A delicious thought....

Absolutely delicious.....

for those who feel this, but don't know it yet, or are unwilling to accept it, or are afraid to allow the thought in....

an inner hunger for unobstructed liberty

does it strike a chord??

'unobstructed liberty' - it's surely something to dream about, revel in, and maybe even have the courage to search for....


(I got this thought from Jonathan Raban's Bad Land)

The whole huge problem that women face...

how to deal with retirement - read, end of a busy-feeling-indispensable phase and moving into a slow-nothing-to-do-hardly-moving-not-so-indispensable-after-all time of life.

The reason for this rumination is that of late I've been coming up against instances of women who are crumbling - allowing themselves to crumble - getting crumbled - because they  are either in or about to step into retirement.

It's a total myth when working women, and that includes women who all their lives have run their households, say they are waiting for retirement, or for the next generation to take over. All kinds of plans are made to read, travel, go on pilgrimages, and generally do all the things that one dreamt of doing. And yet, it just doesn't seem to work out like that....often, that is....

What most women come face to face with is that all of a sudden they feel left out - left out of life as it were. Everything she did, is being done by others, quite seamlessly, and merrily; everything that drove her, seems to have disappeared; it doesn't seem necessary anymore, it seems, for anyone to take her opinions/permissions/views......

While the world around her revolves at its usual breakneck speed, she's fallen off into another orbit......and is not required to make the world go round....

And then comes the floundering, and turning to this and that and the other to find something to grasp - even if it's just a straw.

Seeing this happen again and again, and sometimes it's very close, it got me wondering  - Why Women?

Could it be that in some crazy, inexplicable, way we link our sense of self-worth and hence self-esteem and well-being to being 'occupied'? Therefore, take away the 'occupation' and we are left with only an empty shell. Could it be that somehow, retirement gets linked to feelings of uselessness or worthlessness and no-one-has-time-for-me-anymore? Could it be that all of a sudden we can't cope with the fact that the kids have flown the nest? Is that it?

I'm learning that no matter what anyone around you says - positive or negative - only we can do something about feeling good about our own selves. I'm also learning that this is something we have to do - non-negotiable, in fact. You don't really need anyone's endorsement or support, though they do help greatly.

Instead of enjoying our hard-won freedom after a life of toil, we crave to be in bondage; we want to feel rushed; we want to be at the center of things...and life's not happening that way....!!!

All that we read about building your girls' support group, learning to step back and take time out when still in harness, picking up a hobby, etcetcetc all go right out of the window when faced with the reality of - 'Don't have to go to work tomorrow', or 'Someone else is running the home' or whatever......

There are many women who have great support from their daughters, sons, husbands, families, and there are those who have no support. In both cases, some hang in there, and make a success out of the new phase, revelling in the change, and some end up feeling completely unable to cope with this change, and go under. For all that we read that we must/should/can take reality checks and strong decisions, fact is there are many of us who find it difficult, but seeing as there's no way out, maybe we really need to make this concerted effort, knowing we are not alone, to learn to accept, delight in and relish the new status quo in which we find ourselves.

Check out...

something I've written:

http://www.zizira.com/secure/street-dancing/

Today...

make sure you do:

• one thing for yourself
• one thing for someone else

because every day is a new day, and 

everything is something to be grateful for - and that includes a 'bad' boss, a 'terrible work environment', 'negative' people around you.....and so on.....

they're all there for a reason, which we don't really have to think about if we don't want to, but what we can do is to be grateful because they remind us of those who have no boss, no work to do, no people around...........and so on..................and maybe have to look into the eyes of a child....

so, despite the 'bad' boss, the 'terrible work environment', 'negative' people around you....and so on....give yourself a treat and bring a treat to one other......

Pooh: "What day is it?"

Piglet squeaked: "It's today."

Pooh: "My favorite day."

Street dancers...

are unequivocally amazing...looking at them is the most stupefying experience possible. I came to know about this from the movie Street Dance - which again is a must-see for many reasons....

it is completely liberating and places a very high premium on one's sense of self; it goes with responsibility...

it is different; goes with being unafraid

the dancers believe in what they are doing; it is honest

they work in a group; they know how to be in a team, deriving strength from the camaraderie, and learning to blend in different viewpoints, so no rigidity

the dancers are doing what they love; appreciate their life enough to give it meaning

and isn't it strange that something as free as street dancing and discipline are intertwined? actually it is just a reflection of everything in life - freedom and discipline cannot be separated - for while discipline gives the structure or the limits/boundaries, freedom allows us to explore our possibilities, and experiment...

For street dancing to be accepted, everyone can make their moves, true, but it has to be choreographed into one disciplined whole for it to be a thing of beauty, and before makes its unique mark...

Likewise, it is only within the discipline of a boundary that one can allow oneself to experiment and expand...

Always have...

plants at home...never mind what kind, just have them around where you can spend time with them....

Sharing:                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
the plants in front of our front door...

             

                                                     

    

my cousin-in-law's tree on her balcony in which these lovely birds nest...    


                                                                                                                                                                                                                     















and the plants my DD refers to as my high-society plants because they have pride of place, and need bottled water to survive!!!!

Definitely must see...

The Iron Lady and The Artist.

Superlative.....

Rigidity never pays.....

Let go of memories - good and bad - both can become a burden and destroy inner peace....

As always...

when I come up against a road block, life sends a ray of light into my clouded heart.

This is especially for those, who like me, feel the jarring of abrupt or rude talk, and immediately, a 'fitting' response jumps to the lips....you choke it back, because you know it's not the 'right' thing to do.....and then feel most miserable....

Just as I reached this miserable stage, I checked my mail box and found a mail from a friend with Azim Premji's Lessons in Life. And, here's what I found among those lessons. He said:

And the final lesson I learnt is that we must have faith in our own ideas even if everyone tells us that we are wrong. There was once a newspaper vendor who had a rude customer. Every morning, the customer would walk by, refuse to return the vendor's greetings, grab the paper off the shelf and throw the money at the vendor. The vendor would pick up the money, smile politely and say, "Thank you, sir." 

One day, the vendor's assistant asked him, "Why are you always so polite to him when he is so rude to you? Why don't you throw the newspaper at him when he comes back tomorrow?" 

The vendor smiled and replied, "He can't help being rude and I can't help being polite. Why should I let his rude behavior dictate my politeness?"

..................................and that settled it for me.........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers to a new day!!!!!!!!!!

For one...

whose soul has been torn to shreds (allowing this to happen, not knowing any better)

who stayed afloat because of her DD's abiding belief in her 

whose faith never let her down in spite of....regardless of....

and whose lost-after-college-re-found pals steadfastly believed that the real person was still there, somewhere, hidden...)

here came a beautiful quote to set all things right.....

Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life; And it was you. It is never too late to find that person again.

Robert Brault

(articulating my deepest feelings, i know that someone out there will know that she is not alone.....and it is never too late to make life beautiful again...even if you are in the twilight years!!!)

It's a wonderful coincidence...

Holi and Women's Day....

May the colors of Holi fill the beings of every woman, making her life colorful, joyous, and prosperous....

May the beauty of this festival of colors put iron into the spine of every woman

and May the bhang thandaai that is had on this occasion give her the strength to keep her life always on a 'high'

DON'T...

live in shoulds....

                          they destroy the soul

because,

they never let you learn to take responsibility,

and worse,

never let you live free....

While there are many...

who accept life as it unfolds, there are many who get into a this-is-not-what-I-expected or this-is-not-what-I-was-born-for, or this-is-not-how-I-thought-it-would-be, or this-is-just-so-unfair mode (and other similar modes...)

Naturally this segues into self-pity, and self-pity is the biggest, and wickedest enemy you can ever have. At best it churns your mind into a sea of discontentment, and at worst it paralyzes the mind. Neither of which helps.

For....God did create this earth and the fullness thereof for us to enjoy - so, look around...change the focus....the sweetest song comes from the nightingale as it presses its heart to a thorn, the sweetest perfume comes from crushed flowers, the loveliest flowers bloom in the darkest crevices, the most delicate ferns grow in the rocks close to the deep mountain pools....

Adding to 'Today and this week'...

the mind with its persistent noise, echoes, reverberations, and rumbling only distracts and causes totally unproductive deviation causing you to live everywhere else but in the moment....

whereas, stilling yourself to listen to the soft, gentle whisper of the heart aligns you with your core, your consciousness or if you are a believer, with a loving God...

You know that...

summer's here when -

you hear the plaintive call of the Kwality Walls ice-cream man

you smell the jasmine in the dawn breeze

you see the blossoms on the mango tree

For my DD....

I Hope Always DANCE...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw&feature=email

Today and this week...

SHUN and CUT THROUGH every, every, every single shout, whisper, debate, reason, whine, argument that the mind throws up for pretense, fear, sorrow....everything....including the good and happy.....

and

listen ONLY to what the heart is trying to say...

Time...

to refresh the jaded, troubled, seeking heart with some wisdom...


----- Zen proverbs

No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.

Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.

The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.

From the withered tree, a flower blooms.

“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.”


-----Japanese Proverb

Some people like to make of life a garden, and to walk only within its path.


-----Chinese Proverbs

If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house.

The mind that turns forever outward will have no end to craving. Only the mind turned inward will find a still-point of peace.


-----Confucian Proverb

Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.


-----Taoist Proverbs

To act sincerely with the insincere is dangerous.

No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.


-----Tibetan Proverb

Even if you have failed at something nine times, you have still given it effort nine times.


-----Myanmar Proverb

The least and weakest man can do some hurt


-----Arabian Proverb

When you have spoken the word, it reigns over you. When it is unspoken you reign over it.


-----Vietnamese Proverbs

Never forget benefits done you, regardless how small.

One often gets what one disdains.


-----Persian Proverb

You cannot please everyone.


-----Korean Proverbs

A kitchen knife cannot carve its own handle.

The bad ploughman quarrels with his ox.

When there are no tigers, a wildcat is very self-important.

If you like things easy, you’ll have difficulties; if you like problems, you’ll succeed.


-----Malay Proverbs

The more sorrow one encounters, the more joy one can contain.

You cannot get at the precious sago without first breaking the bark.

Don’t use an axe to embroider.

Meryl Streep...

when asked 'Does age matter in Hollywood?' had this to say:

"It's all about talent, skill and passion. Also, it's about your willingness to learn..." (I've kept only the relevant part of the paragraph)

and there it is for all of us who are growing older and wondering whether we can go on making life interesting for ourselves. No matter what we do, or in what circumstance life has placed us, it is all about the talent we have (the obvious ones, and the not-so-obvious ones), the skills we possess and those we've acquired over the years, and the passion we bring to every day (this is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it). It is also about our willingness to keep an open mind so that we can learn something new every day.

Today is one of those days...

when waves of  'I wish...s,' ' could'vs' and 'would'vs' and 'should'vs' are threatening to engulf me...

and all my little successes are looking microscopic....


and as it always happens....just when I'm on the point of going under, this came to my rescue:

There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no insurmountable barrier except our own inherent weakness of purpose. - Elbert Hubbard

I can sort of feel my spirits picking up...