Identity

'Identity' is something that has been on my mind for the last few days. What does one mean by this word - a distinct personality? a personality created by the anchoring of ourselves to our land/country, or more specifically to our culture - culture drawn from our linguistic group/religion/ state/place of birth. Erik Erikson has used the term to designate 'a sense of self that develops in the course of a man's life and that both relates him to and sets him apart from his social milieu'. There is an unconscious quest for personal continuity. We want to know where we come from, who our ancestors were, where and how they lived. We draw our sense of identity from this - that we are part of a family and belong to a certain geographical area. Many people who look for their roots go very deep into their geneology in order to reinforce their sense of identity.

There are many who are not really worried about their past - they are the ones who create their own identity and in the doing of it, may take an academic interest in knowing their origins, but not that that would really influence them.

Why do people need to know about their roots? It could be that in this age of globalisation, when there is so much movement to different parts of the world, people sometimes feel the need to have a connection with something fixed - -like a compass...In India, too a lot of people face this problem. Very often, a person cannot stay in the same State that he/she was born in. Could be a job opportunity in some other State, or could be a transferable job that took a family to different parts of the country, and a whole new way of life has to be adjusted to.Admission to local schools for the children, local customs,a working knowledge of the local language. Then, when the kid is grown up, if the topic of identity hasn't been addressed by the by the parent in a rational and logical manner, then this might just cause an 'identity crisis', or an 'identity confusion' (terms developed by Erik Ericson).

What then is this about 'going back to our roots' and our 'identity'? I feel that one cannot and must not limit oneself within the boundaries of where one is born, or where one has lived for many years, or where one wants to spend his/her working life, or even where one wants to retire and spend the evening years. This is very comfortable, but very limiting. Of course, the first question that anyone asks upon introduction is 'Where are you from', or 'Where are you from originally'? or Where are you from really'? This then sets off a whole line of thinking and arguing and rationalising.

We need to create our own identities based on all that we learn and gather as the years pass. One cannot do anything about where one is born or in which family one is born, nor can we dictate what the surroundings should be of the place where we are born and where we spend the first years of our lives. However, as the years roll on, and we go through the different stages of our growth, we mature, and if we allow our minds to mature along with our bodies, we open our minds and brain to various ways of thinking, read and learn from various bodies of thoughts from wise men, learn all the lessons that life teaches us, learn from our experiences both good and bad and thus create our own personality and identity. We can choose our role models and thus incorporate all those qualities which we feel will help us to get the most out of life. We need to understand life and to this end must keep changing and growing. This would make our lives infinitely interesting and make us accept challenges.

We cannot choose where we are born, but we can decide what we become.

Seasons

A long time ago I'd read a wonderful article by Pico Iyer on celebrating the different seasons. I thought that was a lovely way of celebrating life as it were. Instead of celebrating the various festivals - mainly religious - (though in all fairness, Indians by and large celebrate all festivals regardless of their religious affiliations), wouldn't it be better to celebrate the different seasons. So, we would have spring, in the month of March-April, the rains in July-August, fall in September, and of course winter in December-January. It would be celebration through the year......We do need celebrations in our lives to add that extra zing to our daily round of duties. We need to pause and appreciate Nature with all its colours and moods. We need to reaffirm ourselves and all that we are....

Pondicherry

I love going to Pondicherry. One drives down the Eastern Coast Road from Madras, and once out of the city, the drive to Pondicherry via Mahabalipuram, through lovely countryside - backwaters, salt lakes, paddy fields, takes you to your destination. You can glimpse the sea and the casuarina estates not too far away from the road. The charm of the French quarter is palpable. The roads are tree lined, have French names and the homes are set in their own compounds. They look quaint and utterly, utterly charming. The promenade by the sea is so inviting...The rush and tension of everyday life start easing out of one's bones and one feels that there is just no need to hurry. A lazy lunch at one of the restaurants (our favourite is the Rendezvous, though we tried Le Club today), and life looks different and eminently livable!! A visit to Auroville rounds of the day. I must confess that it is mainly the handicrafts that attract me - scented candles, pot pourri, wind chimes and dream catchers....I love them...

Cinema in India

What power Hindi cinema has. I'm not much of a Hindi movie buff though I do like watching an occasional one. We saw 'Rab ne banadi jodi', a Shah Rukh Khan starrer. Wow! the impact the man has - the minute he made his first appearance, the whole hall erupted in cheers. Kajol got a similar ovation when she appeared briefly in a song and dance sequence. Of late I'd watched Shah Rukh Khan on TV talking about the Mumbai blasts, on Islam and on terrorism. He spoke so much sense. For an icon, he is remarkably down-to-earth. I realized that he, through his movies is guiding the thinking, behaviour, and values of generations of people - young and old. I realized that many of the scenes that I would give a pass to were necessary to get a point across. Even today, 60 years of independance notwithstanding, we are still guided by all kinds of old thinking. Thinking which we can do away with, and which we must do away with. The girl is to be married, her betrothed is killed in an accident on the wedding day, and the question that has the father in a panic is who will now marry his daughter. A pall of superstition descends on the family and the father requests Shah Rukh to marry her, which of course he does. Then is the conflict in the girl's mind, and finally, of course, everything works out and the story ends happily ever after. I do believe that the boundaries of a woman's life are totally defined by the men in her life - her father, brother, and importantly, her husband. Very bright women have been reduced to almost zombies because of un-understanding spouses, and how many women are encouraged to fully realize their latent wishes and do what they want to? And, yet, thoughtfulness to a woman, caring about her likes and dislikes, allaying her fears and creating the environment for her to grow in, can bring about a happy change in her life...

While watching 'Rab ne',my mind went back to 'Amu'. This was a Bengali/ English film and so totally different. Here, it is a grave social injustice that was made into a story, bringing to light a political situation that had become ugly, and how finally it is the common man who bore the brunt. Our government moves in an orbit that I feel does not really touch our everyday lives. We create our own little world and make it as comfortable as we can. We bravely try to cope with our hardships and create our oases of happy moments. A powerful, thoughtful film - again a lesson taught to the common man who would otherwise not have had either the opportunity or chance to know about these things. Sometimes I thought it was even cathartic...

Truly, it is our films that shape our thinking and define our lives, and our actors who become our role models......

Anger

Mahatma Gandhi had this motto on his wall at Sevagram.

"When you are in the right,
You can afford to keep your temper;
When you are in the wrong,
You can't afford to lose it."

How very true. My husband and I were talking this morning about 'anger'. How much damage this emotion can cause not only to ourselves but to those around us. How alienating it is. The topic of anger came up when we were talking about one of the innumerable talk shows that are being aired on TV. As usual there was Pakistan bashing (this seems to have become some kind of a compulsion). One lady suggested that we should stop this...and see how best this awful problem could be solved. I fully agree with her. If we think of this statement in the light of what Mahatma Gandhi said, it makes complete sense - In a conflict, when we are in the right and have every right to express our indignation at being wronged, but we don't, it gives us that much of a moral edge. If we can have the kind of self restraint that will not allow us to gloat over the mistakes the other person has made, or even about ourselves that our judgement was right, we grow - mentally and emotionally. However, if when we are in the wrong, and we can neither acknowledge that or even accept it gracefully, then most often what happens is that we cover up our mistake or our wrongdoing by blaming and getting angry with the people around us and as many external circumstances as we can think of. This is what causes huge damage, and the negative vibes sent out destroy the psychological environment around us. This would cloud our judgement, and worse, not help at all in solving the problem. It might even aggravate the problem. If, however, we just keep quiet, and accept the mistake, it is forgiven, forgotten and there are no hard feelings in the long run. In fact, it would have created a feeling of respect in the wronged person. Apply this to our country. Today we have been wronged. We are right in feeling wronged. We should just work on solving this in a quiet and dignified manner. Instead, we are absolutely shouting this from every roof top and in every forum and generally making a huge noise. Pakistan too would do well to remember that all problems can be solved quietly and unemotionally. Being in the wrong, they are making it worse by their show of anger. This will not only alienate them even more, but also vitiate an already explosive environment. This wound is likely to take a long time to heal and we need to concentrate all our energies and our efforts to this end. Both countries have to stand together and work together. Maybe the news anchors and moderators of the million TV debates would take note of Gandhi. We tend to spout Gandhi as a fashion, but the man did speak sense......

Integrity

I read an article by Jim Rohn the other day. It bore out what we - my husband and I have always believed in and tried to do through the years as educators. We realized very early on - and Jim Rohn bears this out - 'Kids are great moral philosophers, especially as they get into adolescence'. They question and want to expose any kind of hypocrisy, phoniness or lack of integrity they see in those in authority. As parents we deal with this at home with our kids. As teachers and educators we come across this in our kids, especially the older ones. Children are very unforgiving and if you don't have a plausible explanation ready for them and if you cannot convince them, then you are lost. What's worse, they are lost -it starts with a feeling of being let down and then, they just get into the 'I don't believe you' frame of mind and there is nothing you can do about it.Children are all the time testing us. Scary thought, but true, nevertheless.....

Integrity cannot be taught. It has to be a way of life with us adults if we want the children - our own as well as those we influence - to imbibe this very important value. Teaching children integrity is our responsibility. Integrity is what is going to get the children through this very difficult world of ours. They have to learn from us the absolute importance of telling the truth,no matter what the consequences. We have to teach them to mean what they say, and say what they mean. Bad enough that there will be many instances in their grown-up life that they will find that being dishonest and unethical will bring gains. What we teach them when we teach them integrity is that these are short term gains and they will never bring either happiness or peace of mind. In fact they will corrode their self-respect slowly but surely, and no material gain will ever be able to compensate this. They will learn from us to be proud of what they do, and who they are. They will learn never to compromise on anything that would reduce their self respect or sense of self worth.

Persepolis

I just finished reading this book today. It's an autobiographical graphic novel by Marjane Satrapi. It very evocatively describes her childhood, adolescent and growing up years in Iran and Austria in a period when Iran was at war with Iraq and during the Islamic revolution.

Why Persepolis? Persepolis was the Persian capital founded by Darius I in the 6th century BC. Later destroyed by Alexander the Great. Marjane chose this name to show that Iran was a great and grand civilization, thousands of years old, besieged by invaders, but carrying on, and that a civilization should not be judged by the actions of a few extremists but that it's depth and complexity be learnt and understood. She wanted to honour those who had died for the country and wanted the present generations in Iran not to forget those who might have very sadly and painfully had to leave. Marjane was fortunate in that she had very understanding parents who helped her understand and deal with the tumultous times they were living in. She eventually left Iran, but for a sojourner in another land, the homeland is a pain deep, deep inside the soul....

Wonders of the World? The WONDER OF LIFE

I read this in the Daily dose of Happiness that I receive, and want to share it with anyone who might want to pause a minute with me....

WONDER

What would you say are the Seven Wonders of the world today? I admit
I am not sure what they are officially, but I would guess:

The Pyramids

The Great Wall of China

The twin towers in Kuala Lumpur

Mount Rushmore

The Panama Canal

The Taj Mahal

The Chunnel

I am sure there is plenty of room for adding certain great bridges
and churches and temples and towers, but here is how one schoolgirl
answered the question:

1. to see

2. to hear

3. to touch

4. to taste

5. to feel

6. to laugh

7. to love

Does this not make us think? These ARE the wonders of life - Truly, out of the mouth of babes......we need to remind ourselves of this daily, just to remain connected with the truth of our lives.

Serenity & Tranquility

What beautiful qualities to strive for..........the deep need to have these in my mind, heart and head...the need for stillness, calm and peace and the need to remove oneself from all loudness be it of speech, or action, or environment.....just serenity and tranquility..

Wabi Sabi & Thoreau

The concept of Wabi Sabi has totally gripped me. What a powerful concept - 'beauty in imperfection'. The search for perfection in all that one does, does take a lot of the joy of just doing things, worse, creates tension and a kind of negativeness permeates the atmosphere. Wabi Sabi stresses the creation of a peaceful atmosphere around you. Was it just coincidence that I also came across Thoreau's Walden? he stresses on 'Simplicity. Not to waste yourself concentrating on details....To just be. To live every moment and in every moment.

Media madness

The media has absolutely gone berserk this time - I'm referring to the terrorist attacks on Mumbai - it was irresponsible journalism at best. Just plain irresponsible and inciting in its essence. Even now, the endless talk shows with all kinds of people are just words, words and words and again and again harping on the Islamic issue. Why? As someone very rightly said, this is the time to focus inside of ourselves to see how best this awful damage can be repaired in terms of setting our thinking right.

A thought in passing- is anyone thinking of that misguided lad who is now in the custody of the police?

There are so many angles to this whole terrorist attack. I think we need to garner all our abilities to think straight and think correctly and with facts. We also need to think about what happened in the station and hospital. It is not only the rich and beautiful that were affected.....

Think about this

Somehow the phrase 'it was not out of Islamic conviction' that the terrorist who was caught did what he did, it was the economics of his desperate situation that drove him to it. He did not have the benefit of either education, or a caring social structure....

Pause a minute

Why 'Pause a minute'? I thought of this as my blog title because this is just what I want to do and what I would like you to do -- just pause in our busy, hectic days .

Share your thoughts so that those who read will pause and relish their pausing.