Aman Khachroo

Aman was ragged to death. This is the worst thing that can happen to a family. This is also an indictment on the whole teaching fraternity of whom I am a part. Aman along with some others in his class had told the Principal repeatedly about the way they were being beaten. I'm quite sure the other teachers also would have known. If they didn't then I would go so far as to wonder whether they are human or not. My husband and I belong to the residential school world. We too have been in schools where ragging was very much a part of a student's life. However, we learnt that when we gave children the feeling that we were around, it helped them handle difficult situations. A 19 year old boy is still a child. Aman was a bright lad and he looks so sweet in his photographs. How he must have suffered. This happens year in and year out to our kids and we just stand and watch and hope that it will pass. Ask parents, to protest, and they hesitate saying 'this will make a man out of my son' - what rubbish. Your son doesn't have to be beaten to make him a man. Talk to your colleagues on the staff and their response is typical - 'it's not our business. There is a House Parent, or House Master, or in a college, a Warden. It is their duty'. Complain to the Head of the Institution, and this response is the usual - 'oh boys will be boys. They'll grow out of it.' Some Heads go into denial and want proof that such a thing is happening in their Institution. This is just hiding from the real issue. It is just a kind of running away from a problem. There is a way---as the older person, we have to forge out a warm, firm, and friendly relationship with our kids - & here I speak as a teacher. For me kids are kids -and if I am in a residential school, then all kids are my kids. Of course, kids are going to try your patience. They are going to push you to the brink of your sanity sometimes. But if they know that no matter what, we are around for them and they have the freedom to come over and discuss their problems over a cup of coffee, they will get themselves sorted out. They need our time, our sympathetic ear, our frank talk and our sense of fair play. The boys who were drunk - how was it that no one knew? how was it that no one talked to them? the very fact that they were going out to get drunk and misbehaving was their way of crying for help. So, when no one came forward to help them, they took out their frustration in the only way they knew. They bullied. They bullied because basically they were cowards and just didn't know how to control themselves. No one had the time for them. As for Aman. Why couldn't anyone take his word? how could the Principal have been so callous and thoughtless. Every child has the right to be heard, and every child must be taken seriously. They need to know that. Then, you can guide them and correct them and even scold them, and they will take it. It is a known fact that you cannot discipline a child unless you have first taken the trouble to get to know him. We have seen again and again how many teachers for some reason hesitate to forge out sensible, commonsensical relationships with seniorchildren in school. Any yet, it is in these growing up years that kids need older intervention and wisdom. There are teachers who have done this successfully, and their kids have come to them year after year. You just have to be right, and get kids to grow up thinking the right thigs. Of course it's hard work. But if you have opted to be a teacher, then this is the most important part of your brief. Now, we are left with a whole lot of 'if only-s' while a mother is inconsolable in her grief, while other mothers are wondering what happened to their sons that they could do such a horrible thing, and the rest of us just wonder about the cruelty of those who could have done something and didn't....may you rest in peace Aman, and forgive us all.

Choices

We have to make choices every moment, actually. They may be small choices like what we would like for breakfast or lunch, or what we are going to wear to work, or what music we want to listen to, or even whether it's coffee time. There may be hard choices that we have to make which would change the very course of our lives. Whatever it is, we have to constantly decide on the course of action we want to pursue. How do we decide? This is where our values and beliefs come in. Here, we have to believe that nothing, but nothing is too small or insignificant or unimportant. Anything that touches our lives is important. And so, since it is our self that comes into the picture, we need to decide what will give us happiness, or pleasure, or a high, or a feeling of warmth, or a feeling of well-being. If we have to think about the decisions we take, we'll see that we have fallen back on what we were taught by our parents, grandparents, our teachers, our environment. It is a known fact that the best things in life don't come free, and if something has come easily to us, then that is suspect. Generally if we keep this as our guiding principle, then we would be in a better position to make our choices. This would make us responsible for our choices and this is the main thing. Once we learn to take responsibility for our choices, life becomes infinitely more exciting and adventurous. Of course, we can't always be right, and our choices may sometimes bring unhappiness and trouble. But then, that too is what life is all about - since we are responsible for our choices, we'll make sure we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves and well, get on with the business of living. There just won't be time to wallow in self-pity or walk the path of self-destruction. Remember, right choices bring in the light, and happiness, and therefore LIFE, and bad choices bring in darkness and sadness, and in a manner of speaking, DEATH. Therefore, choose life.....or, get up and get on with living your life.