A verse.....

....that should have been learnt long ago...

...........the thought & meaning in it should have been embedded in the consciousness too... long ago...

It would have spared a lot of questioning, searching, hurt...

'Zindagi tho apne dum par ji jathi hai

 Doosron ke kandhe par tho sirf janaza hi uththa karthey hain'

 ----------- Sardar Bhagat Singh

Randomly thinking...

Sometimes it amazes me how dignified, thoughtful, non-judgmental and even generous the less-and-terribly-less fortunate are in our country.

We'd gone for a wedding in Delhi. The lady I walk with in the mornings (I've mentioned her, Didi, in a previous blog), never asked a thing about it. I'd told her that one of our students, the daughter of a dear colleague was getting married and that we were going to attend it. When she joined me on my walk the day after we returned, she said not a word, nor asked a single question. In fact, I was wondering how I would tell her about it, because it is an experience that is so far-removed from what she even knows... if I'd downplayed the wedding, I'd not have been  fair to my friend, and if I'd told Didi, she might have felt small...I needn't have worried. Her dignity helped me keep mine.

Once again it was brought back to me that our less-than-fortunate brothers and sisters never question or covet the status/standing/wealth/position of those who are more fortunate than they. They quietly accept - it is their fate, they believe, their karma... Amazing is the fact that they do not begrudge those who are more fortunate, their good fortune either. In fact, if you look at some of the karamcharis in rich people's homes, they are so proud of the fact that their malik is a saheb, and works in a 'big company'.

No wonder, the stratification is as it has always been. The gulf remains despite modernization, digitalization, and whatever-ization. My mind instantly goes to Madame and Jacques Defarge and the time of the French Revolution...We have the liberty, but no equality, and I'm not too sure of the fraternity...We have democratic processes, but not the democratic spirit a corollary of which is that all people are treated with respect regardless of all differences

Astonishing too is how generous these people are. I remember when we were in Lovedale, the karamcharis all lived on the campus. How they shared with each other - good times, yes, but even in bad times, they all rallied around each other. They gave unhesitatingly out of their own nothingness...they stood by each other and shared all they had freely...that was a real eye-opener because I don't think we stood by each other as much...

Exceptions there are in everything, in every situation, and in every condition, but by and large this is true...

Musing on homes...

Our home in Muscat - on the 1st floor...




 
Maya Angelou said " I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself".

She also said "The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned".

It really is an ache to have your own home - may be your very own, or it may be rested; it may be a large home, or it may be a single room, an apartment, a shack, a tiny space - but if it is someplace you can rest your head, and call your own even if for a short time, that place is home. And, you will do it up - a spray of flowers in an old jam bottle, a stem of a money plant, a little bit of color here and there, a comfy cushion or two on a sitting arrangement, a cozy kitchen ...it builds up in your own way, it slowly reflects you, absorbs all your feelings, shares all your thoughts, and becomes your sanctuary in the world.

 If someone violates your home, or takes it away, or disregards it, or circumstances cause you to lose your home, the ache is piercing and nothing can either assuage that pain or lessen it...the pain stabs and drills into your heart, into the very core of your being...

For 9 long years, this was our home. Recently my daughter took her husband to see Muscat - naturally she took him to see the building where our apartment was - this picture she sent opened the floodgates of my memory and I could again see it as it was when we lived there - every little bit; even the smells came back to me...the feelings, the colors, how we had done it up, every little detail...

For, no matter who lives there now, for that little time in eternity, that place was home...

Of hospitality...

The image that comes to mind when we hear/use the word hospitality is that of an envelope - a wrap of warmth, coziness, comfort (not necessarily luxurious), a caring catering to what  you want to eat; a gentle enfolding environment - soft lights and soft music (or maybe if the mood is right for it, then strobe lights and loud rhythm and music).

When we go to a restaurant, this is what we expect and look forward to - especially if you've been working hard all week/day, and want to be pampered and coaxed into eating...If one went to Oh Calcutta or any of the other restaurants in that chain, or Zara's and any restaurant in that chain, this is what you will receive. You are spoilt and every drink and culinary wish is discussed and served with great courtesy. It is a graciousness that is extended to you. I remember asking for a whiskey sour at the Chowringhee bar at the Grand, and though it was not on the wine list, the bartender made an excellent one for me!

Yesterday, however, we had the misfortune of going to HOPS, a slounge bar. No one to receive you, cold, indifferent atmosphere and poor, ignorant service - both for food and drinks. The vegetable shashlik was only paneer served with a thick gravy. The same gravy was put on my roast chicken. As for the Arabic salad, it was a complete con - a mash of boiled brinjal and some unknown vegetables doused in Tabasco (thing is having been in Muscat for years, and loving Arabic salad, we knew that what we had been served was absolutely NOT Arabic salad). From the bar, they wanted to know if i wanted soda or juice in my martini, which they were planning to serve with crushed ice - I know I'm being rottenly snobbish, but that was a bit too anaadi even for me, and I am not terribly knowledgeable about liquor...). Anyway, all experience teaches you something...this one taught us to stick with our preferred restaurants!

The people who make the difference...

There are some people who make the world of difference to the quality of your life. Three such make my world happy and comfy...

Aapon - the friendly neighborhood store where you get everything under the sun - home delivered...

The veggie guy -  happy as happy can be. He'll sell you what you want, and what he thinks you need to eat. He'll tell you where the vegetables are from, and even share recipes with you!

Kaku - what would I do without him. I cannot even imagine. So lovingly, caringly, and without fail, he brings me my lunch every day, so I can work uninterrupted. I've never fallen ill one single day eating the food he brings from Ayojan, the organization which supplies simple, everyday-home-fare, hygienically cooked.

Of woman-ness...

3 women – one an Australian living in France, one an English-speaking South Indian living in Calcutta (which is like a foreign land, me) and one who has never seen the outer boundaries of Calcutta (Didi in the pix). 

With one I communicate in English on the email, and with the other it is through a kind of language, because my friend, who I call Didi (and who calls me Bhabhi) has only a smattering of Hindi and English. I, on the other hand, have no Bengali, which is her language of communication. 

One lives in Provence, France, and one lives in a basti (a settlement of dispossessed people – living in shacks, with no running or drinking water, no electricity, and no facilities of any kind AT ALL) near where we live.  

One has a beautiful family, is secure in her home, family and life.  One is a widow who has struggled to bring up her children and put them on their feet, and is still struggling to make ends meet and keep going. She believes in not asking anyone for anything, in not stretching out a hand in front of anyone but works hard to support herself and her family. She has no security of any sort, and knows that if she does not work, there will be no food.

I met one on the World Wide Web, and the other on my morning walk. I go for a walk every morning, and used to see a lady from this basti also walk along the same route. One day, we smiled at each other, quite spontaneously when our paths crossed, and since then, without any words she started to join me, doing one round of my walk with me.

My friend in France lives almost a fairy-tale life. My friend from the basti is illiterate, though she has native wisdom, and runs a small wayside stall. She takes her wares – bakery products, chips and such like in a cycle van (a large tin box fitted to a cycle), and sets up her stall every morning. All she has is 2 small broken tables propped up with bricks, a section of an unused sewage pipe on which she sits, and a tarpaulin covering the stall. In the evening, she takes everything down again, packs it and takes it back to the basti.

So what is the connection? The only thing that binds us is the essence of our human-ness and woman-ness—With one I share many areas that are common and similar. With the other, we say very little, but the feelings are all there and all intact. 

Can there be a purer and greater bond than this linking all three women? The lady in France cannot probably even begin to imagine this lady – but I’m sure - 100% sure that if she ever met her—it would be only and purely on a human and woman level...because she is a believer in the essence of things...which is something obviously Didi believes in too, otherwise she would not have wanted to have anything to do with me...

…so different, one common thread...

                       …different links on the same chain…

                                        …is there a greater truth than that?

Randomly thinking...

The good thing about growing older is that all the dross of your life starts to fall off. 

Only thing is that you have to allow it to fall off and not cling to it and roost either in the glory of it, or the bitterness of it…

Randomly rambling...

Sums up exactly what happens to me - A quote from Maya Angelou. When they were very young, her brother had told her that  – ‘when things were very bad, his soul just crawled behind his heart and curled up and went to sleep. When it awoke, the fearful thing had gone away’.

It’s as if my soul is finding great understanding, peace and rest in Maya Angelou’s words – simply because she is so truly and without excuse talking about her life, her feelings and her thinking. In her emotions, pain, joy, struggles, searching, I feel she is relating to me in the very depth of my heart and being – and I believe it is the same for all readers who find certain chords in their hearts resonating with what she says; someone who can articulate our thoughts and feelings, and make it the most natural thing in the world...

The journey through life needs signposts, places of rest, shady lanes, guidelines, hardships, sorrows, loving hands that hold and support, the complete,  non-judgmental love of your child, a faithful companion. Above all, you need role models who have experienced all that you are experiencing or have experienced, not to show you a path, but to tell you that they too have walked the same path, and that it can be done, and that you can go it, for we all have to walk our paths by ourselves...

A collage of memories...

These coasters from places we've stayed at, or eaten out at tell their own stories. I've stuck them on the side of the frig, so every time we go in and out of the kitchen, seeing these bring back happy memories...they're a kind of witness to and a reminder of the places been to, things done, food eaten!

And sometimes we wonder - did we really go there? did we really eat all that food??

Brings a warm feeling in the heart, and a memory-smile on the face...

Randomly thinking...

To all those who battle with multiple identities, read Maya Angelou...Through all her anguish and hardship, she retains her ability to bare her soul. In Hindi we have a way of expressing a person's capacity to open her heart, and reach out to others -   dil khol ke baat karna - no fear of not being accepted; no hankering to be accepted for anything/anyone, other than what she is; no need to whitewash/colorwash thoughts and feelings in any interaction. A complete  and total acceptance of the cards life has dealt. A total and complete acceptance of herself. And yet, she does not hurt anyone with her thoughts or words, does not blame anyone, does not ask for recompense - she just IS...she does not allow anything or anyone to define her limits; she reaches out, arms open, to the world. Reading her envelopes you in a huge, big, teddybear warmth, and you know you have it in you to deal with life, and overcome, and enjoy...

Aman Kachroo...

Finally a verdict... I am really grateful that a verdict was given, and the case did not get shelved prior to disappearance...Now, while the Kachroo family prays for the peace of the child's soul, these boys will have to wrestle with their conscience. That will, I hope and pray, teach them to deal with all people, especially those who are vulnerable, compassionately.

I also hope that the seniors in all colleges who are tempted to show their seniority in this barbaric manner will take heed and express their seniority by their merit...

Ramdomly rambling....

Still on the Obamas...


I cannot get over their simplicity, and their genuine sincerity...

While we read these things in books, these two people have shown that one does not need to have the backing of 'pedigree', or 'family wealth', or 'color'.  If one is willing to work hard, live certain clearly-worked out values, and really be good human beings, then one can achieve anything one dreams of...

Party time...

100 blogs!!!! 
                                           and still going strong....

Reason to celebrate?


Cheers!!!!!

To all those out there who read me...

Randomly rambling...

The Obamas - real-life role models for us all. They are such complete people. It could not have been easy for them to get to where they are. It is not easy where they are. The reason they come across so genuine people is because they are just that - truly and 100% authentic and sterling. Completely unaffected in their behavior, they were candid and true in all that they did, in the way they spoke and interacted with everyone, kids, artisans, farmers, politicians, everyone...as human being to human being - lots and lots to learn from them.

It is so hard for people to believe and accept people who are not white or fair-skinned. The brown-skinned ones are the most critical of the darker-skinned human beings, blindly accepting those with light-skin. Yet, time and time again we see so much talent, brilliance and goodness in dark-skinned people. They have to fight so many battles just to be accepted for what they are. And what they are, is,  - human. How much we miss out when we fail to see the human-ness in every human being...

Randomly thinking...

It is always a matter of pride for us teachers when kids (they always remain kids for us even if they are parents and CEO's now) do well. When things go wrong, we feel bad and wish them well. We may not have taught them, but the fact that we have all belonged to the school at one time or another links us together. My husband and I were part of the faculty at Lawrence, Lovedale for a long time. Our daughter passed out of Class 10 from there. We have very happy memories of our life there. All Lawrencians feel a bond with the Sanawarians from Lawrence School, Sanawar. It is, therefore, with a feeling of happiness and pride that I listened to the way Omar Abdullah (a Sanawarian) answered NDTV last night. When asked the inevitable (and dreadfully boring) question about the P-issue in connection with President Obama's speech in Parliament, I simply loved Omar Abdullah's reply. He said that it goes to the President's credit that in spite of the media going on and on about this issue, and the intangible pressure being put on him, he was very mature about the whole issue. His responses were measured and mature. Abdullah went on to ask what would have happened if the President had mentioned Kashmir, terrorism and Pakistan in the same sentence and not in that order, necessarily......................Wonderfully put, Mr. Abdullah! The lad has been baptized by fire and has come into his own right...

And it is true - when you think about it - it is our obsession with Pakistan that is hyphenating us with Pakistan. We can neither swallow them, nor do without them...They are cool as cool can be, as was borne out by a Mr. Hussein who was on the same show. He coolly goes - the United States knows they cannot do without us....Brilliant! I almost fell off my chair laughing...

There were so many things to talk about - it was such a civilized experience having the Obama's in our country - but how do we spend our time?? obsessing about Pakistan, tearing apart every word the President uttered, digging to find hidden meanings - Lord!! why do we still have such a complex?? why are we forgetting that we are a sovereign nation? why can we not take complements graciously? Good, bad, ugly, sad, bad, happy, we are bungling along quite merrily...we have our share of problem - huge problems - but we'll get there...how fast can an elephant move anyway???

Something to mull over...

For those of us who look on Michelle Obama with admiration, here are some things she said, that we can think about---chew over---and absorb----

• Treat others with dignity and respect
• Be humble and grateful for everything we have
• To put every last bit of effort into our education (education never ends, so those of us who are way, way past college, need especially to remember this, and keep educating ourselves)
• To take pride in our work
• To push for excellence in every single thing we do
• To take every single opportunity that presents itself and make the most of it (this is not age-specific either, 'cos opportunities keep cropping up, especially when we least expect it)

And, 
      This is something that is especially meaningful for me...

• Our circumstances do not define us and if we believe in ourselves, if we make the most of every single opportunity, we can build our own destinies and accomplish anything we put our minds to

And yes....

             we can keep dreaming.........
                                       
                                  no matter how young......
         
                                                         or

                                                                 how old.............

v  

v 

A time for mehendi...

.....in the festival of lights....

Of dreamcatchers and wind chimes....

What would life be without dreamcatchers and wind chimes?

                                                           cannot imagine............