Simple conversations…

I’ve learnt over the past few days, have a great deal to offer. I realized that there are days when I don’t talk at all other than maybe answer questions, or make a list of things I need around the house… but I seem to have completely given up talking — simple exchange of greetings, chatting before heading home from the gym, chatting with the vendor when I go to get vegetables, chatting with the gardener, and most of all chatting with my daughter…. I realized how silent my home is with everyone immersed in their work, or their reading, or doing their own thing, and I am as guilty of these… In the Kdramas, and the occasional Japanese movie I see, this is the one thing that struck me—how much they talk with each other. Nothing philosophical, or arcane, or of any great ‘value’…just chatting with each other, exchanging their thoughts, or ideas, or impressions….but what harmony it brings about…what a symphony of words and thoughts…and how beautiful is the feeling left behind after this sharing. It’s not always only high-faluting theories, or high-minded thoughts, or serious ideas. It’s also just talk about their homes, people they meet, food they eat or would like to eat, pretty flowers they see in a florist’s shop, the weather, things they have heard or read about….and a genuine interest in each other’s daily ordinary lives…. How enriching this is. Mind you, it is not gossip, though sometimes some threads may creep in….it is just sharing the daily events that happen, the book one is reading, something they got at the neighbourhood store… simple exchange of what’s on their minds. It was so wonderful to see how they chatted when having a meal…not only about the food, but about where they got the ingredients, or which store they shopped at, the recipe, their own versions of the dish, and the memories attached to the food they were eating. Real fellowship… it was not just a grab a bite and say a hello and a good bye, and a see you later kind of meal….it was real fellowship at a meal prepared by someone in the home. Another terrible fault I realized was how often we say the words ‘Oops I have to rush’, ‘ Gosh, look at the time! Got to go’, ‘I have to go now, but let’s meet up’… Is it really so difficult to put things aside for a bit and spend some time just chatting and catching up? And yet, when we do spend time — the relaxed kind of spending time, and not the rushing kind of spending time, how good it feels…What a beautiful, serene aura is created… what bonds are formed… what peace is generated…. 

A news item…

that is bothering me a lot…..

I read a news report on May 9, that India ‘inked an agreement on mobility which will allow 42,000 Indian workers to work in Israel in the fields of construction and nursing.’

To my mind, this is a terrible tragedy. Our young men are going as construction workers because the country has denied them a good education, training in skills, and the opportunity to work and earn their livelihood in our own land. These people learn their work on the job and excel in it because a foreign country will not accept anything substandard. They work with discipline, decipher challenging tasks and construct the most amazing buildings. I have seen the miracles our labour force has created in the Gulf States. And now they are being offered jobs in Israel. 

But we, in our own land, cannot offer our young and able these opportunities. 

Their whole life will be spent abroad, in poverty and loneliness so that they can support their families here and ensure that their children get the opportunities they were denied. They keep just a small portion of their salaries and send the rest back home. They live, often 3 or 4, if not more, to a room. They come home once in two or three years to see their parents aged and dying, their wives and children as strangers. A short holiday when they work to build a home for their families, or do the things that need to be done, and then it is time to go back. It is the money that they remit here that keeps the country going - our politicians in comfort for doing nothing, our pathetic and broken systems struggling as patch-up jobs. 

Today’s paper talks about the shortage of nurses in PGIMER, a premium research hospital in Chandigarh.

https://www.hindustantimes.com/punjab/nurses-strike-at-pgi-puts-resident-doctors-on-toes/story-QejeMljZFE0wlEUfNbLheO_amp.html

There is a severe shortage of nurses in the whole country and we are sending them abroad where they will struggle, and sacrifice, but will be able to send money home for their families to live respectably, at least. We cannot train those who apply for nursing in the best practices of medicine, nor can we offer them jobs with good salaries….and yet I have seen how premier hospitals abroad vie to get Indian nurses to work in their hospitals simply because they are so good…so efficient, and skilled…

We too need skilled workers and nurses in our country for our own growth and healthcare. 

We feel proud when Macron communicates with the PM, and Biden invites the PM on a State visit…..It is not as if these heads of countries do not know the tragedy that is a reality for most Indians…but they want to trade….and part of that trade agreement is sending labour abroad….. and ethics be damned…

It looks like our main, possibly only export is our people….. Instead of using our human wealth in our country, we are sending them away to build other countries, while we remain in blinding poverty with no hope of any kind of healthcare for the common man. 

Why do we rush around…

Are 14 hours not enough for us, if we keep 10 hours for sleep and rest? 

We must be doing something wrong if we cannot spare a few minutes at the end of the day to think on the good thing or things that happened, or indulge ourselves with a few minutes of solitude in which we can put our feet up and relax with a glass of wine to think back on all that happened.

The worst statements ever are ‘I’m so busy’, and ‘There’s so much to do every day’….  And others in the same vein. Not talking about procrastinating, though some tasks are better done, or trashed, upon holding for a day or two. The truth is that we lose out on a lot when we try to rush through things. Worst is that we often make mistakes which we then have to go back to rectify. Would it then, not have been better if we had approached each task slowly and with care to begin with? Think about it—how many tasks do we go back to redo in a day? How many do we do at one go? How many do we take the time to prep for, instead of diving headlong into it? Do we take the time to enjoy and savour the mid-morning cup of coffee or tea? 

We often dive headlong into a day straight from bed and go on in the same rushed pace because we think that is what is expected of us if we are working adults…and this includes homemakers. If we are not doing something, then we are doing something wrong…we are failing somewhere. If we are not talking heavy office or store jargon all the time, then we are not doing justice to our work….by rushing around and mouthing heavy, complicated words, we are showing the world how busy we are. We need to be seen constantly sending and receiving msgs and mails to show we don’t have even a single spare moment. We need to be on the phone if we are not on the computer….because we are ‘so busy’. 

Taking the time to enjoy a coffee, having a proper meal, sitting and catching up with a friend, calling a loved one, talking about simple ordinary daily things, spending an easy happy hour with our loved ones, giving our children and families the best of our time and energy…. Are these a ‘waste of time’? It seems like it since we rush through them without savouring them. However, believe me, if we take time out for things that mean something to us, or take time to be with those who are precious to us, or give ourselves time to be with ourselves, we will get all the tasks assigned for the day, done…and done well. Believe me. This works. And you will not wake up ragged, and go to sleep ragged, with a feeling of being incompetent or burnt out…

A wonderful statement…

to live by:

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

~ Rebecka Peterson

Be grateful, we are reminded at least twenty tines a day….but we rarely stop to say the words ‘Thank you’. Or, we say it in a rushed way, because we are rushing off to do/complete the next task in a rushed way, because there are other tasks lined up which we have to rush around to finish before the day is over. This is not being thankful for blessings received, it is not being grateful. However, if we consciously create a space for ourselves at the end of the day when we can look back on the day and find the good in it, we will be able to actually see the good thing/things that happened and say our Thank you properly. This is gratitude and this brings with it its own blessing…

A long time…

since I’ve been here. And I missed it…

Back from my stay with my daughter. 

So much has happened in the days I’ve been off the computer - some painful, some happy, some fun, some sad. Learnt a lot too. And one big lesson I’ve learnt is about the change that happens when we grow older. Often our grown children, with children of their own, get impatient with us, leaving us with a helpless, confused feeling. We feel inadequate and realize that somewhere, somehow, we are falling terribly short of what our children want of us, causing painful misunderstandings, and sometimes breakdowns in communication. Some of us oldies curl up inside of ourselves, feeling the pain of aging, and the various traumas this brings along with it, while the younger ones feel an equal pain of not understanding and expectations going awry.

Talking with a friend of mine (my daughter’s generation), who was telling me about how she frequently gets upset with her mother…She said her mother, a doctor, (my generation) was very active, managing her home and bringing up 3 children, fulfilling the myriad duties required of her. She was always in charge, always on top of things. But now, it is sometimes  difficult even to get her to understand things - especially changes that are happening all around. She, whose responses were lightning fast, now takes a long time to get a grasp of the matter in hand, and a longer time ro respond, often resulting in unhappy silences, confusion in understanding, and deep distress all around. She was forgetful, and mixed time zones and memories. As we talked, things became clear to both of us…..to her, that this is normal, that this is all part of the aging process, and that her irritation, impatience, and upset was because she was not used to this from her mother…. It was difficult to see her mother like this. And what  became clear to me was that my daughter’s not understanding or impatience was also precisely this - I am not the person I used to be…not because of anything ‘wrong’ that I had done, or callousness of feeling, or indifference…it is because she cannot, is not able to get or accept that I am the same Mum but with worn-out edges…

Two beautiful characters…

Mameha in Memoirs of a Geisha. The book, a historical fiction novel by Arthur Golden, is about achieving a goal, and how one has to struggle to achieve that goal. A geisha symbolizes the beauty and elegance of Japan, and Nitta Sayuri learns her art with great skill under the tutelage of Mameha, a geisha whose gentle smile hides a will of steel. 

And,

Lily Casey in Half Broke Horses, a book by Jeannette Walls. Lily, a straight-talking girl of the wild west tames wild horses, beats ranch hands at poker, and saves lives with equal ease. 

Both girls, Nitta Sayuri and Lily Casey handle everything Life throws at them with immense courage, determination, composure, and….a smile…

A man with great integrity…

Nadav Lapid, Israeli filmmaker. 

I admire the way he sunmed up and spoke about the film The Kashmir Files. In spite of the huge backlash both from the Indian Film Festival of India and the criticism he received from the Israeli diplomats in India, Lapid did not back down.

Every word he has spoken is from the depths of truth. One sentence that jumped out at me was this:

‘…in countries that are increasingly losing the ability to speak the truth, “someone needs to speak up.”’ And he has spoken up. He has spoken in the context of the Film Festival. 

This article is an absolute must-read…

https://www.telegraphindia.com/india/kashmir-files-row-israel-filmmaker-nadav-lapid-stands-by-his-comments-on-film/cid/1901209

(So very grateful to know that there are some fearless people of great integrity who are not afraid to speak out…who can tell it as it is….who will not hide/ignore or sugarcoat the truth…I had written about Gianni Infantino, who was one such person, and now here is Nadav Lapid).