For the over 50s

Been thinking about this a lot of late.... The most important thing is that I am actually loving the feeling of being over 50....and thank goodness the days of confused youth are over! now, somehow I feel that there is no tension in me. No more unwanted competition; and, nasty criticism and unfair censure don't bother as much..don't feel the need to get uptight about anything anymore. What I'm loving is the feeling of a kind of freedom that I feel in my head and heart. A lot of things are becoming clearer - for instance - certain words of wisdom like - 'This too shall pass' was something I didn't have the patience for. In fact, patience as a virtue was clearly not something that I had in great quantities. Now, though, I don't feel the need to be impatient--somehow it has sunk in that whatever happens, happens because it has to happen, this was the time for it to happen, and there is precious little I can do about it. It is also a great lesson I learnt that one needs to take only 1 step at a time-----not even one day. Just one step--one foot in front of the other. Just one bit at a time of the task in hand. Best thing is that it works! Learn to be kind to yourself was something that I had read about but it was difficult to do as I’d grown up with a very strong sense of duty, and should and shouldn’ts, great moral uprightness and the whole caboodle of sin....I guess that is what happens when you one is a preacher’s kid...somehow these don’t seem dreadfully important. It’s not that one is going to go on a rampage anymore, but there is no desire to be judgemental either about myself or about anybody else---to find reasons for things not working out, and to be negative, doesn’t seem worth the mental effort....it seems much easier to face a problem head on and find solutions which would work best....there is so much more that is opening out in my head and heart...so many things that I am learning all of a sudden. I guess this freedom is also because one is at that stage in life when there are not too many financial commitments. The child, too, has flown out of the nest....now relationships are redefining themselves---and it is for the better and more fulfilling, and there are new commitments....For one, I never knew that my daughter would be such a good friend and that there would be a deep understanding without any words..Old relationships are bringing in new kinds of commitments. Things that seemed so frightfully important don’t seem so now. There is nothing to get frantic about either...it is also very amazing how the meaning of enjoyment has also changed. Now all that one needs to enjoy oneself are very simple, very much less non-material, and of quite a different nature altogether...it is enough to just be. It is enough to just sit and look at the world go by. And while one is sorely tempted to tell the younger lot not to run around and fuss so, one can actually just let it pass. There is not that urge to right all the wrongs of the world, but to enjoy the world as it is...there is not the urge to rush through a book but to savour it and relish it. You realize that solitude can actually be enjoyed and that you don’t need to have empty hours, and fill those hours with noise or company....you can be by yourself and enjoy it, and not be frightened of the alone-ness....the craving is completely gone—for anything. In fact one feels a sense of gratitude for what comes one’s way...there is an excitement too in this new phase. That, I guess, is where the beauty is....I am very impressed by and influenced by Rita Levi Montalcini. She is a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, who on her 100^th birthday on April 18^th, 2009, said that her mind is sharper now than it was when she was 20! Two sentences stood out for me—

“Above all, don’t fear difficult moments,” she said. “The best comes from them”

&

Her white hair elegantly coiffed and wearing a smart navy blue suit, she raised a glass of sparkling wine to toast her long life.

I think this sums it all---keep your mind gainfully employed and active, make sure your heart is in the right place, don’t roost on the past—get on and get a life, and make every day of living an elegant experience.

A Deck of Cards

Life deals all of us a hand from its deck of cards. Each hand has at least one bad card, and each has at least one good card. There may be more than one of either as well, but the basic equal number, one bad and one good are there for everybody. It depends on us entirely what we do with our hand. We can neither gloat over all the good cards we might have, nor be disheartened because of all the bad ones. Right now, this is our hand, this is our reality. Life gives us opportunities, as well as challenges. Life gives us bouquets for succeeding and brickbats for failing. How we play our hand depends on us. It depends on how we make use of our natural talents, instincts and intelligence. It depends on our grit and determination. It depends on our strength of mind. There are innumerable rags to riches stories available in our libraries, stores and on the net. There are also examples of people who have succeeded against all odds in our own lives. With that one good card you can overcome all the hurdles and obstacles in your path. On the other hand, with the one bad card you have in your hand, you can spoil the chances that all the other good cards could have offered you. It's a matter of attitude - how you look at your hand. Groaning and moaning about your fate, your circumstances, isn't going to make it either go away or become less difficult and painful. It will make it only worse, and you will not be able to see that one small flicker of light that is beckoning you - that light that can dispel all the darkness of doubt and indecision. Likewise, if you squander all the opportunities life has given you, all the good chances and good moments, just because you have one bad card, it is tragic. Whatever hand you have, give yourself a chance. Keep your heart and mind open. Don't look back. Don't think too much, and especially of what might happen, because you merely end up expending precious energy on what might never happen. Yes, you have to be prepared for any contingency. This preparation is the preparation of the mind not to dwell on what has happened, good or bad, but to get on with life. Get on with putting one foot in front of the other. Kipling was right when he called success and failure impostors, because they are. Success and failure are in the mind. At the end of the day, life merely wants to know if you have played your card, or if you have frittered away your chance, or in case you have botched up your play, what your attitude is. It doesn't matter if you have failed your chance today. Pick yourself up and get on with the business of living. Importantly, no state is permanent - neither happiness nor sadness, nor badness, nor goodness - everything passes......get up, smile, enjoy the moment. Every moment has something to teach us - learn from them, because nothing, but nothing happens without a reason, and everything that happens, happens for the best though the immediate appearance might be to the contrary. Nobody has it all good, and nobody has it all bad. Just get on - - one brave step in front of another. One step enough for me......................

Poverty of Spirit

Poverty has many shades of meaning. It could mean neediness, destitution, lack, want, deficiency, paucity and meagreness. This is as opposed to affluence, comfort, richness, abundance and sufficiency. When we talk about poverty of spirit, we are talking about small-mindedness, a judgmental, and self-righteous morality that makes you wear a hair shirt all the time in the belief that by so doing you have gained yourself a place in heaven....a lack of the ability to look at anything other than the worst side of whatever presents itself at the moment. There is a want of bigness of heart and soul, a deficiency of kindness and compassion. A meagreness of positive emotion that would see the brightness in the darkest gloom....To sum up, a total bankruptcy of all uplifting emotions. Poverty of spirit is not exclusive to those with less material wealth, the rich may be victims of this as well.

What brings on this poverty? Importantly, why would you allow anything to bring this poverty on yourself? Bright, happy people have often allowed circumstances to dictate how they are going to feel and behave. It’s not going to be good all the time. I found comfort and relief when I read in one of the newsletters that I subscribe to, that as the waves come on to the beach, and then go back, so also the good things and bad things that come into your life – the waves that come onto the beach signify the good things. Sometimes, they come far up, sometimes not, sometimes the waves hardly come onto the beach. Remember that each wave that comes onto the beach goes back. The reverse is also true – each wave that recedes, comes back.......Sometimes the waves recede far into the sea, sometimes they lap twice or thrice to get back to the sea. And sometimes, if you watch carefully, before a wave has receded fully, another wave comes on. So also the good and bad things that happen to you. You don’t need much to make you happy. If you look around, you will see that there are plenty of things that you can use to brighten your life. I read an account of a lady who travelled in a 60 sq.ft caravan linked to her car. She had made herself utterly comfortable in that tiny space with only the things that she needed and that mattered to her. If you take a real, hard look at your life, you will see that there is a lot that you really don’t need, and that you can do perfectly well without. If you can make your little space pretty with whatever is at hand, get a few things that would make life comfortable – a kettle, a coffee maker, and a toaster, or a small gas stove, have the things that keep you connected, like your laptop, which makes the whole world accessible, and helps to keep your mind stretched, a few good books to keep you grounded, and a source of music to life your soul, you will see that you lack for nothing.......we all collect a lot of clutter along the way - material as well as the intangible, which we would do well to get rid of – just to get to the core.....the basics as it were. A feeling of affluence creeps into the spirit which grows. Then we would never be away from ourselves, we would not need to be somebody else, we would not need someone’s approval for what we are, we can be ourselves –and be happy with who we are. We will automatically find ourselves turning to Nature, and allowing its abundance to come in into our hearts. We become aware of it, instead of taking it for granted like we so often do, and are the richer for having done so. We will rely on our inner resources more, and outer resources less...a feeling of sufficient unto the day.....And so you find that if your personal life is comfortably worn, the world looks good, and life seems more cope-able.