Been thinking about this a lot of late.... The most important thing is that I am actually loving the feeling of being over 50....and thank goodness the days of confused youth are over! now, somehow I feel that there is no tension in me. No more unwanted competition; and, nasty criticism and unfair censure don't bother as much..don't feel the need to get uptight about anything anymore. What I'm loving is the feeling of a kind of freedom that I feel in my head and heart. A lot of things are becoming clearer - for instance - certain words of wisdom like - 'This too shall pass' was something I didn't have the patience for. In fact, patience as a virtue was clearly not something that I had in great quantities. Now, though, I don't feel the need to be impatient--somehow it has sunk in that whatever happens, happens because it has to happen, this was the time for it to happen, and there is precious little I can do about it. It is also a great lesson I learnt that one needs to take only 1 step at a time-----not even one day. Just one step--one foot in front of the other. Just one bit at a time of the task in hand. Best thing is that it works! Learn to be kind to yourself was something that I had read about but it was difficult to do as I’d grown up with a very strong sense of duty, and should and shouldn’ts, great moral uprightness and the whole caboodle of sin....I guess that is what happens when you one is a preacher’s kid...somehow these don’t seem dreadfully important. It’s not that one is going to go on a rampage anymore, but there is no desire to be judgemental either about myself or about anybody else---to find reasons for things not working out, and to be negative, doesn’t seem worth the mental effort....it seems much easier to face a problem head on and find solutions which would work best....there is so much more that is opening out in my head and heart...so many things that I am learning all of a sudden. I guess this freedom is also because one is at that stage in life when there are not too many financial commitments. The child, too, has flown out of the nest....now relationships are redefining themselves---and it is for the better and more fulfilling, and there are new commitments....For one, I never knew that my daughter would be such a good friend and that there would be a deep understanding without any words..Old relationships are bringing in new kinds of commitments. Things that seemed so frightfully important don’t seem so now. There is nothing to get frantic about either...it is also very amazing how the meaning of enjoyment has also changed. Now all that one needs to enjoy oneself are very simple, very much less non-material, and of quite a different nature altogether...it is enough to just be. It is enough to just sit and look at the world go by. And while one is sorely tempted to tell the younger lot not to run around and fuss so, one can actually just let it pass. There is not that urge to right all the wrongs of the world, but to enjoy the world as it is...there is not the urge to rush through a book but to savour it and relish it. You realize that solitude can actually be enjoyed and that you don’t need to have empty hours, and fill those hours with noise or company....you can be by yourself and enjoy it, and not be frightened of the alone-ness....the craving is completely gone—for anything. In fact one feels a sense of gratitude for what comes one’s way...there is an excitement too in this new phase. That, I guess, is where the beauty is....I am very impressed by and influenced by Rita Levi Montalcini. She is a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, who on her 100th birthday on April 18th, 2009, said that her mind is sharper now than it was when she was 20! Two sentences stood out for me—
“Above all, don’t fear difficult moments,” she said. “The best comes from them”
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Her white hair elegantly coiffed and wearing a smart navy blue suit, she raised a glass of sparkling wine to toast her long life.
I think this sums it all---keep your mind gainfully employed and active, make sure your heart is in the right place, don’t roost on the past—get on and get a life, and make every day of living an elegant experience.