that fear that blinds - physically, mentally, emotionally
that drives away all ability to think - every last bit of it
that makes you a victim, sometimes without your even knowing it, till something brings you up short and you ruefully tell yourself - there...it happened again...
that morphs you into something horribly sad
that puts its claws in deep into your very soul
that makes you think you don't have a chance
that tries to keep you in its grip, making you feel that being free is actually not a good thing....
This 'fear' thing is so debilitating, and some of us spend and have spent so many years on it, knowing - somewhere deep inside - that the only way to really live is to live without fear. No one likes to be afraid....no one. And fear is such a terrible thing that it knows exactly who to get its claws into, and when.
Whereas, actually, in reality
You don't have to fear anything...
However,
This is not easy to do - it takes practice not to be afraid (self talk - I am not afraid; You have no power over me; I am not going to give in to you; and so on). It takes vigilance not to let fear creep up inside of you...It takes strength of mind and determination to push it out the instant you see it coming on...
The best part is that it can be done.
31 March 2015
24 March 2015
Learnt a great deal today more about women...
from the place where I'm serving...
learnt how much suffering women carry around in their hearts as they stoically go on and on and on...
learnt how the only way to break a woman is through her daughter...for a woman can take everything except the tears of suffering of her daughter...
learnt how a woman will do all she can to see that her daughter is happy in her in-law's home...even up to spending money she can ill afford if it meant buying her daughter at least some peace of mind...
learnt how much a woman can hold in her heart...and hold it in silence...
learnt how accepting a woman is of a lot that she may not have ever wished for, have ever dreamt would be hers, or even agree with...
learnt how a woman sees her dreams broken one by one by one, even as she keeps the smile pasted on her face...
learnt how a woman grapples with a fate she never thought would be hers, and tries to be cheerful about it...
learnt how a woman finds her own freedom and space and learns how to hang on to it and keep it against all odds - for that is the only place where she can let her heart roam...
learnt how women try to balance their place in society, at home, and in their workplace...
learnt how women try to protect their reputation knowing that always the first stone is always thrown at them...and that stone invariably comes from someone in their own home...
learnt how a woman who wants to educate herself and work will not let anything or anyone stand in her way - like water she flows on till she finds the route that will let her get these two things...
learnt how protective a woman can be of the weak links in her family...
learnt how women immediately form a fierce and protective shield around a woman who has been hurt by a man...
learnt how women give tips to other women about how to deal with difficult situations in the home...especially when it is related to the mother-in-law...
learnt how sometimes it takes just one hurtful word or call or look to make a seemingly strong woman crumble...
learnt how a woman can be diminished if the men in her family relentlessly go on at her...and yet she goes on and on, till she can go on no longer...and even then she will make one last-ditch effort to redeem herself...
learnt that a woman can take a whole-whole-whole lot before anything finally breaks her...
learnt too that when things don't work out for a woman, some of the first stones that get thrown at her are by women who live in glass houses...
learnt that these women who belong to this small town and do not have the kind of access to things that big city women have, are braver, tougher-without-being-rough, more down-to-earth, more silent and hence stronger in their silence, have more laughter and are more unselfishly supportive of each other...
I still have some more time here with them, and I hope I can absorb more of them for after all I am of this same soil...
learnt how much suffering women carry around in their hearts as they stoically go on and on and on...
learnt how the only way to break a woman is through her daughter...for a woman can take everything except the tears of suffering of her daughter...
learnt how a woman will do all she can to see that her daughter is happy in her in-law's home...even up to spending money she can ill afford if it meant buying her daughter at least some peace of mind...
learnt how much a woman can hold in her heart...and hold it in silence...
learnt how accepting a woman is of a lot that she may not have ever wished for, have ever dreamt would be hers, or even agree with...
learnt how a woman sees her dreams broken one by one by one, even as she keeps the smile pasted on her face...
learnt how a woman grapples with a fate she never thought would be hers, and tries to be cheerful about it...
learnt how a woman finds her own freedom and space and learns how to hang on to it and keep it against all odds - for that is the only place where she can let her heart roam...
learnt how women try to balance their place in society, at home, and in their workplace...
learnt how women try to protect their reputation knowing that always the first stone is always thrown at them...and that stone invariably comes from someone in their own home...
learnt how a woman who wants to educate herself and work will not let anything or anyone stand in her way - like water she flows on till she finds the route that will let her get these two things...
learnt how protective a woman can be of the weak links in her family...
learnt how women immediately form a fierce and protective shield around a woman who has been hurt by a man...
learnt how women give tips to other women about how to deal with difficult situations in the home...especially when it is related to the mother-in-law...
learnt how sometimes it takes just one hurtful word or call or look to make a seemingly strong woman crumble...
learnt how a woman can be diminished if the men in her family relentlessly go on at her...and yet she goes on and on, till she can go on no longer...and even then she will make one last-ditch effort to redeem herself...
learnt that a woman can take a whole-whole-whole lot before anything finally breaks her...
learnt too that when things don't work out for a woman, some of the first stones that get thrown at her are by women who live in glass houses...
learnt that these women who belong to this small town and do not have the kind of access to things that big city women have, are braver, tougher-without-being-rough, more down-to-earth, more silent and hence stronger in their silence, have more laughter and are more unselfishly supportive of each other...
I still have some more time here with them, and I hope I can absorb more of them for after all I am of this same soil...
19 March 2015
Another brutality...
this one has ended in death at the age of 40 years. Suzette Jordan was fearless....but they crucified her with their callousness....men stalked her and society ostracized and humiliated her. She was a single mother. Her beloved daughter wrote of her:
http://theladiesfinger.com/my-mother-suzette-jordan/
The Chief Minister dismissed the incident cruelly saying it was "cooked up" and "an attempt to malign the government."
Ms Damayanti Sen, IPS, first woman joint commissioner of Kolkata police (Crime), differed. She worked with Suzette and nabbed all but one of the accused. Sen was transferred.
Read for yourself, and once again ask how we can help these women - they are as important as we are to our Maker...and we should never, ever, ever treat with unkindness anyone who has gone through this experience...Only love and inclusion could have helped Suzette Jordan. May her soul find peace. Sending love and positive energies to her lovely daughters. Suzette lives on through them - nothing can destroy that fact....
http://m.timesofindia.com/india/Kolkatas-Park-Street-rape-survivor-dies/articleshow/46551499.cms
http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/toi-edit-page/why-india-hated-suzette-jordan-she-defied-every-stereotype-of-a-rape-survivor/#_ga=1.212817108.1334723767.1425541977
http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/kolkata-police-officer-who-solved-park-street-rape-case-removed/1/183041.html
http://theladiesfinger.com/my-mother-suzette-jordan/
The Chief Minister dismissed the incident cruelly saying it was "cooked up" and "an attempt to malign the government."
Ms Damayanti Sen, IPS, first woman joint commissioner of Kolkata police (Crime), differed. She worked with Suzette and nabbed all but one of the accused. Sen was transferred.
Read for yourself, and once again ask how we can help these women - they are as important as we are to our Maker...and we should never, ever, ever treat with unkindness anyone who has gone through this experience...Only love and inclusion could have helped Suzette Jordan. May her soul find peace. Sending love and positive energies to her lovely daughters. Suzette lives on through them - nothing can destroy that fact....
http://m.timesofindia.com/india/Kolkatas-Park-Street-rape-survivor-dies/articleshow/46551499.cms
http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/toi-edit-page/why-india-hated-suzette-jordan-she-defied-every-stereotype-of-a-rape-survivor/#_ga=1.212817108.1334723767.1425541977
http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/kolkata-police-officer-who-solved-park-street-rape-case-removed/1/183041.html
18 March 2015
Though we should...
believe in ourselves - especially if we know and believe that we are the children of a loving Father God - sometimes our way leads us into thickets and forests, and we have to cut our way through to stay on the road...Sometimes the road is full of potholes and we fall into them as we go along, and then have to scramble out...So many things happen to us every day...sometimes we are strong enough to combat them and come up on top, sometimes we fall, sometimes we are reduced to crawling, and sometimes the weight lands on us and prevents us from getting up at all. Through all of this, though it is difficult to do so, we must remember that these are only tests, and it's okay to fail the tests, because they leave holes in us through which the Light can come in and fix us, and after a bit we realize well, we're really okay...
Sometimes, a friend or well-wisher, or a stranger you may have lent a shoulder or a hand to, helps and in the words of e.e. cummings,
"reveals that something deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
I think, after we realize we're okay (referring to the first para) we need to then also believe what e.e. cummings has to say...that "something deep inside us is valuable....."
Sometimes, a friend or well-wisher, or a stranger you may have lent a shoulder or a hand to, helps and in the words of e.e. cummings,
"reveals that something deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
I think, after we realize we're okay (referring to the first para) we need to then also believe what e.e. cummings has to say...that "something deep inside us is valuable....."
17 March 2015
What a thought to start off every day with...
Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me.
- Quincy Jones
So just go ahead and be yourself - just BE YOURSELF - I feel this is the hardest thing to do anyway....we 're either looking to our left and right or behind us or over our shoulders, and we're even trying to peer into the future to see how we will look then if we do this....or that.....or be this.... or that.... or think this..... or that...... and on and on and on...
And totally lose ourselves in the labyrinth of our thinking - our real selves, that is...
- Quincy Jones
So just go ahead and be yourself - just BE YOURSELF - I feel this is the hardest thing to do anyway....we 're either looking to our left and right or behind us or over our shoulders, and we're even trying to peer into the future to see how we will look then if we do this....or that.....or be this.... or that.... or think this..... or that...... and on and on and on...
And totally lose ourselves in the labyrinth of our thinking - our real selves, that is...
05 March 2015
Tithing...
of our lives.
Everyday that I spend here in the Ashram, I learn something new....something to correct my thinking, something to get me thinking, some thinking that I have to change.
One such incident happened yesterday.
The Acharya of the brothers' ashram brought some guests who had come to see the two ashrams and participate in the life of these two ashrams for a couple of days. Last evening they were to have a meal in the sisters' ashram in Sihora. After dinner, the Acharya spoke on how spending time in an ashram, serving and meditating, for certain periods of time - could be 3 months or a year, or even one month - during the course of our working lives, or even after retirement, instead of just whiling away time, was like tithing of our lives....I was totally dumbstruck.
We tithe the required amounts of what we earn or of what we have. Do we give a tithe of our lives?
Everyday that I spend here in the Ashram, I learn something new....something to correct my thinking, something to get me thinking, some thinking that I have to change.
One such incident happened yesterday.
The Acharya of the brothers' ashram brought some guests who had come to see the two ashrams and participate in the life of these two ashrams for a couple of days. Last evening they were to have a meal in the sisters' ashram in Sihora. After dinner, the Acharya spoke on how spending time in an ashram, serving and meditating, for certain periods of time - could be 3 months or a year, or even one month - during the course of our working lives, or even after retirement, instead of just whiling away time, was like tithing of our lives....I was totally dumbstruck.
We tithe the required amounts of what we earn or of what we have. Do we give a tithe of our lives?
04 March 2015
It takes...
eleven tonnes of pressure on a piano to tune it. You need to see the way a piano tuner tunes each string to realize the kind of pressure he needs to exert on each string till it sounds exactly the way it is supposed to. The strings cannot be loose - they have to be taut and there are degrees of that tautness...
Each note has a trichord, i.e., three strings each. The tuner mutes the two outer strings so that only the middle one is free to vibrate. After he tunes this to the exact pitch, he tunes the outer strings to the one in the centre. This is only one part of the tuning process - it is a long and tedious process and the tuner goes on and on till he is finally satisfied. It is only then that the pianist can produce the most heavenly music.
Our lives too are tuned by the Great Tuner. So often we veritably quail under the hammer, we wonder when the pain will stop, we pray for the end of the hammering and tuning....but the Great Tuner knows when to stop. He wants the perfect pitch, the perfect temperament and the perfect overtones and harmonics.
Each note has a trichord, i.e., three strings each. The tuner mutes the two outer strings so that only the middle one is free to vibrate. After he tunes this to the exact pitch, he tunes the outer strings to the one in the centre. This is only one part of the tuning process - it is a long and tedious process and the tuner goes on and on till he is finally satisfied. It is only then that the pianist can produce the most heavenly music.
Our lives too are tuned by the Great Tuner. So often we veritably quail under the hammer, we wonder when the pain will stop, we pray for the end of the hammering and tuning....but the Great Tuner knows when to stop. He wants the perfect pitch, the perfect temperament and the perfect overtones and harmonics.
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