Pause a minute

And again it's about...

2012-02-12T12:20:00.000+05:30

the English language.

I cannot think of anything that is more painful for those who struggle with the English language - to speak it and to understand it. And this is only the verbal-aural aspect. The reading and understanding of written English is another story.

Yesterday, I was on the phone for almost three hours with the customer care executives of a company. My USB modem was not working, and these three youngsters, two boys and a girl were taking me through the steps trying to get it going. The girl and one of the boys, battling and struggling with English, got their instructions across. I was touched and impressed at their perseverance, and though I used some Hindi, hoping to get them to switch languages, they steadfastly battled on in English. The second boy, poor chap, was totally out of his depth - he didn't know whether to put on his faux-Yank accent, or just talk somehow-anyhow, and in the process got so entangled that not a word was legible. Though I requested him to please talk in Hindi, he refused to do so. Finally, I'm ashamed to say, I got thoroughly rattled because, neither was the problem getting solved, nor was I getting what he was saying. I knew he was struggling, but I was running out of time. I finally got him to register my complaint and get a technician to come home. However, I have sworn to myself that this will not happen again, especially when I fully understand what is happening.

The same thing with the technician - a very bright young lad who knew exactly what to do, and fixed the problem fixed very confidently. A Bengali lad with a smattering of Hindi and hardly any English, it was a joke the way we were communicating... .Once again - the English language stood like a demoniacal sceptre....The technician would have been brilliant had he been allowed to work & talk in his mother tongue. He, like all of us, would somehow have been able to manage Hindi, which is becoming increasingly a common language (except in the South). But English......!!!!!

This one thing - the English language - is what is finally going to prevent us from taking our place on the world stage. If our kids and young adults have to speak English so that it can be comprehended, they have to be taught the language as a skill. HAVE TO. Whether the school is an English medium one, or a vernacular one, or whether the background is a westernized one or a traditional Indian one.....English has to be taught as a foreign language and as a skill. It is a tool that we have to learn to use.

And believe me, once we have that tool, there will be no stopping us. But till then.......????

It's worrying...

2012-02-11T14:48:00.001+05:30

students, and most often it's the bright ones, committing suicide for the flimsiest of reasons,

students refusing to accept any kind of discipline in school

students having increasingly short fuses

teachers feeling cornered and wondering why on earth they should even bother to say anything considering they might be the next victim of a student's wrath (a student stabbed a teacher to death in a classroom in a school in Madras), or the media

parents claiming their children don't listen to them

competitiveness hitting unmanageable levels, just because there are not enough 'good' colleges or universities for kids to go to

a society which is increasingly becoming more and more demanding

an economy which divides you cruelly into one of two categories - rich and poor

So, where are we going wrong?

As adults we are just not seeing that children/young adults today are being bombarded with all kinds of things, unconsciously and consciously, every nanosecond - the nerves in their brains are on overdrive. And, very simply, they are just not equipped to handle it. They do not have the mental or psychological capacity to decipher all the stimuli pinging on their brains; or the intellectual power to process and synthesize the data coming in. As for the emotional capacity to accept what is happening, that is way, way off...

As teachers we cannot write them off, After their parents, teachers are the ones who influence these young minds. Teachers just have to find some way of communicating with these young ones. After all they have age and maturity and experience on their side...

As parents, we have to be very attentive to our children. We know them and any sign of their being or doing anything that is not 'them', should be taken as a warning light........ and we better sit up and take notice of it. Children have different ways of communicating what is bothering them or troubling them. Often they themselves don't know why they are troubled... .We, their parents have to see if they are behaving in any manner that is not their usual way... .It is up to us as the primary care givers to our children, to find some platform on which to communicate with them. If we show them that we respect them for who they are, that they are precious to us, no matter what 'society' thinks, or whoever thinks, we'll be helping them to find themselves.

We put too much pressure on our kids, adding to the outside pressure they are already under - we live our dreams through them, we want them to succeed, we want them to go higher, and demand that they get 'good' jobs, etcetcetc....but in all this, we forget that they have their own personalities - we tend to take away from them the right to be themselves - they have to be us, or what we want them to be...or else......

How can scolding or pressurizing help, when the young one doesn't even understand what he is doing or what is happening to him? It's taking him all his energies to just stay afloat - and drowning is a very painful thing whether it's drowning in water, or drowning in the huge, huge amount of varying data impinging on his unformed brain...

What our young need is unconditional love and acceptance....and to stand behind them as they strive to find their place in the sun........................................as themselves......

Today...

2012-02-10T08:54:00.000+05:30

I am going to squash my mind every time it comes up with analysis, rationalizing, fearful thoughts, upsetting words, painful images...

I am NOT going to look at myself through anyone else's eyes but my own...

I am going to be the person I believe I am and that I was intended to be...

Hurray!!!

Two wonderful movies...

2012-02-07T08:04:00.000+05:30

Hachiko for lessons in unswerving love, loyalty, and absolute devotion...

and

Karate Kid for toughness of spirit, grit, and determination...

Talking about...

2012-02-05T12:13:00.001+05:30

systems...

A basic definition of system is a political or social order.

We all live in a system composed of many smaller parts which are systems in themselves. Flouting any of these, going against them. breaking them, fighting them, or even deviating from them causes a fair amount of pain and discomfort to say the least, and one ends up spending time defending oneself - time which could be used to live... . So what do we do? Accept blindly whatever these orders or systems put us into? Certainly not - if some system, or part of a system goes against what you believe, or value, you cannot accept it, but remember that in trying to fight a system, the propagators of that will close ranks and you will find yourself up against a huge, huge wall. Better than that would be to try and work within the system. I'll share an example that I've learnt - when we were in the Gulf, every man and every woman wore the National costume of the dishdasha and abaya. Under this however, many wore designer wear... . How better to explain how to be within the system, and yet be yourself, and live the way you believe?

And we can work this in whatever system we find ourselves... . Try it, I do...

(A word of caution: never do anything unethical when trying to work your own way within the system - that's bound to boomerang and come back very badly at that...)

The only time one has to or needs to or must break a system is if it oppresses the spirit or soul to the point of destruction - then it is far, far better to opt totally out of the system and create your own way... . And, believe me, since this is a matter of the soul, and the spirit, you will find the strength within to combat anything that comes in your path...

Sharing...

2012-02-03T10:15:00.001+05:30

something I read in my Upper Room this morning, and thought how beautifully this illustrated it:

From our brokenness God creates a mosaic of grace...

He wants to make something beautiful of our lives, whether we are broken only a little or nearly destroyed...

Sometimes...

2012-02-03T09:53:00.000+05:30

the solitariness of my solitude strikes hard at some of my deeply-hidden strings...

Finally...

2012-02-01T15:12:00.001+05:30

got fed up of crib - crib - crib and wrote this: http://www.zizira.com/secure/are-we-appreciative-enough/

Sharing...

2012-02-01T09:35:00.001+05:30

doubles happiness, and redoubles efforts to become strong and happy again....

there's a rider -

you need a good, caring, loving friend for sharing, just anybody won't do...

How many of us...

2012-02-01T08:28:00.001+05:30

even know that it is our responsibility to see to it that we are happy and fulfilled persons?

Know it now....this is our obligation and duty to ourselves, especially since we are also to care for those around us...

Start with GRATITUDE for who we are, what we are, what we have, what we do, and the way we use our lives, (make changes to ensure gratefulness)

then be CONTENT

and then,

SHARE

Just finished reading...

2012-01-31T11:50:00.001+05:30

Muriel Spark, The Biography by Martin Stannard, and want to share something for those of us who have entered the 60s.

Muriel says:I think the happiest years of my life started between sixty and seventy...For one thing, I can handle life. Up till the time I was sixty I was never very capable of saying "No", of really saying "This is the way I do it" and being absolutely firm. She felt that too often she had wasted energy humoring those staking claims on her time...

How true - we keep humoring those staking claims on our time believing that to be our bounden duty - but it isn't. Yes, a fair amount of give and take, with maybe a little more leaning to the give, does happen, and that's fine, but more than that not only begins to drain, it also begins to subdue and stifle and eventually deaden and destroy what we are really all about. This is not to say we become selfishly short-sighted about ourselves, no--not at all----it is just that comes a time in life when we just have to plain and simple say a definite No to others and a resounding Yes to ourselves.....this is not being me-centric, it is the realization that the me has got lost somewhere, it is no longer visible, drowned as it is by the voices and demands of others, and doing something about it. As my DD tells me, "Ma if you are not going to start living now, then when?"

Also, as we grow older there is a sense of release from all kinds of things that seemed important...the focus changes...and we need to explore this - now, at this stage of our lives...

I also have a sneaky feeling that if we do things that show respect for ourselves, others, even those close to us, will respect us, even if it gives them dreadful jolts....

All this is totally exclusive of one's girl friends, for your girl friends are your support system and the only ones, who love you unconditionally and don't try to make you over into their image...and a wonderfully encouraging DD!!!!

I do so disagree...

2012-01-30T13:07:00.000+05:30

with Salman Rushdie when he said at an interview that 'self-censorship is a lie to yourself,' and that 'self-censorship is the death of art.'

To me that is an incredibly strange thing to say, especially coming from someone who considers himself educated...

Imagine what would happen if all of us just said and did what we felt, with no self-censorship? Where then would be the grace in conversation? Where ethics? Where 'The Golden Rule'? Dickens, Thackeray, Twain, Austen, Hardy, and all the authors we've grown up on didn't offend anyone with their writing, with their literature. Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Picasso, Van Gogh, didn't offend with their art. They too portrayed life as it was in the times...as they felt...the pictures they painted were very realistic and quite painful at times - how is it that what they said or painted never caused offence? never caused violent reactions? never divided society?

In a society that is increasingly becoming a kind of free-for-all, the only thing that would keep some kind of sanity is self-censorship...

By all means say what you think and feel, but to those in your inner circle - the very fact that you have to defend your stand, or writing, or painting so much, so loudly and from so many forums, means that something is not quite right somewhere.

And, well, if he did not believe in self-censorship, then he should applaud that not having him over was because others too did not believe in self-censorship - they too said what they believed...

The hue and cry...

2012-01-24T14:47:00.002+05:30

over Rushdie coming to India has taken on a life of its own and like a juggernaut is rolling all over the place fomenting unrest and instigating violence. I think the only one who is gaining is Rushdie himself because by now The Satanic Verses must be in printing overdrive...

Literature, to my mind, is all about feeling, and therefore by extension, about choice. One should welcome all kinds of literature else how will one ever know various lines of thinking; how will one ever get to know about things/people/occurrences, to name a few worlds that reading opens up; how will one ever extend the boundaries of life and living? how will one choose what resonates with our core, or our way of thinking? how will one know what and how to think? how will one choose between one and the other kind of literature?

What is more satanic than The Satanic Verses is our hypocrisy. What is more demoniacal and diabolical is the way we treat each other; or behave with those who are less fortunate, or cannot hit back; or grovel before those who are 'above' us, all the while making others grovel before us; or willingly become sycophants of those who we imagine have an advantage over us, or hold our interests in their hands, even as we ruthlessly push our tiny two-bit position; or cruelly use our clout and position over who have nothing to give; or kowtow to people for our own personal furtherance, expecting the same; or behave with impunity to gain our ends; or allow our personal greed to gain dominance and precedence over public good; or............

What can be more satanic than the crime we allow to be perpetrated against girls and women?

I'm exceedingly angry...

2012-01-24T12:11:00.001+05:30

at the report I read this morning in the Times of India, Kolkata.

An 18-year-old girl was tortured, her hair cut off, and paraded in a semi-naked condition across the village by family members of her second husband in a Birbhaum village on Sunday night. In the face of strong mob sentiment the husband could do little to protest. Neither could her family members. The girl's father said they were very poor and could not protest as they had been threatened. He didn't even dare to take his daughter to the hospital. The groom and his family have fled the village.

It was only on Monday that the local authorities got to know, when they came and took the girl to the hospital.

The girl was married, but when her marriage failed, she came back home. Anyone familiar with Indian custom would know that this marriage would have been arranged by her family. Anyone who knows what Indian society is all about would also know that coming home, the child probably realized the unwelcome situation she put herself and her family in, and the burden she would be on her already burdened father. The child must have also come face to face with an unrelentingly merciless society. So, when she got an opportunity, she must have decided to marry a second time. I am sure she found herself driven to taking this step.

Angry, frustrated, helpless questions and feelings are raging and surging in my brain and heart. (Our putrid society offers no solace or solution to a girl in these circumstances). What must she be going through? How will she resolve the pain? How will the child ever come to terms with this? What will she do now?

I would want all the women who read my blog to join me in sending this young girl all our love and strength. There is great power in thought and if we all send her our collective force, it will surely have an effect...

Have you ever felt...

2012-01-22T16:56:00.000+05:30

when reading a word/phrase/sentence someone has used in a context which is familiar to you, a resonance, and a settling down, or definitive conclusion of feelings and thoughts that heretofore were left unconcluded?

I felt this way a couple of days back, and am able to articulate it only now after it has seeped into my being. My home has been robbed three times over the years. We belong to the professional stratum, and each time, we lost some of our hard-earned belongings and a lot of personal effects which had emotional connections, considerably setting us back. My DD always helped put the bits and pieces of my heart back, but I just could not bring a closure to my feelings, till I got a letter from my cousin. He told me that their home had been broken into on the 11th, and they had lost their life savings. While I sympathized with him and his wife, he was philosophical about his tremendous loss, saying, "I am not despondent or disheartened, but feel a sense of being violated." That was it! - Violated - that was what I had been feeling all these years. Somehow when articulated like that, it clicked into place, and I find I can now put to rest all those inconclusive feelings that have periodically permeated my head and heart and brought so much pain...

It's my life...

2012-01-21T08:40:00.000+05:30

you bet it is...

only thing is that it is connected by a hundred thousand strings, visible, invisible, tenuous, strong, loose, tight, thick, thin, whatever... but connected nevertheless to a hundred thousand people...important-in-our-lives, and not so important, and not important at all, distant, close and personal, far and near...

and there's nothing we can do about it other than try and wiggle around and create a little space where we can be what we really are...

so that the tugging and pulling strings don't disfigure us, instead, they emanate from us...

It's...

2012-01-20T17:51:00.000+05:30

my DD's birthday today...

A child's birthday is an exceedingly special day for the mother...the memories...the wishes...the tenderness...for the teeny-weeny baby lying so trustingly in your arms...

and the blessing of God's gift for us mothers...

There is always...

2012-01-20T08:38:00.000+05:30

a patch of blue...

Sharing the belief...

2012-01-20T08:16:00.001+05:30

of the nobility of our birth... (people tag themselves as being of low or high birth, when in fact there is no such thing...)

You are a primary existence. You are a distinct portion of the essence of God, and contain a certain part of Him in yourself. Why then are you ignorant of your noble birth? You carry a God about within you, poor wretch, and nothing of it.
- Epictetus

A note about Epictetus: Epictetus was a Greek sage and Stoic philosopher. Born a slave in what is today Pamukkale, Turkey, he lived in Rome till he was banished. He then went to Nicopolis in Northwestern Greece and lived there for the rest of his life. He believed that philosophy was a way of life and not just a theory. Epictetus believed that all external events are determined by fate, and therefore beyond our control. So, we need to accept whatever happens calmly and dispassionately. We, however, are responsible for our actions. If we try to control what cannot be controlled, or neglect what we can do, the result is suffering. Like all wise men, he believed that all men were interconnected and that therefore we have a duty to our fellow men.

How do they know...

2012-01-20T07:27:00.000+05:30

it's time to nest??

Just yesterday when I looked at the tree, there was no nest. I did see a couple of crows fluttering around and flying in and out of the tree, and I wondered what they were up to...

And today their home is ready....

Last year too, I watched this whole exercise - Mr and Mrs Crow built their nest, the little ones were born, they flew away, and Mr and Mrs Crow flew away too. The abandoned nest fell apart.

Today, it's new life all over again...

(Something to think about: crows are monogamous and form long-term bonds)

When...

2012-01-18T17:39:00.000+05:30

words rip your soul apart

an arm reaches out, over long distances, over mountains and seas, telling you 'it's okay'

you grip that arm, and in that lone, loving gesture find solace...

and the strength to go on...

While...

2012-01-18T11:26:00.000+05:30

the government is playing ducks and drakes with prices and policies

there are excited and hysterical national debates on the Chief of Army Staff's age

crores are being spent on covering Mayawati's elephants and statues, and these crores will be swept off when the coverings are removed

a tired Cricket captain and his team are food for the vultures.......

farmers are committing suicide

mothers of seamen are weeping to get their sons back from the clutches of pirates

children are forgetting to read and count

women are slogging to keep the home fires burning

it seems so hard to see every day through....

Kolaver di?

Homai Vyarawalla...

2012-01-17T15:17:00.001+05:30

may not be physically with us, but she lives through her pictures...

And remains SOMEONE whom we can look up to...

She had to have been certain kind of person, otherwise she would not have done the things she did, or lived the way she lived - on her own terms and in her own way - independent and thought and deed, but with sensitivity - and that is what we can draw sustenance, strength, inspiration, and direction from....

Happiness...

2012-01-17T14:57:00.000+05:30

check out - http://www.zizira.com/secure/who-am-i-celebrating-your-roots/

some of my identity issues are here in this new platform Zizira...

To be...

2012-01-17T08:18:00.001+05:30

enveloped in the love of those you hold dear, those who share your anguish and agony, and silently understand the barrenness that life's experiences have created, and just hold you close in their strength and warmth, and loving care...

Could one ask for more?

But you need to extend this to someone to make the warm circle complete...

To my mind...

2012-01-16T13:25:00.000+05:30

telling it like it is,or talking turkey, or being frank, or speaking outright, is quite terrible. There has to be a certain gentleness about speech. Those who pride themselves on telling it like it is because they believe in being frank, need to ask themselves if they would be able to take it should they be at the receiving end of someone else's frankness or outspokenness. There is a certain demeaning that happens to the one who is receiving this frank talk - a certain stripping of the self-esteem and self-respect. Of course the truth, no matter how painful, needs to be told, but there is also a responsibility (to the other person) in how it is told.

I always think of my Mum's neurosurgeon. When he finally realized that there was no need any more for any medication, or treatment, he called me aside and spoke to me very gently, explaining in as simple language as he could what Mummy's condition was and that nothing more could be done for her. It touched my heart when he said that we should take her home and surround her with love and family and let her go. I know he spoke to my brother as one doctor to another, but to me he was quite a different person. I thank God for him.

By all means take pride in the fact that you can see things as they are and can spell things out as they are - but tread gently....................for you might be stepping on someone's heart...

It's celebration time...

2012-01-15T12:57:00.000+05:30

January 14 is a very special day. I knew it was a day when harvest festivals were celebrated across India, but did not quite know what it meant. Did some searching, and this is what I found:

Makar Sankranthi, Lohri, and Pongal mark the movememt of the Sun from the Tropic of Cancer to the Tropic of Capricorn, or from the Dhanu rashi (Sagittarius) to Makara rashi (Capricorn) as it goes on its celestial path.

An intersting fact is that this festival marks the Winter Solstice i.e., the gradual increase in the length of the day. Scientifically, December 21-22 is the shortest day. So, Winter Solstice begins on this day, and the Sun enters the Makara rashi on this day. However, since the Earth tilts 23.45 degrees, it has caused Makar Sankranthi to shift. A thousand years ago, Makar Sankranthi was on December 31, now it is January 14. 5000 years on, it will be at the end of February, and after 9000 years it will fall in June!

Makar Sankranthi is a day when the Sun is worshiped. People celebrate this festival across India in many ways. It is also a day when a ritual bath for thepurification of sins is taken in the Ganges. In fact, in Bengal, the day is celebrated as Ganga Sagar when thousands take a dip in the holy Ganges at the auspicious pre-dawn hour. Kites are flown on this day as a tribute to the Sun God.

Lohri is celebrated in Punjab, Haryana, Himachal Pradesh, Delhi and Jammu. People associate Lohri with Dulla Bhatti, a Robin Hood-like rebel who robbed the rich and gave to the poor, and rescued Hindu girls from being sole into slavery arranging their marriages and giving them their dowries. The lyrics of all Lohri songs express gratitude to Dulla Bhatti. The main feature of Lohri is the big bonfire which is lit in the main square.

Thai Pongal is celebrated by Tamilians in India and Sri Lanka. The saying "Thai Pirandhal Vazhi Pirakkum" or "the commencement of Thai paves the way for new opportunities" is reflected in this festival. In gratitude to the Sun God for a good harvest, the first grain is consecrated to him. Tamilians decorate their homes with banana and mango leaves, both considered auspicious, and decorate their homes with exquisite kolams (rangolis) made with rice flour. Milk is boiled in a clay pot till it boils over, symboizing prosperity for the home. All South Indian states celebrate Pongal by different names.

It is a time to let go of everything old - material, emotional, or psychological, and start afresh on a clean new slate.

As all festivals go, there is a lot of fun, singing, dancing of traditional dances, eating, and drinking.

So Happy Celebrations!! It's the mark of a New Season!!!

Ever felt...

2012-01-13T10:08:00.000+05:30

a kind of emptiness hit you when you suddenly have to stop cc-ing your mails to someone you always include in your cc bar?

From me:

Add Cc

There are days when...

2012-01-12T11:23:00.000+05:30

things just don't make sense...

there seems to be no reason for what happens...

Just hold tight and hold on...

this will pass and the underlying design will stand out,

for....

nothing happens that should not - there is a distinct pattern.

If we ruffle ourselves, the pattern will get ruffled too...

Never...

2012-01-12T11:19:00.002+05:30

rationalize.

Accept. Reject. Deal with.

Just don't rationalize...

The greatest grip...

2012-01-12T08:22:00.003+05:30

that anything can have on one is the grip of grief - no matter what the reason, no matter what the cause of this grief is...

Worst is that grief is paralyzing...

Fact is one cannot move on from any kind of grief - it becomes a part of you, and in dealing with it, you find your answers.

What a relief it is...

2012-01-12T08:15:00.000+05:30

when the realization dawns that your lifestyle is the best for you. You don't have to be someone else, or like anyone else, or look enviously at people and think 'why not me?'

As the feeling of relief morphs into realization, and on into truth, it totally, you get released from all strangulating and shackling feelings and thoughts, and the only feeling left in your entire being is one of freedom...

I am...

2012-01-12T08:08:00.000+05:30

but a wisp of mist...

Epiphany...

2012-01-07T08:09:00.003+05:30

thought i'd keep a few memories of Christmas in the homes of my family...

DD's home

Ours

Philip's

Jithen's home

Jithen's

Philip's home

If you feel...

2012-01-06T08:41:00.000+05:30

that life is going on, and

what you imagined,
or wished for,
or visualized,
or thought about,
or read about,

has not happened

and a desperate feeling starts welling up from the pit of your stomach, threatening to engulf you....

and you think

now there's not much time left, so when is all this going to happen?

why isn't it happening?

STOP

this is what was in your life script---so, sit back and try to figure out

what you're missing....

what's evading you...

what you are crowding out...

what virtue there is in it...

and

enjoy it.....

Options...

2012-01-06T08:33:00.002+05:30

for someone who is housebound...

don't let your thoughts get into a downward spiral
eat something that you are not supposed to, but you love
look outside the window at the world passing by
make up stories, make-believe - remember as children how we entertained ourselves?
have a nice steaming bath in an incense-filled bathroom
make sure every corner of your home is lovely and beautiful and comfortable and cozy
put on loud dance music and dance
sing along with the music, loudly, all the songs you love
make something pretty
do needlecraft, or knit, or hook a rug
if you're so inclined, dish up something
sit back and sip a drink, never mind the time of day
tell yourself there are no shoulds, and do what you feel like--maybe like taking a nap in the middle of the morning
watch a film - and if you don't know what to watch, but feel like watching TV, then watch, what my DD calls, a fuddu movie, which is a movie which is totally improbable and just plain entertainment
play hooky
don't do the things you're 'supposed' to do; instead do something waaaaaaayyyyyy out
be irreverent

keep adding to this list

but absolutely, and positively, and certainly, stop expecting things of yourself....

decide what you are going to do to make the day a day to remember........

Sharing...

2012-01-02T13:49:00.000+05:30

a winter afternoon by the lake in Calcutta...

A housework rambling...

2012-01-02T13:42:00.000+05:30

Life, hardly ever, goes according to the script you've imagined, or written, or wanted, or thought about. Often you stop yourself and ask, "Is this really me happening here?" Trouble is - it is. So then? accept the new script and learn it... . in the end you'll see that it was tailor-made for you!

Strange, new, delicious feeling...

2012-01-02T08:25:00.000+05:30

I've been experiencing this feeling lately - on two occasions when we were out to lunch, I could actually stop myself from thinking about the chores pending at home, things I had to work on online, and generally what's-next thoughts... . I actually managed it! after the lunch, I realized I actually had had no thoughts in my head other than thoughts about the food and the company; as if there was nothing for me to do, other than just have lunch. How to explain the feeling of liberation.... it was a wonderful freeing kind of feeling.

Now, since that was such an enjoyable feeling, that is what i am mightily going to strive for while doing each of my tasks.

..................growing up at 60???!!!

Ring in the New Year...

2012-01-01T10:57:00.000+05:30

All the years of my growing up, when I heard this, I believed that huge bells would start ringing in the sky and the New Year would appear like a bright white flash lighting up the sky and descend to the earth. It would fill the whole world, and when we woke up, we would see everything new and shiny and wonderful...

That never did happen physically - but I realized that one could wake up and feel all new and shiny and wonderful...

That too did not quite happen - and one woke feeling a kind of sadness, nostalgia, apprehension, and insecurity, with maybe a dash of new-shiny-wonderful...

Sometimes one would hear people philosophizing asking why only January 1st was New Year's Day. Why could not any day could be the beginning of a New Year. One could always have new beginnings...

Often it was just another day...

Today my mind turned to all those who:

Didn't have anything to look forward to
Weren't sure where their next meal was going to come from
Didn't know when the roof above their head would be ripped off
Were apprehensive about their jobs
Had mountains to climb just to survive
Knew that no one understood them and who were struggling with that
Knew that no one really cared about them
Felt that they didn't belong anywhere
Knew they did not have it in them to handle the difficult situations life would hand them
Knew they had a splintered home
Were at war with their neighbor, making living difficult and sorrowful
Could not get the bitterness out of their system
Just could not and did not want to face life
Were plain and simple afraid
Never knew a moment's peace and joy
Felt isolated and alone

Scared...

2012-01-01T10:35:00.001+05:30

to step into the New Year?

I am...

I think I'll go with something I read today in my Kabbalah newsletter, since this is the biggest concern I face...

Am I going to be a victim, and let feelings of hurt, bitterness, regret, sorrow, dim my life, thereby making me act like a victim...

Am I going to be a victor, and let the spark in me take over, since that spark belongs to Him who made me and knows all about me, thereby making me act like a victor in all situations...

No one is or can be right all the time...good things don't happen all the time...

But, there is no need to crouch and crawl - there is only need to recognize all things, and walk tall and straight...

When...

2011-12-30T12:05:00.000+05:30

beset by doubts of any kind......................

it's best to be silent - if it happens naturally, you're lucky, but if it's something you find hard to do, preferring to try and explain (try - because you just end up becoming agitated, incoherent, and going round in circles), then you must FORCE yourself to keep quiet.

Only this seems to help resolve doubts and tangles.

The haunting strains of the theme from Papillon...

2011-12-29T09:59:00.001+05:30

brought home to me as never before that while we all have a place under the sun, we, each one of us, also has our own special place in the scheme of things. It is extremely important to find this, and wholeheartedly accept this (this is the catch) without cynicism, rancor, or going overboard, for only then can we be at peace with ourselves, and in harmony with our surroundings.

To explain: just because we may have been brought up to believe that we are the center of the Universe, or among the flotsam of the Universe, doesn't mean that we belong there...our rightful place, if we belong to the first category, may be somewhere lower down, or, if we belong to the second group, our rightful place maybe somewhere on top - but it's always somewhere else...that is what we have to find, and accept and live...

Wonder why...

2011-12-29T08:01:00.000+05:30

any kind of suffering or negativeness takes so long to leave the system - seems like it just permeates the whole being and causes a kind of paralysis; it wants to take up residence, and just stay on and on...

Wonder, too, why happiness and anything positive leaves the system so quickly - seems like it is in a hurry to leave, sometimes not even leaving a faint whiff of its warm, glowing perfume; or even leaving behind the impression of a memory...

Building ourselves...

2011-12-28T14:07:00.001+05:30

on the strength of dear, good friends - friends who you know will always stand by you and share their last fragment of bread with you...

You know you are not alone, no matter what kind of or how many lemons life throws at you, because they are there to help catch/field/deflect/destroy/turn them

You know you can handle anything because of the wonderful support system they offer

You know you can face anything because of the back-up they provide

You know you can stand up to anything and anyone, because they stiffen your back and put iron into it

You are comforted, strengthened, and liberated....

I know that for my friends and me, we are the back-up we need...

Adding to living in the moment...

2011-12-28T08:36:00.001+05:30

An exercise to be consciously done this year -

Check to see if I am living in the moment....

Of course if the moment is one in which I am working or doing something, the check is easy. The consciousness needs to be there in:

Happy moments - when I need to recognize it, participate in it fully, file it away, and.................remember that it is fleeting,

Angry moments - when I need to get what really happened, and if needs be, even express it, instead of trying to look for reasons, rationalize, blame, suppress, and.................. remember that it is fleeting... . (There is a rider here - it's best when angry to be alone, and try not to say anything - if it would help, its even best to go off for a walk or to the gym - because what is said or done in a moment of anger may be worse than what happened to make you angry in the first place. Remember sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but angry words will hurt the soul).

Hurting moments - when I need to face up to it (not wish it away, try to push it under the carpet, or rationalize it, or stifle/compress it), suffer it, cry, maybe, and.................... remember that it is fleeting...

This is a pass it on...

2011-12-28T08:28:00.000+05:30

An extremely dear friend shared this wisdom with me - if someone has hit out unfairly at you, or what is your best effort, or your person; or has unthinkingly put you down, or tried to demean you, or wanted to show you as less; or has, because they were stressed, wrongly downloaded on you, in the process demolishing you, the best thing would be to confront the person - in fact, it is imperative to do so, (i.e., if you haven't been able to do a water-off-duck's-back kind of thing about it) - for your own sake - just for you.

If you are a person in whom such a thing would fester, evoke feelings of there-goes-again, or generate thoughts of I-am-truly-the-pits, or make you hurt and hurt and hurt, or make you go over the same ground again and again and again, with whatever it was becoming bigger and larger and more frightening in the mind...it is best to face the person who is at the bottom of your feeling this way. It could be right away, or after a month, or after six months, or a year - but get it out of the way.

Getting it out of the way, is also recognizing the fact that you are not afraid anymore - think - half the time, we don't ask the person head-on what they meant, instead, go on suffering, because we are afraid in case the person hits out in a manner that we will not be able to handle - the response may be cajoling, nasty, yelling, reasoning, a oh come-on-it's-not-serious one, or a aren't-you-reading-too-much-into-it one - all again designed to fill you with guilt, and make you question your own mind and thinking and emotions...

Fact is, as I have very recently learnt - you can take on all or any consequences that arise from having responded to something which to you is unfair and unjust. You can - believe me, you can.

The only thing you need to remember when responding is to be factual, and state-but-not-accuse - a kind of bringing it to the mind of the person concerned.

The major question would be why? why not leave it be? Yes, leave it be if you can erase it right away - totally erase it - but otherwise, taking off on my blog on 'Gifts' - if the good Lord thought enough of us to gift us His Son, then surely we need to value the fact that we cannot gift ourselves anything but what is good and what will make us happy and what will restore the peace in our hearts...

The Upper Room...

2011-12-27T14:43:00.000+05:30

is my Daily Devotional. Somehow, no matter what 'valley of the shadow of death' I'm passing through, or what grave doubts are filling my mind, whenever I open the Upper Room to the day's devotion, I get the feeling that it was written keeping me in mind - it's always a just-for-me kind of feeling.

One devotion that I wanted to share is the one on Gifts - we tend to associate Christmas with gifts - (I remember as children, how my brother and I would see the gifts gathering under our tree. Living in a campus, there was lots of sharing of gifts, and we used to love the gift-opening time on the 24th, as the family gathered near the fireplace. Carols and goodies, loving warmth and laughter...Later, my DD and I would share a similar ceremony at my mother's home).

There are certain traditions, so filled with memories - a wreath on the door, a Christmas tree, and the Nativity scene, that just have to be done... . From the devotion, I learned that these are also gifts. But these are gifts of a different kind. According to the devotion - 'Gifts come in various forms: not only in decorated packages sheltered beneath the lights of the Christmas tree, but also in supportive words and deeds. Gifts are symbols of the giver's love and may bring joy and wonder to the receiver.' Gifts of words and deeds can be given to ourselves, to loved ones, or to anyone we meet. Doing up our home is a gift we give ourselves, our family - it is a symbol of love that we have for each other; it is a reaffirmation of family and home. Words and deeds we offer others are symbols of our caring and can be a source of comfort and good cheer for the receiver.

The first gift came to us from God Himself in the form of the baby Jesus...That gift was the symbol of His love...

Another definition of friendship...

2011-12-26T08:10:00.002+05:30

A love-filled unjudgmental insight into the mind of a friend...

Time to remember...

2011-12-23T11:18:00.000+05:30

Love came down at Christmas,

Love all lovely, love Divine,

Love was born at Christmas

Love shall be our token,

Love be yours and love be mine,

Love to God and all men

The contradiction of the season...

2011-12-23T11:13:00.002+05:30

"'Tis the season to be jolly!" is the main theme of this festive season, and the weather contributes to this. There's something very nice about it being cold; walking through swirls of mist; curling your hands around a mug of hot cocoa or coffee or ginger tea; watching 'christmas' lights; listening to carols in all languages as people of different countries celebrate the birth of Christ; snuggling into woollies; curling up with a hot-water bottle; smelling the special smells of winter and festivity...

"What can I give Him, poor as I am". Because, this is also the time when a great sadness permeates the heart; being far away from loved ones; loss of one more place at the family table, seeing those who are cold and shivering and too poor to do anything about it; the thought that another year is almost over; not being able to do the things one wants to do for whatever reason; the pain of remembering happy times gone by; the specter of the past...

Good friends...

2011-12-23T10:45:00.000+05:30

are like good wine - matured over the years, they are potent, and life-restoring...

A measure of Christmas cheer...

2011-12-21T09:15:00.000+05:30

A slice of time...

Back after what can only be described as a time of rejuvenation, unadulterated happiness, healing, camaraderie, re-discovery of self, non-pretense, sheer joy.

It was also a time to let go and get back to the essence...

It was a reunion of 3 out of 4 best pals from college, 40 years after we last saw each other...

Had we changed? of course we had - but only in the peripheries.......the core was still intact....it had got silted over and crowded out, muddied and battered, but it was there and we were amazed that it was so.

One must never ever have expectations...

2011-12-05T15:08:00.000+05:30

is one of the many life has taught me - and how!! till I got it...

How I fought with my Dad when he used to say this to me because time and time again he would see how my expectations played havoc with me! but would I listen? No - I thought, like all young people, that the older generation was hell-bent on not letting us get the maximum out of life.

Fact, though, is that what they said was true---not having expectations is what helps us to make sense out of life and living, as well as helps us to make the most out of life and living...

So for all those who have expectations, the wise thing would be to chuck them all out...and take life and living on an as-is, wherever-is, whatever-is, however-is, as-it-comes basis!

How fragile...

2011-12-04T11:06:00.001+05:30

is our sense of self-esteem and therefore our self-confidence...

When I read about women my age, who are confident in and about what they do, I either just go on reading and re-re-re-re reading about them or go on and on and on looking at their photographs and just marvel and wonder and wish and long for that kind of confidence.

Wonder if others feel this way too...

Could it be that I've been pinning my sense of self-esteem on the reactions of those around me - those I know and love and those I pass on my journey?

The huge point in my favor is that my DD is my instant pick-my-heart-up, and cheerleader - (something among many others that I am grateful for)

I guess that is reason enough for me - and maybe about time too - to start pulling up my self-confidence from where it usually resides (which is under my feet), and pushing it to my heart and mind...

Next time...

2011-12-01T13:09:00.000+05:30

try to hear the hidden notes in the voice of the person talking to you...there might be pain, or loneliness, or tiredness, or just the need for you to look into the heart...and decipher what is actually being said, meant...

How...

2011-11-29T14:25:00.001+05:30

can I describe what is going on in my heart - have just had a heart-to-heart with one of my three best friends? We were college-mates, 39 years and 6 months ago...and it was that time of life when our opinions on life, living, and the world in general, were born and shaped...sitting on our khats, munching peanuts or something from the Corner Shop, in Ranjana's, or at King of Chaat, or in the dining room, or walking down Hazratganj, or on our walks around the campus, or on the dining room steps, or the steps in front of our rooms, or by the pool in the mango grove, or lounging in Miss Anand's room in the Teacher's Kothi...

The first few words..................and the years melted away - we were back in our rooms in Naunihal, Isabella Thoburn College, Lucknow....

The love is still there - as strong, as beautiful, and as comforting...

Picking up my knitting...

2011-11-28T10:45:00.000+05:30

after close on 30 years, I found that it only took a little while, and a few mistakes to get back my rhythm. The only thing that foxed me was the ball of wool. I remember Mom making us hold our arms out and sling the long loosely wound coils of wool on our arms while she rolled them into a tight ball. Since I couldn't do that, I decided to start knitting anyway...and of course, got all entangled...not once but quite a few times. So, a couple of times, I snipped the wool, undid the knot, and joined in the ends; sometimes I had to unravel a few lines of what I'd done, and re-knit; and on a couple of occasions, I had to undo the whole and start all over again. right from casting on....

Till...

I realized that I needn't go through this unhappy, tedious process at all - all I had to do was to loosen the tangled part by gently pulling the wool in different directions, so that there was enough place for the wool to move. Resume knitting, and as I got close to the messy part, again loosen the wool and leave enough place all around. To my happiness, I saw that gradually the wool got untangled and straightened out on its own.... .This was important, as I am knitting a prayer shawl, and I'm supposed to be praying and filling the shawl with warm comforting energy (and not fractured unhappy energy)...

Learnt a lesson - when knots happen in our daily lives - as they often do and as they must - best is to leave them alone and carry on the daily round. The more we stress on them, spend time on solving them, start all over hoping to find what went wrong, the more knotted we get, and worse, the more distressed we feel. Looking at the tangle, loosening the strands, not stressing on it or even thinking about it, leaving it alone, and carrying on, seems to be the best way...the strands straighten out on their own...and fill our day with every moment full of comfort and warmth and breathed prayers...

Try it....it worked for me...

Labeling...

2011-11-24T09:08:00.000+05:30

or speaking of people as losers according to conventional norms/ideas/yardsticks is something we all come across - we may even label or speak of ourselves as losers, using these conventional norms/ideas/yardsticks.

Agreed, a person's life may not go the way it 'is supposed to' go. We could put the reasons down to life's dealing us a bad set of cards, DNA aberrations, karma - there are a thousand ways of trying to pin our 'losing/losing out' onto circumstances and causes both outside of ourselves or inside of ourselves.

Either way, the person who is at this 'losing' end, ends up feeling like something worse that the worst kind of pond scum...

But, after going through the period of trashing ourselves, and blaming our loser-ness on everyone and everything and ourselves, what we need to do is to straighten our spine and really look at all these loser-things that have happened - believe me, it's not easy - (you run away and come back and run away and come back again - there is something quite magnetic about this)... but finally, looking at all of these, we realize that through some we've learnt some really life-saving lessons for the future, some have made course correction necessary, some may actually have been happy processes (which unfortunately didn't give us the results which conventionally we should have got), some may have been good experiences to go through (but ended up sour), some may have been sifting experiences (removing the husk from the grain - something which is extremely difficult because we've been believing that the husk is the grain).

And...maybe...maybe...just looking at these and adding them up, we'll see that the total leans to the positive...and maybe just maybe, while we think we have not got what we should have got, in the final tally, we've actually got something better...

Raise a toast to me...

2011-11-19T16:58:00.000+05:30

My eBook is out....

For anyone who may care to share my thoughts, and experiences, and find in it something of help on life's journey, you're welcome to go to:

http://chillibreeze.in/products-page/
http://chillibreeze.in/products-page/non-fiction-books/frankincense-and-myrrh/

Dedicating today...

2011-11-18T09:27:00.000+05:30

to all those who are victims of someone else's emotional roller coaster ride...

Bite your tongue, ball your fists, grip your heart,

and stay happy...

and

DO NOT CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DEEP IN YOUR BEING...

Here's something uplifting and reassuring and reviving and comforting:

"By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before." - Edwin Elliot

India...

2011-11-13T10:19:00.000+05:30

is not ready for young politicians...is my feeling...

Reason? look at the circus - inflation, scams, 4G, opening up of the FDI, 860 million mobile phone users (which includes the rural teledensity), 80% of the population being poor, illiteracy, growing ITESs, airlines serving 3% of the population and their irregularities making headlines, F1, and Rs 32/- being considered being enough for a person to live, corporates and maoists, and on and on and on...

Plus - a 5000-year-old civilization, plus Moghul rule, plus British rule...

It is only our seasoned-and-wily-with-age-and-patient-as-Job politicians who can handle and juggle all of this...really and truly.....

India also needs all these various parties...

Reason? they act as checks and balances for every decision the Government takes or does not take, and for every word that everyone else utter or does not utter, and for every action that is taken either in good faith or bad...

The young have neither the time nor the taste for this...but this is what we have and this is what we are all about and somehow we all have to muddle along...

Somehow...

2011-11-13T10:04:00.000+05:30

we must remember that the best thing that the young can do for the old is to allow them the space and dignity to be old...

This came to me when I had gone to the hospital. There was this very old lady who was sitting with her daughter and granddaughter. There was something about her and I could not help looking at her (staring in fact) - it was obvious that at one time she must have been very good looking. Her face told its own story, and the lines on her peaceful face spoke of character born out of years of toil and sacrifice. It was when she got up that I saw she was bent with age. Even so, very consciously she fixed her sari and then with effort started walking towards the toilet. Her daughter and granddaughter quietly watched her. I wondered what thoughts were passing through that old mother's mind, and what thoughts must have been racing through her daughter's...

She walked slowly and with obvious difficulty, and when someone stepped forward to help her, she politely refused...

And that is when it struck me hard that the greatest favor we can do our old is to let them know that we hold them in the same regard, respect, and love as we did when they were young. We have to allow them to feel as dignified as they must have felt when they were younger. We must never, ever, ever do anything to let them feel diminished in any way... . And if we must help them, then we need to be conscious that our help is not in any way lessening the image they have, deep inside, of themselves...

Talking about behavior...

2011-11-13T09:50:00.000+05:30

In an article by Malvika Singh, 'Tn Royal Company,' she's talked about the behavior of the Bhutanese people and compared it with the Indian behavior at a similar function - a wedding... . The occasion was the wedding of the King of Bhutan

(I've removed certain sections, since what I wanted to highlight was behavior)

She says:

'No one behaved in a ham-handed manner; no guest felt that there was differentiation based on status; every invitee was treated like a VIP. All this was in sharp contrast to how guests are treated in India at similar celebrations that cease to be celebratory because of the dreadful segregation that we have mastered. Indian leaders need a crash course to learn how to conduct themselves with dignity. Grace and honourable behaviour patterns have disappeared from the rule-book. There is no one to look up to, no single individual to emulate or to get strength from. There are no heroes, no role models, except for superficial characters in Bollywood movies. Those who are privileged are busy exploiting the system for personal gain, and those who are aspiring to better their positions are attaching themselves like parasites to that particular lot. Crude and vulgar, ostentatious and clumsy, they have set the most demeaning standards. They have much to learn from their neighbor.'

This issue of 'behavior' is what always keeps raising its head... . It really seems that we are forgetting that there is such a thing as manners, let alone good manners... . And the thing is that there is so much beauty and grace and elegance in good manners.

I've heard people ask those who show basic good manners why they are behaving with so much 'formality.' Have we forgotten that tehzeeb (respect) and takalluf (etiquette) are part of our culture? Are we passing over and dispensing with the whole concept of refinement? Are we mistakenly equating the strength of gentleness with weakness?

Formality is dictated by the norms laid down by society whether in manners, or dress, or kind of food, or behavior on different occasions... . There is nothing wrong in that - there is a kind of behavior and style for every situation. There is also a certain kind of behavior and style commensurate with every position we hold in our lives as well as the stage of life we are at. What is so wrong about that?

Informality, which is much touted today as being the 'done' way, or the preferred way, is just another excuse for vulgar and licentious behavior, and certainly another way of reducing everything to the banal.

Formality or informality, there has to be an underlying shade of respect... . For it is in whether we respect others or not, that we show how much respect we have for ourselves...

My 300th post...

2011-11-12T08:29:00.003+05:30

Landmark...milestone...on my life road...

Looking back, there were a lot of lemons,

some I managed to add tequila and salt to by myself...

many times my DD fixed the shot for me...

Some lemons scarred with their acidity...

Some tried to spread the rottenness that had set into them, by osmosis...

Some were dry and hit hard...

Some were deceptively juicy...

Some I just threw away...

But the shots with tequila and salt................................

Cheers to all those times!!!

In their essence...

2011-11-08T11:53:00.001+05:30

to my mind, Sufi music and Flamenco music are very similar - they go straight into the heart, find their way into every corner and every deep crevice and from there draw out the very heart's blood, and along with it all the fear, anger, hurt, questioning, grief, happiness, feelings of unfairness, doubt, joy,aloneness, sorrow, dark thoughts, black clouds, rainbows....and force you to look at them, and then let them go in the sheer movement of dance...

Do...

2011-11-04T16:36:00.000+05:30

you get that gut-wrenching feeling when the kaleidoscope of colors suddenly dances into blackness??

...as if there is no next moment....

and you hold your breath and wonder if the little shards of colored light will ever come back...

then, slowly, once again the colors fox-trot back, or maybe even Charleston back...

The difference between...

2011-11-03T09:05:00.000+05:30

Work and drudge -

Both are essentially work, but after a lot of reading and thinking, I feel that work has an element of fun in it - when you can see the fun in what you are doing, which would translate into enjoyment in what you are doing, that would be work - not saying that there won't be moments of darkness or doubt, those are in-built into everything, but the overriding feeling is one of pleasure and relish...

Drudge on the other hand, has zero fun or even zero capacity for fun, and HUGE amounts of darkness. Drudge might be paying your rent, or upkeep, or maybe something necessary (like routine housework every day all year round). The good thing is that the fall-out of drudge could be made into fun...

(Of course, what might be drudge for someone, may well be work for someone else...and vice versa!!)

And so, happy working or happy looking-for-work-in-drudge...

The non-periods of doing anything are colored by whether what you are doing is work, or drudge - work would, therefore, color periods of non-doing in happy, relaxed, stimulating, peaceful, bright colors, and drudge would color these non-doing periods in shades of grey to black.

So, check the color meter....

It's taken me so long...

2011-11-01T13:53:00.000+05:30

to understand that each moment segues into the next and the next and the next...till they become seconds, minutes, hours, days and years of a life.

For some this happens seamlessly, and for some, like myself, it's often been a hard struggle - because life IS going to follow its path, and if you forcefully try to change its course, it's anyway going to come right back - only it would be returning over bruises and hurts and bleeding, pouring its healing powers as it comes back to the path laid down for it.

But at least the realization has happened - so, better late than never! Cheers!!

Talking about beliefs...

2011-11-01T09:53:00.000+05:30

Everyone has a belief - those who say they don't believe in God or a supernatural Presence, or Entity, still do believe in something...maybe even believing that they don't believe anything...

The point is whether our belief makes us loving and compassionate, or astringent and severe...

Continuing with the idea of 'Confiscation...'

2011-11-01T09:48:00.001+05:30

Every kind of relationship needs working on if confiscation is not to happen, (that is apart from the fact that if confisction is a reality, then one has to work on and through one's own secret space).

I believe that the greatest gift you can give a person is to let him/her be himself/herself without censure...

I also believe that the greatest gift you can give yourself is to accept and be yourself warts and all, faults and all, without pretense and without the need for acceptance by anyone, and absolutely not feel limited in any way...

Randomly thinking...

2011-10-31T14:59:00.000+05:30

Am reading Azar Nafisi's 'Reading Lolita in Tehran'. It's a sensitively written book, and I'm loving reading it - it just draws you in and in a bit, you start feeling like one of the girls in the group. Being a woman, in India, many things struck a resonating chord. There was a particular phrase that just tore into my heart - 'the confiscation of one's individual life by another'. With that one phrase, Nafisi summed up the life of almost every woman, especially those in this part of the world. And so what happens? The sense of self is just not ready to give up on itself, and so seeks for ways and means to find some way of expression, some way of reconciliation...

And what happens is that she finally fashions her tiny universe, which is probably as big as the tiny space around her, or her own special corner, or, as Nafisi puts it - 'the space you create for yourself through imagination and reflection.'

Nafisi uses another phrase very evocatively - color of my dreams -

And so you use the color of your dreams to paint that little space of your own, for it is that space which gives you 'the courage to live,' and take on the world with peace and serenity...

I thought...

2011-10-28T08:48:00.000+05:30

sunsets in the hills were dramatic....

till I saw the sky at 3 in the morning...

The night sky and the hills looked to be cut from the same cloth - black with sequins - stars in the sky-part, and the odd light twinkling in the hamlets that dot the mountain side...

and gradually, ever so gradually the drama of the dawn began...

Truly, what is man that Thou art mindful of him?

And another reminder...

2011-10-25T16:21:00.002+05:30

Let go of something every day...

A reminder...

2011-10-25T16:20:00.000+05:30

for everyone who is feeling jaded...

force yourself to do one thing--just one single thing--to make life special. It has to be for you - just for you - and it could be at your workplace, or at home. It could also include someone dear, or maybe even stretch to someone else...

As Po the Kung Fu Panda learnt:

To make something special, you just have to believe it's special...

Thinking about dreams...

2011-10-23T12:06:00.000+05:30

while I'm not too keen about the interpretation of dreams, and am not heavily into reading of signs, my brother had told me a while ago that sometimes dreams, just before we wake up, are telling us something.

Having had one such experience, I do believe that there is an element of truth in this - at least one can become aware of some potential situation, and take the steps necessary to deal with the situation - cope/counter/do whatever is needed, so that the situation can be turned around...

Was wondering...

2011-10-23T10:25:00.007+05:30

how many of us, during a conversation, ask the other person his/her:

thoughts
views on what is being talked about
opinions
maybe similar experiences
maybe similar incidents

how many of us can be just plain appreciative without justifying, or explaining, or rationalizing, or reasoning?

how many of us draw out another person to tell us about:

themselves
their growing up years in school and college
what is happening in their work areas
their friends. acquaintances, and people they know
their particular interests
their likes and dislikes

how many of us really enjoy a joke with another person?

how many of us can laugh with another person:

at ourselves
with them about them
about some vague thing that might have read about or experienced
just for fun

how many of us find joy, enjoyment, and happiness in just sharing with another person?

how many of us can have pleasure in the moment without dooming and glooming?

how many of us can just be with another person without trying to advice/pontificate/tell/?

how many of us allow ourselves to be sounding boards for those for whom we are sounding boards?

how many of us give the same importance to others and what happens to them as we do to ourselves and what happens to us?

how many of us can wholeheartedly accept another's feelings, thoughts, beliefs, even though we may not agree with them, or have different points of view, only because we have a feeling of kinship with that person?

how many of us make demands of time, understanding, sympathy, empathy, and all kinds of things, without being ready to reciprocate?

how many of us so boast and go on about our achievements/wisdom/knowledge, or whatever and fail to see the hurt/longing/small-but-major-for-them achievements of others?

how many of us can just share an appreciation just for the sake of sharing the appreciation?

how many of us can cry with another, without offering any solace, except the joint grief of tears?

Sharing...

2011-10-22T07:35:00.000+05:30

some pictures of the dawn breaking over the mountains...

Would it be time to...

2011-10-20T11:49:00.003+05:30

take stock
do an inside check
re-focus
get back to nature
do a re-assessment of attitude
do a re-alignment of body-heart-soul
spring clean the inside, remove the cobwebs, discard what doesn't fit
do a stain removal and mop up

What might be the indications a laundering is needed? - when you start feeling distinctly not at peace with your work life...whether work out of home, or work at home...or when you stop feeling comfortable with yourself (warts and all)...

Lesson 5...

2011-10-20T08:18:00.001+05:30

Consider the gentleness of the mountain people...

they know that they are safe, living in the shadow of the mighty mountains, and the monastery They don't need to scramble, or be aggressive, or fight for their place in the sun.

There's a prayer that I'd like to share here:

Teach me the faith of the mountains

Serene and sublime,

The deep-rooted joy of just living

One day at a time,

Leaving the petty-possessions

The valley-folk buy,

For the glory of windswept spaces

Where earth meets the sky.

Teach me the faith of the mountains

Their strength to endure,

The breadth and the depth of their vision

Unswerving and sure,

Counting the dawn and the starlight

As parts o fone whole

Wrought by the Spirit Eternal,

Within His control.

---Anon

For a long time...

2011-10-19T11:40:00.003+05:30

many, many years, I allowed myself to be buffeted by every wind that blew...responded to every voice I heard...reacted to every situation I found myself in...

It's only now - after all these zillion years, that I've realized that my only truth is what lies inside of me...

Loved this...

2011-10-19T11:38:00.002+05:30

How people treat you is their karma

How you react is yours

- Wayne Dyer

Digressing again...

2011-10-19T10:27:00.001+05:30

with a story I read recently -

'About halfway through a rehearsal conducted by Sir Michael Costa, with trumpets blaring, drums rolling, and violins singing their rich melody, th piccolo player muttered to himself, " What good am I doing? I might as well not be playing. Nobody can hear me anyway.' So he kept the instrument to his lips; but he made no sound. Within moments, the conductor cried, 'Stop! Stop! Where's the piccolo?' The most important person missed the picclolo's seemingly unimportant contribution.

There are many, many times when we decide to be silent piccolos, feeling insignificant and useless, and our weak moments may drive us to think very poorly of ourselves. But, as the story goes on to say, ' ....the grand performance is not complete until we do the best with what we have...'. And so all of us with our piccolos of growing old fears, insecurities, health problems, work problems, physical-psychological-emotional problems have a place in the Grand Score....we just need to love being part of the music...

Digressing from the mountains...

2011-10-18T12:33:00.000+05:30

to thoughts on sharing our fears....

I do believe that one can only share one's fears with those in whom there is total and absolute trust....

Experience has shown me time and again, that a mistake here can be very costly emotionally, and psychologically, not to mention the adverse impact it can have on your life...

So why do we need to share our fears at all - simply because it sometimes becomes too much for the lone heart to bear...

Looking at this from the other side - trusting another person with this deepest of deep feelings, in a way empowers the person you trust - empowers him/her to know how valued he/she is, and what a source of comfort...gives the person more confidence in himself/herself too - that he/she was worthy of trust.

What the person you trust does with that piece of your heart depends on that person entirely....the trust can deepen or be betrayed.....

Another way of looking at sharing our fears is to tell the person you trust that thanks to you, I came out of it..and I'm here for when you need someone to lean on...

And still another way of looking at this is to show that with help any fear can be overcome

At the end of the day we have to find our own solutions....having a trusting hand to hold, helps....

Lesson 4...studying...

2011-10-18T12:12:00.000+05:30

the photographs....

it came to me that no matter what the color of the clouds that swirl around the mountains, the mountains never change...white, black, dark grey clouds - they all move, and drift away - the mountains remain pristine
It's the same with us - Deep inside us are the mountains of truth, beauty, and goodness. White clouds of happiness, dark clouds of doubt, fear, unhappiness, grief, drift around - but as the beautiful white mountains remain the same, steady and unchanging, our core too remains unchanging...

We need to always carry the image of the mountains with us. When any dark thing assails us, all we need to do is to conjure up the image of the mountains and wait....

the peace and strength will surely flow in....

(I guess that's why every wise person tells us to always hark to the inner voice - it will come if we are still enough)

Lesson 3...

2011-10-14T11:43:00.002+05:30

I'm not a ritualistically religious person, but the only lines that came into my mind when I saw the mountains were these:

I will lift up mine eyes to the hills.
Psalm 121

Oh Lord
how majestic is Thy name in all the earth

When I look at your heavens,
the work of your fingers

What is man that You are mindful of him,

Or the son of man that you care for him?
Psalm 8

Digressing from the mountains...

2011-10-13T16:40:00.003+05:30

to something I learnt today from an old student of mine...he was Phantom in our version of The Phantom of the Opera...a lovely child with a pure voice...today he was reminiscing about our practice sessions - me a novice, hiding my diffidence and fear behind a stern taskmaster-ish front, trying to make sense of an assignment which I had no experience of, but which a demanding Head wanted - or else - and here this boy, my Phantom, goes - 'Looking back on those days always brings me back to a sense of contentment' - the years vanish, and I can hear him sing 'Music of the Night' with all the passion of a teenager...and interpret it in his own unique way -

and I think - after all these years - that if those hard days could have created good memories in my kids, then it was all worth it....

Those assignments also taught me that when there was no way out, the best thing was to just get started - do one thing and then another, and then another.....and slowly, the windows and doors just open..... . (When the final performance was ready, I could hardly believe the way it all began!!!)

So, after all, the demanding Head did have a place in my life - the assignment taught me to take an unknown task, a challenge, hard conditions, and turn something beautiful out of it - besides the fact, of course, that I too learnt so much - from the kids and from the whole task of putting up a musical...an affirmation for me of me, and memories for my students...

Really - it is true - no experience goes to waste - it does surface somewhere, in some form, to complete a hitherto jagged facade in the heart...and no matter how long it takes, but hardships do return as sweet-smelling bouquets...and something good does come out of everything - bad and sad, good and happy....

Lesson 2...

2011-10-13T08:24:00.001+05:30

The mind, heart, body need to be in sync - the mind meanders, and throws up lots of miscellaneous, and sometimes disparate pictures in various colors, in different lights. These need to be screened, sifted, and ratified against the backdrop of the unchanging mountains. Only when they have been endorsed by the depths of the heart can these thought-pictures even be considered. Naturally, there will be shades of dark and light, but these will blend and balance, and create a whole effect. And then, finally, the body needs to act....not to disrupt, but to complement and complete the picture.

And there is perfect sync--perfect peace....

Lesson drawn from the mountains....

2011-10-13T08:10:00.000+05:30

This too will pass, as all things must - good and bad
And the ending will be the sweeter for it....

Back...

2011-10-12T13:27:00.000+05:30

from a wonderful holiday in Pemayangtse, Pelling, Sikkim. Over the next few days, I'll try and capture the essence of the intensely spiritual experience of living in the shadow of the Kanchenjunga...

Ever tried...

2011-09-28T16:40:00.001+05:30

listening to the songs that totally had your mind and heart during your college days? those days when everything was drawn in the sharpest and brightest of colors, and songs would express the deep passions of your heart?

If you try this, 30, 40 years down the line, they give you an instant spirit-lift...that is what happened to me when I suddenly thought of some songs, and downloaded them (bless the Net)...I couldn't stop giggling, and it was the most delicious, spine-tingling feeling that swept through me....(I can just see my DD's face as she goes - oh Maaaaaaaaaaaaa!!)........some of the faves I remembered and tracked were: Jawaani aayi mast, mast; Ajeeb dastaan hai yeh; Dream, dream, dream; Pearly Shells; Are you lonesome tonight......Lord!! I think only this sums it up:

Dil dhoondtha hai, phir wohi, phursat ke raat, din.....

So, where are we headed?

2011-09-25T11:38:00.001+05:30

It is at times like this, when the heroes (and that clearly included the ladies) of our youth pass on that we need to review where we are going...

Democracy means treating all people with respect, regardless of any difference, the common denominator being that we are all human, that we all have the potential to rise above ourselves. While it does not mean elitism, it means the recognizing of the elite - as opposed to feudal, and certainly as opposed to elitism by right - as well as the belief that everyone can rise to become elite....It does not mean a pedestrianization of culture, or a giving in to the lower side, or the base side of human-ness...it is to realize that we are not Bollywood item numbers in creation, but have it in us to create something higher, and something aesthetic in every part and areas of our lives and the way we live...

And talking about Pataudi...

2011-09-25T11:23:00.003+05:30

that's one more icon gone...

There are some people who impact on us - for me it is Gayatri Devi, Pataudi, Jackie Kennedy, among some other, who have gone...I use 'is' because I still hold them as models in my mind...models of all that is gracious and elegant, fearless and very courageous, stylish but not vulgar, eminently cultured and yet discreet, and never coarse or crude, different and yet down-to-earth. Some notes in their personalities have struck a resonance - and this has nothing to do with any tangible reason...it is something completely intangible, something that I feel....kind of sympathetic notes?...but there...

I guess now their legacies will sustain those who are seeking for a blueprint to living...

Sharing some thoughts:

First class is not a boarding pass, it's a way of life...

and, a great favorite of mine - Excerpts from a poem by William Channing:

To live content with small means,

To seek elegance rather than luxury,

and refinement rather than fashion.

To be worthy, not respectable,

and wealthy, not rich.

To study hard, think quietly,

Talk gently, act frankly.

To bear all cheerfully,

do all bravely,

await occasions,

hurry never.

Which brings to mind what Pataudi said in an interview. To Karan Thapar's statement that his friends thought that Tiger Pataudi could have achieved more had he been a little less laid back, Pataudi's reply was brilliant. He said that he was probably prepared to accept that he was a little laid back, however - and here's the reply of a formidable cricketer - 'how much more I could have achieved by running around, I am not so sure. I am happy as I am.'

Clearly, clearly something to chew on and internalize...

It's about their personalities...

2011-09-25T11:06:00.000+05:30

.......talking about people like Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi.....

or about Rahul Dravid, of Kumar Sangakkara, or Lionel Messi.....

or whoever one admires -

it's not so much about the game, for me....because there is precious little I know either about cricket or football....

for me it is always the person...I keep thinking about what might be going on in their minds, what kind of life do they live, what kind of people are in their lives, how are they like as people...

it's also about the way they conduct themselves on the playing field...

it's about the way they play...the beauty of the way they play...

it's about the way in they handle success and failure on the field...

it's about the way they work with their mates...

Think of...

2011-09-21T15:10:00.000+05:30

the most delicious improbables you'd like to see come into your life....

for......you never know....

there might just be some lovely possibilities there!!

Sharing....

2011-09-20T14:21:00.000+05:30

the ravage created by the earthquake in Sikkim...

This about sums it all up.....desolation...

Something that rankled...

2011-09-18T11:39:00.000+05:30

was a statement I heard: Oh her life is going down the drain...

Somehow, the words troubled me no end, and kept teasing at my gut...till it came to me that in actual fact, no one's life even goes down the drain - no one can send anyone's life down the drain, and certainly we do not allow our own lives to go down the drain...we may make wrong choices in good faith and trusting, we are likely to take a whole lot of wrong decisions unknowingly, and more often than not, may make a number of mistakes, some serious and costly, and some minor. Even so, there is no need to define ourselves through another person's eyes, or damn ourselves because of anyone's judgments and pronouncements or predictions about us.

Each life is precious, and each life is certainly going somewhere, for, it's never too late to: put things in perspective, start afresh, begin anew, and discover something beautiful, hitherto unknown, within.

I do believe...

2011-09-18T11:22:00.001+05:30

that rough journeys to a destination end up enriching your life...

Of course one can set out with a sense of adventure, or one may just find oneself, unwittingly, on harsh terrain, or one may find oneself totally ill-equipped emotionally and/or physically, on a rocky, rugged freeway.

Your life would then be counted not by the years, but by the mileage.... (to quote Indiana Jones)

A theory...

2011-09-18T11:20:00.000+05:30

Ours is a multi-cultural society. Actually it is a multi- lot of things. One of the major questions that pops up, especially for those who belong to one state and find themselves settling in another state because of economic-marriage, or whatever-else reason, is: Where are my roots? Each state is actually a different country, so it is not unnatural for those from one state, who have settled in another, to ask themselves this question. No matter how well you may have integrated into the new place, the deep difference is always there - it may be at different levels below the surface for different people, but it is always there.

So how does one reconcile this deep difference - to my mind there is only one way - to spend time with yourself and really get to know your roots, appreciate where you come from, no matter how many flaws there are, and accept your roots. Being ashamed of your roots, will forever cause discomfort to your soul. You may get angry with it, you may reject aspects of it, but you cannot deny it, for actually, that is the only place where you will be ever accepted wholly for yourself. If, you can be comfortable about your roots, with all the internal adjustments you make for yourself, then you will never ever be a confused person especially when exposed to cultures that are attractively different. You will learn to appreciate the very differences, maybe even accept some aspects of it, precisely because you are not confused about where you come from.

Thinking along these lines, a kind of theory popped up in my mind: If a person is comfortable in his culture, he will be accepting of others, and will never feel the pain and dissatisfaction of confusion. Such a person will be able to adapt to any environment, anywhere and in any situation and circumstance. A person who is not comfortable with his culture, is going to allow all kinds of winds to blow him all over the place with the result that there is nothing but confusion, and discontentment, leading to unhappiness and being disgruntled all the time. Of course, the ultimate would be to have roots within yourself, but even then, the faint perfume of what you are will always linger....that is something no amount of whitewashing will ever remove...

Something enticing...

2011-09-17T17:21:00.000+05:30

Here's an utterly delicious phrase - and something to weave a dream around...

I'm going alone, to an undisclosed destination, on an undeclared day, for an unannounced length of time...