Have been indulging in...

reliving moments and times captured in photographs. There are these tons of albums that are all carefully kept in the bookshelf but not taken out and looked at often enough, I feel. To check on something we do pull them out, but then we are looking for something specific....not meandering through the roads and byways and slip-roads that our life has gone on.

Some of the pictures have become faded and in some the colors have actually changed but otherwise they are just fine and looking at them brought back such an amazing collage of recollections...Bright colors, dim shades, shadows, clear outlines, hazy silhouettes, a juxtaposition of moments in time....all working towards changing us - refining, defining, paring and scraping, including, deleting, repairing, fixing...

In some pictures I've wondered if those persons are really us...Yes, we've  changed in many ways...the trajectory is clear - there is a deepening of maturity and a gradual but sure unfolding of strength...it's there in our faces, in the way we stand and in the way we have been photographed....

As for my DD.....all the stages are there....from a tiny little baby to the beautiful young lady she is today.

.....memories caught forever on sheets of photographic paper...

A wabi-sabi recap...

Wabi - poignant nuances of sparseness

Sabi - the patina of age, carries nuances of grace and loneliness



What wabi-sabi embraces:

Fukinsei - asymmetry, unevenness

Kanso - simplicity, sparseness meaning lack of clutter, decoration, any kind of encumbrance

Kako - astringency--this has something to do with wisdom, that is, the shedding of the irrelevant encumbrances of youth and keeping only what matters

Shizen - naturalness, which is the simplicity that comes from deep understanding

Yugen - spiritual depth - looking at things that are hard and difficult with wisdom

Daisozu - an untramelled mind with no devotion to any dogma ro idealogy, no habits or formulae holding one back---a total freedom of thinking

Sei-jaku - tranquility - before doing anything, calm and still the mind. Empty it completely. Then, and only then begin on the task you have to do.



There is no one way to work towards acquiring these beautifully releasing qualities and fixing them inside of us so that we become this...we each have to find our own unique, special way. What matters is that we live wabi-sabi...become wabi-sabi...

I'm fascinated...

by my Bonsai plant. It's a banyan tree. I'd learnt how to prune it from the Net, and now seeing the tiny new branches and little leaves coming out.......I can hardly explain how I feel...

So, I decided to do a small experiment. I found a pipal tree beginning to grow in the yard downstairs, so I uprooted it, fixed a pot and planted the little chappy. It had 3 stems and a few leaves. I watched it every day...many times every day, actually. Imagine, then, my dismay when one by one the leaves fell off and the branches started becoming a dark brown. Still, my heart wouldn't accept that the plant may have died, so I kept watering it. Finally, when I didn't see any sign of life, I stopped watering it, but couldn't bring myself to take the pot downstairs and discard it. So there it sat, along with the others.

Finally, a couple of days back I decided to take it down. When I picked up the pot, I almost fainted....there were teeny-weeny little green leaves very prettily growing out of those seemingly dead twigs!!!!!!! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...the little leaves were looking so sweetly out at the world! Now, except for one of the 3 original stems, the other two have the little leaves happily growing.


Looking at the plant this morning, I thought, see our lives are so much like this plant. Something happens - I had yanked it out of the place where it had sent down roots and planted it in a completely new environment - and the plant finds itself in a new situation. It seemingly dies - just like we do when something unpleasant happens to us. And then, after some time has lapsed, one morning, 2 stems that didn't give up on life, sprouted leaves - a sign of life. 1 stem, however, couldn't do it and it stands along with the others as a reminder that if we allow change (any kind of change) to get the better of us, we actually kill ourselves. The other two stems teach us that change can be handled, survived, and indeed become an environment for growth.

Have to stay close to Nature....she has all the answers, consolations, blessings and she wants us to draw these lessons from her...

As if listening to my heart, here is today's meditation from the White Bison:


"We need to save those Elders who cannot speak for themselves -- the trees."              
-- Haida Gwaii, Traditional Circle of Elders            

The trees are the Elders of the Earth. Go to the forest or to the mountains and find a young tree.
Then find an old tree. Spend time with each. Sit by the young tree and listen to your thoughts.
Then move to an old tree and listen to your thoughts again. Just being in the presence of an old tree, you will feel more calm. Your thoughts will contain wisdom and your answers will be deeper. Why is this so? These old trees know more, have heard more, and are the Elders of the Earth. We must ensure these trees live so we can learn from them.            

There's been a terrible blackness in my heart...

for the past 2 weeks. Something that I had not expected happened, and I found that the blackness that entered my heart because of it, just seemed to stick. It would go away for short periods and I would think I'd broken it, but no, back it would creep in when I was least expecting it, turning everything shades of black again. Nothing seemed to make it go away. Prayers, huge, huge support from my DD, meditation, exercising....nothing kept the blackness out permanently...back it would sneak. Of course every day it was becoming less, but I didn't want it to color my life at all. Finally, today, in my White Bison meditation, I came across this -

'It's not what is going on that matters, but how we look at what is going on. It's our relationship to it that counts. Nothing in the world has any meaning except the meaning we give to it. Any relationship that we have that is causing problems means we need to pray for a new point of view.' 

I had willy-nilly allowed myself to get into a relationship with this thing that had happened - picturing scenarios, making up conversations, thinking of why and how it had happened, feel ing miserable at the sacrifices that this action resulted in - sacrifices of things that I had been long waiting for....and on and on.

Now I realize I had got into a relationship with this unfortunate action. I was responsible for creating many shades of that blackness. I was giving this foolish, irresponsible action a great deal of importance, and even though the consequences are something that have to be faced and got through, I realized I was according it more weightage and importance than it deserved. By allowing my mind to wander over into the area of the persons involved, I was polluting my own mind - creating dark swirling eddies in my mind which actually did not matter to the wicked people who had benefited from this.

Enough.....enough already. Yes, I have grown a great deal, and a lot of things have become clear...now it is time to concentrate on a new point of view.

Take heart.....I know it can be done and I will do it...

Be careful...

There is a concept that says you move toward and become that which you think about.

Sometimes we hear someone saying, about a person they've known for a long time, that ______ is behaving out of character....that _______ never did this kind of thing...

Of course one thing is that there could be a medical reason for this kind of change in behaviour. When my Dad, the gentlest of people, snapped at my Mum one day, this was so out of character that she knew there must be something deeply wrong. She got him to a hospital for a check-up and it was found that he had the beginnings of meningitis, which later on went on to become serious.

This is not what I'm talking about. This can be treated externally.

What I am thinking about is where we allow our thoughts to go...

So if I think victim, then all I do and say has all the characteristics of a victim - very sad, because I am, then, going to slowly but surely fritter away all my gifts and talents and cheerfulness and happiness. I would be on the road to forgetting that my DD loves me, there are some people who care, there are things for me to do, and that I have my own unique and special place in the Universe.

If I persist in thinking I know all the answers to everything everyone says and does, then I'm well on the way to becoming a self-styled know-it-all. Ghastly, because this is not the strength of conviction.

If I think aggressive, then that's what I'm heading towards - as opposed to being gently assertive when I need to be.

If, as my DD tells me, it's time I was a badass, then I have to start thinking badass, then, and only then, will I move towards being a badass (that's in a good way!). What fun!!

The body and mind move together and since the mind influences the body, it nudges, maybe even pushes the body along in the path it wants it to go.  This would carry with it it's own momentum. Change of direction would, therefore, need change of thoughts...change in thinking...

Thoughts are passing guests of the mind...we need to choose which thoughts we need to give a permanent home to...so that we become happy, strong people.

There are a zillion things that need my immediate attention. But, since this concerns me and I'm not really liking who I've allowed myself to become - no matter what the reason - then it's time to kick ass - mine first...

Some serious advice...

This is from Harold's Planet. Harold always has the exact right solution...

Why we cannot all just live like Harold, I don't know! We entangle ourselves in so many issues....

Well, there it is, and there we are....Thank God for the Harolds of the world...

Cheers!

It's very upsetting....

when people say - 'So-and-so did it, you can too.' Or, 'You know, so-and-so also went through something similar and this is what he/she did...you can also do it.' Or, 'So-and-so tackled this issue in this way...you can too.'

Thing is, I may not, really not, be able to do what someone else did, or how someone else tackled a similar issue. I'm me, with all my failings and shortcomings and inabilities. Good points too, but there are my own fears and insecurities as well. The way I process things in my mind is different.

A lot of what we think about ourselves, particularly our negative attributes, are assumptions.

A lot of what other people think about us are also assumptions. Assumptions usually are just that - assumptions.

I checked the Free Dictionary and Thesaurus for better understanding this word. One of the definitions of assumption according to the Dictionary is 'something taken for granted or accepted as true without proof; a supposition'. The Thesaurus too gives as synonyms - something taken for granted; something expected; presumption; and supposition' among many others.

So there it is - based on how we view ourselves, or others view us, certain assumptions are made by us of ourselves and by others of us.

Isaac Asimov says: Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.

This is exactly what we should do...

As for others' assumptions of us...scrub them all off instantly...so that the light comes in for US to shine. If we can't do something as someone else does - no matter...Good for us that we arrived at this! We must do what we can, how we can, when we can...so that our light shines out....just for us...