28 December 2011

This is a pass it on...

An extremely dear friend shared this wisdom with me - if someone has hit out unfairly at you, or what is your best effort, or your person; or has unthinkingly put you down, or tried to demean you, or wanted to show you as less; or has, because they were stressed, wrongly downloaded on you, in the process demolishing you, the best thing would be to confront the person - in fact, it is imperative to do so, (i.e., if you haven't been able to do a water-off-duck's-back kind of thing about it) - for your own sake - just for you.

If you are a person in whom such a thing would fester, evoke feelings of there-goes-again, or generate thoughts of I-am-truly-the-pits, or make you hurt and hurt and hurt, or make you go over the same ground again and again and again, with whatever it was becoming bigger and larger and more frightening in the mind...it is best to face the person who is at the bottom of your feeling this way. It could be right away, or after a month, or after six months, or a year - but get it out of the way.

Getting it out of the way, is also recognizing the fact that you are not afraid anymore - think - half the time, we don't ask the person head-on what they meant, instead, go on suffering, because we are afraid in case the person hits out in a manner that we will not be able to handle - the response may be cajoling, nasty, yelling, reasoning, a oh come-on-it's-not-serious one, or a aren't-you-reading-too-much-into-it one - all again designed to fill you with guilt, and make you question your own mind and thinking and emotions...

Fact is, as I have very recently learnt - you can take on all  or any consequences that arise from having responded to something which to you is unfair and unjust. You can - believe me, you can.

The only thing you need to remember when responding is to be factual, and state-but-not-accuse - a kind of bringing it to the mind of the person concerned.

The major question would be why? why not leave it be? Yes, leave it be if you can erase it right away - totally erase it - but otherwise, taking off on my blog on 'Gifts' - if the good Lord thought enough of us to gift us His Son, then surely we need to value the fact that we cannot gift ourselves anything but what is good and what will make us happy and what will restore the peace in our hearts...