In an article by Malvika Singh, 'Tn Royal Company,' she's talked about the behavior of the Bhutanese people and compared it with the Indian behavior at a similar function - a wedding... . The occasion was the wedding of the King of Bhutan
(I've removed certain sections, since what I wanted to highlight was behavior)
She says:
'No one behaved in a ham-handed manner; no guest felt that there was differentiation based on status; every invitee was treated like a VIP. All this was in sharp contrast to how guests are treated in India at similar celebrations that cease to be celebratory because of the dreadful segregation that we have mastered. Indian leaders need a crash course to learn how to conduct themselves with dignity. Grace and honourable behaviour patterns have disappeared from the rule-book. There is no one to look up to, no single individual to emulate or to get strength from. There are no heroes, no role models, except for superficial characters in Bollywood movies. Those who are privileged are busy exploiting the system for personal gain, and those who are aspiring to better their positions are attaching themselves like parasites to that particular lot. Crude and vulgar, ostentatious and clumsy, they have set the most demeaning standards. They have much to learn from their neighbor.'
This issue of 'behavior' is what always keeps raising its head... . It really seems that we are forgetting that there is such a thing as manners, let alone good manners... . And the thing is that there is so much beauty and grace and elegance in good manners.
I've heard people ask those who show basic good manners why they are behaving with so much 'formality.' Have we forgotten that tehzeeb (respect) and takalluf (etiquette) are part of our culture? Are we passing over and dispensing with the whole concept of refinement? Are we mistakenly equating the strength of gentleness with weakness?
Formality is dictated by the norms laid down by society whether in manners, or dress, or kind of food, or behavior on different occasions... . There is nothing wrong in that - there is a kind of behavior and style for every situation. There is also a certain kind of behavior and style commensurate with every position we hold in our lives as well as the stage of life we are at. What is so wrong about that?
Informality, which is much touted today as being the 'done' way, or the preferred way, is just another excuse for vulgar and licentious behavior, and certainly another way of reducing everything to the banal.
Formality or informality, there has to be an underlying shade of respect... . For it is in whether we respect others or not, that we show how much respect we have for ourselves...