Thoughts from a chat...

A friend and I (both of us women) were chatting about growing old...we were wondering why it was so difficult to grow old in our country...of course these were our own thoughts...

We felt there were many things involved - For one, our society tends to put all women, after their children have left home,  bang on the shelf. So there we are, feeling fresh and full of vitality - on the shelf. We are not only considered old, but friends and family seem to go out of their way to treat us as if we already have one foot in the grave...they insist that we cannot do the things that we want - you're old, remember? It is a rare person who will accept a 'perceived old lady' dancing in the rain (so to speak) - our place is in temples and churches, chanting shlokas and prayers. Travel, and enjoy yourself? You've got to be joking - the only travel is either to the nearest place of worship, or on a pilgrimage. Trendy clothes? (never mind the figure, we might just love wearing these) - awwwwwwwwwwwwwww - that's a total no-no--heavens, what are you thinking? (of course we too have a tendency to let ourselves go - after all our kids are grown up!). Have fun? What? our place is still in the kitchen turning out meal after meal after meal. And the list goes on and on...Check out the 'old' ladies abroad - fresh and full of vitality and NOT on the shelf...

Could it be that as we grow older, we cease to care about ourselves, while when ladies abroad grow older, they have a whole new life to look forward to? Consequently they look slim and trim and fit and take on new challenges and try new things.

Could it be that we are deprived, somehow, of a support system that says, 'Go for it gal! you can do it!' ? 

Could it also be that we have become so complacent and feel so at ease that we are a smug-snug-fit in the comfort zone that we have created?

Could it be that we lack the courage to live as we grow older? - Of course, we all become vulnerable and less strong mentally and physically, but should these natural processes limit us?

Could it be that we have allowed our backbone to get weak and so have traded our spunk for the easy way out? (it's very easy to sit on the shelf) or bartered our mettle for the safety that meekness brings? or exchanging our confidence for a perceived uncertainty...

Randomly rambling...

We, each one of us, has a road to travel on, and there is no changing that road. That can sound scary, because when you seriously decide to look at yourself, you see that there are many things that you are doing that you are not proud of, or happy about, or which are just not what you are all about. It is not egoism or selfishness to look at yourself to see whether you are on your road, and have not strayed into the gullies, lanes, slip-roads and side roads leading off your main road...

Our travel is influenced by:

• the people we meet - whether they are supportive, or whether they drag us down
• the circumstances that we might find ourselves in - sometimes of our own creation, and sometimes created by others
• our age - since the older we grow, the more vulnerable and insecure we become, whereas when we are young, we can quite strongly take on the world
• our readiness and eagerness to wake up each morning to a brand new day
• our attitude to our trials ( refer Maya Angelou's take on defeats: 'You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated')
• our approach to new things (you want to, and you're eager to try), hitherto un-thought thoughts (you want to stretch your mind, think these thoughts,),  perceived barriers (you need to examine them and break them), real barriers (you can find ways of dealing with them), discouraging statements (you have to trash them)
• atmospheric/environmental (metaphorically speaking) conditions that affect us physically/emotionally/psychologically
• our fears - most imagined, some real, many influenced by imagined or real financial conditions (though, this can be wisely thought about and worked around)
• the dichotomy that sometimes plagues us - to do, or to give up, to go on, or to just lie down and die (the only thing is that death is not in our hands, so this decision may just cause untold damage and harm to us as well as those who love us and those who are around us)

We may not, with the best intentions in the world, be able to change everything, but if we keep the flame of living alive, we will be able to work around all issues, not let anything get to us, or pull us down, and find peace and tranquility journeying on our road...

You never know, but you may just end up offering succor and strength to someone who strays off their road onto yours...

A new dawn breaks...

A new dawn breaks and I realize that I am orphaned - there is no one now above me to shield me from the storms of life. No matter how old you are, there is a sense of comfort in having a parent. No matter how old you are, there is a sense of loss of stability. There is no moderating influence, Whether you are separated from your parent by distance or estranged due to conflict or contradiction of thought, from somewhere deep within you, the parent continues to influence you, You may accept this influence, or you may reject it, but you cannot deny it.

There is a sense of being alone on the sea of life, open to every wind that blows...

There is a strange sense of devastation and vulnerability...

But the new dawn is here...and a new life is beginning...and I have to square my shoulders, look life in the eye, and carry on...

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

One definitive happening...

My mother slipped away peacefully...it's such a wonder how earthly pain, suffering, sorrow, and even joy just cease...

And finally when you bend down to say your final good-bye, there is only the loved one and you enclosed in that one moment of eternity...one living breathing and one lifeless but still so real...

Randomly thinking...

Been wondering how to deal with uncertainty...the ache, and pain of uncertainty...the questions, anger, and distress of not knowing...and wondering, wondering, wondering...

Randomly thinking...

It is the presence of death, not life, that brings out the best in us. Isn't that strange? i guess it is a warning that we should not -

fritter away the precious moments of life

let hurt and anger dictate the way we behave

diffuse our energies in trying to prove how right we are, and how wrong the rest of the world is

try to score debating points

allow any kind of disturbance to cause earthquakes and tsunamis in our minds

let any cloud come over the present moment

try to peer into the next moment let alone the future

Randomly rambling...

I think everyone, at some time or the other, should come face to face with death – because nothing, but the awesomeness of death brings home the message loud and clear that we should savor every moment of life. We enjoy the good, but even in the bad and the ugly there is something to be learnt and garnered which enriches living. If only we graciously, and gratefully accept what comes our way, we’ll find peace…

Sitting beside my mother and seeing her slowly fade away has been the single most powerful time of my life. Some lessons I learnt are:

How strong the life force is…

How beautifully Nature works in us, shutting down our internal systems as they should—we have to realize and respect the fact that there comes a time when it is not dignified to poke tubes and such like in the body of a person who is dying. It is much better to leave it to Nature—and Nature does it so, so beautifully…

There is clearly some kind of state in between life and final death—because I can see my mother communicating with something?/someone? outside of herself. She is oblivious to us sitting beside her and is very much in another zone of existence…

How little we need food – and how foolish we are to be greedy for it – how foolish to get upset if we miss a meal or if the meal is not something we ‘usually’ eat. The body very naturally makes its own adjustments in a person who, for whatever reason, is fasting (in the case of my mother a cerebral stroke has shut down the functioning of her brain stem cells). Finally, gradually without any trauma, the body functions cease – in a very natural way. I’ve learnt how to respect the way Nature made us.

Of how little value are material things – money is required, yes, in order to live in and with dignity, but making the acquiring of things material the main focus of life is totally futile, because when one is at death’s door, they don’t give any spiritual comfort or solace – in fact the only things of lasting value are things of the spirit…

How important it is to live life happily and well – not with an oppressive, obsessive, rigid sense of discipline and purpose, nor an irresponsible freewheeling style—but sanely, relishing and savoring every moment, 

How important it is to live a simple life…then, you live life to the fullest, and meet death fearlessly and as a rest from life's labor...