and deeds can be given to ourselves, to loved ones, or to anyone we meet. Doing up our home is a gift we give ourselves, our family - it is a symbol of love that we have for each other; it is a reaffirmation of family and home. Words and deeds we offer others are symbols of our caring and can be a source of comfort and good cheer for the receiver.

The first gift came to us from God Himself in the form of the baby Jesus...That gift was the symbol of His love...