that there are times when things that were learnt, or picked up from our environment in our growing up years, don't square up with the present? In fact, some things are downright not right for us? Some things learnt in those growing up impressionable age, are actually hurting our path of life right now? Feeling trapped between all we had accepted as gospel truth and now seeing that it isn't really gospel truth, in fact is far, far from it?
First off - don't blame anyone - especially not our parents, for they acted in our best interest and according to their lights at that particular time of life.
Second - Do something....For this, we need to think this through, even though a thousand opposing thoughts may poke their heads up. And then, start working on change.
No matter at what time of life this realization dawns on us, that it is now time to question the old ways and the old beliefs which we had blindly accepted thus far, what we are heading towards is a transformation. Our nature is going through a rebirth, as it were, and we have to go through the birth pangs slowly and gently, all the while respecting ourselves. The body is changing - growing older, and in this transformation, our mind, heart and spirit is also undergoing a changeover...a renewal. It's like, we were wearing a pair of shoes which we were told was good for us, and down the years had not changed the style. Now, the shape of the foot is changing and we have to change our shoes. In fact, we are having to decide between putting away our old comfort and support and choosing something new, better suited to the foot as it is now. So, choosing something new is going to be painful, till it fits, and we are comfortable with the fit.
While choosing, we need to free our mind to experiment with new perspectives....get out of the rut of blindly going on in the old way. Of course everything isn't going to be a good fit, or successful....failure is built into choice, but we need to make our choices, anyway. It's better than feeling trapped, isn't it?
Freeing our mind may make old thoughts and old ways surface - the force of habit is strong...the force of blindly believing all that we were taught by our parents/teachers/elders/society is strong. However, freeing the mind will not only help us resolve these childhood-adolescent-young adult-adult issues, but we will be able to give them their rightful place in the past and we can then go ahead and try out the new way.
As we grow older, many changes are happening inside our body. Choosing to change our mind and hearts at this time is heading into a total revolution - Physical, Mental and Spiritual. Accept this. This is a time for TOTAL CHANGE and we need to accept and embrace these changes and transform hitherto fossilized or almost-fossilized factors in our life and living.
This is not a quick process...it takes time and, sometimes, a very long time. But, it is better to be on this road of change and painful change-transformed-to-peaceful life rather than stuck in the permanently painful reality that the old ways are not working anymore.
A Taoist outline for working through transformation gives us these tips:
1. Stop when the painfulness of choice asserts itself. We must not allow ourselves to feel rushed or stressed because of this? Smile just for ourself.... smile that we are accepting and taking on the challenge of change. And then, let's take a deep breath and enjoy the air that fills our lungs and is released.
2. Don’t look ahead.
3. Don’t add up all the work that will need to be done...and how in the world are we going to get through this.
4. Don’t worry about the details. Free the mind from everything.
5. Pause and examine the possibilities--not in the future--but within these moments of pause. The pause is important, because it is only within the pause that each step becomes visible...the step we now need to take to change our life...the new possibility.
There are going to be mistakes....mistakes are nothing but a wrong turn we have taken...but the freedom we have worked on to possess, will help us correct these mistakes.