one has to withdraw oneself once in a while.
It is through many sad and bitter moments that I have learned this truth. When things go well and the sun is shining and birds are singing, I've felt nothing can ever go wrong with any of my relationships. How wrong I've been - how terribly, horribly wrong. Now I know that no matter how well things are going and it seems that nothing can ever go wrong again, sooner or later something is going to happen to disprove this. And, as it usually happens, I plunge into a dark abyss....an abyss of confusion, blaming myself, feelings of utter and total 'what a rubbish, useless person I am'......everything sad/bad goes round and round and round in my head. So many times my DD has had to pull...no, haul me out of this abyss. If I try to pull myself out, it takes a long time... and finally, it is only with the greatest difficulty that I manage to wade through the painful confusion. Now I've learnt and I'm sharing this because it is working for me...when everything seems rosy and gay, I pull myself into myself. Just withdraw into my special place and become, not distant, but a little aloof, putting in place a distance between me and whoever the person is. This is really helping me. Because, for one, when the hurtful words start, I'm already not there and for the other, I am able to retain my cool and carry on being civil and okay (not okay-okay, but okay enough to not start the circle of anger-blame-pain). After a bit of this, I see that things get normal again with no real hard-horrible feelings. The Kabbalah says that these instances happen to us because they are meant to happen - they are meant for us so that we can correct our course. Somewhere we are going wrong and need to fine tune ourselves - not for anyone or any specific relationship, but just for ourselves so that we become better people. The best is that I'm finding strengths in myself that I never knew I had, and am able to cope with the flaws that show up. I see how wrong my beliefs in certain people and things were and how they need to be corrected/changed/reworked. I see how I can renew myself. In fact, in withdrawing into myself, not only am I more able to cope with and handle relationships - I'm seeing them all so clearly now - but I am in a better and calmer space...the many fears are ebbing, and the space is filling up with more strength, more forgiveness and more compassion and empathy...