Aman Khachroo

Aman was ragged to death. This is the worst thing that can happen to a family. This is also an indictment on the whole teaching fraternity of whom I am a part. Aman along with some others in his class had told the Principal repeatedly about the way they were being beaten. I'm quite sure the other teachers also would have known. If they didn't then I would go so far as to wonder whether they are human or not. My husband and I belong to the residential school world. We too have been in schools where ragging was very much a part of a student's life. However, we learnt that when we gave children the feeling that we were around, it helped them handle difficult situations. A 19 year old boy is still a child. Aman was a bright lad and he looks so sweet in his photographs. How he must have suffered. This happens year in and year out to our kids and we just stand and watch and hope that it will pass. Ask parents, to protest, and they hesitate saying 'this will make a man out of my son' - what rubbish. Your son doesn't have to be beaten to make him a man. Talk to your colleagues on the staff and their response is typical - 'it's not our business. There is a House Parent, or House Master, or in a college, a Warden. It is their duty'. Complain to the Head of the Institution, and this response is the usual - 'oh boys will be boys. They'll grow out of it.' Some Heads go into denial and want proof that such a thing is happening in their Institution. This is just hiding from the real issue. It is just a kind of running away from a problem. There is a way---as the older person, we have to forge out a warm, firm, and friendly relationship with our kids - & here I speak as a teacher. For me kids are kids -and if I am in a residential school, then all kids are my kids. Of course, kids are going to try your patience. They are going to push you to the brink of your sanity sometimes. But if they know that no matter what, we are around for them and they have the freedom to come over and discuss their problems over a cup of coffee, they will get themselves sorted out. They need our time, our sympathetic ear, our frank talk and our sense of fair play. The boys who were drunk - how was it that no one knew? how was it that no one talked to them? the very fact that they were going out to get drunk and misbehaving was their way of crying for help. So, when no one came forward to help them, they took out their frustration in the only way they knew. They bullied. They bullied because basically they were cowards and just didn't know how to control themselves. No one had the time for them. As for Aman. Why couldn't anyone take his word? how could the Principal have been so callous and thoughtless. Every child has the right to be heard, and every child must be taken seriously. They need to know that. Then, you can guide them and correct them and even scold them, and they will take it. It is a known fact that you cannot discipline a child unless you have first taken the trouble to get to know him. We have seen again and again how many teachers for some reason hesitate to forge out sensible, commonsensical relationships with seniorchildren in school. Any yet, it is in these growing up years that kids need older intervention and wisdom. There are teachers who have done this successfully, and their kids have come to them year after year. You just have to be right, and get kids to grow up thinking the right thigs. Of course it's hard work. But if you have opted to be a teacher, then this is the most important part of your brief. Now, we are left with a whole lot of 'if only-s' while a mother is inconsolable in her grief, while other mothers are wondering what happened to their sons that they could do such a horrible thing, and the rest of us just wonder about the cruelty of those who could have done something and didn't....may you rest in peace Aman, and forgive us all.

Choices

We have to make choices every moment, actually. They may be small choices like what we would like for breakfast or lunch, or what we are going to wear to work, or what music we want to listen to, or even whether it's coffee time. There may be hard choices that we have to make which would change the very course of our lives. Whatever it is, we have to constantly decide on the course of action we want to pursue. How do we decide? This is where our values and beliefs come in. Here, we have to believe that nothing, but nothing is too small or insignificant or unimportant. Anything that touches our lives is important. And so, since it is our self that comes into the picture, we need to decide what will give us happiness, or pleasure, or a high, or a feeling of warmth, or a feeling of well-being. If we have to think about the decisions we take, we'll see that we have fallen back on what we were taught by our parents, grandparents, our teachers, our environment. It is a known fact that the best things in life don't come free, and if something has come easily to us, then that is suspect. Generally if we keep this as our guiding principle, then we would be in a better position to make our choices. This would make us responsible for our choices and this is the main thing. Once we learn to take responsibility for our choices, life becomes infinitely more exciting and adventurous. Of course, we can't always be right, and our choices may sometimes bring unhappiness and trouble. But then, that too is what life is all about - since we are responsible for our choices, we'll make sure we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves and well, get on with the business of living. There just won't be time to wallow in self-pity or walk the path of self-destruction. Remember, right choices bring in the light, and happiness, and therefore LIFE, and bad choices bring in darkness and sadness, and in a manner of speaking, DEATH. Therefore, choose life.....or, get up and get on with living your life.

Slumdog Millionaire

My husband and I have always believed that children learn from the environment. We've seen this being realized many, many times in our career as educators. Create the right environment in School and this in conjunction with the right kind of environment at home is what shapes our children. Environment doesn't just happen, as we have learnt. If the right environment is not created, then whatever the environment is where the child is growing up, that becomes the child's teacher. As we see in 'Slumdog Millionaire'. Children are avid learners. So, Jamal, Salim and all the other kids learn what their environment teaches them, and they learn the lessons life makes them learn, fast and well. They learn to live by their wits and they learn to survive all the vagaries of fate. This doesn't mean that they don't have the spark of childishness in them. They do. Their childishness is very much there, alive, albeit hidden under layers of cynicism and hurt and humiliation. Their childishness comes out in the games they devise, playing cricket on the runway, thrilled at the sights they see when they are unsuspectingly taken away in the bus to Bombay, their calling themselves the 3 Musketeers.....Later, their human-ness also becomes evident. They have not let it die completely. The tenderness and loyalty to each other remail. But, oh, how they learn from their environment, how they adapt, be it as a guide at the Taj Mahal, or a beggar, or a thug, or a chaiwallah. Life is a constant education, the environment is their classroom, and they are willing students.

Creating an environment isn't easy at all. It is very hard work. It takes all your mental, psychological, emotional and physical energies to create an environment suitable for children to grow in. Our energies should be only concentrated on this task. Our children are our future and they are the ones who will create the future world. What we see in many schools today - 'let the children be free, let them be creative, let them learn for themselves' - this just does not work. If we let children be, then they will fall back on their limited intelligence and limited EQ and SQ to do only what they can ( check out the book 'Lord of the flies). Being human they will make mistakes,but then, because there is no adult presence in their lives, no adult who has taken the time and the trouble to motivate them, stimulate them, draw out the best in them, force them to higher and higher heights, correct them, they will fumble and fall. They will not know that it is all right to make mistakes, that one learns from them and then one gets on with the business of living. We as adults have to equip them intellectually, emotionally, physically and psychologically, by creating the kind of environment where they will learn all this. The environment we create is what is going to teach them the eternal values of living; it is going to give them a belief system, something to fall back on at all times, something to judge for themselves whether they are on the right track or not, something to help them cope with reality; it will teach them to discriminate, it will set standards. Then, when they go out into the world, they will go forward in strength of mind, heart and body. From what they learn from the environment that we have created for them, they will deal with whatever life gives them - the good, the bad and the ugly, and will be able to create their own world with confidence.

Religion & Spirituality

I believe there is an important distinction to be made between religion and spirituality. Religion I take to be concerned with belief in the claims to salvation of one faith tradition or another--an aspect of which is acceptance of some form of meta-physical or philosophical reality, including perhaps an idea of heaven or hell. Connected with this are religious teachings or dogma, ritual, prayers and so on. Spirituality I take to be concerned with those qualities of the human spirit--such as love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, contentment, a sense of responsibility, a sense of harmony, which bring happiness to both self and others.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Beautifully put and wonderfully self-explanatory. It is the dogmas that religion preaches, and the rituals which are not even understood, that shackle people. Even well-educated people get caught in the web of ritualism, losing sight of that Loving, Omniscient and Omnipresent God/Father/Supreme Being/Supreme Power. There is only one Golden Rule which is that we must treat everyone as we ourselves would like to be treated. And we would like to be treated with compassion, tolerance and forgiveness. If we followed this we would become spiritual beings, & therefore contented and responsible beings. For centuries the Brahmins and priests have kept people chained to rituals, making religious practices so important that the whole purpose of it is lost, and there is this paralyzing fear of Divine retribution which they hold over the head. This road does not lead to spirituality which would make us. in effect, better people. This road does not lead to the realization that within each of us there is a Divine Spark. It is this Divine Spark that we have to search for deep within ourselves, and recognise its presence in others. This is the only thing that would make our lives supremely fulfilling.

Discipline

As a member of the teaching fraternity, this is a word that features a lot in our lives. There is a growing confusion about the meaning of this word, discipline, what it means and what it entails, and I've been thinking a lot about it. In fact, my husband and I have major discussions on this issue. We've been in schools where discipline is woven into the fabric of the school in such a way that it is an intrinsic part of our lives - the lives of all of us students, staff, helpers and everyone associated with our lives in the school. It is like breathing. One doesn't realize it, but when something happens to disrupt the smooth flow of our lives, then one realizes the value and the necessity of this intangible thing called discipline. So what is discipline? I've been searching for a good explanation and today I came across this wonderful meaning of discipline.

"Discipline is based on pride, on meticulous attention to details, and on mutual respect and confidence. Discipline must be a habit so ingrained that it is stronger than the excitement of the goal or the fear of failure."
~ Gary Ryan Blair

Discipline, therefore would include a healthy self respect for one's values, personal integrity, and respect for others - human beings, animals and the environment. The unwritten stress is that this respect is without arrogance, vanity or selfishness. There is a deep feeling of gratitude, instead, for what we have been able to achieve and what we can do for others. Discipline means that we respect all people regardless of wealth or their position in life, and are ever ready to help those less fortunate, to put all our achievements and thoughts at the disposal of others. Thus, discipline helps in building strength of character, which would be cause for pride. However, we would need to be self- disciplined to prevent this pride from making us selfish, from thinking too much of ourselves, and thus creating an imbalance in our behaviour and our thinking, eventually causing our happiness to be eroded. An ingrained sense of discipline is the only thing that would help steer us through the choppy waters of life, as well as keep us anchored and grounded when the going is smooth.

Discipline is therefore, not the bad word that it is made out to be in the new-age schools. Freedom is good. But, freedom without responsibility is license. That would then be impacting on the freedom of others. After all, my freedom ends where your nose begins. Children have to learn what freedom means and how it can be used. This would begin by their learning how to be responsible in every area of their lives – how to take responsibility for themselves and all that they do and say, for freedom cannot be separated from responsibility and responsibility cannot just happen, unless there is discipline. It is when we are disciplined about every spoken and unspoken thought and about every action of ours that we can learn to be responsible beings. Then, and only then, would we understand, appreciate and enjoy freedom. Of course, the ideal happens when external discipline transforms into self-discipline. All this requires huge amounts of time and patience on the part of the older, responsible people toward the younger ones. Most importantly, in order to inculcate the value of discipline, the first and most important and absolutely imperative requirement is that there has to be a relationship of trust between the older and the younger. It is only in such an environment of total trust and respect that the merits of being disciplined in action and thought can be achieved. It is a journey with much investment on the part of the adults towards those they are responsible for, but the journey is worth every minute when we see our kids grow into responsible, caring, and productive members of the world.

In defense of the Pub

Pubs are social places where, over a drink of an alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage, people relax, meet other people, listen to pub music, maybe read a book, and just unwind. In the UK, pubs have been in existence right from the time of the Romans, though the practice of drinking ale was a common practice during the Bronze Age. The Anglo-Saxons established the alehouses that grew out of homes. By the end of the 18th century, the pub as a separate building with its own architecture came into existence. Pubs are exceedingly charming buildings and would be just the place to go to either on one's own, or with one's friends and family. Some have traditional names and some are done up according to a theme. A few pubs even have stage performances like serious drama, comedys, and live bands. There is a special kind of music that is enjoyed in pubs, called pub music, which adds to the atmosphere. There is a very clear pub conduct, and those who don't play by the rules will soon feel the bouncer's presence close by. Pub food is of a special kind as well, and different pubs vie with each other to create a menu that would give one a good, happy feeling - food for the soul as it were!

Today pub culture has caught on in India in a big way in the Metros and some of the other big cities. And why not? The young today work hard, and want to party hard. They are mature beyond their years and are all excited about trying out new things. They have the money, and they have the courage to be themselves and enjoy themselves. I feel this mainly in connection with girls. It is good to see our girls meet socially in pubs and enjoy themselves, chatting, dancing, and well, just being. It is good that some pubs even have exclusive 'ladies' nights'. More power to the girls!!

Of course, there will be the odd mishap of having had a drink too many, but then the consequences would, in all probability, get them on to the right track. However, it is better to openly meet with friends over a drink, in a very engaging atmosphere, rather than hide in one's room and drink. Drinking is a social activity, and in an aesthetically pleasing atmosphere, can be a good experience.

I know of 2 pubs - Someplace Else in Kol, and 10 Downing in Madras, and I love going to both......

Cheers then!!