Struggle and conflict...

are the two constants in our lives.

We - and for people like me it happens all too often - tend to think that if we are going through some struggle or some kind of conflict, there is something wrong with us - something wrong with the way we are thinking or with the way we are doing things, with our attitudes or with our perceptions. The tendency is to blame ourselves. If we make mistakes, we blame ourselves, and if someone reacts unkindly or unfairly, then also we blame ourselves. Naturally, this has its own fall-outs and consequences - often in the form of some sort of struggle with ourselves or conflicts with others which naturally comes back to us.

Of course, there are times when we try to put the blame on others, even though we know we cannot control how others act/react or think or how they talk or what they say.

But there are many more times when we tend to blame ourselves.

We all want to live 'happily ever after' lives. Hence, any kind of conflict or struggle is an aberration and our first reaction is one of distress thereby sending the happiness factor far, far away. However, looking at it dispassionately, conflict and struggle is built into our lives. Starting with birth - birth happens after a great deal of pain and struggle. But the result - one of happiness at a new baby. Look at the baby - it undergoes a great struggle to adapt to a new environment...when the little one starts to adjust, he/she starts to grow. In fact, every tiny step of our growth is a struggle - as we overcome each struggle, painfully, we grow that much more in clarity and wisdom. Our perceptions become stronger and, best of all, we become more flexible as we give up our rigidness and try to learn new ways and new things.... in the process, enriching the whole process of living.

Every kind of growth has conflict and struggle built into the process.

Thus, conflict and struggle just ARE. They are neither good nor bad. They are a fact of life. When we recognize this fact and acknowledge it, it will bring clarity to our thinking. We learn to forgive because of conflict - forgive ourselves and others. But, we must not, must not, must not think of conflict and struggle as our enemies.....In a peculiar and paradoxical way they are our friends for they help bring about a change for the better...make us better people....and thus bring about a sense of peace...

Wisdom from great men...

have cautioned us through the centuries.

Suddenly a whole lot of things are happening around me and I am groping to get my steadiness back. Has this happened to you too? There are times when a lot of things ping at the same time on your consciousness and threaten to rock your boat? It's happening to me now. And, as always, I started getting a grip on myself during my period of meditation.


I have always got a great deal of comfort from American Indian wisdom. Here's what Fools Crow, LAKOTA, says about keeping the inner and outer worlds in balance:

"If we keep everything in balance, we are in harmony with ourselves and are at peace."

American Indian wisdom offers: As within, as without, our present thought determines our future. If we want peace outside ourselves, we must first have peace inside ourselves. It's not what is going on but how we are looking at what is going on.

It is not what IS going on, it is the million thoughts that what is going on raises in our minds that we have to deal with. Buddhists call this the monkey mind. So, first, we have to put all these thoughts that are churning about, to rest - quieten the monkey mind. Learn to look at things as they are without all the colors our thoughts are coloring them. Hazrat Inayat Khan (Sufi wisdom) says: By our thoughts we have prepared for ourselves the happiness or unhappiness we experience.

The Desiderata says: Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

American Indian wisdom offers: We need to keep ourselves in balance. We must be careful to not get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. We must know the times - time to work, time to rest, time to play, time to sleep, time to pray, time to lighten up, time to laugh, time to eat, time to exercise.

There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). And as the Desiderata so beautifully puts it -

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

American wisdom offers: There is a saying "The honor of one is the honor of all." This means when we work with all, we need to also work on one. We need to take care of ourselves. You cannot give away what you don't have.

And as the years go on, the Desiderata cautions: Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

It really is all about being in harmony with oneself...

Important 7 Lessons...

1. Allow yourself the uncomfortable luxury of changing your mind. Cultivate that capacity for “negative capability.” It’s enormously disorienting to simply say, “I don’t know.” But it’s infinitely more rewarding to understand than to be right — even if that means changing your mind about a topic, an ideology, or, above all, yourself.

2. Do nothing out of guilt, or for prestige, status, money or approval alone. Extrinsic motivators are fine and can feel life-affirming in the moment, but they ultimately don’t make it thrilling to get up in the morning and gratifying to go to sleep at night — and, in fact, they can often distract and detract from the things that do offer those deeper rewards.

3. Be generous with your time and your resources and with giving credit and, especially, with your words. It’s so much easier to be a critic than a celebrator. Always remember there is a human being on the other end of every exchange and behind every cultural artifact being critiqued.

4. Build pockets of stillness into your life. Meditate. Go for walks. Ride your bike going nowhere in particular. There IS a creative purpose to daydreaming, even to boredom. Most importantly, sleep. Besides being the greatest creative aphrodisiac, sleep also affects our every waking moment, dictates our social rhythm, and even mediates our negative moods. Be as religious and disciplined about your sleep as you are about your work.

5. Maya Angelou famously said, ‘When people tell you who they are, believe them’. But even more importantly, when people try to tell you who you are, don’t believe them. You are the only custodian of your own integrity, and the assumptions made by those that misunderstand who you are and what you stand for reveal a great deal about them and absolutely nothing about you.

6. Presence is far more intricate and rewarding an art than productivity. The cult of productivity has its place, but worshipping at its altar daily robs us of the very capacity for joy and wonder that makes life worth living — for, as Annie Dillard memorably put it, “how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

7. Debbie Millman captures our modern predicament beautifully: “Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time.” The flower doesn’t go from bud to blossom in one spritely burst and yet, as a culture, we’re disinterested in the tedium of the blossoming. But that’s where all the real magic unfolds in the making of one’s character and destiny.



(I got this from: https://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/10/23/7-lessons-from-7-years/)

My relationship...

with myself.

As I get ready for my birthday tomorrow, here are some things that I need to top up on:


-----I need to become acquainted with myself. I need to accept my feelings and understand them. I also need to pay attention to my intuition. I need to listen to my inner voice. I need to nourish my soul. According to Native American wisdom, the Creator has a way of allowing us to see or know things in the spiritual world. This is called the Sixth Sense. The Sixth Sense is like a radar system; our personal radar system. It will help us "see" opportunities and help us avoid disaster. We must learn to listen to it. We must learn to trust it. We must learn to act on it even if our head says differently.

-----I need to make time for myself. I need to recognize that my needs are important. I need to do things that I love, and take good care of myself-physically, mentally and emotionally. I need to not put myself down and even if, sometimes, I have to step back, it must be with the full knowledge that I am stepping back for someone who is very important to me and because my stepping back will help him/her. I am not to step back because I feel inadequate or small. We each have our strengths and shortcomings, and I need to recognize mine, and accept and love myself with all of them.

I have to practice forgiveness. I have to learn to forgive myself and others.

I have to be able to accept where I are right now. Of course, I have to keep striving for where I may want to be, but it is important that I be patient with myself through the different chapters of my life.

I have to realize I am beautiful just as I am. There is no need for a mask, and no benefit in pretending to be someone I am not. I have to love the parts of myself that bring no applause from others. My beauty lies in my imperfections, vulnerabilities, and insecurities. I need to embrace who I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone.

A beautiful friendship...

An absolute must read:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/08/23/mystery-duck-cheers-up-heartbroken-dog-grieving-over-best-friend/?WTmcid=tmgoff_soc_spf_fb&WT.mc_id=sf34124071

This is real friendship!

It is imperative...

to have a philosophy to live by. Most of us tap into the wisdom of others, cull what inspires us and then either incorporate it as is into our philosophy or tweak it to our own unique situation.

Having a philosophy of life is critical for everyday living - to stay on an even keel and to live the best way we can, using our abilities, talents and potentials.

Our mind and body are linked. And therefore impact on each other. For instance, when you are physically very tired, you would have noticed that your mind shuts down, or throws up things that don't lead to anything constructive or peaceful. Likewise, when we feel all pepped up, the mind is optimistic and sharp.

Bruce Lee expressed the mind and body as being 'each end of the battery constantly charging the other.'


Here are a few gems borrowed from Lee's wisdom:

• You will never get any more out of life than you expect
• Keep your mind on the things you want and off those you don’t
• Be a calm beholder of what is happening around you
• There is a difference between a) the world, and b) our reaction to it
• No one can hurt you unless you allow him to

Sharing Bruce Lee's wisdom...

Lee Jun-fan, known professionally as Bruce Lee, was one of the greatest marital arts exponents of our time. There is no way he could have reached that degree of skill without developing a philosophy to live by.

Here are some of his sayings - sayings he believed in and lived.

1. Our lack of self-awareness that makes us look to others to tell us who we are. Learning not to do that is one of life's hardest, most important lessons.

2. The maintenance of self-esteem is a continuous task that taxes all of the individual’s power and inner resources.

Lee examines the crucial difference between pride and self-esteem:
Pride is a sense of worth derived from something that is not part of us, while self-esteem derives from the potentialities and achievements of self. For instance, we are proud when we identify ourselves with an imaginary self, a leader, a holy cause, a collective body of possessions. There is fear and intolerance in pride; it is insensitive and uncompromising. The less promise and potency in the self, the more imperative is the need for pride. The core of pride is self-rejection. Self-esteem, therefore, has to be continuously kept up and sustained.

3. Lee encourages people to strive for honest self-expression in alignment with their mind, body, and spirit.

“ALWAYS BE YOURSELF. EXPRESS YOURSELF. HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF.”

4. When there is freedom from mechanical conditioning, there is simplicity. The classical man is just a bundle of routine, ideas and tradition. If you follow the classical pattern, you understand the routine, the tradition, the shadow — but ---- you are not understanding yourself.

5. Awareness (of your surroundings) is without choice, without demand, without anxiety --- in that state of mind, there is perception. To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. Awareness has no frontier; it is giving of your whole being, without exclusion.

6. There is no such thing as maturity. There is instead an ever-evolving process of maturing, because, when there is a maturity, there is a conclusion and a cessation. That’s the end. That’s when the coffin is closed. You might be deteriorating physically in the long process of aging, but your personal process of daily discovery is ongoing. You continue to learn more and more about yourself every day.

7. Change is from inner to outer. — We start by dissolving our attitude not by altering outer conditions.