Randomly thinking...

The leaves

dress themselves with raindrop pearls

The roadside pool

tries to encompass

the vastness of the sky

Randomly thinking...

Slow down...What's the hurry?

Whatever it is and wherever it is, will remain so till you get there...if it is important enough...

The world doesn't need your help in turning, or moving on...

This is the time of life for the way-past-50s to savor and enjoy the moments
each day brings...the time for rushing around is over...

You aren't doing anything more important than what you are doing at
this moment...especially if you are daydreaming...

If you don't stand and stare now, when will you??...

Catching up....

How does it feel to catch up with friends one lived and grew up with during the most impressionable and wonderful years (college years) of one's life? I had one fantastic roomy - Malt (guess that's where my love for the drink comes from!). And in our final year, we were 3 mad, mad, mad girls...Dolly, Indu and me...need I say more?? 'Those were the days' is too mild and watery an expression to describe the incredible headiness of those days. We had two teachers who we adored - Miss Paul (now Mrs. Bunce) and Miss Anand. These were 2 of the most understanding, tough and amazing ladies ever...Though Miss Paul is in the States and Miss Anand passed away, we three finally established contact yesterday (thanks to Dolly's absolutely untiring efforts - that girl was DETERMINED to get us all together). The beauty and wonder is that the love is still there...as it was...the threads held lovingly through all these long, long, long years (38 years!!!!).

This has to be pure happiness...

Just today...

Today is the First day of the Rest of my Life...


I don't know how many times I've come across this line, but somehow, I've allowed it to get overrun with other thoughts and other feelings. Just never spent enough time on it to let it sink in...something about it grabbed me today - could it be that it is one of those days when one needs a boost? or when the tender spots in one's heart are aching? or when the beauty of the rain-washed world is making me hear the birds, and see the tender shoots of the Ashoka just outside my window? or is it just some deep subconscious stirring? Whatever the reason, this line has jolted me...and I need to pause on it for a while. What is it trying to say - Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life. For one thing, it is a releasing thought, because I can safely put yesterday firmly behind. The night does put a total end to the day. Ever thought about it?...No carry-overs required to get through the new day, no spillovers coming through to color the new day, no long shadows needed to either spoil or cover the new day, nothing. It's just a brand new day, and I have to think of it as the FIRST DAY. So, what would I do on a First Day? I think I would like to keep all the windows open to let the outside in. Then, I would listen to all the sounds - of birds mainly, of people, of the traffic, of children, of vendors and hawkers, of music coming from somewhere, of someone cooking, of the silence...I would go through my mail carefully, the bacons, as well as the personal - not just a cursory glance at the first line, a few words in the middle and the last line, and then fill in the gaps with my own thinking and understanding. I would go through the papers, make myself fairly aware of happenings in the world, and then spend time on the crossword. I would spend time with my needlecraft, and while doing that let my thoughts wander...I would read, and rest my mind. Have you noticed how tired your mind gets if you let it wander? Mine does, and I am learning to make my mind dwell only on the moment I'm in just now...I read a beautiful thought the other day about how we should make each moment spiritual. That has nothing religious to it, but it does make every moment, a moment of wonder - and you see you have to stop and think - is this real person, really me? (something getting caught up in the chores of the day does not allow for. In fact, I'm realizing that if I do each chore as if it is the first time I'm doing it, and give it my 100%, then strangely, the tedium vanishes). In any case, how many chores would you do on your First Day. Half the time we end up forcing ourselves to do thousands of chores that really need not be done today. Today, I am waking up, happy to be alive, happy to be in my own little home, in my own space and with the things that bring me happiness and peace all around me, happy to be with those I love and who love me, and happy to be doing what I am doing, and importantly, happy to be where I am...If today goes well, there will be a warm glow when I rest my head at night, and if today does not go well, there is still tomorrow to make the First Day of the rest of my life!! Blissful thought!!

Rouvanjit Rawla

Is there any one way of expressing the grief one feels over the death of a teenager, a child? I wonder…

The mother in me cannot accept the fact that I will never see my child again, and Rouvanjit is every woman’s son…the mother in me cannot also accept the fact that it was mental and emotional pain that drove a much-loved child to take his life.

The teacher in me is revolted by what happened, because it needn’t have been this way – absolutely – there are hundreds of ways of dealing with children’s pranks…There is no, and I repeat no single prank that a child can do that a 30-plus, or 40-plus, or 50-plus person cannot handle.I hate it that, as a teacher of many years standing, with almost 30 generations of kids passing through my hands, today, the spray of tar on account of the actions of these teachers (that includes Mr. Chakravorty, because he is a teacher first, Principal only second), of La Martiniere, has fallen on all of us who belong to this vocation.

I think we need to finally wake up and take a good look at ourselves, both as parents and teachers, squarely. Once and for all, we need to stop giving excuses and be honest with ourselves.

A child’s life, at least till class 10 has only 2 components – home and school. These make up his little world. He needs acceptance in both, if he is to grow up to be a responsible adult. Having taught in a boys’ school as well as co-ed schools, I realize the kind of foolish pressure that is put on boys, right from a tiny age – he has to be a man, he has to be macho, he cannot cry, he has to be tough, he has to be strong, he has to fight his battles and on and on. We think we are ‘bringing up the boy’ to be a man. What utter rubbish. Over and over again I have seen the pain and fear on the faces of boys who are physically small, or sensitive or introverted having to cope with this ‘be a man’ nonsense. And, when they are not able to ‘be men’, when they cannot cope, they are called sissies, and bullied. Then, they have to cope with this…Dreadful.

There are many parents and old boys who claim that they are all the better for having gone through the harshness of school life. I’ve heard so many old boys who are parents and have put their kids in their Alma Mater saying ‘it’s okay, let him/her face the bullying. I did and I’m not any the less for having gone through it. He’ll/she’ll toughen. It’s a big bad world out there’. And, then tomorrow someone will bully his kids and his wife; or, the girls will end up allowing themselves to have all kinds of guilt feelings; or, they will become misfits, and wonder why their methods aren't working and what went wrong... Why are parents forgetting that our kids are not carbon-copies of us, and that it is our duty to see to it that they have a better time than we did. Why should we want to perpetuate the conditions in which we grew up on these innocent creatures? How many kids have broken down thinking that they have let down their parents simply because they could not face some rubbish bullying, or some crazy unacceptable pinnacle.

In fact, I do believe that boys are far more emotionally fragile than girls. Even those who are physically stronger and bigger actually do not enjoy pushing around the littler ones. But they get so conditioned that finally they think using brute force is what is expected of them. We worked with a headmaster once, whose favorite line was ‘life is tough’. Of course life is tough. Further, life is cruel. But, our job as caregivers is to teach our kids, boys and girls how to cope with and how to face life. This ‘you are a boy, go on, fight for it. Life is tough’ rot is quite like chucking a child in the water and expecting him to immediately start swimming. Adults take time to learn how to swim, but kids have to learn it STAT. Likewise, adults can behave any which way, but the highest form of good behavior, moral behavior, ethical behavior, is expected from kids. Our children are our children whether they are 2 or 10 or 15 or 20 or 80 or 100. They are the gifts that life has given us. Let’s face it, we treat our material gifts with far more care than these live gifts of ours. All the time one hears of teenage hormones – but all these remain in the realm of theory. Hormones cause so much havoc, and many children just do not even know what is happening to them all of a sudden, and indeed, why they are behaving the way they are. They need help. They need to know what is happening to them - objectively and lovingly. The knowledge will drive away their fear and help them manage themselves. ‘Bad’ behavior, or behavior that is by adult standards not acceptable are a child’s way of crying for help. He is trying to tell the adults around him that he does not know what is happening to him, that he needs attention. There was an article in the Time once, about how even a new born baby processes information that gets to him through his senses. Think about this. There is so much information – conscious, unconscious, subconscious, getting into the child’s head every moment of the day. The world today is not the easiest place to grow up in. How is he processing all this? Just what is going on in his head? because,fact is that he IS consciously and unconsciously TRYING to process this. He has only the tools that his parents and school give him to handle this information and sensory overload. Parents and teachers have to be very, very alert to a child’s behavior.A child is an instinct-driven being. He has not yet reached a state of maturity in his thinking, feeling or emotions whereby he can control his thoughts, feelings, emotions and consequently his actions. So, if a child behaves in a manner that is even a wee bit different from his usual, alarm bells should start ringing at home and in his class/school. At this time, all that is required is to sit the child down and have a chat. The issue is sure to get resolved. Believe me this works…and this is the only way…Children can grow only within relationships. They need parameters, and limits and dollops of understanding and unconditional love. Once a relationship is created with the child, then and only then and ONLY THEN can any form of discipline work. There is NO such thing as punishment – there is only a revision of a child’s behavior with clearly worked out alternatives that have been arrived at WITH the child. It is a ‘let’s-get-it-right-together’ thing, and a ‘you-are-not-alone-in-this’, kind of thing. Parents and teachers know that children will test their patience, they will test their understanding. Consequently it is important to always stay one step ahead of the child. A child instinctively trusts those he can look up to, and those who command his respect. We adults are not to crush a child’s nature, no matter what the provocation, we are expected to make them flower and thrive. In any case, a child is an individual in his own right. What right do we have to crush his individuality, when we resist with tooth and nail anyone who tries to dent ours? Be he a newborn child, or a teenager, or a young adult, he is a person, and HAS to be given the respect that is due to a person. I do agree that in some schools there are 50 or 60 to a class. But, THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR LETTING OUR TEMPERS GET THE BETTER OF US. I also agree that while a teacher may be an expert in his/her subject, he/she may just not be able to control a large class. All teachers have their bad-hair days. All teachers get stressed. There are many schools that are teacher-unfriendly, and torture their teachers. There are a thousand reasons why a teacher may be emotionally fragile at some point of the day. Unfortunately, it will be just at that point that the kids decide to play up (Kids have antennae that pick up ‘I-am-weak-and-vulnerable’ signals). Of course, ideally, a school should have a training program in place for new teachers, as well as refresher programs for all staff. It is at this time that young entrants to the vocation are taught the rudiments of how to handle kids, as well as the discipline policy of the school. It is also important to have refresher programs for the older teachers, because there might be a feeling of ‘I’ve been a teacher for 20 years and all the kids who have passed through my hands have benefited from my strictness and discipline methods’. Agreed, but it may not work with today’s kids. But more, much, much more importantly, it is absolutely essential that teachers and students have support systems. If a teacher cannot cope, there has to be a place, where he/she can find help. Likewise, there has to be someone a child can go to without fear of ridicule for comfort and strength.Both need help in their own way to get up, dust themselves and get on their way.

As adults, it is difficult sometimes to understand the world, and behave in a befitting manner. How much more difficult for a tiny unexposed, immature and inexperienced brain to process all the information his senses pass into it, and come up with the right responses.

Rouvan’s death has to be vindicated by us all…he is forcing us to look at our children and love and care for them unconditionally…he must find peace in death – a peace that he did not find in life.

Lessons from my daughter...

...and this is besides insisting that I learn how to drive and teaching me how to hook rugs!...

Ma:

Just stop what you are doing...the dishes can be piled up in the sink, you know - leave it for now - you can always return to it after refreshing your soul with a break...the world is not going to stop revolving...nor is there going to be a catastrophe...

There is no such thing as taking only 1 break a day... you can take as many as you want. (Strangely, I see that all that I had planned to do during the course of the day, does get done - but with a difference - I have not got even a teeny bit stressed out).

You can take a mid-day nap - plus - you can take a tiny nap other than at mid-day. (Delicious!).

Why don't you just lie down and gaze at your fave pictures, or listen to your fave music...you could even have another cup of coffee...

The house needn't be squeaky clean - (I guess it's more important for me to stay calmer and more relaxed, so I'd better spend some time working on that)...

The washing machine needs some rest too...

Don't dwell on the sad-bad things that happen. Just be quiet (the inner clamor does get still) - it WILL pass - it DOES pass. (Best is, there is no bitter aftermath...)

You have the right to be just plain old you...you needn't sparkle and shine all the time...

You are allowed to believe in your own special interests - the world is neither going to condemn you for them nor stop you from having them...SO!!! Just get on with them...



Okay. And, having never caved in to rules ever, I don't need to start now....

......................................and the world has not come to an end--it is still spinning---and spinning happily..................