can I describe what is going on in my heart - have just had a heart-to-heart with one of my three best friends? We were college-mates, 39 years and 6 months ago...and it was that time of life when our opinions on life, living, and the world in general, were born and shaped...sitting on our khats, munching peanuts or something from the Corner Shop, in Ranjana's, or at King of Chaat, or in the dining room, or walking down Hazratganj, or on our walks around the campus, or on the dining room steps, or the steps in front of our rooms, or by the pool in the mango grove, or lounging in Miss Anand's room in the Teacher's Kothi...
The first few words..................and the years melted away - we were back in our rooms in Naunihal, Isabella Thoburn College, Lucknow....
The love is still there - as strong, as beautiful, and as comforting...
29 November 2011
28 November 2011
Picking up my knitting...
after close on 30 years, I found that it only took a little while, and a few mistakes to get back my rhythm. The only thing that foxed me was the ball of wool. I remember Mom making us hold our arms out and sling the long loosely wound coils of wool on our arms while she rolled them into a tight ball. Since I couldn't do that, I decided to start knitting anyway...and of course, got all entangled...not once but quite a few times. So, a couple of times, I snipped the wool, undid the knot, and joined in the ends; sometimes I had to unravel a few lines of what I'd done, and re-knit; and on a couple of occasions, I had to undo the whole and start all over again. right from casting on....
Till...
I realized that I needn't go through this unhappy, tedious process at all - all I had to do was to loosen the tangled part by gently pulling the wool in different directions, so that there was enough place for the wool to move. Resume knitting, and as I got close to the messy part, again loosen the wool and leave enough place all around. To my happiness, I saw that gradually the wool got untangled and straightened out on its own.... .This was important, as I am knitting a prayer shawl, and I'm supposed to be praying and filling the shawl with warm comforting energy (and not fractured unhappy energy)...
Learnt a lesson - when knots happen in our daily lives - as they often do and as they must - best is to leave them alone and carry on the daily round. The more we stress on them, spend time on solving them, start all over hoping to find what went wrong, the more knotted we get, and worse, the more distressed we feel. Looking at the tangle, loosening the strands, not stressing on it or even thinking about it, leaving it alone, and carrying on, seems to be the best way...the strands straighten out on their own...and fill our day with every moment full of comfort and warmth and breathed prayers...
Try it....it worked for me...
Till...
I realized that I needn't go through this unhappy, tedious process at all - all I had to do was to loosen the tangled part by gently pulling the wool in different directions, so that there was enough place for the wool to move. Resume knitting, and as I got close to the messy part, again loosen the wool and leave enough place all around. To my happiness, I saw that gradually the wool got untangled and straightened out on its own.... .This was important, as I am knitting a prayer shawl, and I'm supposed to be praying and filling the shawl with warm comforting energy (and not fractured unhappy energy)...
Learnt a lesson - when knots happen in our daily lives - as they often do and as they must - best is to leave them alone and carry on the daily round. The more we stress on them, spend time on solving them, start all over hoping to find what went wrong, the more knotted we get, and worse, the more distressed we feel. Looking at the tangle, loosening the strands, not stressing on it or even thinking about it, leaving it alone, and carrying on, seems to be the best way...the strands straighten out on their own...and fill our day with every moment full of comfort and warmth and breathed prayers...
Try it....it worked for me...
24 November 2011
Labeling...
or speaking of people as losers according to conventional norms/ideas/yardsticks is something we all come across - we may even label or speak of ourselves as losers, using these conventional norms/ideas/yardsticks.
Agreed, a person's life may not go the way it 'is supposed to' go. We could put the reasons down to life's dealing us a bad set of cards, DNA aberrations, karma - there are a thousand ways of trying to pin our 'losing/losing out' onto circumstances and causes both outside of ourselves or inside of ourselves.
Either way, the person who is at this 'losing' end, ends up feeling like something worse that the worst kind of pond scum...
But, after going through the period of trashing ourselves, and blaming our loser-ness on everyone and everything and ourselves, what we need to do is to straighten our spine and really look at all these loser-things that have happened - believe me, it's not easy - (you run away and come back and run away and come back again - there is something quite magnetic about this)... but finally, looking at all of these, we realize that through some we've learnt some really life-saving lessons for the future, some have made course correction necessary, some may actually have been happy processes (which unfortunately didn't give us the results which conventionally we should have got), some may have been good experiences to go through (but ended up sour), some may have been sifting experiences (removing the husk from the grain - something which is extremely difficult because we've been believing that the husk is the grain).
And...maybe...maybe...just looking at these and adding them up, we'll see that the total leans to the positive...and maybe just maybe, while we think we have not got what we should have got, in the final tally, we've actually got something better...
Agreed, a person's life may not go the way it 'is supposed to' go. We could put the reasons down to life's dealing us a bad set of cards, DNA aberrations, karma - there are a thousand ways of trying to pin our 'losing/losing out' onto circumstances and causes both outside of ourselves or inside of ourselves.
Either way, the person who is at this 'losing' end, ends up feeling like something worse that the worst kind of pond scum...
But, after going through the period of trashing ourselves, and blaming our loser-ness on everyone and everything and ourselves, what we need to do is to straighten our spine and really look at all these loser-things that have happened - believe me, it's not easy - (you run away and come back and run away and come back again - there is something quite magnetic about this)... but finally, looking at all of these, we realize that through some we've learnt some really life-saving lessons for the future, some have made course correction necessary, some may actually have been happy processes (which unfortunately didn't give us the results which conventionally we should have got), some may have been good experiences to go through (but ended up sour), some may have been sifting experiences (removing the husk from the grain - something which is extremely difficult because we've been believing that the husk is the grain).
And...maybe...maybe...just looking at these and adding them up, we'll see that the total leans to the positive...and maybe just maybe, while we think we have not got what we should have got, in the final tally, we've actually got something better...
19 November 2011
Raise a toast to me...
My eBook is out....
For anyone who may care to share my thoughts, and experiences, and find in it something of help on life's journey, you're welcome to go to:
http://chillibreeze.in/products-page/
http://chillibreeze.in/products-page/non-fiction-books/frankincense-and-myrrh/
For anyone who may care to share my thoughts, and experiences, and find in it something of help on life's journey, you're welcome to go to:
http://chillibreeze.in/products-page/
http://chillibreeze.in/products-page/non-fiction-books/frankincense-and-myrrh/
18 November 2011
Dedicating today...
to all those who are victims of someone else's emotional roller coaster ride...
Bite your tongue, ball your fists, grip your heart,
Here's something uplifting and reassuring and reviving and comforting:
"By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before." - Edwin Elliot
Bite your tongue, ball your fists, grip your heart,
and stay happy...
and
DO NOT CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DEEP IN YOUR BEING...
Here's something uplifting and reassuring and reviving and comforting:
"By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before." - Edwin Elliot
13 November 2011
India...
is not ready for young politicians...is my feeling...
Reason? look at the circus - inflation, scams, 4G, opening up of the FDI, 860 million mobile phone users (which includes the rural teledensity), 80% of the population being poor, illiteracy, growing ITESs, airlines serving 3% of the population and their irregularities making headlines, F1, and Rs 32/- being considered being enough for a person to live, corporates and maoists, and on and on and on...
Plus - a 5000-year-old civilization, plus Moghul rule, plus British rule...
It is only our seasoned-and-wily-with-age-and-patient-as-Job politicians who can handle and juggle all of this...really and truly.....
India also needs all these various parties...
Reason? they act as checks and balances for every decision the Government takes or does not take, and for every word that everyone else utter or does not utter, and for every action that is taken either in good faith or bad...
The young have neither the time nor the taste for this...but this is what we have and this is what we are all about and somehow we all have to muddle along...
Reason? look at the circus - inflation, scams, 4G, opening up of the FDI, 860 million mobile phone users (which includes the rural teledensity), 80% of the population being poor, illiteracy, growing ITESs, airlines serving 3% of the population and their irregularities making headlines, F1, and Rs 32/- being considered being enough for a person to live, corporates and maoists, and on and on and on...
Plus - a 5000-year-old civilization, plus Moghul rule, plus British rule...
It is only our seasoned-and-wily-with-age-and-patient-as-Job politicians who can handle and juggle all of this...really and truly.....
India also needs all these various parties...
Reason? they act as checks and balances for every decision the Government takes or does not take, and for every word that everyone else utter or does not utter, and for every action that is taken either in good faith or bad...
The young have neither the time nor the taste for this...but this is what we have and this is what we are all about and somehow we all have to muddle along...
Somehow...
we must remember that the best thing that the young can do for the old is to allow them the space and dignity to be old...
This came to me when I had gone to the hospital. There was this very old lady who was sitting with her daughter and granddaughter. There was something about her and I could not help looking at her (staring in fact) - it was obvious that at one time she must have been very good looking. Her face told its own story, and the lines on her peaceful face spoke of character born out of years of toil and sacrifice. It was when she got up that I saw she was bent with age. Even so, very consciously she fixed her sari and then with effort started walking towards the toilet. Her daughter and granddaughter quietly watched her. I wondered what thoughts were passing through that old mother's mind, and what thoughts must have been racing through her daughter's...
She walked slowly and with obvious difficulty, and when someone stepped forward to help her, she politely refused...
And that is when it struck me hard that the greatest favor we can do our old is to let them know that we hold them in the same regard, respect, and love as we did when they were young. We have to allow them to feel as dignified as they must have felt when they were younger. We must never, ever, ever do anything to let them feel diminished in any way... . And if we must help them, then we need to be conscious that our help is not in any way lessening the image they have, deep inside, of themselves...
This came to me when I had gone to the hospital. There was this very old lady who was sitting with her daughter and granddaughter. There was something about her and I could not help looking at her (staring in fact) - it was obvious that at one time she must have been very good looking. Her face told its own story, and the lines on her peaceful face spoke of character born out of years of toil and sacrifice. It was when she got up that I saw she was bent with age. Even so, very consciously she fixed her sari and then with effort started walking towards the toilet. Her daughter and granddaughter quietly watched her. I wondered what thoughts were passing through that old mother's mind, and what thoughts must have been racing through her daughter's...
She walked slowly and with obvious difficulty, and when someone stepped forward to help her, she politely refused...
And that is when it struck me hard that the greatest favor we can do our old is to let them know that we hold them in the same regard, respect, and love as we did when they were young. We have to allow them to feel as dignified as they must have felt when they were younger. We must never, ever, ever do anything to let them feel diminished in any way... . And if we must help them, then we need to be conscious that our help is not in any way lessening the image they have, deep inside, of themselves...
Talking about behavior...
In an article by Malvika Singh, 'Tn Royal Company,' she's talked about the behavior of the Bhutanese people and compared it with the Indian behavior at a similar function - a wedding... . The occasion was the wedding of the King of Bhutan
(I've removed certain sections, since what I wanted to highlight was behavior)
She says:
'No one behaved in a ham-handed manner; no guest felt that there was differentiation based on status; every invitee was treated like a VIP. All this was in sharp contrast to how guests are treated in India at similar celebrations that cease to be celebratory because of the dreadful segregation that we have mastered. Indian leaders need a crash course to learn how to conduct themselves with dignity. Grace and honourable behaviour patterns have disappeared from the rule-book. There is no one to look up to, no single individual to emulate or to get strength from. There are no heroes, no role models, except for superficial characters in Bollywood movies. Those who are privileged are busy exploiting the system for personal gain, and those who are aspiring to better their positions are attaching themselves like parasites to that particular lot. Crude and vulgar, ostentatious and clumsy, they have set the most demeaning standards. They have much to learn from their neighbor.'
This issue of 'behavior' is what always keeps raising its head... . It really seems that we are forgetting that there is such a thing as manners, let alone good manners... . And the thing is that there is so much beauty and grace and elegance in good manners.
I've heard people ask those who show basic good manners why they are behaving with so much 'formality.' Have we forgotten that tehzeeb (respect) and takalluf (etiquette) are part of our culture? Are we passing over and dispensing with the whole concept of refinement? Are we mistakenly equating the strength of gentleness with weakness?
Formality is dictated by the norms laid down by society whether in manners, or dress, or kind of food, or behavior on different occasions... . There is nothing wrong in that - there is a kind of behavior and style for every situation. There is also a certain kind of behavior and style commensurate with every position we hold in our lives as well as the stage of life we are at. What is so wrong about that?
Informality, which is much touted today as being the 'done' way, or the preferred way, is just another excuse for vulgar and licentious behavior, and certainly another way of reducing everything to the banal.
Formality or informality, there has to be an underlying shade of respect... . For it is in whether we respect others or not, that we show how much respect we have for ourselves...
(I've removed certain sections, since what I wanted to highlight was behavior)
She says:
'No one behaved in a ham-handed manner; no guest felt that there was differentiation based on status; every invitee was treated like a VIP. All this was in sharp contrast to how guests are treated in India at similar celebrations that cease to be celebratory because of the dreadful segregation that we have mastered. Indian leaders need a crash course to learn how to conduct themselves with dignity. Grace and honourable behaviour patterns have disappeared from the rule-book. There is no one to look up to, no single individual to emulate or to get strength from. There are no heroes, no role models, except for superficial characters in Bollywood movies. Those who are privileged are busy exploiting the system for personal gain, and those who are aspiring to better their positions are attaching themselves like parasites to that particular lot. Crude and vulgar, ostentatious and clumsy, they have set the most demeaning standards. They have much to learn from their neighbor.'
This issue of 'behavior' is what always keeps raising its head... . It really seems that we are forgetting that there is such a thing as manners, let alone good manners... . And the thing is that there is so much beauty and grace and elegance in good manners.
I've heard people ask those who show basic good manners why they are behaving with so much 'formality.' Have we forgotten that tehzeeb (respect) and takalluf (etiquette) are part of our culture? Are we passing over and dispensing with the whole concept of refinement? Are we mistakenly equating the strength of gentleness with weakness?
Formality is dictated by the norms laid down by society whether in manners, or dress, or kind of food, or behavior on different occasions... . There is nothing wrong in that - there is a kind of behavior and style for every situation. There is also a certain kind of behavior and style commensurate with every position we hold in our lives as well as the stage of life we are at. What is so wrong about that?
Informality, which is much touted today as being the 'done' way, or the preferred way, is just another excuse for vulgar and licentious behavior, and certainly another way of reducing everything to the banal.
Formality or informality, there has to be an underlying shade of respect... . For it is in whether we respect others or not, that we show how much respect we have for ourselves...
12 November 2011
My 300th post...
Landmark...milestone...on my life road...
Looking back, there were a lot of lemons,
some I managed to add tequila and salt to by myself...
many times my DD fixed the shot for me...
some I managed to add tequila and salt to by myself...
many times my DD fixed the shot for me...
Some lemons scarred with their acidity...
Some tried to spread the rottenness that had set into them, by osmosis...
Some were dry and hit hard...
Some were deceptively juicy...
Some I just threw away...
But the shots with tequila and salt................................
Cheers to all those times!!!
But the shots with tequila and salt................................
Cheers to all those times!!!
08 November 2011
In their essence...
to my mind, Sufi music and Flamenco music are very similar - they go straight into the heart, find their way into every corner and every deep crevice and from there draw out the very heart's blood, and along with it all the fear, anger, hurt, questioning, grief, happiness, feelings of unfairness, doubt, joy,aloneness, sorrow, dark thoughts, black clouds, rainbows....and force you to look at them, and then let them go in the sheer movement of dance...
04 November 2011
Do...
you get that gut-wrenching feeling when the kaleidoscope of colors suddenly dances into blackness??
...as if there is no next moment....
and you hold your breath and wonder if the little shards of colored light will ever come back...
then, slowly, once again the colors fox-trot back, or maybe even Charleston back...
...as if there is no next moment....
and you hold your breath and wonder if the little shards of colored light will ever come back...
then, slowly, once again the colors fox-trot back, or maybe even Charleston back...
03 November 2011
The difference between...
Work and drudge -
Both are essentially work, but after a lot of reading and thinking, I feel that work has an element of fun in it - when you can see the fun in what you are doing, which would translate into enjoyment in what you are doing, that would be work - not saying that there won't be moments of darkness or doubt, those are in-built into everything, but the overriding feeling is one of pleasure and relish...
Drudge on the other hand, has zero fun or even zero capacity for fun, and HUGE amounts of darkness. Drudge might be paying your rent, or upkeep, or maybe something necessary (like routine housework every day all year round). The good thing is that the fall-out of drudge could be made into fun...
(Of course, what might be drudge for someone, may well be work for someone else...and vice versa!!)
And so, happy working or happy looking-for-work-in-drudge...
The non-periods of doing anything are colored by whether what you are doing is work, or drudge - work would, therefore, color periods of non-doing in happy, relaxed, stimulating, peaceful, bright colors, and drudge would color these non-doing periods in shades of grey to black.
So, check the color meter....
Both are essentially work, but after a lot of reading and thinking, I feel that work has an element of fun in it - when you can see the fun in what you are doing, which would translate into enjoyment in what you are doing, that would be work - not saying that there won't be moments of darkness or doubt, those are in-built into everything, but the overriding feeling is one of pleasure and relish...
Drudge on the other hand, has zero fun or even zero capacity for fun, and HUGE amounts of darkness. Drudge might be paying your rent, or upkeep, or maybe something necessary (like routine housework every day all year round). The good thing is that the fall-out of drudge could be made into fun...
(Of course, what might be drudge for someone, may well be work for someone else...and vice versa!!)
And so, happy working or happy looking-for-work-in-drudge...
The non-periods of doing anything are colored by whether what you are doing is work, or drudge - work would, therefore, color periods of non-doing in happy, relaxed, stimulating, peaceful, bright colors, and drudge would color these non-doing periods in shades of grey to black.
So, check the color meter....
01 November 2011
It's taken me so long...
to understand that each moment segues into the next and the next and the next...till they become seconds, minutes, hours, days and years of a life.
For some this happens seamlessly, and for some, like myself, it's often been a hard struggle - because life IS going to follow its path, and if you forcefully try to change its course, it's anyway going to come right back - only it would be returning over bruises and hurts and bleeding, pouring its healing powers as it comes back to the path laid down for it.
But at least the realization has happened - so, better late than never! Cheers!!
For some this happens seamlessly, and for some, like myself, it's often been a hard struggle - because life IS going to follow its path, and if you forcefully try to change its course, it's anyway going to come right back - only it would be returning over bruises and hurts and bleeding, pouring its healing powers as it comes back to the path laid down for it.
But at least the realization has happened - so, better late than never! Cheers!!
Talking about beliefs...
Everyone has a belief - those who say they don't believe in God or a supernatural Presence, or Entity, still do believe in something...maybe even believing that they don't believe anything...
The point is whether our belief makes us loving and compassionate, or astringent and severe...
The point is whether our belief makes us loving and compassionate, or astringent and severe...
Continuing with the idea of 'Confiscation...'
Every kind of relationship needs working on if confiscation is not to happen, (that is apart from the fact that if confisction is a reality, then one has to work on and through one's own secret space).
I believe that the greatest gift you can give a person is to let him/her be himself/herself without censure...
I also believe that the greatest gift you can give yourself is to accept and be yourself warts and all, faults and all, without pretense and without the need for acceptance by anyone, and absolutely not feel limited in any way...
I believe that the greatest gift you can give a person is to let him/her be himself/herself without censure...
I also believe that the greatest gift you can give yourself is to accept and be yourself warts and all, faults and all, without pretense and without the need for acceptance by anyone, and absolutely not feel limited in any way...
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